Our system detected that your browser is blocking advertisements on our site. Please help support FoxesTalk by disabling any kind of ad blocker while browsing this site. Thank you.
Jump to content
 Share
Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

Recommended Posts

Beliall

Beliall

Posted
Posted
Just now, Izzy Muzzett said:

Whilst driving along the other day, I thought I saw Irish pop legend Van Morrison in my rear view mirror.

 

What an idiot I felt when I remembered that things appear reversed in mirrors.

 

It was actually a Morrisons Van...

 

I'll let Viz know their joke was appreciated.

 

#payback

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

My mate scoffed when a Gypsy fortune teller told him a large amount of cash was heading his way...

 

Then he was ran over by a Securicor van...

  • Like 2
  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
7 minutes ago, Paddy. said:

My wife says she'll kill me if I steal another of her kitchen utensils....

 

 

....but it's a whisk I'm willing to take.

Women are so picky. 

 

I wanted my wife to have a cooked breakfast in bed when she was ill. Getting that cooker up the stairs almost broke my back.

 

No appreciation...

  • Haha 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted

A man sees a sign outside a house.

'Talking Dog For Sale' 

Intrigued, he rings the bell and the owner appears telling him that the dog can be viewed in the back garden. The man is greeted by a very nice looking labrador, wagging it's tail at him.

'Do you really talk?', he asks the dog. 

'I do', the dog replies.

After recovering from the shock, the man asks, 'So, tell me your story..'

The labrador looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was just a pup. I wanted to help out my country, so I decided to join MI5'

'After my training, they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms eavesdropping on politicians, spies and world leaders. Who would ever suspect a dog?', he added.

'I was one of their most valuable assets for 8 years but the hectic schedule started to take its toll plus I wasn't getting any younger, so I decided it was time to retire, settle down with my bitch and have a few pups. I uncovered some incredible espionage over those years and was awarded many medals and accolades'

The man is gobsmacked. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog?

'A tenner', he says

'What...£10!?' 

'But this dog is absolutely amazing! A decorated hero, no less. Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?'

'Because he's a lying bastard', he said.

'He's never been out of the garden..'

  • Like 1
  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Beliall

Beliall

Posted
Posted

 MY Grandad was talking to two german truckers.. One of them said: "I drive a Mercedes, it can cruise down the autobahn at 90kph all day long, and get from one end of Germany to the other in a whole shift!"
The other one said: "HA! I drive a M.A.N., and THAT will go at 100kph and get me there in a day, with time for a nice lunch!"

Grandad says: "Thats all bollox. Back in the day I could leave my base in Lincolnshire at 4 am, drop a full load in Stuttgart, and STILL be back home in time for breakfast"

The germans weere stunned; "What were you driving, old man??"

He replied calmly:
"A Lancaster bomber"!!!!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

 

Izzy, these are getting worse :mellow:

I'm sorry Tom. Try this instead...

 

Paddy was in New York.

 

He was patiently waiting and watching the Traffic Cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted "Okay, pedestrians"

 

Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

 

After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy eventually walked over to him and said:

 

"Is it not about time you also let the Catholics across?"

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted
35 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?

 

A receding hareline...

 

19 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I'm sorry Tom. Try this instead...

 

Paddy was in New York.

 

He was patiently waiting and watching the Traffic Cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted "Okay, pedestrians"

 

Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

 

After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy eventually walked over to him and said:

 

"Is it not about time you also let the Catholics across?"

 

Jesus, Izzy, they get worse, mate. 

  • Sad 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
tom27111

tom27111

Posted
Posted
47 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I'm sorry Tom. Try this instead...

 

Paddy was in New York.

 

He was patiently waiting and watching the Traffic Cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted "Okay, pedestrians"

 

Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

 

After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy eventually walked over to him and said:

 

"Is it not about time you also let the Catholics across?"

 

Better

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, tom27111 said:

 

Izzy, these are getting worse :mellow:

 

26 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

 

Jesus, Izzy, they get worse, mate. 

 

25 minutes ago, Beliall said:

I've seen people banned for less

Bloody hell, it's a tough audience on here tonight :nigel:

BTW...

 

Two plane loads of Scouse volunteers left Merseyside today, bound for Texas.

 

They will be assisting with the looting...

  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

 

Bloody hell, it's a tough audience on here tonight :nigel:

BTW...

 

Two plane loads of Scouse volunteers left Merseyside today, bound for Texas.

 

They will be assisting with the looting...

 

You did it! lol

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...