Depression

[HighPeakFox]

37 minutes ago, That_Dude said:

You're one of the posters here for whom I have the utmost respect, and your post just confirms that. First keep going and don't expect (too) much. I might not be old and wise enough, but can only agree with what you just wrote. As much as it personally hurt me, I can't possibly be really angry with her and somehow understand where she's coming from and getting at. Maybe I just don't agree maybe the way she chose to break up.

 

Anyway it would be fun to have a Zoom conversation with you and @Buce. You'd have to bare with my accent though .

 

Although I've never felt any kind of attachment to any club (aside from the one I played for) I've been supporting this club since the Great Escape and always planned to visit Leicester, watch a live game with Vardy scoring a belter then winding up the away supporters. Looking forward to make the dream come true.

Bless your big heart for that. You know, I'm glad you're not angry with her. I broke up with my only proper partner 8 years ago, it hurt like hell but we'd run our course. She's happily married now, yet still we're close enough that she joined me and friends for my 50th birthday, along with her husband (who's a great guy). Do I still get upset at what I lost? Of course I do, she's wonderful, but it no longer worked for us.

 

Maybe a Zoom with a few like-minded souls could be good fun - I guess some might want to protect anonymity (understandably), but I really miss being able to discuss LCFC with fellow Foxes. I reckon we should get @StriderHiryu in on it - we've met, and I can vouch for him being a top bloke.

[StriderHiryu]

15 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

Bless your big heart for that. You know, I'm glad you're not angry with her. I broke up with my only proper partner 8 years ago, it hurt like hell but we'd run our course. She's happily married now, yet still we're close enough that she joined me and friends for my 50th birthday, along with her husband (who's a great guy). Do I still get upset at what I lost? Of course I do, she's wonderful, but it no longer worked for us.

 

Maybe a Zoom with a few like-minded souls could be good fun - I guess some might want to protect anonymity (understandably), but I really miss being able to discuss LCFC with fellow Foxes. I reckon we should get @StriderHiryu in on it - we've met, and I can vouch for him being a top bloke.

I think this is a top idea. (bud-dum-tush!)

 

 

My suggestion would be to use Discord team speak to watch the game "together" but virtually. All the fun of watching the game live, without watching the game live! What could possibly go wrong!? Well usually what happens is one person's stream is 30 seconds ahead and when you hear them shout VARDY!!!!, you brace yourself for some good stuff. It's similar to World Cup 2018 watching the England game down the pub with different pubs getting the broadcast at different times so sometimes you'd hear the pub over the road celebrate early! Anyway that could be fun. FoxesTalk is sort of the same thing, but typing out a response is obviously much harder to do quickly than to speak your mind.

 

If instead you want to do some Zoom related stuff, I'd be up for that too. Being consigned to lockdown life is no fun at all!

[HighPeakFox]

1 minute ago, StriderHiryu said:

I think this is a top idea. (bud-dum-tush!)

 

 

My suggestion would be to use Discord team speak to watch the game "together" but virtually. All the fun of watching the game live, without watching the game live! What could possibly go wrong!? Well usually what happens is one person's stream is 30 seconds ahead and when you hear them shout VARDY!!!!, you brace yourself for some good stuff. It's similar to World Cup 2018 watching the England game down the pub with different pubs getting the broadcast at different times so sometimes you'd hear the pub over the road celebrate early! Anyway that could be fun. FoxesTalk is sort of the same thing, but typing out a response is obviously much harder to do quickly than to speak your mind.

 

If instead you want to do some Zoom related stuff, I'd be up for that too. Being consigned to lockdown life is no fun at all!

Perhaps start with Zoom and see if we can make it work - alchemy is a strange thing, one never knows.

[That_Dude]

13 hours ago, HighPeakFox said:

Bless your big heart for that. You know, I'm glad you're not angry with her. I broke up with my only proper partner 8 years ago, it hurt like hell but we'd run our course. She's happily married now, yet still we're close enough that she joined me and friends for my 50th birthday, along with her husband (who's a great guy). Do I still get upset at what I lost? Of course I do, she's wonderful, but it no longer worked for us.

 

Maybe a Zoom with a few like-minded souls could be good fun - I guess some might want to protect anonymity (understandably), but I really miss being able to discuss LCFC with fellow Foxes. I reckon we should get @StriderHiryu in on it - we've met, and I can vouch for him being a top bloke.

Bless you as well, your posts are very comforting. There's wisdom in the 'we'd run our course', even if it's a hard pill to swallow. I find it admirable that you managed to get along with her new husband. How long have you been together? Do you have children? The 'best' I could do was 4 years with my ex-wife. Still I find it wonderful to be able to become friends after a break-up, even if it takes some some time to get there, I guess. How long did it take you to be friends again?

 

I've never managed to keep a close relationship with my ex-girlfriends. For me it was always like when it's over, it's over. There's nothing else to say or do anymore, you just move on to next chapter of your life, cut the ties and leave the past behind you. As I'm growing older; I'm starting to think that it might not be the best approach since I'm seemingly repeating the same mistakes over and over again. I do have lots of chapters but actually no book.

 

I never gave a damn about time until now. I always was like 'Ok it didn't work, let's try it with the next one'. When facing a wall, I'd rather try to go through it than working my way around it. Now I'm starting to realize that I'm surprisingly not immortal, and the years, months, days, hours, minutes that go by aren't coming back. I'd like to settle down, somehow. Nothing fancy, just live and build something that's not only for the present, not only for me. I'd like to have children or at least have a family and see them kids grow up. See them smile and laugh. Teach them the little I know. There are so many people doing that, so why not me? 

 

Anyway enough with the whining. We play tomorrow night, right? Against Liverpool at that. I'll download Discord today and hope I'll find a good stream tomorrow so I can enjoy it with you, @StriderHiryu, @Buce, and any other fellow Fox who'd want to join in. I think it would suit me best for a first start. but if you have a different opinion please let me know. Looking forward to it.

Edited 21 November 2020 by That_Dude

[SpacedX]

On 16/11/2020 at 23:02, ajthefox said:

 

 

I'm turning 30 next week and I feel like I'm in fvcking mourning for the part of me that exists in an alternate universe but not this one.

 

 

That's such a good way of putting it - the cold, indifferent and seemingly indiscriminate way that life can divert you onto another track, as though through a switching of the points you find yourself veering away irreconcilably from your intended route which you see receding as you hurtle some unwanted direction, into the sidings or what seems like terminus. 

 

I understand completely. The idea that we are architects of our own destiny or at liberty to map and chart our own course irrespective of how meticulously that is planned is frequently cruelly dashed by the vagaries and the whim of a chaotic world. 

 

Thing is, that alternate universe isn't the reality that you inhabit now - it's up to us to respond positively to the one that we find ourselves in. I promise you, however dark that may seem, the old path is gone, we need to navigate the new and there is light and there will be possibilities. I console myself, no matter how hard and trying life can be, that there are plenty of other horrific alternative universes that I could have been plunged into. Life has taught me never to take anything for granted, and always be grateful for what I do have - which is a relative concept in this world.

 

That vision of you existing in that other universe is still a part of who you are here and now, and the fact that you have only just turned 30 means that you have one of the greatest riches that life can bestow, time - to realise your potential and pursue your objectives which may even transport you to a greater space than the one that seems to have eluded you. That's a really exciting prospect. 

[HighPeakFox]

58 minutes ago, That_Dude said:

Bless you as well, your posts are very comforting. There's wisdom in the 'we'd run our course', even if it's a hard pill to swallow. I find it admirable that you managed to get along with her new husband. How long have you been together? Do you have children? The 'best' I could do was 4 years with my ex-wife. Still I find it wonderful to be able to become friends after a break-up, even if it takes some some time to get there, I guess. How long did it take you to be friends again?

 

I've never managed to keep a close relationship with my ex-girlfriends. For me it was always like when it's over, it's over. There's nothing else to say or do anymore, you just move on to next chapter of your life, cut the ties and leave the past behind you. As I'm growing older; I'm starting to think that it might not be the best approach since I'm seemingly repeating the same mistakes over and over again. I do have lots of chapters but actually no book.

 

I never gave a damn about time until now. I always was like 'Ok it didn't work, let's try it with the next one'. When facing a wall, I'd rather try to go through it than working my way around it. Now I'm starting to realize that I'm surprisingly not immortal, and the years, months, days, hours, minutes that go by aren't coming back. I'd like to settle down, somehow. Nothing fancy, just live and build something that's not only for the present, not only for me. I'd like to have children or at least have a family and see them kids grow up. See them smile and laugh. Teach them the little I know. There are so many people doing that, so why not me? 

 

Anyway enough with the whining. We play tomorrow night, right? Against Liverpool at that. I'll download Discord today and hope I'll find a good stream tomorrow so I can enjoy it with you, @StriderHiryu, @Buce, and any other fellow Fox who'd want to join in. I think it would suit me best for a first start. but if you have a different opinion please let me know. Looking forward to it.

We were together 7 years, and even then, when we were single, we spent time together, as neither of us broke up to be with someone else. That happened later for her, and there was a time before I was ready to meet him, just because even though I knew of his existence for some time before I was officially told, it still went right through me like a dagger - try explaining that!

 

It was only when they were moving house and I went to pick up some long forgotten items that I realised they'd got quietly married, so i decided it was time to be a grown up and say hello. And I was still emotional about it when doing so (I am now typing this), not because I felt he was in my place, or I felt robbed somehow, but just because I felt the loss once again.

 

We're both very pleased that we decided not to have children - I was so messed up by the time we met that I think I knew that my priority was becoming less messed up, and I think, in her own way, it was the same for her. 

[Buce]

18 hours ago, That_Dude said:

My deepest thanks for your reply. Truly.

 

It's a bit of both I think. Or I maybe found my post too silly and self-pitying. Or misplaced pride. Anyway, I deleted it on an impulse this morning and regretted that the second I did. I put a lot of thoughts (and courage, at least for me) before posting it. I don't mind sharing my own experience since we're all here on the same boat. Still can't be arsed to write it again . Joke aside, I don't know how much of my post you remember, so I'll try to rewrite it. Beware the wall of text.

 

I'm an architect, got a new job last March after a failed experiment two months before that, and said two months were preceded by a year being out of work (most of it because I was completely burnt-out and had to take a break from work). Things went very well until Covid hit Europe, in my case Germany, and my boss was soon forced to furlough me at the end of the next month with the promise he'd do anything to get me back asap. I was then in a relationship with someone with two wonderful children from two different fathers, (a 6 years old daughter and a 13 years old son), whom I considered as my own. From the get go. We don't live in the same city so I temporarily moved to her house and took care of the kids and the house while she was working. I had enough money in reserve to not live off of her earnings and participate to the household expenses.

 

We lived in a bubble, the social interactions were rare other than sporadic visits from friends and visits to her parents (with all the social distancing rules and yadda, yadda). Not much else one could do at that time. So, inevitably, the first cracks soon appeared. It's never easy to be in a relationship with a where there's already kids who aren't yours. You have to be very diplomatic and refrain from any hasty judgement or move, especially when you personally never had or raised children. I couldn't say I didn't know what I've signed for, even if I've never imagined that it could be so wonderful and so difficult at the same time. Things were even more complicated by the fact that both fathers couldn't or wouldn't want to have anything to do with their offspring. Still I tried my best and dedicated myself to be, not the father, I'm not foolish or arrogant enough to think I could undertake that role, but at least the friend or the caring other person those children never had. 

 

She was a wonderful, tough and loving mother who put her children above anything else. I deeply loved, respected and admired her for that (still do). However there's only so much you can achieve as a single, working parent. As an 'outsider' you have a perspective, a distance the other one might have not, imho. I felt that there were some things could be done another way, particularly given the fact that she wasn't alone anymore and I could give a helping hand. To give a small factual example: I personally think that a six years old shouldn't be still awake at 11:00 PM, especially during the week when school starts at 8:00 AM. The 'bring-the-child-to-bed' and wake-up processes were a nightmare. It ain't good for the kid and it ain't good for the parents. I understand the fact that a single parent is generally not in the mood to put-up a 'fight' after a tiresome day and more willing to compromise, let the child do whatever the fvck it wants until it's too tired. But that's not the way forward. Not in the long-term, at least for me, and not when you have a partner who can support you. After all, she wasn't alone anymore.

 

Fast forward to September, my boss kept his promise and I started to work again, so I could only be there at the weekend. Aware of the incoming toll my work would take on me, I voiced my concerns to my GF, without ever putting our relationship in question. I thought that after more than a year, I had at least a small say in family matters. Some would think it was too soon or that I crossed a red-line and stepped into a minefield, but I don't see it that way. Anyway, I got ditched by SMS a couple of days after that. No meeting, no telefon call, nothing. It was as if the last one and half year simply didn't happen.

 

For the record I'm not painting myself as a saint. I most certainly made mistakes and am by far not a flawless character. There's always two sides of a story, it's just too bad that you won't hear the other one. Feel free to fill in the gaps.

 

So here I am, in my fresh forties, Covid times, living abroad with no family and increasing responsibilities for which I'm currently not up to. Can't go out to vent out, can't meet other people, can't go to the fitness center, can't play football. The few friends I have here are scattered across the country and very difficult to reach, let alone see right now. Reading books isn't enough anymore. I've been through break-ups and/or dark places before and I've always managed to handle it, no matter what. I have always had a strong will and self-discipline, but I'm currently haunted by a lingering 'What for? What's the fvcking point?' feeling that never leaves me alone. I can't remember the last time when I had a sound sleep.

 

So I started drinking. Heavily, and I'm not talking about beer. I'm drinking almost every day and it's starting to hamper my working abilities. I'm fully aware that I'm on a slippery slope and it's getting completely out of control, yet can't or won't do anything to prevent it.

 

Any kind of advice would be much appreciated.

 

 

 

Hi, Dude.

 

I’m glad you took the time and effort to repost this: the thought that you may have felt unlistened to, that you may have felt that nobody cared enough to acknowledge a post that took so much courage to write, troubled me. Because that’s not what this thread is about. This is a safe space, where anyone suffering the emotional trauma that is depression can come for help and support from people who understand what they are going through: we understand because most of us have been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. None of us would want to see anyone slip through the cracks.

 

I’m not going to make reference to the things that have precipitated your mental state because in many ways it is irrelevant; that’s not to diminish your experience – it’s an obvious and understandable reaction to an unpleasant life event – but because when you’re depressed you cannot rely on what your mind is telling you. It’s the nature of the beast, and the key to recovering is to remember that. I keep a laminated A4 poster in my desk, and on it is printed the words, “None of this is real” and when I’m depressed I stick it on the wall as a reminder that I’m not bad, I’m not mad, I’m not useless or worthless, or any of the other negative things that I may be feeling, I’m just ill and it’s the illness making me feel that way. Once you recognise that fact you can begin the process of recovery. And then once you are well again you can revisit your issues with a different perspective, one you can rely on. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve looked back on a depressive episode with incredulity and a sense of embarrassment at how I had perceived things while I was ill.

 

So my advice is to concentrate on dealing with the illness, not what precipitated it, and that can be achieved in many ways. For some, therapy is the answer; for others it’s medication. Or some combination of the two. Whatever works for you is good. My approach is different: I react badly to medication and I have no inclination for therapy, so I take the self-help route of positive affirmation (constantly reminding myself of who I really am, not the person my illness is telling me I am), diet, and exercise. Just as there are foods that inhibit one’s recovery (junk food, caffeine, processed grains, for example) there are foods that boost it:

 

https://www.verywellmind.com/foods-for-depression-4156403’t

 

Exercise boosts levels of serotonin and gives a welcome dollop of endorphins, with the added benefit of helping you sleep. It doesn’t have to be a full gym workout. Go for a walk or a swim, whatever you can manage. Baby steps. Just the knowledge that you have taken the first steps on the road to recovery can be a huge psychological boost.

 

Finally, I’m going to tell you something that I’m sure you already know: alcohol, far from being the answer, is part of the problem. I totally get the temptation to self-medicate (my own drug of choice is weed, which helps me as it calms me and enhances my mood, though that’s a personal reaction which others may not share, so I’m not offering it as a suggestion to you) but alcohol is a depressant in itself and although it may help you sleep, it reduces the quality of it.

 

I’m not a Dr, mate - none of us on here are - but I do have experience of dealing with this vile, pernicious illness and I hope you’ll take a leap of faith and believe me when I tell you that you will get better, even if every fibre of your being is telling you otherwise.

 

Feel free to message me if ever you want a chat, though be aware I have a post limit, so I may be slow to respond.

Edited 21 November 2020 by Buce

[That_Dude]

11 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

Hi, Dude.

 

I’m glad you took the time and effort to repost this: the thought that you may have felt unlistened to, that you may have felt that nobody cared enough to acknowledge a post that took so much courage to write, troubled me. Because that’s not what this thread is about. This is a safe space, where anyone suffering the emotional trauma that is depression can come for help and support from people who understand what they are going through: we understand because most of us have been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. None of us would want to see anyone slip through the cracks.

 

I’m not going to make reference to the things that have precipitated your mental state because in many ways it is irrelevant; that’s not to diminish your experience – it’s an obvious and understandable reaction to an unpleasant life event – but because when you’re depressed you cannot rely on what your mind is telling you. It’s the nature of the beast, and the key to recovering is to remember that. I keep a laminated A4 poster in my desk, and on it is printed the words, “None of this is real” and when I’m depressed I stick it on the wall as a reminder that I’m not bad, I’m not mad, I’m not useless or worthless, or any of the other negative things that I may be feeling, I’m just ill and it’s the illness making me feel that way. Once you recognise that fact you can begin the process of recovery. And then once you are well again you can revisit your issues with a different perspective, one you can rely on. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve looked back on a depressive episode with incredulity and a sense of embarrassment at how I had perceived things while I was ill.

 

So my advice is to concentrate on dealing with the illness, not what precipitated it, and that can be achieved in many ways. For some, therapy is the answer; for others it’s medication. Or some combination of the two. Whatever works for you is good. My approach is different: I react badly to medication and I have no inclination for therapy, so I take the self-help route of positive affirmation (constantly reminding myself of who I really am, not the person my illness is telling me I am), diet, and exercise. Just as there are foods that inhibit one’s recovery (junk food, caffeine, processed grains, for example) there are foods that boost it:

 

https://www.verywellmind.com/foods-for-depression-4156403’t

 

Exercise boosts levels of serotonin and gives a welcome dollop of endorphins, with the added benefit of helping you sleep. It doesn’t have to be a full gym workout. Go for a walk or a swim, whatever you can manage. Baby steps. Just the knowledge that you have taken the first steps on the road to recovery can be a huge psychological boost.

 

Finally, I’m going to tell you something that I’m sure you already know: alcohol, far from being the answer, is part of the problem. I totally get the temptation to self-medicate (my own drug of choice is weed, which helps me as it calms me and enhances my mood, though that’s a personal reaction which others may not share, so I’m not offering it as a suggestion to you) but alcohol is a depressant in itself and although it may help you sleep, it reduces the quality of it.

 

I’m not a Dr, mate - none of us on here are - but I do have experience of dealing with this vile, pernicious illness and I hope you’ll take a leap of faith and believe me when I tell you that you will get better, even if every fibre of your being is telling you the opposite.

 

Feel free to message me if ever you want a chat, though be aware I have a post limit, so I may be slow to respond.

Hi Buce,

 

 First things first. How the hell did you get a post limit? Nothing I've ever read from you would warrant such a restriction, imo. On the contrary.

 

No need to be troubled, mate. I've avoided to ask for help as much as I could in my life, let alone posting my problems on an internet forum. I don't doubt this community, otherwise I wouldn't have tried to seek help here. I doubted myself. It was my first, I got impatient and acted accordingly. 

 

I hear you and am aware of that, it's just that I didn't have any other perspective than my own skewed mind telling me that I'm better off alone, that I'll never be able to make someone happy. Not in the long-term at least. Funnily enough, it's easier to accept than recognize that I might be temporarily ill. What I'm starting to understand is that all of these years I've not been good at handling tight places, just mastering the art of suppressing uncomfortable feelings for the sake of going forward.

 

That's a game changing approach for me and I'm infinitely grateful for this piece of advice. While I fully recognize mental illnesses as such, I'm still adverse to medication. My younger sister, who's a researcher in acoustics and signal transmission, is a brilliant mind but an emotional and mental train-wreck. One of the most intelligent persons I've ever known, yet absolutely unable to cope with 'normal' life or the most basic relationships. I look like a underevolved monkey in comparison to her. She's been and still is under medication for years to be somehow able to live in our society. I've seen the side-effects of the treatment and said to myself, screw that, no fvcking way I'm going through this shit. Ever. 

 

I think I can grasp the concept of small wins to build up confidence. I'm trying my best but my actual job demands won't leave room for that. You either deliver or you're out. In other times I'd simply have quit and looked for a job more suited to my actual needs or mood. Not this time, I can't keep changing jobs and I actually love the office where I'm working. I have a huge respect for my boss and I believe in what we're doing.

 

Alcohol and I go a long way back. For me, it's like having a wild beast as a pet. As long as you're strong enough, you can enjoy it and it's fun most of the time. But the moment you show any sign of weakness, it takes over and you're in for a wild ride which generally won't end well. I always compensated with sport and restricted myself to only drink in the weekends. Not this time though.

 

I believe you and in this leap of faith. It might not be obvious, but I'm a positive person. It will get better at some point.

 

Still feel that talking to people is better than writing. Are you game for tomorrow's match? Same to @HighPeakFox?

[tom27111]

@That_Dude I've been in a not to dissimilar position to you a couple of years ago. 

 

This thread and the people on here did so much to get me through it.

 

You'll get through it mate. One day at a time. 

 

Well done for speaking out, that's the hardest part. And whilst easy to say for me now, the answer isn't at the bottom of a bottle. Been there, done that.

 

I'm a similar age to you as well. I had the feelings that I didn't want to carry in and it was too late, well I was very wrong.

 

Hit me up if you need anything. You'll get through this. It'll be hard, but you will. Me and others on here are living proof 

Edited 21 November 2020 by tom27111

[That_Dude]

5 hours ago, tom27111 said:

@That_Dude I've been in a not to dissimilar position to you a couple of years ago. 

 

This thread and the people on here did so much to get me through it.

 

You'll get through it mate. One day at a time. 

 

Well done for speaking out, that's the hardest part. And whilst easy to say for me now, the answer isn't at the bottom of a bottle. Been there, done that.

 

I'm a similar age to you as well. I had the feelings that I didn't want to carry in and it was too late, well I was very wrong.

 

Hit me up if you need anything. You'll get through this. It'll be hard, but you will. Me and others on here are living proof 

 Will do. Thanks a lot mate, really much appreciated.

[spacemunky]

Went completely off my meds a couple weeks ago. Although I certainly won't recommend doing this as I was so sick physically, but once I got past that I felt better.

 

I'd forgotten whats its like to not have the anti-depressants in my system. I had got used to all the side effects, I guess.

 

Bit scary as I feel like I'm flying without a net, but its nice to feel like myself again. Well maybe not even myself, since I haven't really been comfortable being me, until recently.

 

I couldn't have done this before as I wouldn't have had the mental skills that I have now from therapy and online coping skills. Also, I have a family that I wasn't very close to before that is there for me.

 

Just taking it day by day.

[Dr Marco]

I have been on Venlafaxin and olanzapin for 10 years now

I'm on the minimum dose which is good and I'm happy with that

nothing wrong with taking medications, I need this little help, helps me cope with work and stress

 

 

[spacemunky]

1 hour ago, Dr Marco said:

 

 

 

1 hour ago, Dr Marco said:

I have been on Venlafaxin and olanzapin for 10 years now

I'm on the minimum dose which is good and I'm happy with that

nothing wrong with taking medications, I need this little help, helps me cope with work and stress

 

 

Definitely nothing wrong with it. That sounds like a nice balanced recipe.

 

Venlafaxin is what I was on. I did find it helpful, especially when I was working. My co-workers often commented on the positive change in me.

 

I'm not working atm, so being off the meds will face a true test once I am again(hopefully soon).

 

 

 

 

Edited 23 November 2020 by spacemunky

[String fellow]

Some anti-depressants, including venlafaxine, can cause loss of libido. How depressing is that!

[spacemunky]

11 minutes ago, String fellow said:

Some anti-depressants, including venlafaxine, can cause loss of libido. How depressing is that!

It definitely had that effect for me.

 

I'd like to say it's been a "huge" difference since I went off of it, but that might be overstating things a tad 

[Dr Marco]

25 minutes ago, String fellow said:

Some anti-depressants, including venlafaxine, can cause loss of libido. How depressing is that!

doesn't cause me that!

[Buce]

1 hour ago, String fellow said:

Some anti-depressants, including venlafaxine, can cause loss of libido. How depressing is that!

 

54 minutes ago, spacemunky said:

It definitely had that effect for me.

 

I'd like to say it's been a "huge" difference since I went off of it, but that might be overstating things a tad 

 

SSRIs commonly have that side effect plus they also retard ejaculation.

 

If that's a problem for you, there is good news: Ask your GP to prescribe Mirtazapine, which doesn't have those side effects. In fact, the only commonly reported major side effect is weight gain caused by increased appetite, something you have control over.

[String fellow]

I was on Paroxetine for a long while. Tbh, it didn't really seem to help much for my depression, anxiety and ocd, but it had the downside described above. It was also very difficult to be weaned off, causing extreme insomnia in the process, which became a chronic problem in itself. So now I'm on 45mg Mirtazapine, as mentioned above. This works okay as a sleeping draught and doesn't have any libido implications. Personally, I'd advise anyone thinking of going onto Paroxetine or a similar SSRI to think hard before going down that route. It seems like Paroxetine caused a permanent change in my ability to sleep. As far as the other issues are concerned, they've not gone away and probably never will.

Edited 23 November 2020 by String fellow

[Leicester_Loyal]

On 21/11/2020 at 12:25, That_Dude said:

I've never managed to keep a close relationship with my ex-girlfriends. For me it was always like when it's over, it's over. There's nothing else to say or do anymore, you just move on to next chapter of your life, cut the ties and leave the past behind you. As I'm growing older; I'm starting to think that it might not be the best approach since I'm seemingly repeating the same mistakes over and over again. I do have lots of chapters but actually no book.

 

I never gave a damn about time until now. I always was like 'Ok it didn't work, let's try it with the next one'. When facing a wall, I'd rather try to go through it than working my way around it. Now I'm starting to realize that I'm surprisingly not immortal, and the years, months, days, hours, minutes that go by aren't coming back. I'd like to settle down, somehow. Nothing fancy, just live and build something that's not only for the present, not only for me. I'd like to have children or at least have a family and see them kids grow up. See them smile and laugh. Teach them the little I know. There are so many people doing that, so why not me? 

 

 

I can relate to this, I'm just starting to approach my late 20s, split up with my missus of 5 years earlier in the year because I wanted a family in the next couple of years and I'm constantly asking myself if I'll ever have that with anyone now. I know it's ridiculous because of how young I am but you can't help think it, so I totally get where you're coming from if you're in your 40s, yet it's never too late, especially if you find a nice younger model

 

I've always cut ties with my exs too, tried it with my latest one but struggled as we didn't really fall out, we just wanted different things. She would text me every few days or every week. We still speak to each other every couple of days, which I find weird as it's new to me, so no idea what's going to happen in the future, but I don't sit around getting my hopes up, whatever happens happens.

[That_Dude]

On 23/11/2020 at 22:38, Leicester_Loyal said:

I can relate to this, I'm just starting to approach my late 20s, split up with my missus of 5 years earlier in the year because I wanted a family in the next couple of years and I'm constantly asking myself if I'll ever have that with anyone now. I know it's ridiculous because of how young I am but you can't help think it, so I totally get where you're coming from if you're in your 40s, yet it's never too late, especially if you find a nice younger model

 

I've always cut ties with my exs too, tried it with my latest one but struggled as we didn't really fall out, we just wanted different things. She would text me every few days or every week. We still speak to each other every couple of days, which I find weird as it's new to me, so no idea what's going to happen in the future, but I don't sit around getting my hopes up, whatever happens happens.

I don't think that I'm much wrong in saying that everyone of us had his moments of doubt, especially after a break-up. What you said is not ridiculous at all. There's a feeling of loss, of failure one has to deal with, before life goes forward again and that regardless of their age. How and how long depends on the individual, there's no cure-all recipe. Take your time, don't deny your pain. Speak with (trusted) people about it, don't keep it to yourself. Use that pain, but in a meaningful, positive way. 

 

That's the key sentence. You first have to move forward and not tie your fate to hers imho. In order to be happy with someone, you first have to be happy with yourself. One can't go without the other. There's also a difference with one's wishes and what they can actually do or give. I believe that real wisdom is the ability to differentiate both and never expect or want from the other more than they can give. Don't be harsh on yourself though, it comes when it comes.

 

As for the nice young model thingy, I soon found out that the ideal partner is more a matter of averages rather the being the perfect one. You can and should look at the outstanding qualities of your partner, be it physical or moral, but never forget their expectations or (from you perceived) flaws. Never turn a blind eye on them and see if you can live with them. We all have have some, in different flavors, and that's what actually matters in the long run, as silly it may sound.

 

Well, look at me giving partnership advices. Seems like I've come a long way since my first post in this thread. That and my three days without a drop of alcohol. 

Edited 24 November 2020 by That_Dude

[That_Dude]

On 23/11/2020 at 17:52, Dr Marco said:

I have been on Venlafaxin and olanzapin for 10 years now

I'm on the minimum dose which is good and I'm happy with that

nothing wrong with taking medications, I need this little help, helps me cope with work and stress

 

 

Sorry mate, if I in any way offended or hurt you. I've just realized how tactless and ignorant my post was.

[Buce]

15 minutes ago, That_Dude said:

Seems like I've come a long way since my first post in this thread. That and my three days without a drop of alcohol. 

 

 

Great to read, mate. Well done.

[UniFox21]

On 23/11/2020 at 21:38, Leicester_Loyal said:

I can relate to this, I'm just starting to approach my late 20s, split up with my missus of 5 years earlier in the year because I wanted a family in the next couple of years and I'm constantly asking myself if I'll ever have that with anyone now. I know it's ridiculous because of how young I am but you can't help think it, so I totally get where you're coming from if you're in your 40s, yet it's never too late, especially if you find a nice younger model

 

I've always cut ties with my exs too, tried it with my latest one but struggled as we didn't really fall out, we just wanted different things. She would text me every few days or every week. We still speak to each other every couple of days, which I find weird as it's new to me, so no idea what's going to happen in the future, but I don't sit around getting my hopes up, whatever happens happens.

I can relate to the early part of your post, split from my gf of 4 years the other month, admittedly I'm early 20's, but it's still a scary thought that you wonder if you'll find that person again. Long distance post uni and covid buggered us up, even if I knew it had been coming. It's never a fun time at all, thankful for being able to spend time at the gym and somewhat throw myself into work. 

 

Some great posts in this thread, it's brilliant that even though we can all disagree on football or other topics, this thread is a safe space for people to discuss worries and issues they may not normally do so. Have to say this forum has helped on countless occassions distract from the real world for a while. 

[Leicester_Loyal]

3 minutes ago, UniFox21 said:

I can relate to the early part of your post, split from my gf of 4 years the other month, admittedly I'm early 20's, but it's still a scary thought that you wonder if you'll find that person again. Long distance post uni and covid buggered us up, even if I knew it had been coming. It's never a fun time at all, thankful for being able to spend time at the gym and somewhat throw myself into work. 

 

Some great posts in this thread, it's brilliant that even though we can all disagree on football or other topics, this thread is a safe space for people to discuss worries and issues they may not normally do so. Have to say this forum has helped on countless occassions distract from the real world for a while. 

Yeah similar to me mate. I need to get back into the gym once they reopen, it does make you feel a lot better about yourself. 
 

Spot on. I’ll argue with everyone in other topics until the cows come home, but will always be happy for a chat if they need it. Everyone on this forum is pretty sound, there’s some really great people about. 

[Wymsey]

@Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot, this thread is extremely supportive for those who are struggling inside.

 

So please don't feel too hesitant to vent your frustrations and/or worries on here, mate.