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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
On 01/10/2017 at 11:57, Izzy said:

I just bought a vintage Rolls Royce at auction, but the budget didn't cover a driver.

 

So I spent all that money, and I've got nothing to chauffeur it...

 

On 12/01/2019 at 22:43, Facecloth said:

Just spent £300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn’t include a driver.

 

Can’t believe I’ve spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it…

 

15 minutes ago, Beliall said:

Image may contain: text

:thumbdown:

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wurmer

wurmer

Posted
Posted
On 23/07/2019 at 16:02, Vince Vega said:

Two nuns were walking along a narrow country lane when a naked man ran past them.  One of the nuns had a stroke............................ the other couldn't reach! 

Was telling that one at school in the 1970's....

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davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, Wortho said:

I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a slice of bread.

The birds were all over me.

Especially Marge as I've heard she's easy to spread.

(Joke from my junior school days)

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Wortho

Wortho

Posted
Posted

A Welsh sheep farmer is having trouble with his flock of sheep not getting pregnant from his Ram so he goes to see the local vet for advice.
The vet tells him that Artificial Insemination would be a good idea. The farmer then asks how will he know when the sheep are expecting and the vet replies that they will be laid down in the field and looking after themselves. The farmer then leaves the surgery. The only trouble is that he hasn't got a clue what Artificial Insemination is and did not want to ask the vet what it entailed as he did not want to appear ignorant to the vet.
So he decides that he will do the job himself so the next morning he loads them up in his Land Rover and takes them to a clearing in the woods and proceeds to shag them.
The next day he gets up and looks out of his window and finds that the sheep are all stood up.
He decides that he will shag each sheep twice to make sure that the job is done properly so off they all go in the Land Rover to the woods again where the farmer shags each one twice.
The next morning he can barely get out of bed as he is so tired from his previous exertions and asks his wife to look out the window to see if the sheep are laid down.
She responds by telling him "No, but they are all in your Land Rover and one of them keeps sounding the car horn".

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Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted
Just now, Wortho said:

My Mum and Dad were midgets.

For years they struggled to put food on the table.

 

Why didn’t they just get a smaller table? Or buy a set of steps?

I don’t think you’ve thought this through, Wortho.  

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