Depression

[Izzy]

3 hours ago, String fellow said:

Imo, CBT  and other 'talking it through' therapies are a waste of time, when trying to cope with depression. Why? Because the therapists don't really know how much their patients may be suffering mentally. They have standard questions like, 'How does that make you feel?', which give you the chance to explain. But having explained how you feel, nothing really improves, because the therapists themselves aren't you, and they aren't hard-wired to think like you. And if you tell them stuff that causes them to dislike you, that can make the therapy an even bigger waste of time. The best therapy is to indulge big-time in whatever turns you on, be it retail therapy, getting smashed on vodka, or whatever else helps to distract you from your current mindset. Be dead selfish, if that's what it takes to make the dark clouds become a bit less dark.

Having 12 months of therapy in 2012 changed my life, and my therapist was a god send.

 

Just saying...

[Rain King]

I found CBT completely useless for my own personal needs but wouldn't write it off as it seems to work wonders for some people.

 

Like High Peak says, I think it's the quality of the person you speak too. Mine just seemed like a robot. "Fill out this questionnaire" every week. Ask me a question but then give an almost scripted response when I spend a long time giving an answer. Felt completely broad brush when I had it and no tailoring to individual needs.

Edited 14 August 2020 by Rain King

[HighPeakFox]

1 minute ago, Rain King said:

I found CBT completely useless for my own personal needs but wouldn't write it off as it seems to work wonders for some people.

 

Like High Peak says, I think it's the quality of the person you speak too. Mine just seemed like a robot. "Fill out this questionnaire" every week. Ask a question but then give an almost scripted response when I answer. Felt completely broad brush when I had it and no tailoring to individual needs.

Wow, that sounds a terrible experience. 

[Rain King]

Just now, HighPeakFox said:

Wow, that sounds a terrible experience. 

It has put me off going back to the doctors and led me to try and get through it on my own.

 

Luckily I'm in a good place at the moment and been feeling good for the last few months.

[String fellow]

The therapist I see nowadays (just two sessions per year) is really nice, but we always spend virtually the entire time discussing our shared interest in classical music! Maybe he's realised that that's a good form of therapy - not encouraging folk to moan about their troubles, but to get them chatting about their passions. Or maybe I'm talking utter b*ll*cks, as usual.

[Izzy]

26 minutes ago, String fellow said:

The therapist I see nowadays (just two sessions per year) is really nice, but we always spend virtually the entire time discussing our shared interest in classical music! Maybe he's realised that that's a good form of therapy - not encouraging folk to moan about their troubles, but to get them chatting about their passions. Or maybe I'm talking utter b*ll*cks, as usual.

[brucey]

Yup, who your therapist is makes all the difference.

 

I've had therapists I didn't find helpful. Some just repeated whatever I said back at me, or were clearly uncomfortable discussing specific topics. One (a counsellor rather than a psychotherapist) just said "Well I'm not allowed to diagnose" whenever I brought up concerns. My previous therapist was alright but I got a bit frustrated with him constantly diverting to small talk about football and work etc, I just wanted to spend the time discussing my issues.

 

I've finally found a good one now though, and it's done wonders. What makes a good therapist is someone who actually listens, who thinks deeply about what you tell them, offering up connections you might not have seen before, and challenges your thought processes where necessary. 

 

Also, CBT doesn't work with all situations. I've been told it would be less helpful with my specific issues. 

 

Edited 14 August 2020 by brucey

[urban.spaceman]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-53820425

[newfox1]

Hi all. Unsure if limited exercise has been mentioned but that does provide some brief respite. I find it sets the tone for the day if done soon after you wake up. Even better if outdoors.

 

I've recently taken up hill walks specifically and even try to run up them and it really feels great when you reach the top. Repeat few times and gets the heart pumping and feel good hormones circulating around the body. 

 

Really helped with my mindset and feelings during the day and something to physically aim for. It's a solo exercise but if you can find someone. Even better.

 

Good luck everyone. We've all got our demons but can overcome them one day at a time.

[Leicesterpool]

Loneliness is my problem at times, I just find out times the feeling of being left or forgotten by many. Affected me alot over the years. At present it's affecting me the most.

[newfox1]

3 hours ago, Leicesterpool said:

Loneliness is my problem at times, I just find out times the feeling of being left or forgotten by many. Affected me alot over the years. At present it's affecting me the most.

Do you have any routines you could do start? Outdoors,  parks, canals etc...

 

Just walking past people and a quick good morning, how's it going  can do wonders for the soul. You'll be surprised how many people will respond.  Bit difficult on the high street but somewhere relaxing parks, open spaces, canals can help too and get chatting. 

 

Either way, a walk does wonders especially when feeling down, upset, angry or all three!!

 

 

[Leicester_Loyal]

3 hours ago, Leicesterpool said:

Loneliness is my problem at times, I just find out times the feeling of being left or forgotten by many. Affected me alot over the years. At present it's affecting me the most.

Left out how, in terms of activities or people just not speaking/texting/contacting you?

[Costock_Fox]

On 14/08/2020 at 16:26, String fellow said:

interest in classical music!

Im not sure mate but I may have found the route of your depression, £500 please.

[Leicesterpool]

27 minutes ago, Leicester_Loyal said:

Left out how, in terms of activities or people just not speaking/texting/contacting you?

I suppose both really.

[Leicester_Loyal]

31 minutes ago, Leicesterpool said:

I suppose both really.

Get some organised yourself bud.

 

As you get older (not sure on your age) you'll realise that you lose contact with a lot of people, but that doesn't mean they think of you any less. A lot of the lads I grew up with are in a group chat, but it rarely gets spoken in at the minute, they've all got busy jobs, they're buying houses, they're starting families etc. I'll only hear from a couple of them every week or so, but it doesn't play on my mind (I'm lucky in that respect).

[Crinklyfox]

11 hours ago, Leicesterpool said:

Loneliness is my problem at times, I just find out times the feeling of being left or forgotten by many. Affected me alot over the years. At present it's affecting me the most.

Do you have time for any sporting or social group activities?  Because that's a way to meet other people with the same interests which gives you a head start in becoming friends with them.

 

I gradually lost touch with many (but not all) friends of my youth and middle years as our lives changed.  I joined a bowls club in my retirement and not only does it involve me in friendly sporting competition that I can handle at my age but there are now over a hundred people that I can chat to.

[Ollie93]

10 hours ago, Leicesterpool said:

I suppose both really.

I used to feel the same. But something which has helped me is changing who I was 'relying' on. Try and be the organiser, and if people don't want to do stuff then that's on them. Find something which interests you and throw yourself into it, I've recently started a podcast, i'm only 5 episodes in but I've already reconnected with old friends through it!

[urban.spaceman]

So the good news is I've managed to arrange a bit of my regular work from Friday, for the first time in almost 6 months, and that it will pay quite well.

 

The bad news is that it's literally 24/7 work, which is going to be so mentally and emotionally draining that I will barely be able to function after it. I know this because I've done this job for far too long and have longed for something better pretty much the whole time I've had it - the latter has been an endless source of my depression for a number of years and has contributed to me feeling trapped and worthless.

 

On the other hand, thanks to the mother****ing pandemic, beggars can't be choosers, so I'll have to grin and bear it, and look forward a staycation somewhere in the UK the week after.

[Ollie93]

55 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

So the good news is I've managed to arrange a bit of my regular work from Friday, for the first time in almost 6 months, and that it will pay quite well.

 

The bad news is that it's literally 24/7 work, which is going to be so mentally and emotionally draining that I will barely be able to function after it. I know this because I've done this job for far too long and have longed for something better pretty much the whole time I've had it - the latter has been an endless source of my depression for a number of years and has contributed to me feeling trapped and worthless.

 

On the other hand, thanks to the mother****ing pandemic, beggars can't be choosers, so I'll have to grin and bear it, and look forward a staycation somewhere in the UK the week after.

Do you have a passion that you could monetise? Literally anything can be done online to create income. Easier said than done i Know

[copunk]

I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety in 2013, however I think the early onset of it started in my early teens, at the time I used to get really bad anxiety feelings in my stomach and getting out to social events took was a massive effort for me, fast forward to 2013 and I remember the feeling I was carrying around for months before I ended up having a mental breakdown, constant bad thoughts, the feeling of dread every time I woke up, I wouldnt wish it on anyone, everyday felt like a dark cloud was looming over me

Ive been mostly on and off medication ever since, Im used to the fact now that its something Im going to live with for the rest of my life, personally therapy never helped me, however I totally understand how it does help people

I cant believe ive never came across this thread before, but so glad I have

For me, I take things day by day, Im fully aware that tomorrow may be a bad one for me, or the next day, or even the day after that, but I always think that ive canr through alot these last 7 years or so, mentally I have been done in and at my lowest but no matter what its always going to get better

Keep on keeping on folks 🦊

[Leicesterpool]

11 hours ago, Ollie93 said:

I used to feel the same. But something which has helped me is changing who I was 'relying' on. Try and be the organiser, and if people don't want to do stuff then that's on them. Find something which interests you and throw yourself into it, I've recently started a podcast, i'm only 5 episodes in but I've already reconnected with old friends through it!

Your probably write, in the past I've tried to do a youtube channel maybe it's time for that to make a return.

[Kopfkino]

On 14/08/2020 at 09:57, Izzy said:

@Kopfkino

 

One other thing mate. I sense you like reading and would encourage you to get a book called 'Your brain at work' by David Rock.

 

I may have posted this before but Rock talks about the 'SCARF' model which is related to Maslows human needs. He says that if any of these needs are not being met in our daily lives, we can feel exactly like you've mentioned above. Have a quick look at this list and my guess is that most if all of these are not being met for you in your life right now:

 

Status - the need to stand out from the crowd. The need to feel special, worthwhile and like you're making a difference in the world

Certainty - the need to feel certain that the basics in life are in place so that you're free to explore, take risks and experiment without fear

Autonomy - the need to be master of your own destiny and not trapped by being controlled by others. The freedom to choose your own path in life

Relatedness - the need to feel loved and connected. We're social animals and we need human validation. 

Fairness - the need for things to be fair and just. To feel like we're being treated fairly and that we're treating others with fairness.

 

We don't necessarily have to get all these needs met through our work or education either. Some people get their Status and Relatedness from stuff outside of work for example. The main thing is to find something in your life which helps meet these 5 needs. We all have a preference on what needs are more important to us (mine used to be Status and Certainty but are now Autonomy and Relatedness for example)

 

Anyway, hope that helps.

 

Izzy

 

Just downloaded the audioboook for it and then the start of the book basically tells me why I shouldn't be listening to the audiobook whilst doing other taxing stuff lol. Seems made for me. 

 

As for Scarf, I think it's safe to say that right now all of it is in the shitter. Related to your other post, I have it quite clear in my mind how to address the problem a d I know what it is that I want but the path there is a struggle rn. The first domino needs to fall before they can all go and getting the first to fall relies on the job market. 

[urban.spaceman]

On 19/08/2020 at 14:56, Ollie93 said:

Do you have a passion that you could monetise? Literally anything can be done online to create income. Easier said than done i Know

Plenty of passions - one or two I’m working on long term (African wildlife photography and screenwriting). I suppose my problem is that I don’t have the mindset to explore anything other than a 9-5 kinda job. And I really don’t want a 9-5 kinda job. I don’t feel like I’m capable of carving out a career that differs from the “norm”; I don’t feel like I’m capable of even trying. That’s an endless vicious cycle that I can’t break. 

[urban.spaceman]

On the other hand, day 1 has gone well!

[Ollie93]

On 22/08/2020 at 01:22, urban.spaceman said:

Plenty of passions - one or two I’m working on long term (African wildlife photography and screenwriting). I suppose my problem is that I don’t have the mindset to explore anything other than a 9-5 kinda job. And I really don’t want a 9-5 kinda job. I don’t feel like I’m capable of carving out a career that differs from the “norm”; I don’t feel like I’m capable of even trying. That’s an endless vicious cycle that I can’t break. 

If I could give you any piece of advice is just start, use this new job to save up say 6 months of 'expenses' then quit and follow your photography and screenwriting dream. If it doesn't work at least you know you've tried.