The joke thread

[Izzy]

When I first tried golf I wasn't very good at it, so decided to have some lessons.

 

The instructor kept telling me to follow through with my swing.

 

Luckily they had showers in the clubhouse...

[TiffToff88]

Just now, Buce said:

Somebody needs to putter stop to these golf jokes. 

Repetative jokes about the same subject are par for the course around here

[Buce]

6 minutes ago, TiffToff88 said:

Repetative jokes about the same subject are par for the course around here

 

Yep. 

 

I can see it might driver wedge between us. 

[Alf Bentley]

1 minute ago, Buce said:

 

Yep. 

 

I can see it might driver wedge between us. 

 

That made me laugh so much that I spat some of my mashed potato onto the end of my pen (early lunch).

 

I needed a mashie niblick.

[TiffToff88]

3 minutes ago, Alf Bentley said:

 

That made me laugh so much that I spat some of my mashed potato onto the end of my pen (early lunch).

 

I needed a mashie niblick.

Proper golfers joke that, only an Eagle eyed golfer would spot it

[Izzy]

10 minutes ago, TiffToff88 said:

Proper golfers joke that, only an Eagle eyed golfer would spot it

We've all got a fairway to go in order to beat that 

[Aus Fox]

Bunker down, there's more on the way!

[Countryfox]

16 minutes ago, Alf Bentley said:

 

That made me laugh so much that I spat some of my mashed potato onto the end of my pen (early lunch).

 

I needed a mashie niblick.

Thats funny I had a late breakfast ..      just tossed a couple of eggs in the four iron pan ...

 

 

(I know, I know) ...

[TiffToff88]

1 minute ago, Countryfox said:

Thats funny I had a late breakfast ..      just tossed a couple of eggs in the four iron pan ...

 

 

(I know, I know) ...

That's just terrible. Albatross-ting you not to attempt any more puns

[Countryfox]

Just now, TiffToff88 said:

That's just terrible. Albatross-ting you not to attempt any more puns

 

And you called mine terrible !! ...    

[Parafox]

29 minutes ago, Countryfox said:

Thats funny I had a late breakfast ..      just tossed a couple of eggs in the four iron pan ...

 

 

(I know, I know) ...

Which birdie did the eggs come from?

[Jimothy]

I'd hazard a guess it'll be while before these puns stop. 

[Trav Le Bleu]

Why didn't the romance between Princess Leia and Chewbacca work out?

 

Because she was looking for love in Alderaan places.

[TiffToff88]

19 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Why didn't the romance between Princess Leia and Chewbacca work out?

 

Because she was looking for love in Alderaan places.

Trying to put a stop to the golfing puns by making a Star Wars joke? Wookie mistake...

[Buce]

7 minutes ago, TiffToff88 said:

Trying to put a stop to the golfing puns by making a Star Wars joke? Wookie mistake...

 

You wouldn't think he'd stoop Solo...

[Strokes]

13 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

You wouldn't think he'd stoop Solo...

You win, hans down.

[Buce]

I've been waiting for @the fox to post this:

 

Q. Why do golfers wear two pairs of trousers?

 

A. To keep their legs warm. 

[the fox]

[Izzy]

I was in bed last night 'spooning' the wife when I rested my knob against her arse.

 

"What do you reckon?" I whispered - "Do you fancy a bit?"

 

"Pack it in" she said.

 

Well she didn't have to tell me twice...

[Izzy]

I got stopped by a woman in the street yesterday.

 

She said, "Excuse me sir, have you had an accident in the last three years that wasn't your fault?"

 

I said, "Yes, he's nearly 3 now."

[Buce]

2 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I got stopped by a woman in the street yesterday.

 

She said, "Excuse me sir, have you had an accident in the last three years that wasn't your fault?"

 

I said, "Yes, he's nearly 3 now."

 

Ah, you regained control of your account then. 

 

Excellent. 

[notnow john]

People ask me how I smuggle chocolate into the cinema, well

 

 

I have a few twix up my sleeve.

[Leeds Fox]

What do you say to a peadophile on the beach? Get out my sun! 

 

*I wanted to make that joke 10x funnier but didn't want banning 

[Tuna]

I met a girl with 12 nipples today.

 

Sounds weird, dozen tit.

[Izzy]

I've been seeing this nurse for a few days and we finally got round to shagging...

As I stripped off I said to her: "You must have seen a few cocks where you work? How do you rate mine?"

She said: "It's just slightly bigger than most I see"

I said: "ahhh thanks babe, what sort of nursing do you do by the way?"

"I'm a Midwife" she replied