Depression

[Crinklyfox]

21 hours ago, CollinsLCFC said:

Morning guys. 

 

Yesterday was an absolute roller-coaster. I woke up with that awful feeling again. Refusing to speak to anyone, feeling trapped and just didn't know what to do. 

 

An estate agent called me offering me to view a 1 bedroom apartment and I went to view it the same day. Weirdly, going to the viewing made me feel slightly better. It was the first step of moving on and I had more positive thoughts of what I would do with it, and envisiged myself being there. 

 

As it's unoccupied they said I can be in by next week. A bit too sudden but I said I would sleep on it. I told my ex-partner, and I think reality hit her. She didn't want me to go. I said I can't keep going through this as it's put me in such a dark place I can't describe. But I did ask one final time, the ultimatum, me or him. She chose me and called him there and then to tell him. 

 

I instantly felt like a weight was lifted for the first hour. But obviously I'm no fool, and I don't know if I'm just giving myself false hope. She was very distant after it all, but she maintained she wants us to be back to normal. I want to beleive her, but I don't want to go through it again. The thing is, I can't walk away. I just can't leave unless she tells me to. 

 

I spoke to my manager before this, and she doesn't want me to come back to work. She said I'm not ready. I don't know if to take another week to try and just give myself more breathing space and sort my head out or try and go back work. I don't know if it will be rushing back to normalities. 

 

I am going back to the doctors. I've always had some deep depression and anxiety and this whole episode made it come to life. So I want to do something about it once and for all. 

 

I don't know if I'm being stupid thinking everything can go back to normal, but we do have so much planned. The US trip, new house coming up. All nearly turned upside down by some narcissistic bellend getting in her head. 

 

When I met him on Friday, when they was out, he came across such a bellend. Guys will know, they say anything to women to get what they want. They become Shakespeare with words. 

 

 

This sounds horribly like a friend of mine.  He was so attached to this girl he met that he couldn't think straight, his whole world revolved around her.  She was a nice person but there was something in her personality that couldn't settle, she would be all over him one week and the next be off on some whim or another.  It was just the way she was but it tore him apart.  It took years for him to finally realise that he couldn't live his life like that.  In the meantime he'd lost his job, found another and lost that and he was an emotional wreck, all because she was pulling him around like a puppet.

 

After they parted he believed that he wouldn't be happy again but many years later he has a lovely wife, three children and is content with his life.

[CollinsLCFC]

Hi all

 

Just to let you guys know that I feel that I am slowly climbing the ladder back up. I have forced myself to return to some normalities - I have returned to work today, been to the gym etc and made sure I met friends when they offer. This has all helped and I have started to have a more positive focus.

 

Whilst I am still finding it extremely difficult, I feel so much better than the absolute hell of the past 2 weeks. They were truely horrible times and I have never felt that low and desperate for a way out in my life. Talking has really helped and I have made a commitment to donate monthly to Samaritans. A volunteer pretty much saved my life that day.

 

I will be returning to the Doctors to ask for some meds for anxiety. I keep having anxiety attacks that are just too much to deal with. Not being able to concentrate on anything, pacing around with all thoughts running in your head, it becomes unbareable.

 

Thank you all once again for your help and advice. Im hoping that im over the worse of it and now the only way is up!

 

 

[HighPeakFox]

3 hours ago, CollinsLCFC said:

Hi all

 

Just to let you guys know that I feel that I am slowly climbing the ladder back up. I have forced myself to return to some normalities - I have returned to work today, been to the gym etc and made sure I met friends when they offer. This has all helped and I have started to have a more positive focus.

 

Whilst I am still finding it extremely difficult, I feel so much better than the absolute hell of the past 2 weeks. They were truely horrible times and I have never felt that low and desperate for a way out in my life. Talking has really helped and I have made a commitment to donate monthly to Samaritans. A volunteer pretty much saved my life that day.

 

I will be returning to the Doctors to ask for some meds for anxiety. I keep having anxiety attacks that are just too much to deal with. Not being able to concentrate on anything, pacing around with all thoughts running in your head, it becomes unbareable.

 

Thank you all once again for your help and advice. Im hoping that im over the worse of it and now the only way is up!

 

 

Not wishing to bring you down, but during recovery we all have bad days amongst the good. Don't panic if you do. 

[PAULCFC]

11 hours ago, CollinsLCFC said:

Hi all

 

Just to let you guys know that I feel that I am slowly climbing the ladder back up. I have forced myself to return to some normalities - I have returned to work today, been to the gym etc and made sure I met friends when they offer. This has all helped and I have started to have a more positive focus.

 

Whilst I am still finding it extremely difficult, I feel so much better than the absolute hell of the past 2 weeks. They were truely horrible times and I have never felt that low and desperate for a way out in my life. Talking has really helped and I have made a commitment to donate monthly to Samaritans. A volunteer pretty much saved my life that day.

 

I will be returning to the Doctors to ask for some meds for anxiety. I keep having anxiety attacks that are just too much to deal with. Not being able to concentrate on anything, pacing around with all thoughts running in your head, it becomes unbareable.

 

Thank you all once again for your help and advice. Im hoping that im over the worse of it and now the only way is up!

 

 

Hope you are feeling a bit better.Definatly go back to you're docs and if possible take some one who really knows you.I remember i was sitting in the chair at the doc's and saying "i just get a bit down sometimes"(bottle it all up!).Then my Mrs said"tell the truth!" and it all came out!Med's are crap for a couple of days or weeks depending on what you are given but it's worth sticking with them.I've been on sertoline for 4 months and i feel loads better,just feel's like a weight off the shoulders.You will probably be offered councilling as well,go for it!Best thing i did,I'ts not what you probably think.Just a phone call and you can talk thing's through and then see if you want a face to face meeting,more on the phone or an internet site that helps(what i did).If you do go the med's route send me a im and i'll try to help you through it!

Edited 18 October 2019 by PAULCFC

[Foxhateram]

New job is a lot harder than I imagined. I feel flat when I enter the place. My whole body aches while I'm there. I have to take deep breaths so often just to stop myself from panicking. It's such hard work but I feel so unnapreciated. The work load is mental and the long meetings 3 or 4 times a week are pointless and exhausting. I've never been so desperate for half term. Thank God I've got a week to recover. Well apart from paperwork to fill out. Really regretting my decision to move jobs, finding it hard not to just keep thinking I wish I'd stayed.

[egg_fried_rice]

 

[twoleftfeet]

Does any body find that all this stuff in the press etc actually helps ie mental health week etc?

Done the endless trips to the doctors being prescribed different anti depressants as they tick off each one they try you on off the list, done the cbt nice place to go and cry once a week but didnt do it for me three goes at ending it found something else i was shit at. Finally got to see the crisis team and got a drug combination that made me numb tired and poor concentration just what you need in the middle of doing a degree, was seeing a shit psychiatrist who said it was that or nothing, when she left my local nhs trust saw yet another shrink who couldnt believe i was taking the drugs and coping with a degree changed my meds to an different drug i had researched on line with out the side effects of the previous onr finished my degree with a 2.1 OK it took four years rather than three and have got a stress less job I didnt need the degree for. 

I think i am trying to say to any one facing the problem of depression that dont give up your gp isnt a specialist but they do have your best interests at heart and they may well perscribe you pills that do absolutely nothing or in some cases make you feel worse but just stick with it and keep going to see them (seeking help is the first step to recovery ) all parts of the nhs are underfunded for one reason or another and none more so than mental health. In the dark times i found that a good place to go was the local crematorium nice peaceful gardens and nobody thinks twice about seeing a sobbing man siting on his own collect his thoughts together.

 

[HybridFox]

Having a helicopter family really does your head in. Continually patronize, do things behind your back. Think they know what's best for you. It's reasons like this why I can never open up the full extent of my mental health. Because the tiny bit of personal space I have will also be gone. Anyways rant over

[Crinklyfox]

26 minutes ago, TK95 said:

Having a helicopter family really does your head in. Continually patronize, do things behind your back. Think they know what's best for you. It's reasons like this why I can never open up the full extent of my mental health. Because the tiny bit of personal space I have will also be gone. Anyways rant over

On a more positive note it sounds like they care about you and are concerned for you.  There are many that don't have any level of support.

 

Have you tried talking openly to them about your feelings (not just the mental health issue)?  Because if they know that they're making you unhappy then they'd maybe change things.

[urban.spaceman]

Anxiety is going ****ing nuts again. I knew it had been coming for at least a week and a half, so I've spent the last few days trying to figure out what usually works to settle me down.

 

Nothing really worked.

 

Especially bad as it's coincided with my deciding to do 'Stoptober' for alcohol last month. With a few exceptions; just cutting down on regularity and excess. I feel as though it's worked though, as it probably explains the anxiety.

 

I thought I'd come here and post an update as it's been about 2 months since I did. So I typed 'dep' into the search bar of my browser and pressed enter on the first result that came up - this thread, about 10 pages ago. There's not much to update on to be honest so I searched for my username, just to see what I'd been posting. 

 

What followed was a brief exploration of my mental health in the last 2 months - good, bad and meh. 

 

It put a few things into perspective for me; that feeling as ****ing miserable and anxious as I do right now is temporary. Fight it any way you can - reread your diary or journal or Facebook/twitter/FoxesTalk posts if you have the strength. Today is ****ing awful but tomorrow might be great. Treat yourself kindly. 

[urban.spaceman]

Cheers. 

[ozleicester]

4 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Treat yourself kindly.

So important! 

 

So often the greatest harm comes from within. 

 

Not sure this will help, but some interesting ideas.

 

 

Alternately ping me a message, for more boring and most often, useless tidbits from Perth

[urban.spaceman]

22 hours ago, ozleicester said:

So important! 

 

So often the greatest harm comes from within. 

 

Not sure this will help, but some interesting ideas.

 

 

Alternately ping me a message, for more boring and most often, useless tidbits from Perth

Cheers Oz. 
 

Tried to pet the fish but she was ****ing livid. 

[ozleicester]

2 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Cheers Oz. 
 

Tried to pet the fish but she was ****ing livid. 

Fking gold fish! So entitled.

[PAULCFC]

So about 5 months on the meds now,feeling great but i'm not sure if i'm feeling"too good".Recently my mother has been told she has bowel cancer,Kidneys are not good and liver is about to pack in(up the General last night and she's still in there.)Dad's got alzheimer's and is in a care home.Nothing has really changed apart from my mum getting worse,but i feel like i should be more sad!Weird...guess i'm a bit more stable now.Looking back this whole thing with my parents getting sick is what caused it all for me!I have a great wife and 2 great kid's and feel like i've got 2 more now with my mother and father!

Edited 9 November 2019 by PAULCFC

[spacemunky]

On 08/11/2019 at 20:13, PAULCFC said:

So about 5 months on the meds now,feeling great but i'm not sure if i'm feeling"too good".Recently my mother has been told she has bowel cancer,Kidneys are not good and liver is about to pack in(up the General last night and she's still in there.)Dad's got alzheimer's and is in a care home.Nothing has really changed apart from my mum getting worse,but i feel like i should be more sad!Weird...guess i'm a bit more stable now.Looking back this whole thing with my parents getting sick is what caused it all for me!I have a great wife and 2 great kid's and feel like i've got 2 more now with my mother and father!

I went through that with my parents. They had to separate since they were no longer helpful to each other. That gave me a couple full time jobs. I'd feel guilty if I didn't see one of them for a week, and they'd make sure I did feel guilty.

 

I do miss them both though.

 

 

[Wymsey]

Very fair play to Crawley Town with helping out to an individual who had faced thousands of job rejections over the past four years. 

 

Hope it goes well for him.

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/50336300

[PAULCFC]

On 12/11/2019 at 02:22, spacemunky said:

I went through that with my parents. They had to separate since they were no longer helpful to each other. That gave me a couple full time jobs. I'd feel guilty if I didn't see one of them for a week, and they'd make sure I did feel guilty.

 

I do miss them both though.

 

 

Yes mate,it's probably the Guilt thing that hangs over me!As i've said dads in a home and mums pretty much house bound.With me in a job,i can't be in three places at once!

[spacemunky]

Done.

 

Cheers.

[ozleicester]

46 minutes ago, spacemunky said:

Done.

 

Cheers.

Oi...give me a shout mate

[ajthefox]

On 06/11/2019 at 23:30, urban.spaceman said:

Anxiety is going ****ing nuts again. I knew it had been coming for at least a week and a half, so I've spent the last few days trying to figure out what usually works to settle me down.

 

Nothing really worked.

 

Especially bad as it's coincided with my deciding to do 'Stoptober' for alcohol last month. With a few exceptions; just cutting down on regularity and excess. I feel as though it's worked though, as it probably explains the anxiety.

 

I thought I'd come here and post an update as it's been about 2 months since I did. So I typed 'dep' into the search bar of my browser and pressed enter on the first result that came up - this thread, about 10 pages ago. There's not much to update on to be honest so I searched for my username, just to see what I'd been posting. 

 

What followed was a brief exploration of my mental health in the last 2 months - good, bad and meh. 

 

It put a few things into perspective for me; that feeling as ****ing miserable and anxious as I do right now is temporary. Fight it any way you can - reread your diary or journal or Facebook/twitter/FoxesTalk posts if you have the strength. Today is ****ing awful but tomorrow might be great. Treat yourself kindly. 

This is one of the key skills I learnt from my course of CBT. It's ok to be upset, anxious, sad whatever for a short time but if you dwell on it that's when things tend to get worse. Dwelling on the negative sends you into a spiral and that spiral is a lot harder to get out of. For me there were daily spirals that would last 10, 15 minutes maybe even half an hour or more. And every day that happened, the feelings inside me were building up and the cloud above my head gradually got bigger and bigger and harder to live with to the point where not being alive seemed like a solution. There's science to all this - your brain chemistry is constantly developing and re-wiring itself and if you are exposed to certain feelings over longer periods of time it will affect the types of thoughts and feelings you have because you are more/less prone to positive/negative thoughts and feelings.

 

I've not posted much in here recently but have been checking in on the thread. I hit my absolute lowest point in May this year but it turned out to be exactly what I needed. I've had a short course of therapy, I got a new job after a month off sick and I moved back to a city where I am surrounded by friends. The biggest thing of all though was the influence all of this has had on my mindset/attitude and how I've been able to help myself thanks to some help from professionals and people I care about.

 

Life is pretty good for me right now. I hope that anyone reading can take some solace in this and try and move forward. 

Edited 16 November 2019 by ajthefox
Grammar.

[ozleicester]

Does anyone know @spacemunky  can you check on him?

 

Oi Spacey... give us a yell

[spacemunky]

35 minutes ago, ozleicester said:

Does anyone know @spacemunky  can you check on him?

 

Oi Spacey... give us a yell

I'm still here.

 

Just one of those nights when everything hits you and you start to think of a way out. Doesn't help when you're drunk as fuch either.

 

Thanks for caring

[Jattdogg]

3 hours ago, ozleicester said:

Does anyone know @spacemunky  can you check on him?

 

Oi Spacey... give us a yell

No but the tosser @spacemunky lives somewhere 30 minutes drive away from me here in Ontario. Doesnt help much though does it. 

 

Hope you are okay mate . I know you are going through legal shit and having to live elsewhere etc but this is the worst part. Once your case is settled and things go the way they will then things will start to get better.  It's much easier said then done but keep on keeping on. Clearly when the world feels like it stinks,  people are around to remind you life can still be awesome,  just give it a chance

 

This cold arsed november can do one though!

[spacemunky]

Today was a better day.

 

Important to always remember that when you can find something to get you out of that dark place, that things all of a sudden don't seem so bad.