The joke thread

[TiffToff88]

People will moan about absolutely anything these days: There has been uproar from locals as Justin Timberlake has been allowed to rename waterways in the disputed Russian/Ukrainian border peninsula.

 

Crimea River!

[Buce]

26 minutes ago, TiffToff88 said:

People will moan about absolutely anything these days: There has been uproar from locals as Justin Timberlake has been allowed to rename waterways in the disputed Russian/Ukrainian border peninsula.

 

Crimea River!

 

Can I beat that?

 

Of Cossack can. 

[Jattdogg]

13 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

Can I beat that?

 

Of Cossack can. 

This Kan't Get Better

 

 

[Izzy]

I recently bought a wardrobe from IKEA's new `Bonnie Tyler` range.

 

It`s fine most of the time, but every now and then it falls apart.

[Izzy]

I was having dinner the other night with my boss and his wife, and she said to me "How many potatoes would you like?" 

 

"I'll just have the one please" I replied

 

She said "It's OK, you don't have to be polite!"

 

I said "Alright then, I'll just have the one you stupid fat cow"

[Izzy]

I started a new job this week as an abseiler`s assistant.

 

Up to now he`s mainly just been showing me the ropes.

[bovril]

On 26/11/2018 at 13:09, Buce said:

 

Can I beat that?

 

Of Cossack can. 

I thought you'd given up the puns but good to see you putin the effort. 

[Izzy]

My psychiatrist told me she thinks my problem is that I'm a compulsive lier.

 

Then she gave me a blow job right there on the couch before I left.

Edited 28 November 2018 by Izzy Muzzett

[Stadt]

Not looked at the joke thread for a while, good to see you're all having Oblast

[Max Wall]

Just now, Stadt said:

Not looked at the joke thread for a while, good to see you're all having Oblast

Does he play for Atletico?

[bovril]

Just now, Stadt said:

Not looked at the joke thread for a while, good to see you're all having Oblast

Ural over this thread like a rash. 

[Stadt]

3 minutes ago, bovril said:

Ural over this thread like a rash. 

You Cauca-sussed me out

 

 

 

 

 

(sorry)

[bovril]

Just now, Stadt said:

You Cauca-sussed me out

 

 

 

 

 

(sorry)

You will be tsarry. 

[Stadt]

Just now, bovril said:

You will be tsarry. 

I've certainly not reached the Zenit of my jokes

[bovril]

Just now, Stadt said:

I've certainly not reached the Zenit of my jokes

Let's here them, no time for stalin'. 

[Tuna]

My girlfriend's left me because of my lack of Vocabulary.

 

I'm lost for words.

[bovril]

Just now, Tuna said:

My girlfriend's left me because of my lack of Vocabulary.

 

I'm lost for words.

You have a small dic-tionary? 

[Stadt]

Just now, bovril said:

Let's here them, no time for stalin'. 

Sorry I Moscow, Tartar for now

[bovril]

Just now, Stadt said:

Sorry I Moscow, Tartar for now

I'm going to bed. I'm not stroganoff to take any more of these terrible puns. 

[Tuna]

You lot are Pushkin your luck with these puns.

[Tuna]

Just now, bovril said:

I'm going to bed. I'm not stroganoff to take any more of these terrible puns. 

Have you Vlad enough?

[Stadt]

These are Khrusching my will to live 

[bovril]

Just now, Tuna said:

Have you Vlad enough?

Pretty tired, but I'll have a quick chekhov my emails before I go to bed. 

[Carl the Llama]

This thread is the perfect example of determinism: I know it will make me equal measures sad and angry and cause me to lose all faith in humanity... and yet I still russian for a look every time I see new posts.

[Bob Weasel Fox]

My mate needed a bone marrow transplant

We found a match in Argentina

The operation was a success

Our thanks go out to Diego Marrow Donor