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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted
18 minutes ago, Bob Weasel Fox said:

My mate needed a bone marrow transplant

We found a match in Argentina

The operation was a success

Our thanks go out to Diego Marrow Donor

 

I think we need a ‘groan’ emoji. 

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Tielemans63

Tielemans63

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My dad is always complaining about the cost of things; "£1.50 for a coffee?! £3.75 for a ham sandwich?! 20p to just to go to the loo?!" - Honestly, he was moaning about it all afternoon.

 

That's the last time I invite him over to my house.

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Izzy

Izzy

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I got stopped by the police at about 3.00am yesterday.

 

The officer asked me "Where do you think you're going at this time of night?"

 

I replied "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late"

 

The officer said "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

 

I said "That would be the wife"

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Izzy

Izzy

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I said to the wife, “Last night was fantastic, probably the best ever. But be honest with me, were you faking it?”
 

She said “No No. I really was asleep”

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Foxesmints

Foxesmints

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Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.
The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.
''This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.''
''Yes, I remember him as a baby.'' says the other mother cheerfully.
"He's a martyr now though." the mother confides.
"Oh, so sad dear...'' says the other.
''And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.''
''Oh, I remember him,'' says the other happily, ''he had such curly hair when he was born.''
''He's a martyr too...'' says the mother quietly.
''Oh, gracious me...'' says the other.
''And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18'', she whispers.
"Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, ''I remember when he first started school...''
''He's a martyr also,'' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says . . .
"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
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12 minutes ago, Costock_Fox said:

Google a comedian called Tony Cowards, recon you would like him if you are laughing at your own jokes.

Just watched a bit of him on YouTube and now following him on Twitter - I like his style :thumbup:

 

"Overall, I'm a fan of German football shirts. Bayern large" :D

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