The joke thread

[foxfanazer]

The guy who invented autocorrect died today

 

restaurant in peace

[Izzy]

After waiting ages for a reply, I've finally got a letter from the Royal Mail confirming my job application has been successful. 

I start last Monday.

[TiffToff88]

On 14/09/2017 at 20:35, foxfanazer said:

The guy who invented autocorrect died today

 

restaurant in peace

Bad day for the dead...

 

The funeral for the man who wrote the Hokey Cokey was delayed for hours after they couldn't get him in his coffin. The problems started when they put his left leg in...

[Milo]

9 hours ago, TiffToff88 said:

On 14/09/2017 at 20:35, foxfanazer said:

The guy who invented autocorrect died today

 

restaurant in peace

Bad day for the dead...

 

The funeral for the man who wrote the Hokey Cokey was delayed for hours after they couldn't get him in his coffin. The problems started when they put his left leg in...

...and then the man who invented the tv remote dies* as well...didn't bury him, just stuffed him down the back of the sofa...

 

 

 

 

*turns out he wasn't dead after all, just on stand by

[Izzy]

I bought some of those flavoured condoms the other day. Said to my Mrs "Let's have a game - I put one on and you try to guess what flavour it is."

She closed her eyes, went down on me under the duvet and said, "Cheesy Wotsits".

 

I said, "For fvck sake, give me time to put one on!"

[Tuna]

I'm a big fan of German composers, and yesterday, whilst sorting out my vinyl record collection, I found my wife's knickers and a used condom.

 

I think she's seeing somebody behind my Bach.

[Captain...]

Really looking forward to the new iPhone X or for those that don't understand Roman numerals the one phone ten

Edited 16 September 2017 by Captain...

[Alf Bentley]

2 hours ago, Tuna said:

I'm a big fan of German composers, and yesterday, whilst sorting out my vinyl record collection, I found my wife's knickers and a used condom.

 

I think she's seeing somebody behind my Bach.

 

If you look in your Haydn section and find a sausage, your suspicions will be confirmed.

[Jimothy]

8 hours ago, Tuna said:

I'm a big fan of German composers, and yesterday, whilst sorting out my vinyl record collection, I found my wife's knickers and a used condom.

 

I think she's seeing somebody behind my Bach.

Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get a Handel on the situation.

[davieG]

10 hours ago, Tuna said:

I'm a big fan of German composers, and yesterday, whilst sorting out my vinyl record collection, I found my wife's knickers and a used condom.

 

I think she's seeing somebody behind my Bach.

If your looking for some symphony you wont find it on here.

[Beliall]

"Whats the difference between an egg and a wank?"

 

"That's an old one, you can beat an egg, " I replied.

 

"No," he answered, "you don't get put on the sex offenders register for having an egg in public."

Edited 17 September 2017 by Beliall

[Webbo]

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"

"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.

"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.

"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own fecking business."

[Izzy]

Ive just read that they've found a cure for Dyslexia.

 

Thats music to my arse that is.

[Beliall]

what are the 4 words every foxestalker hates to see when browsing the jokes thread?



Izzy Muzzet has replied.

[Izzy]

6 minutes ago, Beliall said:

what are the 4 words every foxestalker hates to see when browsing the jokes thread?



Izzy Muzzet has replied.

I bring so much joy to your day mate.

 

Just admit it 

[Beliall]

you do indeed. but ribbing each other is part of it and its why this is my favourite corner of the internet

[Tielemans63]

What's 8 inches long, hard as a rock, full of semen and makes the ladies scream every time?

 

 

The sock under my bed. 

[isaidno]

I've been trampolining today . I went yesterday as well and I'm going tomorrow. That's 3 days on the bounce. 

[TiffToff88]

10 minutes ago, Paddy. said:

What's 8 inches long, hard as a rock, full of semen and makes the ladies scream every time?

 

 

The sock under my bed. 

What are the extra 5 inches for?

[Beliall]

Just now, TiffToff88 said:

What are the extra 5 inches for?

excess

[Izzy]

It's been reported that there's a bloke running around our village sticking a size 10 knitting needle up people's arses.

 

The police reckon he's working to a pattern...

[TiffToff88]

8 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

It's been reported that there's a bloke running around our village sticking a size 10 knitting needle up people's arses.

 

The police reckon he's working to a pattern...

I take back what I said about your jokes...

 

[Izzy]

13 minutes ago, TiffToff88 said:

I take back what I said about your jokes...

 

[Izzy]

A newly married couple show up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite.

 

"Do you have reservations?" asks the receptionist

 

"Only one" relies the groom. "She won't take it up the arse"

[Parafox]

13 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

A newly married couple show up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite.

 

"Do you have reservations?" asks the receptionist

 

"Only one" relies the groom. "She won't take it up the arse"

Jeez, it's like Bernard Manning never died.