Depression

[Charl91]

Suffering from chronic pain for the past 8 months, with no end in sight. Not sure which is worse, the physical or mental aspect.

[Mark 'expert' Lawrenson]

On 27/10/2020 at 09:28, stripeyfox said:

This is always a tough one. Going through a separation from my wife at the moment. To be honest I don't think either one of us actually wants to get back together having come this far, but I can see how it could be a tempting option.

 

But I don't think I could go back now - could probably patch up for a while but we'd end up back in this position again I think

 

You need to give yourself plenty of time to think about it. How are you feeling with life without her? 

 

I went through a very painful break up 3 years ago, I’d known her 30 odd years, both at fault, my kids refuse to meet my new partner which makes me extremely sad. 
I was depressed, scared, very anxious and had to move house on top of everything. 
Im a great believer in the old saying time is a great healer, but wow that time goes on and on and on.

I couldn’t go back even if she wanted me

to, I wasn’t happy, and that is the bottom line.

Still it’s all very sad and I still get anxiety about things now.

Good luck to you with what you’re going through. Tough times, I hope you’re getting plenty of support.

[Fightforever]

On 29/10/2020 at 23:11, HighPeakFox said:

Thoroughly depressing to read some of the hard man ignorance in the Chilwell thread. Ignorance is so ugly.

Some people have a very limited emotional intelligence its just the way things are it isn't really their fault.

[Fightforever]

On 01/11/2020 at 09:11, Charl91 said:

Suffering from chronic pain for the past 8 months, with no end in sight. Not sure which is worse, the physical or mental aspect.

You tried CBD oil. It works really well for some.

[HighPeakFox]

On 01/11/2020 at 09:11, Charl91 said:

Suffering from chronic pain for the past 8 months, with no end in sight. Not sure which is worse, the physical or mental aspect.

Best wishes to you. I hope tonight's result has number the pain a little.

[tom27111]

I've not been on this thread for a couple of years now, and I feel a bit guilty about that.

 

Some of you might remember that I was having a tough time. A really tough time.

 

Things are good now, I've basically built a new life for myself and it's great. Even though I've recently been made redundant, I can live with that now. 

 

Got an amazing girlfriend and stepkids and in these crazy times, it could be worse.

 

There's loads of you I need to thank for getting me through it all @Izzy and @Countryfox are the ones that stick out, but there were plenty more of you.

 

For anyone who is struggling, keep going. Please. It gets better.

 

What an amazing community we have on here 

[Izzy]

6 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

I've not been on this thread for a couple of years now, and I feel a bit guilty about that.

 

Some of you might remember that I was having a tough time. A really tough time.

 

Things are good now, I've basically built a new life for myself and it's great. Even though I've recently been made redundant, I can live with that now. 

 

Got an amazing girlfriend and stepkids and in these crazy times, it could be worse.

 

There's loads of you I need to thank for getting me through it all @Izzy and @Countryfox are the ones that stick out, but there were plenty more of you.

 

For anyone who is struggling, keep going. Please. It gets better.

 

What an amazing community we have on here 

Made my day reading this Tom. I remember you were in a really dark place and we were all genuinely concerned for you on here at one stage.

 

Absolutely thrilled that you've turned things around and things are good now.

 

You're a shining example that we can overcome our demons and come out the other side in one piece.

 

Really chuffed for you mate  

 

[tom27111]

1 minute ago, Izzy said:

Made my day reading this Tom. I remember you were in a really dark place and we were all genuinely concerned for you on here at one stage.

 

Absolutely thrilled that you've turned things around and things are good now.

 

You're a shining example that we can overcome our demons and come out the other side in one piece.

 

Really chuffed for you mate  

 

Thanks mate, without you and a few others, I genuinely doubt I'd still be here.

 

I also promise to make more of a contribution to this thread if anyone else is struggling. Like you say, I'm an example that it can be overcome.

 

But only because of the kindness of people on here. 

 

I honestly can't thank you all enough.

[urban.spaceman]

2 hours ago, tom27111 said:

I've not been on this thread for a couple of years now, and I feel a bit guilty about that.

 

Some of you might remember that I was having a tough time. A really tough time.

 

Things are good now, I've basically built a new life for myself and it's great. Even though I've recently been made redundant, I can live with that now. 

 

Got an amazing girlfriend and stepkids and in these crazy times, it could be worse.

 

There's loads of you I need to thank for getting me through it all @Izzy and @Countryfox are the ones that stick out, but there were plenty more of you.

 

For anyone who is struggling, keep going. Please. It gets better.

 

What an amazing community we have on here 

So ****ing happy for you mate 

 

I remember your posts on here and we were all very concerned for you. 
 

To read how well you’re doing really warms my heart! It’s so important for people who are suffering in their own way to have such inspiration.

 

Recovery is a rocky road but it’s made easier when people share their success stories. 
 

There’s always hope. Never give up.

 

x

[urban.spaceman]

It’s weird how anxiety creeps up on you and yet when it hits you realise it’s been coming for a few weeks!

[stripeyfox]

On 03/11/2020 at 22:24, tom27111 said:

I've not been on this thread for a couple of years now, and I feel a bit guilty about that.

 

Some of you might remember that I was having a tough time. A really tough time.

 

Things are good now, I've basically built a new life for myself and it's great. Even though I've recently been made redundant, I can live with that now. 

 

Got an amazing girlfriend and stepkids and in these crazy times, it could be worse.

 

There's loads of you I need to thank for getting me through it all @Izzy and @Countryfox are the ones that stick out, but there were plenty more of you.

 

For anyone who is struggling, keep going. Please. It gets better.

 

What an amazing community we have on here 

I remember it well mate. Was a couple of years ago - near Christmas I think? 

 

So pleased to see things have improved mate. all the best to you

 

 

[Leicester_Loyal]

Got to admit I don't think I've ever been in this thread before, it's hard to read what some of you go through, but the success (if that's the right word) stories of others coming out the other side are great to read.

 

Can understand where the posters who have split up with their partners are coming from, I think a lot of couples have split up this year due to the lockdown situation, me and my gf of almost 5 years decided to part ways in May, but we still keep in contact which is pretty weird, but she's like my best mate. I was very down in the dumps, I wouldn't say I was depressed though, but you do feel like you are at the time. I've seen another lady since but that ended recently too as we weren't right for each other. Thankfully I've managed to work all the way through COVID so that's taken my mind off any problems I had. Hopefully 2021 will be much better for me personally, keep working hard at work, get a few holidays booked in and purchase my very first house.

 

Anyone that ever needs to talk just either stick a post in here or they can PM me if need be. Stay safe everyone!

[ajthefox]

On 03/11/2020 at 22:24, tom27111 said:

I've not been on this thread for a couple of years now, and I feel a bit guilty about that.

 

Some of you might remember that I was having a tough time. A really tough time.

 

Things are good now, I've basically built a new life for myself and it's great. Even though I've recently been made redundant, I can live with that now. 

 

Got an amazing girlfriend and stepkids and in these crazy times, it could be worse.

 

There's loads of you I need to thank for getting me through it all @Izzy and @Countryfox are the ones that stick out, but there were plenty more of you.

 

For anyone who is struggling, keep going. Please. It gets better.

 

What an amazing community we have on here 

Sorry to hear about the redundancy. but I'm really happy for you mate.

 

I've seen you post a fair amount and you always seem to be positive, which is obviously some reflection of your state of mind. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who noticed and was really pleased to see it.

 

Don't beat yourself up about not posting. I go through phases of activity in here and like to acknowledge people as often as I can find the words to but ultimately we have to do what's right for ourselves first. If you can't find the words to post, someone else will. I think that's been the case in this thread for a long time.

 

Hopefully the positivity continues for you, Tom.

[ajthefox]

Gotta be honest I was feeling like complete shite earlier. Only now after a joint, a cry (which came out of nowhere) and a few whatsapp messages I've noticed how much I've been holding in recently.

 

I'm ok, generally, but I'm also angry, I'm frustrated and I'm ****ing fed up.

 

It sounds selfish but I feel like I've had what would've been the best year of my life (and at least a few years compound interest) ripped away from me in front of my eyes. I was on a genuine roll in so many ways that I hadn't been a year ago. And now all that momentum has gone. I have none of it left. It hurts.

 

I'm turning 30 next week and I feel like I'm in fvcking mourning for the part of me that exists in an alternate universe but not this one.

 

At least that's what the darkness wants me to focus on. The reality is that I am still going, just. I've been slowed down a lot but the energy is still there. The age thing is silly really. It's a number, and I am relatively happy with where I am, it's just that not being able to celebrate properly and the effects of this last year and what is to come is making it really hard to want to celebrate right now.

 

I will celebrate, I'll do what I can with those I have around me but a small part of me will be somewhere else.

Here's hoping to a successful vaccine rollout and a prosperous if understandably stunted 2021.

 

TL:DR - Life's a bit shit right now but it will get better. I like using metaphors to describe a depressive episode.

[Rain King]

Had enough. Everything is so grey and dismal.

 

[Crinklyfox]

9 hours ago, Rain King said:

Had enough. Everything is so grey and dismal.

 

Many of us feel the same way sometimes.  I've had times in my life when I couldn't see a future worth having but it was there, I just couldn't see it.

 

When I feel bad now I try to look at my life as a whole.  Did I feel this bad last week, last month, last year.  The answer to one of these is no, I've had better times before.  And in reality there are better times ahead for most of us.  There have been many on this thread who have posted when in the evil grip of depression and months later have posted again that they are in a better place.  Please just read the posts in this thread.

 

Depression can be a physical illness.  When I had it my GP told me that it had caused medical imbalances which had to be corrected before I could recover.  So I was prescribed medication which helped me break the cycle of constantly feeling low and which gave me the opportunity to address the problems which had caused me to feel that way.  So if you can please consider telling your GP of your feelings.  He or she may be able to help.

 

 

[Rain King]

1 hour ago, Crinklyfox said:

Many of us feel the same way sometimes.  I've had times in my life when I couldn't see a future worth having but it was there, I just couldn't see it.

 

When I feel bad now I try to look at my life as a whole.  Did I feel this bad last week, last month, last year.  The answer to one of these is no, I've had better times before.  And in reality there are better times ahead for most of us.  There have been many on this thread who have posted when in the evil grip of depression and months later have posted again that they are in a better place.  Please just read the posts in this thread.

 

Depression can be a physical illness.  When I had it my GP told me that it had caused medical imbalances which had to be corrected before I could recover.  So I was prescribed medication which helped me break the cycle of constantly feeling low and which gave me the opportunity to address the problems which had caused me to feel that way.  So if you can please consider telling your GP of your feelings.  He or she may be able to help.

 

 

Thanks for the response. I've done just that in the past. Tried various tablets, done CBT. Noting seems to work. It's just exhausting.

[Buce]

12 hours ago, Rain King said:

Had enough. Everything is so grey and dismal.

 

 

Sorry to hear that, mate.

 

Is there anything in particular that has precipitated this latest bout? Feel free to message me if it's not something you want to discuss in an open forum - I can't promise any answers but I can promise discretion.

[Crinklyfox]

2 hours ago, Rain King said:

Thanks for the response. I've done just that in the past. Tried various tablets, done CBT. Noting seems to work. It's just exhausting.

It's really frustrating when remedies don't work, but unless you've tried everything there's always the possibility that something will.

 

I can relate to the exhaustion.  I haven't experienced prolonged clinical depression but I have suffered with a heart condition that was heavily impacting my life.  Basically my heart was working properly for some of the time but then went into an arrhythmia, during which time I couldn't do much as although my heart was beating (quickly) it wasn't getting the blood around my body efficiently.  I was experiencing this problem frequently, and every time my heart went wrong it felt like a kick in the teeth.  When it first started happening I just gritted my teeth and swore I'd get through it, but when it kept happening day after day my will to carry on just got weaker and weaker.  After over a year of this I felt certain that it would finish me off and even got as far as planning my own funeral.  But all that time I kept going back to the specialist treating me and trying different drugs and regimes until eventually things started to improve.  That took a couple of years and mentally I found it really hard to move from the mindset of believing that I couldn't go on to one where I was looking forward to the future.  That was over twenty years ago. and I'm glad that I managed to keep going when I couldn't see a future.

 

There are many regular contributors to this thread who have had issues with depression and overcome them in different ways.  I hope they can help you.

[HybridFox]

Anyone else started a new job during lockdown and really struggling without the human interaction?

 

This is something I wanted to do, worked so hard to get in the position and now that it's here I just feel so punished.

 

It was meant to be a fresh start for me but I just can't get absorbed into the organisation and working culture when I've not stepped foot in the place or physically met anyone.

 

Don't get me wrong, the team are great and seem very nice. And I know they are there to help but it feels like such a formality arranging a call, sharing your screen etc. It's not the same. I'm a people person.

 

Even just telling someone to pull up their chair for 10 mins to guide you through something. Or being able to observe what others are working on., listen in on conversations. Simple things like that would make a huge difference.

 

The workload is going to get more intense and I just feel demotivated that no matter what happens now I've missed out on a proper induction that I would have had under normal circumstances.

 

This isn't what I signed up for but it is what it is now.

 

To put the icing on the bloody cake, I think I'm also suffering from Long Covid so I feel so knackered every day! Battling my mind and my body!

[That_Dude]

 

.

Edited 20 November 2020 by That_Dude

[Buce]

20 hours ago, That_Dude said:

 

.

 

I read your post this morning, Dude, and have just got around to replying but you've deleted it. If you've had second thoughts, that's fine, but I hope it wasn't because of the lack of response? I know depression seems a lonely place but most of us on here have been through it more than once and understand what you're feeling. I promise you won't be judged, and you will definitely get some sound advice.

 

If you'd rather have a private chat with somebody, you're welcome to message me, or there are others who have previously made the same open offer (just have a flick back through the thread to see who they are).

 

Take care.

[That_Dude]

16 hours ago, Buce said:

 

I read your post this morning, Dude, and have just got around to replying but you've deleted it. If you've had second thoughts, that's fine, but I hope it wasn't because of the lack of response? I know depression seems a lonely place but most of us on here have been through it more than once and understand what you're feeling. I promise you won't be judged, and you will definitely get some sound advice.

 

If you'd rather have a private chat with somebody, you're welcome to message me, or there are others who have previously made the same open offer (just have a flick back through the thread to see who they are).

 

Take care.

My deepest thanks for your reply. Truly.

 

It's a bit of both I think. Or I maybe found my post too silly and self-pitying. Or misplaced pride. Anyway, I deleted it on an impulse this morning and regretted that the second I did. I put a lot of thoughts (and courage, at least for me) before posting it. I don't mind sharing my own experience since we're all here on the same boat. Still can't be arsed to write it again . Joke aside, I don't know how much of my post you remember, so I'll try to rewrite it. Beware the wall of text.

 

I'm an architect, got a new job last March after a failed experiment two months before that, and said two months were preceded by a year being out of work (most of it because I was completely burnt-out and had to take a break from work). Things went very well until Covid hit Europe, in my case Germany, and my boss was soon forced to furlough me at the end of the next month with the promise he'd do anything to get me back asap. I was then in a relationship with someone with two wonderful children from two different fathers, (a 6 years old daughter and a 13 years old son), whom I considered as my own. From the get go. We don't live in the same city so I temporarily moved to her house and took care of the kids and the house while she was working. I had enough money in reserve to not live off of her earnings and participate to the household expenses.

 

We lived in a bubble, the social interactions were rare other than sporadic visits from friends and visits to her parents (with all the social distancing rules and yadda, yadda). Not much else one could do at that time. So, inevitably, the first cracks soon appeared. It's never easy to be in a relationship with a where there's already kids who aren't yours. You have to be very diplomatic and refrain from any hasty judgement or move, especially when you personally never had or raised children. I couldn't say I didn't know what I've signed for, even if I've never imagined that it could be so wonderful and so difficult at the same time. Things were even more complicated by the fact that both fathers couldn't or wouldn't want to have anything to do with their offspring. Still I tried my best and dedicated myself to be, not the father, I'm not foolish or arrogant enough to think I could undertake that role, but at least the friend or the caring other person those children never had. 

 

She was a wonderful, tough and loving mother who put her children above anything else. I deeply loved, respected and admired her for that (still do). However there's only so much you can achieve as a single, working parent. As an 'outsider' you have a perspective, a distance the other one might have not, imho. I felt that there were some things could be done another way, particularly given the fact that she wasn't alone anymore and I could give a helping hand. To give a small factual example: I personally think that a six years old shouldn't be still awake at 11:00 PM, especially during the week when school starts at 8:00 AM. The 'bring-the-child-to-bed' and wake-up processes were a nightmare. It ain't good for the kid and it ain't good for the parents. I understand the fact that a single parent is generally not in the mood to put-up a 'fight' after a tiresome day and more willing to compromise, let the child do whatever the fvck it wants until it's too tired. But that's not the way forward. Not in the long-term, at least for me, and not when you have a partner who can support you. After all, she wasn't alone anymore.

 

Fast forward to September, my boss kept his promise and I started to work again, so I could only be there at the weekend. Aware of the incoming toll my work would take on me, I voiced my concerns to my GF, without ever putting our relationship in question. I thought that after more than a year, I had at least a small say in family matters. Some would think it was too soon or that I crossed a red-line and stepped into a minefield, but I don't see it that way. Anyway, I got ditched by SMS a couple of days after that. No meeting, no telefon call, nothing. It was as if the last one and half year simply didn't happen.

 

For the record I'm not painting myself as a saint. I most certainly made mistakes and am by far not a flawless character. There's always two sides of a story, it's just too bad that you won't hear the other one. Feel free to fill in the gaps.

 

So here I am, in my fresh forties, Covid times, living abroad with no family and increasing responsibilities for which I'm currently not up to. Can't go out to vent out, can't meet other people, can't go to the fitness center, can't play football. The few friends I have here are scattered across the country and very difficult to reach, let alone see right now. Reading books isn't enough anymore. I've been through break-ups and/or dark places before and I've always managed to handle it, no matter what. I have always had a strong will and self-discipline, but I'm currently haunted by a lingering 'What for? What's the fvcking point?' feeling that never leaves me alone. I can't remember the last time when I had a sound sleep.

 

So I started drinking. Heavily, and I'm not talking about beer. I'm drinking almost every day and it's starting to hamper my working abilities. I'm fully aware that I'm on a slippery slope and it's getting completely out of control, yet can't or won't do anything to prevent it.

 

Any kind of advice would be much appreciated.

 

 

Edited 21 November 2020 by That_Dude

[HighPeakFox]

7 minutes ago, That_Dude said:

My deepest thanks for your reply. Truly.

 

It's a bit of both I think. Or I maybe found my post too silly and self-pitying. Or misplaced pride. Anyway, I deleted it on an impulse this morning and regretted that the second I did. I put a lot of thoughts (and courage, at least for me) before posting it. I don't mind sharing my own experience since we're all here on the same boat. Still can't be arsed to write it again . Joke aside, I don't know how much of my post you remember, so I'll try to rewrite it. Beware the wall of text.

 

I'm an architect, got a new job last March after a failed experiment two months before that, and said two months were preceded by a year being out of work (most of it because I was completely burnt-out and had to take a break from work). Things went very well until Covid hit Europe, in my case Germany, and my boss was soon forced to furlough me at the end of the next month with the promise he'll do everything to get me back asap. I was then in a relationship with someone with two wonderful children from two different fathers, (a 6 years old daughter and a 13 years old son), whom I considered as my own. From the get go. We don't live in the same city so I temporarily moved to her house and took care of the kids and the house while she was working. I had enough money in reserve to not live off of her earnings and participate to the household expenses.

 

We lived in a bubble, the social interactions were rare other than sporadic visits from friends and visits to her parents (with all the social distancing rules and yadda, yadda). Not much else one could do at that time. So, inevitably, the first cracks soon appeared. It's never easy to be in a relationship with a where there's already kids who aren't yours. You have to be very diplomatic and refrain from any hasty judgement or move, especially when you personally never had or raised children. I couldn't say I didn't know what I've signed for, even if I've never imagined that it could be so wonderful and so difficult at the same time. Things were even more complicated by the fact that both fathers couldn't or wouldn't want to have anything to do with their offspring. Still I tried my best and dedicated myself to be, not the father, I'm not foolish or arrogant enough to think I could overtake that role, but at least the friend or the caring other person those children never had. 

 

She was a wonderful, tough and loving mother who put her children above anything else. I deeply loved, respected and admired her for that (still do). However there's only so much you can achieve as a single, working parent. As an 'outsider' you have a perspective, a distance the other one might have not,, imho. I felt that there were some things could be done another way, particularly given the fact that she wasn't alone anymore and I could give a  helping hand. To give a small factual example: I personally think that a six years old shouldn't be still awake at 11:00 PM, especially during the week when school starts at 8:00 AM. The 'bring-the-child-to-bed' and wake-up processes were a nightmare. It ain't good for the kid and it ain't good for the parents. I understand the fact that a single parent is at the end of the day generally not in the mood to put-up a 'fight' after a tiresome day and more willing to compromise, understand let the child do whatever the fvck it wants until it's too tired. But that's not the way forward. Not in the long-term at least for me, and not when you have a partner who can support you. After all she wasn't alone anymore.

 

Fast forward to September, my boss kept his promise and I started to work again, so I could only be there at the weekend. I voiced my concerns to my GF, without ever putting our relationship in question. I thought that after more than a year I had at least a small say in family matters. Some would think it was too soon or that I crossed a red-line and stepped into a minefield, but I don't see it that way. Anyway, I got ditched by SMS a couple of days after that. No meeting, no telefon call, nothing. It was as if the last one and half year simply didn't happen.

 

For the record I'm not painting myself as a saint. I most certainly made mistakes and am by far not a flawless character. There's two always sides of a story, it's just too bad that you won't hear the other one. Feel free to fill in the gaps.

 

So here I am, in Covid times, living abroad with no family and increasing responsibilities for which I'm currently not up to. Can't go out to vent out, can't meet other people, can't go to the fitness center, can't play football, The few friends I have here are scattered throughout the country and very difficult to reach, let alone see right now. Reading books isn't enough anymore. I've been through break-ups and/or dark places before and I've always managed to handle it, no matter what. I have always had a strong will and self-discipline, but I'm currently haunted by a lingering 'What for? What's the fvcking point?' feeling that never leaves me alone. I can't remember the last time where I had a sound sleep.

 

So I started drinking. Heavily, and I'm not talking about beer. I'm drinking almost every day and it's starting to hamper my working abilities. I'm fully aware that I'm on a slippery slope and it's getting completely out of control, yet can't or won't do anything to prevent it.

 

Any kind of advice would be much appreciated.

 

 

Mate, thanks for being brave and re-posting this. First of all, keep going, and keep your aspirations small for now. As you've seen, life can change fast, and I can tell you that my life is very small right now, and I have the utmost sympathy for your situation. You can (metaphorically speaking) plant seeds to grow when the weather is more suitable. Obviously I cannot possibly know what was going on in your woman's head, but it does seem from what little you've told us that she may either struggle to commit, or allow people close for long. No blame for that, I struggle the same ways, but she may have done you a favour in the long run, however it might hurt now.

 

I'm not sure I have a second piece of advice after all  Maybe I do - inbox @Buce, or me, or any person you feel safe with, and that way you can at least have an outlet. Who knows, it could become a Zoom thing, and then we could all compare situations and get to talk about LCFC too.

[That_Dude]

1 hour ago, HighPeakFox said:

Mate, thanks for being brave and re-posting this. First of all, keep going, and keep your aspirations small for now. As you've seen, life can change fast, and I can tell you that my life is very small right now, and I have the utmost sympathy for your situation. You can (metaphorically speaking) plant seeds to grow when the weather is more suitable. Obviously I cannot possibly know what was going on in your woman's head, but it does seem from what little you've told us that she may either struggle to commit, or allow people close for long. No blame for that, I struggle the same ways, but she may have done you a favour in the long run, however it might hurt now.

 

I'm not sure I have a second piece of advice after all  Maybe I do - inbox @Buce, or me, or any person you feel safe with, and that way you can at least have an outlet. Who knows, it could become a Zoom thing, and then we could all compare situations and get to talk about LCFC too.

You're one of the posters here for whom I have the utmost respect, and your post just confirms that. First keep going and don't expect (too) much. I might not be old and wise enough, but can only agree with what you just wrote. As much as it personally hurt me, I can't possibly be really angry with her and somehow understand where she's coming from and getting at. Maybe I just don't agree with the way she chose to break up.

 

Anyway it would be fun to have a Zoom conversation with you and @Buce. You'd have to bare with my accent though .

 

Although I've never felt any kind of attachment to any club (aside from the one I played for) I've been supporting this club since the Great Escape and always planned to visit Leicester, watch a live game with Vardy scoring a belter then winding up the away supporters. Looking forward to make the dream come true.

Edited 20 November 2020 by That_Dude