The joke thread

[Beliall]

55 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

thats the funniest thing you posted all day

[Renart]

Insomnia is awful. But on the plus side, only three sleeps til Christmas.

[Trav Le Bleu]

Literally anything Glenn Hoddle says is hilarious!

[Beliall]

52 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Literally anything Glenn Hoddle says is hilarious!

he can take muzzys place in the joke thread then

[Parafox]

I was walking through town the other day and saw a rather dishevelled looking bloke carrying a fairly large female sheep. He was asking people if they wanted to buy it for one pound.

 

Turns out he was selling a biggish ewe.

[Webbo]

1 hour ago, Parafox said:

I was walking through town the other day and saw a rather dishevelled looking bloke carrying a fairly large female sheep. He was asking people if they wanted to buy it for one pound.

 

Turns out he was selling a biggish ewe.

Hasn't quite worth a  but I'll give it a

[Captain...]

1 hour ago, Parafox said:

I was walking through town the other day and saw a rather dishevelled looking bloke carrying a fairly large female sheep. He was asking people if they wanted to buy it for one pound.

 

Turns out he was selling a biggish ewe.

It's been a long time since the Big Issue was a quid. Speaking of which:

 

What did the slug say to the snail?

 

...Big Issue!

Edited 6 September 2017 by Captain...

[Alf Bentley]

My mate was arrested for molesting geese, but swore that he was just looking at them.

 

Nevertheless, he's been charged with having a gander.

[The Bear]

That's so shit it actually made me chuckle.

[Countryfox]

Been a bit quiet on the bog wall of the Fox at Lutterworth front of late ..   but spotted this one the other day ...  

 

 

[Izzy]

I was in the gym changing room earlier today when I saw a bloke watching me dry my bum.

 

So I warned my mate that there was a weirdo about.

 

He said that maybe it was innocent and the bloke was genuinely just waiting to use the hand dryer himself.

[Beliall]

5 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I was in the gym changing room earlier today when I saw a bloke watching me dry my bum.

 

So I warned my mate that there was a weirdo about.

 

He said that maybe it was innocent and the bloke was genuinely just waiting to use the hand dryer himself.

[Izzy]

The wife says to me last night while we're in bed..

 

"If you turn out the light......you can stick it up my arse"

 

In hindsight, I should have waited until the bulb had cooled down a bit...

[Beliall]

37 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

The wife says to me last night while we're in bed..

 

"If you turn out the light......you can stick it up my arse"

 

In hindsight, I should have waited until the bulb had cooled down a bit...

who are you and where's Muzzet?

[the fox]

What do you call a clinically dead cow? A veggie burger!

 

What do you call a raccoon missing a leg? A tri-coon!

 

 

Edited 8 September 2017 by the fox

[Tuna]

I persuaded my girlfriend to smuggle my coke through customs by sticking it up her arse.

 

I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge.

[Carl the Llama]

9 minutes ago, the fox said:

What do you call a clinically dead cow? A veggie burger!

 

What do you call a raccoon missing a leg? A tri-coon!

[the fox]

13 minutes ago, Carl the Llama said:

Don't hold in the laughter, knock yourself out  I know you liked that veggie burger joke. 

 

Edited 8 September 2017 by the fox

[Strokes]

10 hours ago, the fox said:

Don't hold in the laughter, knock yourself out  I know you liked that veggie burger joke. 

 

That was a joke? I thought you had got lost.

[Buce]

11 hours ago, the fox said:

What do you call a clinically dead cow? A veggie burger!

 

What do you call a raccoon missing a leg? A tri-coon!

 

 

 

I didn't realise Izzy had another account...

[Tielemans63]

"Son, I'm sorry but you're just not cut out to be a mime."

 

"Was it something I said?"

 

"Yes"

[the fox]

3 hours ago, Strokes said:

That was a joke? I thought you had got lost.

 

3 hours ago, Buce said:

 

I didn't realise Izzy had another account...

But I thought people were done making jokes about my sense of humor?

 

 

 

[Carl the Llama]

About your what now?

[Buce]

1 hour ago, the fox said:

 

But I thought people were done making jokes about my sense of humor?

 

 

 

 

[the fox]

2 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

I guess I walked straight in to that one, didn't I?

And I was just joking, its like what vardy said, banter helps you get through the day.