Depression

[Guest Harrydc]

Hi all, I hope you are all well. 

 

I don't talk to people about this in my life as I don't know how to say it, and people may not understand. It's almost been a year since I had my car accident. I have my ups and downs, the downs generally being guilt. Wondering how the person who was effected is doing. Since the accident, my anxiety has been through the roof at times, is this normal a year on? Shouldn't I now be forgetting what has happened? Well, not forgetting but putting it behind me and moving on with my life? I haven't got in a car since it has happened, still get flashbacks and my sleeping hasn't been great for a while now. 

 

 After the accident happened, I just wanted to get away, so i decided to go to university. I did this in the hope that once i get away, I wont be around reminders anymore and i can have a fresh start. I have been here 5 weeks or so, and feel as though I was happier when I was back home, and I wasn't even happy. I tend to spend most nights just drinking, bored and I have gave up so much to come here, and I am now full of regrets and worst of all in a whole lot of debt because of it. 

 

I understand that people have been through much worse experiences, and i'm so sorry about that. I feel pathetic even saying all of this knowing people have been to hell and back.  I'm just looking for some advice, on what to do next and how to make the most out of the situation that I am currently in. 

 

Thank you. 

[gw_leics772]

Hi @Harrydc, by choosing to post here you obviously recognise that is at least a chance it is depression. It certainly sounds like it to me with a very obvious trigger.

 

Firstly, have you seen a doctor and been formally diagnosed? Medication can often be a very good first step, and it sounds like counselling would help you to get to grips with your thoughts and help you to "move on"

 

Secondly, I highly recommend talking to people. Anyone at uni, roommate? Doesn't have to be too deep, just tell them you are suffering on the pretext that if you are moody, it is not them, it's your depression. It sounds like you are telling them for their sake but you might be pleasantly surprised at their response and hopefully will have someone looking out for you then.

 

Regarding your family, unless you have good reason to believe they won't be supportive, tell them. Maybe point them towards your post and these responses. As someone once wrote on here, if your child was going through this, you would want to know. Not as poignant for you probably but as a parent myself, it definitely resonated with me.

 

With regard to uni, hopefully the above steps will put you in a better frame of mind, but if your feelings still hold, no decisions like this cannot be undone. Even if you hit rock bottom and went back home, you could still redo it in the future, and if it's not for you. So what. You tried it, you did it.for a good reason for you, and if it helps you to realise how much things have affected you, and leads you to resolving those issues, it could be the best decision you ever made, even if you never finish the course.

 

Talking is the right thing to do, and if this thread is your first step, or even your only avenue for talking about it, it's still good.

 

Good luck. Please look into the above and let us know how you get on.

 

People do go through far worse and survive, but depression is serious and some people go through far less and don't survive, mostly through bottling it up and not doing something about it.

Edited 20 October 2018 by gw_leics772

[Izzy]

2 hours ago, Harrydc said:

Hi all, I hope you are all well. 

 

I don't talk to people about this in my life as I don't know how to say it, and people may not understand.

 

 

And people might understand better than you ever imagined Harry. Never underestimate people's ability to be loving, caring, sympathetic and understanding. If you don't tell anyone, you'll never know and you also deprive them of the opportunity to help and support you. There's no text book or right/wrong way of saying it, so you can only talk from the heart and in your own words. If people care about you they won't judge you, they'll just listen to understand - just like on this thread.

 

Quote

It's almost been a year since I had my car accident. I have my ups and downs, the downs generally being guilt. Wondering how the person who was effected is doing. Since the accident, my anxiety has been through the roof at times, is this normal a year on? Shouldn't I now be forgetting what has happened? Well, not forgetting but putting it behind me and moving on with my life? I haven't got in a car since it has happened, still get flashbacks and my sleeping hasn't been great for a while now. 

There is no 'normal' Harry. Some people may move on in a matter of months, for others, never. Feeling guilt is a perfectly normal human emotion but if you let the guilt take a hold of you, this could lead to anxiety and depression. I'm sure many of us on here have done things we regret in life (I know I have) and I still occasionally feel guilt and have flashback for things I did and said well over 20 years ago. But life goes on and if I stewed on things I've done but can't change, I'd lead a pretty miserable existence. You'll get in a car when your instinct tells you it's the right time, so don't force it. Trust your intuition and remember you can always talk to your GP in confidence and they can help you with your sleeping.

 

Quote

 

 After the accident happened, I just wanted to get away, so i decided to go to university. I did this in the hope that once i get away, I wont be around reminders anymore and i can have a fresh start. I have been here 5 weeks or so, and feel as though I was happier when I was back home, and I wasn't even happy. I tend to spend most nights just drinking, bored and I have gave up so much to come here, and I am now full of regrets and worst of all in a whole lot of debt because of it. 

5 weeks is nothing mate so go easy on yourself. I'm sure you know deep down that drinking isn't the answer and you need to find something more productive to do with your time. Life really is too short to be full of regrets but you're still young and have it all to look forward to. The debt will take care of itself over time and the money is nowhere near as important right now as your own happiness and well-being. It's all about your mindset so rather than feeling you've 'given up' things to go there, look at it from a different angle as a fresh start and new opportunity to move forward with your life. You can't turn the clock back and what's done is done so you've got to keep fighting and moving forward, however small the steps are.

 

 

Quote

 

I understand that people have been through much worse experiences, and i'm so sorry about that. I feel pathetic even saying all of this knowing people have been to hell and back.  I'm just looking for some advice, on what to do next and how to make the most out of the situation that I am currently in. 

 

Thank you. 

Don't ever apologise Harry. It doesn't matter how your experience 'compares' with anyone else's. It's your life and it's equally as important as the rest of ours. My only advice is to take it day by day and step by step. You can't force change and you've just got to trust the process and let it evolve at it's own pace. Learning to dance with the uncertainty of life is one of the hardest things I've tried to master and it's not easy, but once we can 'get out of our own way' and stop trying so hard, life becomes much easier to navigate.

 

Be kind to yourself mate and above all else you've got to forgive yourself first. There's no medals on offer for being a hero and keeping it all bottled up, so talk to people you trust and then notice how much they want to help and support you. Best of luck fella...

[Crinklyfox]

13 hours ago, Harrydc said:

Hi all, I hope you are all well. 

 

I don't talk to people about this in my life as I don't know how to say it, and people may not understand. It's almost been a year since I had my car accident. I have my ups and downs, the downs generally being guilt. Wondering how the person who was effected is doing. Since the accident, my anxiety has been through the roof at times, is this normal a year on? Shouldn't I now be forgetting what has happened? Well, not forgetting but putting it behind me and moving on with my life? I haven't got in a car since it has happened, still get flashbacks and my sleeping hasn't been great for a while now. 

 

 After the accident happened, I just wanted to get away, so i decided to go to university. I did this in the hope that once i get away, I wont be around reminders anymore and i can have a fresh start. I have been here 5 weeks or so, and feel as though I was happier when I was back home, and I wasn't even happy. I tend to spend most nights just drinking, bored and I have gave up so much to come here, and I am now full of regrets and worst of all in a whole lot of debt because of it. 

 

I understand that people have been through much worse experiences, and i'm so sorry about that. I feel pathetic even saying all of this knowing people have been to hell and back.  I'm just looking for some advice, on what to do next and how to make the most out of the situation that I am currently in. 

 

Thank you. 

Hope you're feeling a little better this morning Harry.

 

I've had experiences and done things in my life that I wish hadn't happened, most of us are in the same situation even though we don't talk about it.  These experiences do affect us, that's only natural for beings with a conscience, but we learn to live with them.  There's no time limit, but positive experiences can help overcome negative ones.

 

University has its own stresses and strains, both financial and course-related.  On the plus side it gives you the opportunity to immerse yourself in what in can offer, there are probably numerous clubs and societies that you could join which would enhance your social life and expand your circle of friends.  You're only five weeks into your course so there's plenty of time to look around, being bored is a terrible waste of time.  When I was at uni I used to play bridge with friends in the evening when we were skint, the coffee and the conversation were good and it was a cheap evening.

 

I notice that you labelled yourself as pathetic, that's a view born either of depression or self-loathing, or both and is probably very unrealistic.  Ask yourself, if a friend had suffered the same problems as you, would you tell them that they were pathetic to feel bad?  Highly unlikely, you'd probably be supportive and try to get them involved in things that would make them feel better, which I what I'm suggesting you seek out.  So you have to ask yourself the question 'do I want to go on feeling like this?' and if the answer is no, then do something about it.  And please don't fall into the depressive mindset that tells you that you actually deserve to feel this bad as a punishment for your past.  You only have one life, make the most of it that you can.

[Guest Harrydc]

Thank you all for your responses . It means the world. 

[HowardsBulletHeader]

21 hours ago, Harrydc said:

Hi all, I hope you are all well. 

 

I don't talk to people about this in my life as I don't know how to say it, and people may not understand. It's almost been a year since I had my car accident. I have my ups and downs, the downs generally being guilt. Wondering how the person who was effected is doing. Since the accident, my anxiety has been through the roof at times, is this normal a year on? Shouldn't I now be forgetting what has happened? Well, not forgetting but putting it behind me and moving on with my life? I haven't got in a car since it has happened, still get flashbacks and my sleeping hasn't been great for a while now. 

 

 After the accident happened, I just wanted to get away, so i decided to go to university. I did this in the hope that once i get away, I wont be around reminders anymore and i can have a fresh start. I have been here 5 weeks or so, and feel as though I was happier when I was back home, and I wasn't even happy. I tend to spend most nights just drinking, bored and I have gave up so much to come here, and I am now full of regrets and worst of all in a whole lot of debt because of it. 

 

I understand that people have been through much worse experiences, and i'm so sorry about that. I feel pathetic even saying all of this knowing people have been to hell and back.  I'm just looking for some advice, on what to do next and how to make the most out of the situation that I am currently in. 

 

Thank you. 

Hi Harry, 

 

As others have said pretty much what I would've said in a much better way than I would've compiled it, I'll just leave you with one note:

Universities have plenty of superb support networks these days. They know that it is a lot of upheaval and a lot of stress for a number of people. These are not limited to academic problems, it can be literally anything from more typical issues like moving away from home for the first time to problems with peer groups to family issues at home. What I'm trying to say is people think their support is for students struggling in a work related sense and it isn't just that. You can get support from a number of places, be it through your lecturers, student bodies, societies etc. There will definitely be organisations or places to go at uni that will be able to support you.

 

If you don't feel confident going to friends, new flatmates, family then it is a good option as they don't know you or your story and even if they don't have the answers right there and then, it will be a step in the right direction. They will let you know where to go for the best advice and support.

 

Keep posting and stay strong. 

[HighPeakFox]

I can only endorse what our fellow foxes have said. Our biggest fear is fear itself. Stay brave. 

[urban.spaceman]

Doc moved me from Sertraline to Citalopram today... fingers crossed this is more effective.

[Bob Weasel Fox]

On 22/10/2018 at 15:34, urban.spaceman said:

Doc moved me from Sertraline to Citalopram today... fingers crossed this is more effective.

Good luck with it @urban.spaceman

 

i have taken Citalopram in the past and I found it ok, it did its job for me I guess but like many of these tablets they all suit people differently so good luck that they work with you and help stabilise things and gradually get you feeling better (usually with counselling etc obviously) 

[egg_fried_rice]

I'm all over the place this week. Received some bad news about a family member who has been given a terminal diagnosis and days or weeks to live. I'm not particularly close with them, so I am surprised to find that it has triggered the worst bout of anxiety I've had in a long time. I can't sleep, and can barely concentrate. I'm just about managing to get through each day without having a minor meltdown.

 

The anxiety and overthinking is usually what causes the depression, and I'm finding it really hard not to get sucked in by it.

 

I'm not currently in counselling and I've not had any luck with medication in the past - I'm feeling quite helpless and hopeless at the moment.

 

I have a big framed poster on my wall with the phrase 'please believe these days will pass' on it. It was originally created as a political message, but I try to use it to remind myself that these feelings will change. As they say, when you're going through hell - keep going.

[gw_leics772]

1 hour ago, egg_fried_rice said:

I'm all over the place this week. Received some bad news about a family member who has been given a terminal diagnosis and days or weeks to live. I'm not particularly close with them, so I am surprised to find that it has triggered the worst bout of anxiety I've had in a long time. I can't sleep, and can barely concentrate. I'm just about managing to get through each day without having a minor meltdown.

 

The anxiety and overthinking is usually what causes the depression, and I'm finding it really hard not to get sucked in by it.

 

I'm not currently in counselling and I've not had any luck with medication in the past - I'm feeling quite helpless and hopeless at the moment.

 

I have a big framed poster on my wall with the phrase 'please believe these days will pass' on it. It was originally created as a political message, but I try to use it to remind myself that these feelings will change. As they say, when you're going through hell - keep going.

Quick one  - get yourself to the doctors and say exactly what you have typed here.

 

Hope you start to feel better.

 

[lifted*fox]

i took the first step to changing my life for the better and handed my notice in at work - I finish at Christmas.

 

2019 will be my year. better fitness both physical and mental, some travel, take some courses in a couple of areas I want to develop, decorate my house and start nailing down my business plan for the company I want to start late-2019.

 

**** you anxiety, **** you depression - I'm taking the leap and gonna **** you off. 

 

let's do this 

[egg_fried_rice]

16 minutes ago, gw_leics772 said:

Quick one  - get yourself to the doctors and say exactly what you have typed here.

 

Hope you start to feel better.

 

You're right. Thank you.

 

I just needed to get it off my chest as it's difficult to see the wood for the trees at the moment.

[Countryfox]

14 minutes ago, lifted*fox said:

i took the first step to changing my life for the better and handed my notice in at work - I finish at Christmas.

 

2019 will be my year. better fitness both physical and mental, some travel, take some courses in a couple of areas I want to develop, decorate my house and start nailing down my business plan for the company I want to start late-2019.

 

**** you anxiety, **** you depression - I'm taking the leap and gonna **** you off. 

 

let's do this 

 

What line of biz are you going into lifted ?

[Wymsey]

8 hours ago, lifted*fox said:

i took the first step to changing my life for the better and handed my notice in at work - I finish at Christmas.

 

2019 will be my year. better fitness both physical and mental, some travel, take some courses in a couple of areas I want to develop, decorate my house and start nailing down my business plan for the company I want to start late-2019.

 

**** you anxiety, **** you depression - I'm taking the leap and gonna **** you off. 

 

let's do this 

Fair play for intending to really wanting to alter your situation/feelings for a better outcome, that's the only real practical way to develop one's self imo.

I'm guessing you're mid/late-20's? You're still very young, but having a plan like you've mentioned shows that you're willing to take necessary 'risks' to try and improve yourself in life - and that takes great courage, as such changes, initially, can be quite daunting.

Edited 26 October 2018 by Wymeswold fox

[gw_leics772]

10 hours ago, egg_fried_rice said:

You're right. Thank you.

 

I just needed to get it off my chest as it's difficult to see the wood for the trees at the moment.

And keep doing it, but do it alongside the medical/counselling channels.

 

None of them work on their own but talking it out, especially on here definitely helps.

 

I think I speak for all of us on here when I say that spanking West ham tomorrow will be a very welcome respite from the daily shit we're wading through in our minds.

[Lionator]

For anyone struggling with last evening's event, please talk about your feelings, fears and worries. We're all incredibly shell shocked and the support of those around us is integral at these times. 

[Lufc 12]

Can I just say it is great to see you have this thread where you can all share experiences and support one another, we have a depression thread on waccoe and it has helped me and others immensely. Keep up the good work 

[HighPeakFox]

I am deeply concerned that the tragedy will trigger some very difficult emotions for some here, and also that the more troubled souls in the regular part of the forum will display their insensitivity in various ways - we will have to work hard to keep the forum safe & well.

[urban.spaceman]

Can’t process it at the minute so I’ll resort to my LCFC alternative happy place which is laughter. Python marathon for me.

 

Apologies if anyone finds it macabre or disrespectful - it’s the opposite of my intent but it’s what I often have to do to survive. 

 

If anyone else could do with a reason to smile here’s a video of my sisters puppy having swimming lessons. 

[urban.spaceman]

By the way his name is Loki and he’s an adorable little twat. 

[ACF]

G’day everyone

 

I used to be a semi-frequent poster on FT, until life started getting in the way. With that came all sorts of ups and downs, including anxiety and depression, something I still battle today, and will continue to do so.

 

After the last few days, I have felt the grief most of you have also felt, and this has utterly scared me. Most of the day (Australia time) I have been worrying I will slip into old habits leading into depression again.

 

But I won’t. I won’t let myself. I will let myself grieve for man who meant a lot to me. But I won’t let it consume me.

 

I hope anyone else reading this can take comfort in the fact you are not alone in how you may be feeling. In trying times, you have to try harder. And all we can do is try.

[Buce]

3 hours ago, ACF said:

G’day everyone

 

I used to be a semi-frequent poster on FT, until life started getting in the way. With that came all sorts of ups and downs, including anxiety and depression, something I still battle today, and will continue to do so.

 

After the last few days, I have felt the grief most of you have also felt, and this has utterly scared me. Most of the day (Australia time) I have been worrying I will slip into old habits leading into depression again.

 

But I won’t. I won’t let myself. I will let myself grieve for man who meant a lot to me. But I won’t let it consume me.

 

I hope anyone else reading this can take comfort in the fact you are not alone in how you may be feeling. In trying times, you have to try harder. And all we can do is try.

 

 

I've been battling against it for a few weeks now and my coping mechanisms have just about held it at bay but, unfortunately, the outpouring of grief over the weekend has tipped the balance for me.

 

I'm at the lowest ebb I've been for years.

[Lufc 12]

45 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

 

I've been battling against it for a few weeks now and my coping mechanisms have just about held it at bay but, unfortunately, the outpouring of grief over the weekend has tipped the balance for me.

 

I'm at the lowest ebb I've been for years.

Have you tried CBT m8?  What meds are you on?

[Crinklyfox]

47 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

 

I've been battling against it for a few weeks now and my coping mechanisms have just about held it at bay but, unfortunately, the outpouring of grief over the weekend has tipped the balance for me.

 

I'm at the lowest ebb I've been for years.

We're all down at the moment Buce but being down under these circumstances is normal and we'll get through it.  There are many of us who contribute to this thread that have battled depression over the years, I've seen enough of your posts to gain the impression that you've a fortitude that will get you through this.  We may never beat this demon completely but we know enough about it now to get through the bad times, which will pass, they always do.  Please stay strong, this thread needs you.