Depression

[chrishlcfc]

Not posted on here for a while because I’ve tried to be more positive. I just can’t seem to do it at all. I feel so low at the moment, nothing is working for me. Still struggling with my gambling addiction, I try and hide it and I got slightly better because I gave control of my bank account to my sister and she would control my internet banking and just leave me small amounts to spend on my card. It helped a bit but i never really stopped gambling. I’ve recently changed banks and took control of everything again. But I gambled all my money away yesterday and now I feel such a failure again. I genuinely don’t know where to go anymore. It’s ruined my whole life. It’s controlled me and I’ve let it beat me. That on top of my depression is just becoming too much for me. For the last year now ive not worked. I feel so bad just sitting at home but I can’t motivate myself to change. It’s just the worst cycle ever and I can never seem to break it.

[MaidstoneFox]

11 hours ago, chrishlcfc said:

Not posted on here for a while because I’ve tried to be more positive. I just can’t seem to do it at all. I feel so low at the moment, nothing is working for me. Still struggling with my gambling addiction, I try and hide it and I got slightly better because I gave control of my bank account to my sister and she would control my internet banking and just leave me small amounts to spend on my card. It helped a bit but i never really stopped gambling. I’ve recently changed banks and took control of everything again. But I gambled all my money away yesterday and now I feel such a failure again. I genuinely don’t know where to go anymore. It’s ruined my whole life. It’s controlled me and I’ve let it beat me. That on top of my depression is just becoming too much for me. For the last year now ive not worked. I feel so bad just sitting at home but I can’t motivate myself to change. It’s just the worst cycle ever and I can never seem to break it.

Reach out for some help and do not be afraid to do you as you are far from alone. Gamblers Anonymous is a start if you've not already been there. https://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/

 

I had an alcohol problem in the past which nearly killed me, but I managed to get control of it, now I don't drink at all. Nothing is impossible.

 

 

[Rusko187]

On 22/04/2024 at 02:57, chrishlcfc said:

Not posted on here for a while because I’ve tried to be more positive. I just can’t seem to do it at all. I feel so low at the moment, nothing is working for me. Still struggling with my gambling addiction, I try and hide it and I got slightly better because I gave control of my bank account to my sister and she would control my internet banking and just leave me small amounts to spend on my card. It helped a bit but i never really stopped gambling. I’ve recently changed banks and took control of everything again. But I gambled all my money away yesterday and now I feel such a failure again. I genuinely don’t know where to go anymore. It’s ruined my whole life. It’s controlled me and I’ve let it beat me. That on top of my depression is just becoming too much for me. For the last year now ive not worked. I feel so bad just sitting at home but I can’t motivate myself to change. It’s just the worst cycle ever and I can never seem to break it.

Please could I ask for my own understanding, what are the reasons why you gamble? Do you find you do it because of depression so you're spiralling because of that or is it for other reasons?

[LiberalFox]

On 22/04/2024 at 02:57, chrishlcfc said:

Not posted on here for a while because I’ve tried to be more positive. I just can’t seem to do it at all. I feel so low at the moment, nothing is working for me. Still struggling with my gambling addiction, I try and hide it and I got slightly better because I gave control of my bank account to my sister and she would control my internet banking and just leave me small amounts to spend on my card. It helped a bit but i never really stopped gambling. I’ve recently changed banks and took control of everything again. But I gambled all my money away yesterday and now I feel such a failure again. I genuinely don’t know where to go anymore. It’s ruined my whole life. It’s controlled me and I’ve let it beat me. That on top of my depression is just becoming too much for me. For the last year now ive not worked. I feel so bad just sitting at home but I can’t motivate myself to change. It’s just the worst cycle ever and I can never seem to break it.

I don't know you but I can relate to the situation of being trapped in a cycle of self destructive behaviour and being unable to self motivate. 

 

Please know that you aren't alone. 

[MPH]

On 21/04/2024 at 21:57, chrishlcfc said:

Not posted on here for a while because I’ve tried to be more positive. I just can’t seem to do it at all. I feel so low at the moment, nothing is working for me. Still struggling with my gambling addiction, I try and hide it and I got slightly better because I gave control of my bank account to my sister and she would control my internet banking and just leave me small amounts to spend on my card. It helped a bit but i never really stopped gambling. I’ve recently changed banks and took control of everything again. But I gambled all my money away yesterday and now I feel such a failure again. I genuinely don’t know where to go anymore. It’s ruined my whole life. It’s controlled me and I’ve let it beat me. That on top of my depression is just becoming too much for me. For the last year now ive not worked. I feel so bad just sitting at home but I can’t motivate myself to change. It’s just the worst cycle ever and I can never seem to break it.

 

 

Much Love to you, Chris.  We are all rooting to you,  not just because you are a Fellow fox, but on a human level, no one likes to see someone struggle.. Just don't give up. there's  stories everywhere from  people who were able to defeat their demons... it can be done! vent here as much as you want to, but you're also welcome to message me personally if you prefer to talk privately!

[chrishlcfc]

13 hours ago, Rusko187 said:

Please could I ask for my own understanding, what are the reasons why you gamble? Do you find you do it because of depression so you're spiralling because of that or is it for other reasons?

I suppose the main thing is because I’m addicted to do it. But I tend to do it when I’m doing ok and then it’s almost like I want to punish/hurt myself and go round in circles. I can do it because I went just less than a year without gambling but I think I just need to try and get some extra help and support again

[Jon the Hat]

On 17/04/2024 at 00:49, FoxesDeb said:

I need to close Ellis' mobile phone account with Vodafone and I just can't do it, every time I've tried I just break down at the questions on the form. Date of birth and date of death, they're just too close together and it's heatbreaking. They need me to upload the death certificate and I don't want to even look at it, never mind share it with anyone.

 

My ex husband is being a complete cvnt, so much so that I've blocked him from contacting me. He didn't really include me in the funeral arrangements, anything I suggested was vetoed, he made all the decisions and in the end I didn't go. He won't let me have Ellis' ashes, but wants me to pay for half of the funeral bill. That probably sounds petty, but there's a long history of animosity between us that I won't bore you all with, and it doesn't help that I strongly believe he is at least partly to blame for the decision Ellis made to take his life, although I haven't expressed that to his dad.

 

My daughter is struggling more than I realised so I feel like even more of a failure as a mother, she won't talk to me because I can't talk without crying and she doesn't want to upset me even though I've told her it's fine and that is what I'm here for. 

 

I hadn't spoken to my mum for about 3 years until I rang her to tell her the news, her choice not mine, within 2 minutes she was telling me about all her ailments and in the end I cut her short, I was calling her to tell her I'd lost my youngest son and she just turned the conversation around to herself. She hasn't contacted me since. 

 

It's funny how some days can start reasonably well, and I feel like I'm ok, and then they just end unbearably shit  

I've stayed out of this thread for a while as I am bit up and down at the moment but wanted to say @FoxesDeb how sorry I am to read of your loss.  

I'm sorry also that this being made more difficult by some of those around you.

[filthyfox]

Hey peoples.   I am currently at the top dose of my current medication, and struggling quite a bit.

 

In the past I have completely been taken off of one type, and baby fed a second type.

 

This sound WHACK!

 

Has anyone had any experience of combination antidepressants?

[Thefox81]

33 minutes ago, filthyfox said:

Hey peoples.   I am currently at the top dose of my current medication, and struggling quite a bit.

 

In the past I have completely been taken off of one type, and baby fed a second type.

 

This sound WHACK!

 

Has anyone had any experience of combination antidepressants?

Im on max sertraline 200mg. It helps me. Started on 50mg and gradually increased every 3 weeks or so.

[filthyfox]

53 minutes ago, Thefox81 said:

Im on max sertraline 200mg. It helps me. Started on 50mg and gradually increased every 3 weeks or so.

Yeah, I'm on sertraline now...  i should have said!  It's obvious that I'm no longer getting the full impact.

[Wymsey]

How long can someone benefit with being on anti-depressants, before the benefits start to wean off?

 

Wouldn't say that I'm depressed, but am in a situation where I've had 5 job interviews within the last 2 months but didn't get any offer, and am finding it hard psychologically not to doubt my qualities and analyse myself too much - haven't had this feeling before..

Edited Sunday at 17:57 by Wymsey

[Parafox]

12 minutes ago, Wymsey said:

How long can someone benefit with being on anti-depressants, before the benefits start to wean off?

 

From what understand, there will be a ceiling of benefits of SSRI (Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) drugs where increasing the dose will be increasingly effective up to a maximum. After the max is reached the drug will continue to be effective for as long as it is being taken. The effects don't wear off unless the patient stops taking them. Many people with MH will stop taking their meds because they feel better, due to the effects of the meds and that's when things can relapse. 

I think, as with most prescribed meds, they are titrated to effectively treat the problem without being detrimental for the patient.

Edited Sunday at 18:06 by Parafox

[HighPeakFox]

Best wishes to you all. 

[Daggers]

53 minutes ago, Parafox said:

 

From what understand, there will be a ceiling of benefits of SSRI (Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) drugs where increasing the dose will be increasingly effective up to a maximum. After the max is reached the drug will continue to be effective for as long as it is being taken. The effects don't wear off unless the patient stops taking them. Many people with MH will stop taking their meds because they feel better, due to the effects of the meds and that's when things can relapse. 

I think, as with most prescribed meds, they are titrated to effectively treat the problem without being detrimental for the patient.

I never felt better, meds never delivered a sense of normal. All of the ones I was first on made zero difference. Then the only change was one where I felt lobotomised, rendered unable to talk, and locked inside my head. They continued to change the pills and strengths but nothing ever got better - if anything they drove me deeper into bleakness. I stopped because a part of me knew that being effectively catatonic was never going to result in me being able to live a life again.
 

This period lasted 24 months and caused two further suicide attempts in the last six months. Coming to in hospital following a drink and drug cocktail, I knew I need a different approach. 
 

Psych service refused to see me unless I went back on to my medication - I’m here now because I rejected both medication and the psychiatrist’s advice. They refused point blank to take on board my experience and thoughts. I had to develop my own approach to self care. 
 

 

[leatherhead32]

1 hour ago, Wymsey said:

How long can someone benefit with being on anti-depressants, before the benefits start to wean off?

 

Wouldn't say that I'm depressed, but am in a situation where I've had 5 job interviews within the last 2 months but didn't get any offer, and am finding it hard psychologically not to doubt my qualities and analyse myself too much - haven't had this feeling before..

were all different but i went to a counselor through dr after i asked a similar question and got a good en but stayed on anti dep,s and will maybe forever . don't doubt yourself over job interviews , keep at it as part of an experience and look at it as their loss you will get there in time , start to look at the interview as a chat to see if you want to work for them in a polite way almost like its one of many errands your doing that day. i didnt do that as a youngster and got nowhere then i did and got offers and im no catch . good luck.   

[Trav Le Bleu]

2 hours ago, Parafox said:

. 

I think, as with most prescribed meds, they are titrated to effectively treat the problem without being detrimental for the patient.

I'm guessing that if you're depressed, a bit of tit rating will do you no end of good.

[Costock_Fox]

3 hours ago, Wymsey said:

How long can someone benefit with being on anti-depressants, before the benefits start to wean off?

 

Wouldn't say that I'm depressed, but am in a situation where I've had 5 job interviews within the last 2 months but didn't get any offer, and am finding it hard psychologically not to doubt my qualities and analyse myself too much - haven't had this feeling before..

What sort of jobs are you going for if you don’t mind me asking? The reason I am, is because I’ve done a fair bit of coaching people on how to prepare for interviews etc and would be happy to help you out if you wanted. 
 

Send me a message.

[Costock_Fox]

On 22/04/2024 at 02:57, chrishlcfc said:

Not posted on here for a while because I’ve tried to be more positive. I just can’t seem to do it at all. I feel so low at the moment, nothing is working for me. Still struggling with my gambling addiction, I try and hide it and I got slightly better because I gave control of my bank account to my sister and she would control my internet banking and just leave me small amounts to spend on my card. It helped a bit but i never really stopped gambling. I’ve recently changed banks and took control of everything again. But I gambled all my money away yesterday and now I feel such a failure again. I genuinely don’t know where to go anymore. It’s ruined my whole life. It’s controlled me and I’ve let it beat me. That on top of my depression is just becoming too much for me. For the last year now ive not worked. I feel so bad just sitting at home but I can’t motivate myself to change. It’s just the worst cycle ever and I can never seem to break it.

Hi Chris,

 

Long time no speak but sorry to hear you are still struggling. Definitely speak up and get yourself some help for the gambling, I can’t imagine what it must feel like.

[Daggers]

13 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

I'm guessing that if you're depressed, a bit of tit rating will do you no end of good.

• Rudkin - 8/10
• Top - 6/10
• @Raj - 10/10

[Daggers]

[filthyfox]

9 hours ago, Daggers said:

****ing love it!!

 

Ok- so, question.   If I am aggravating injuries that are already there (picking scabs, biting nails, peeling skin from crappy cuticles), am I self harming...   and is the fact I'm even asking this question a cause for concern?

[Daggers]

8 minutes ago, filthyfox said:

****ing love it!!

 

Ok- so, question.   If I am aggravating injuries that are already there (picking scabs, biting nails, peeling skin from crappy cuticles), am I self harming...   and is the fact I'm even asking this question a cause for concern?

I am getting very drunk, I’m not in a place to be offering comfort or advice to anyone rn. Feel free to DM me and I promise I’ll either answer or throw you my number when I am sober. 

[samlcfc]

27 minutes ago, filthyfox said:

****ing love it!!

 

Ok- so, question.   If I am aggravating injuries that are already there (picking scabs, biting nails, peeling skin from crappy cuticles), am I self harming...   and is the fact I'm even asking this question a cause for concern?

 

It might be worth considering whether this behaviour occurs in response to something else. E.g. triggered by stress.

 

If I've ever had similar concerns voiced to me in the past with regards to my own behaviour, it's been when I'm overwhelmed with other things happening in my life.

 

With regards to asking the question, I guess this could be because you are aware something is off and are therefore examining your behaviour with regards to how it relates to those feelings?

Edited Monday at 20:17 by samlcfc

[hebangsthedrums]

Odd in some ways to be drawn to this thread this eve - maybe its because celebrating things how I've done in the past is no longer possible.

 

Anyway - thanks for the replies to my message from a couple of weeks ago, and the couple of PM's received.

 

Still amazed by the resilience of people  - FoxesDeb, Parafox (I'm too lazy to scroll back far, I'm sure theres more) you have both my sympathy and admiration.

 

If anyone ever wants to chat please do PM, 

[urban.spaceman]

I know I spend way too much of my time on this football club, on this forum, and a bit too much on this thread.

 

But this thread has been a genuine lifeline for me at times, I've had so much support from so many wonderful people on here and hope I've been able to provide the support people need on here too, when you're going through tough times. Your kindness on here and your resilience in your personal circumstances is honestly incredible.

 

I just want to say what a ****ing privilege it is to get to share this insane football club and moments like tonight with you all.