Depression

[stripeyfox]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/45185521

Barnsley write supportive letter to fan who spoke of depression on social media

•  

Barnsley have written a supportive letter to a lifelong fan who openly discussed his depression and anxiety on social media.

Chris Ryder received the letter from the club's chief executive Gauthier Ganaye and posted it on Twitter.

Mr Ganaye said his "office door is always open" and the League One club would be "returning the favour" in support for his loyalty as a fan.

Ryder told the BBC he was "shocked" to receive the letter from the club.

"Initially when I saw the badge on the top of letter, I thought 'uh-oh, what have I done?'" said the Tykes fan, from Barnsley.

"I've been known to be a little bit cheeky, all in good fun, to the guys who run the social media page [at Barnsley], so reading it I was really shocked."

He posted on social media to thank people for getting in touch offering their support. The club said it "wishes Chris all the best and offers its full support going forward".

The tweet of his letter, which he captioned "Best football club in the world", has been widely shared across social media.

The English Football League, which works closely in partnership with mental health charity Mind, described the letter as "a touch of class".

 

Edited 15 August 2018 by stripeyfox

[stripeyfox]

Not sure why the image didn't work in the post above but hats off to Barnsley for doing this by reaching out to this supporter and by raising awareness of the EFL partnership with the charity MIND.

[Buce]

23 minutes ago, stripeyfox said:

Not sure why the image didn't work in the post above but hats off to Barnsley for doing this by reaching out to this supporter and by raising awareness of the EFL partnership with the charity MIND.

 

It's not visible on the website either (at least, not to me).

 

Could you cut and paste it?

[davieG]

[Crinklyfox]

3 minutes ago, davieG said:

Top marks to Barnsley.

[stripeyfox]

33 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

It's not visible on the website either (at least, not to me).

 

Could you cut and paste it?

Mate I tried that. It normally works! I see Davie has bailed me out now!

 

[Rob1742]

On 04/08/2018 at 23:59, ajthefox said:

I started running a few years ago to keep fit and in the last couple of years I've started taking it seriously and running competitive races, doing two half marathons in the last year and I have plans to do a full marathon in the next 6-12 months. I enjoy the challenge of pushing myself to go further and faster and it helps me stay fit, but more than that it really helps me mentally.

 

The main thing for me is that it clears my mind and really helps me release stress. On a good day it makes me feel practically invincible, as if I could just keep running and running and never stop. Invariably I obviously do stop, but my runner's high is a very real, powerful feeling.

 

I recommend running to everyone, just start slow over a short distance and you will soon reap the benefits.

 

I admire runners as I go about my day. You get ones that are clearly fit, working hard to stay that way and will have goals, and aims with regards to timings, competing etc.

 

Then you get the plodders, real plodders, ungamely looking, maybe overweight, slow, maybe even doing less than a trot.

 

Now these people I admire even more. You can see the look on their faces, they have gone through a mental barrier to do this, they are trying to do something their body initially doesn’t want. The look of determination on their faces and the fact they have made that move, that first step.

 

I don’t do it, but I tell you what, I admire those that do. And if you are one of those that are currently very slow and ungamely looking, don’t think people are looking negatively at you. If they are like me, they are thinking totally the opposite and thinking how strong their mind must be to get out there and overcome any negatively about themselves to go and make the effort and start the journey.

 

Loads of health benefits both physically and mentally and I think it’s an amazing thing to do. 

Edited 15 August 2018 by Rob1742

[stripeyfox]

Just now, Rob1742 said:

I admire runners as I go about my day. You get ones that are clearly fit, working hard to stay that way and will have goals, and aims with regards to timings, competing etc.

 

Then you get the plodders, real plodders, ungamely looking, maybe overweight, slow, maybe even doing less than a trot.

 

Now these people I admire even more. You can see the look on their faces, they have gone through a mental barrier to do this, they are trying to do something their body initially doesn’t want. The look of determination on their faces and the fact they have made that move, that first step.

 

I don’t do it, but I tell you what, I admire those that do. And if you are one of those that are currently very slow and ungamely looking, don’t think people are looking negatively at you. If they are like me, they are thinking totally the opposite and thinking how strong their mind must be to get out there and overcome any negatively about themselves to go and make the effort and start the journey.

 

Loads of help benefits both physically and mentally and I think it’s an amazing thing to do. 

This. I see a few of these when I'm walking the dogs. Some are barely running any quicker than walking pace - but you know what - it doesn't matter. They're out there, they've got off their arse and are doing something. 

 

 

[gw_leics772]

My wife sent me this and then pointed at my recumbent exercise bike (glass back and arthritic knee hence no running) posing as a clothes horse.

 

Point taken. Back to watching Dexter whilst on a ride to nowhere.

 

(The only downside is I'm currently struggling with "situational depression" due to a particularly nasty business contract conflict, so someone could end up in bin bags)

Edited 15 August 2018 by gw_leics772

[Costock_Fox]

On 15/08/2018 at 10:32, gw_leics772 said:

My wife sent me this and then pointed at my recumbent exercise bike (glass back and arthritic knee hence no running) posing as a clothes horse.

 

Point taken. Back to watching Dexter whilst on a ride to nowhere.

 

(The only downside is I'm currently struggling with "situational depression" due to a particularly nasty business contract conflict, so someone could end up in bin bags)

 

Hope you booked the Caravan.

[Buce]

3 minutes ago, Costock_Fox said:

Hope you booked the Caravan.

 

He's suffering from depression already.

 

A caravan in Ingoldmells is enough to push anyone over the edge.

[gw_leics772]

14 minutes ago, Costock_Fox said:

Hope you booked the Caravan.

 

9 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

He's suffering from depression already.

 

A caravan in Ingoldmells is enough to push anyone over the edge.

????

I already own one in Butlins skegness. Walking distance to ingoldmells.

 

I'll leave you with that one as my gift you. ?

[Buce]

1 minute ago, gw_leics772 said:

 

????

I already own one in Butlins skegness. Walking distance to ingoldmells.

 

I'll leave you with that one as my gift you. ?

 

I feel really bad now.

[Costock_Fox]

1 minute ago, Buce said:

 

I feel really bad now.

Do you bollocks, evil.

[gw_leics772]

Gotta love this thread.

 

Chatting to like minded nutters.

 

We depressed people certainly have the best cases of foot in mouth syndrome. ?

[Guest Harrydc]

Anyone got any tips to just not give a shit what people think? Because I think a lot of the anxiety is to do with that , not wanting to upset people and trying to keep everyone happy which inevitably makes me ill.

[gw_leics772]

14 minutes ago, Harrydc said:

Anyone got any tips to just not give a shit what people think? Because I think a lot of the anxiety is to do with that , not wanting to upset people and trying to keep everyone happy which inevitably makes me ill.

I had counselling which centred around this theme.

 

2 parts.

1- CBT. Cognitive behavioural therapy but in a nutshell, it's not that hard in itself but takes time. First put on a front, act like things don't bother you, make a conscious effort not to react. And it really did work. First it's an act, then it gets easier, and eventually you genuinely stop giving a shit.

And the second part is very similar and easy in words. Be selfish. Accept that nobody else will look out for you better than yourself.pbviously there are limits and don't go to extremes but believing you need to be happy, put yourself first.

 

To put it into a context that doesn't make me sound like such a ****. I would argue with family members. They would move on and forget about it,  and it would eat me up inside. They were the normal ones with the normal reactions and I was only upsetting myself. No one else cared so why should I.

 

Generally I am a lot tougher mentally. However as a long term suffered of depression I had to learn the signs. Learn when to shut down and look after me.

 

Don't get me wrong, it's not as easy as it can sound, but it really is that simple I  terms of practical steps. You can train yourself to think differently, until it becomes second nature.

 

It's ok to have doubts, it's ok to not make everyone else happy. When you are at your lowest you need.to protect yourself and look after what makes you feel better.

 

And the motto to remember. **** 'em all.

 

I used to want everyone to like me. But in reflection I wouldn't piss in some of them if they were on fire.

 

https://www.nottinghamshirehealthcare.nhs.uk/leicestershire-county-and-rutland-service

 

There are other counties as well if you're not in leicestershire. They were great when I needed them years ago. I am now 2 weeks into my 4 week wait for a telephone assessment but chances are I'll be through it by the time I get a face to face. That's what happened last time.

 

Seriously, just try the acting part. It really did work for me.

[Izzy]

25 minutes ago, Harrydc said:

Anyone got any tips to just not give a shit what people think? Because I think a lot of the anxiety is to do with that , not wanting to upset people and trying to keep everyone happy which inevitably makes me ill.

Somebody once told me that “It’s none of my business what anyone else thinks about me”.

 

It took a while to sink in, but over time I’ve come to understand that I can’t control what other people think about me and it’s hard work worrying about it.

 

“Trying to keep everyone happy” sounds quite controlling Harry. Why do you see it as your job to keep others happy?

 

I’m sure none of us deliberately set out to upset other people so as long as you do your best and do the right thing, that’s all you can do. Unfortunately we’ve got no idea how others will respond and sometimes people let us down or react in a way we don’t expect - that’s life I’m afraid.

 

As long as you can go to bed at night safe in the knowledge you were the best version of you that day and you acted and behaved in the right way, that’s all that really matters.

[Buce]

Kate Cross: England bowler 'didn't know her purpose' during anxiety struggles

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/45212984

[Guest Harrydc]

Thanks @Izzy Muzzett and @gw_leics772 . Means a lot for the detailed responses, going back on what you said @gw_leics772 I'll defiantly try that and put on that act. I understand that it will be easier said than done , and yes @Izzy Muzzett do you mean controlling as in its controlling me or I'm being controlling? It can be tough, because a lot of things contradict two different people for example and I'm stuck in the middle , and it's only yesterday that I've fallen out with one of my closest friends just for trying to do the right thing - or what I thought was. I don't know if that way of thinking makes sense to you though :/ but anyway thanks again both means a lot. 

[Izzy]

1 hour ago, Harrydc said:

Thanks @Izzy Muzzett and @gw_leics772 . Means a lot for the detailed responses, going back on what you said @gw_leics772 I'll defiantly try that and put on that act. I understand that it will be easier said than done , and yes @Izzy Muzzett do you mean controlling as in its controlling me or I'm being controlling? It can be tough, because a lot of things contradict two different people for example and I'm stuck in the middle , and it's only yesterday that I've fallen out with one of my closest friends just for trying to do the right thing - or what I thought was. I don't know if that way of thinking makes sense to you though :/ but anyway thanks again both means a lot. 

@Harrydc in your OP you said that your anxiety comes from “trying to keep everyone happy” and I wondered why you felt it was your responsibility to do this? 

 

We can’t control others’ emotions or how they think and act, so I was just curious as to why this made you anxious? 

 

If you’ve fallen out with one of your closest friends by trying to do the right thing, then you can’t feel guilty or bad about it because all you did was what you thought best in that moment. 

 

Other people have a habit of disappointing us and letting us down when we least expect it - even those close to us. If it’s a friendship worth fighting for then you’ll try and resolve the issue I’m sure. 

 

All the best mate but go easy on yourself. 

[Strokes]

21 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

@Harrydc in your OP you said that your anxiety comes from “trying to keep everyone happy” and I wondered why you felt it was your responsibility to do this? 

 

We can’t control others’ emotions or how they think and act, so I was just curious as to why this made you anxious? 

 

If you’ve fallen out with one of your closest friends by trying to do the right thing, then you can’t feel guilty or bad about it because all you did was what you thought best in that moment. 

 

Other people have a habit of disappointing us and letting us down when we least expect it - even those close to us. If it’s a friendship worth fighting for then you’ll try and resolve the issue I’m sure. 

 

All the best mate but go easy on yourself. 

Having suffered from the same in my twenties Izzy, I don’t think it’s necessarily that he would feel responsible but more of an unwitting obligation caused by a naturally passive nature and willingness to please.

I think @Harrydc needs to accept that he can’t please everyone and anyone that expects too much of him, isn’t being very fair and is therefore not worthy of his complete unwavering friendship. 

You don’t have to go quite as far as not caring a jot about others harry but I’ve found not expecting too much from my self to be a good start. Think what do you ask of others in family and friendship and (I imagine if your like me, it’s actually not an awful lot) try and make sure you deliver the same. If they care about you, they will want you to be happy and to be that you need to start liking yourself first. Good luck mate because you seem like a decent guy 

[Guest Harrydc]

20 minutes ago, Strokes said:

Having suffered from the same in my twenties Izzy, I don’t think it’s necessarily that he would feel responsible but more of an unwitting obligation caused by a naturally passive nature and willingness to please.

I think @Harrydc needs to accept that he can’t please everyone and anyone that expects too much of him, isn’t being very fair and is therefore not worthy of his complete unwavering friendship. 

You don’t have to go quite as far as not caring a jot about others harry but I’ve found not expecting too much from my self to be a good start. Think what do you ask of others in family and friendship and (I imagine if your like me, it’s actually not an awful lot) try and make sure you deliver the same. If they care about you, they will want you to be happy and to be that you need to start liking yourself first. Good luck mate because you seem like a decent guy 

Thanks means a lot  .  

[gw_leics772]

35 minutes ago, Strokes said:

Having suffered from the same in my twenties Izzy, I don’t think it’s necessarily that he would feel responsible but more of an unwitting obligation caused by a naturally passive nature and willingness to please.

I think @Harrydc needs to accept that he can’t please everyone and anyone that expects too much of him, isn’t being very fair and is therefore not worthy of his complete unwavering friendship. 

You don’t have to go quite as far as not caring a jot about others harry but I’ve found not expecting too much from my self to be a good start. Think what do you ask of others in family and friendship and (I imagine if your like me, it’s actually not an awful lot) try and make sure you deliver the same. If they care about you, they will want you to be happy and to be that you need to start liking yourself first. Good luck mate because you seem like a decent guy 

But be prepared for the effect of being less "emotionally involved"

You are on the first steps to feeling better but be prepared for your opinions of said friends to change when you find out some of them are actually prepared to put in far less effort than you are, even after you have backed off a bit to protect yourself.

 

People do disappoint. The key is to accept it and not try to fix something you have np control over.

 

People who suffer from depression tend to care far more than others in my experience. Hence the outpouring of help and experiences on here.

 

Others, let's just say less so.

 

"We" have our own issues, but I sometimes think at least we know that and are trying to do so.ething about it. Some.of the rest are fine, but I think a lot have similar issues but either don't care, don't know, or won't accept it, and therefore do nothing about their issues or the effect it can have on others.

 

I hate people ?

Edited 17 August 2018 by gw_leics772

[Crinklyfox]

All of us are vulnerable.  When we are down our defences are too and every little barb can feel like a dagger to the heart.

 

If it's of any help then please consider this: the only ones who should truly be able to hurt us are the ones we love.  We have an emotional investment with those people and have an interest in their happiness so we are driven to do what we can for them.  That's why a good friend or family member taking things in a different way to which they were intended can hurt so much.

 

If we accept that only our loved ones are in that position of power then the slings and arrows of the rest of the world can be ignored.  We all know the individuals on this forum that love to criticise and arrogantly put their views across as the only ones with any validity.  I've put them on mental ignore and do feel sorry for some of them as they must have had some pretty bad experiences to end up with such twisted souls.  If we could just think 'what does this person mean to me' every time we receive a negative comment then I believe that we can reduce anger, frustration and unhappiness.

 

Those of us on this thread that have suffered from depression have empathy with those currently suffering as we know what it's like and the dark place that it brings.  There may be many caring individuals out there who don't post because they have little knowledge of the condition, I don't believe that this makes them less caring people.