Bullying in school

[NorthernFox]

My stepson (14) is being continuously bullied in school by a horrible little chav who after headbutting him for next to no reason and being excluded for four days is now offering total randoms in school £20 to fill him in in case he gets expelled. My boy is terrified to go in to school, small for his age - easy target July birthday.

School trying but not much help, any advice???? Don't really want to go down politzei route if poss as family all nutters, and threats already in air. Should I just buy a large gun.....

[z-layrex]

So sorry your lad's having to go through this, it can ruin a teenhood and certainly leaves the recipient a changed person for the rest of their life, perhaps more bitter than they would have been. School's are fooking useless.

I have no idea what you can do tbh, there are a lot of people in this country that just really don't care. His filthy parents are probably proud of him for torturing your son.

Ugh god this brings back horrid memories. I was bullied horribly in school, the day I fought back they just came to my house that night and trashed my parents' cars. School and police useless.

[StanSP]

Any other schools in the area?

I don't get the July birthday bit? Not sure how that would constitute a reason to bully someone - seems pathetic to be honest!

[z-layrex]

Any other schools in the area?

I don't get the July birthday bit? Not sure how that would constitute a reason to bully someone - seems pathetic to be honest!

Think he just meant the boy's smaller than most of the other kids in his year.

[Jimothy]

Any other schools in the area?

I don't get the July birthday bit? Not sure how that would constitute a reason to bully someone - seems pathetic to be honest!

People born later in the school year a usually smaller so he's an easy target.

[rico]

my daughter was cyber-bullied,just got the law on them,soon sorted it out

if you don't go to the police,they just get away with it and if its not your kid,it will only end up being someone elses !

[MikeyT]

my daughter was cyber-bullied,just got the law on them,soon sorted it out

if you don't go to the police,they just get away with it and if its not your kid,it will only end up being someone elses !

Agree with this. If this other kid has headbutted your son then that'scause for Police action alone as it's physical violence, and by the sounds of the school they are doing very liitle or nothing. Sounds to me like the Police are becoming the final option. Got to end somehow.

[Jon the Hat]

Sorry to hear that. Not been in your position, but I think all you can do is put as much pressure on the school, police and anyone else involved to sort it. If you are really persistent they might be more likely to pay attention. Anytime something happens request a meeting with the head to discuss it and ask what action they are taking, and let them know you will report it to the police. Also get in touch with a bullying charity as they are likely to have better ideas on how to cope.

[Finnegan]

If it's possible to send him to another school I'd just uproot.

Maybe that's just inexperience talking given I was never bullied at school and I don't have children but an opportunity to reinvent himself in new surroundings may be positive.

If the school's full of that much filth it can't be something to miss.

[Narborough_fox]

That's horrible. I used to get bullied, Glasses, eye patch et la mine just went away but what is happening to your stepson is horrendous. I hope he is alright.

If it gets much worse it would be worthwhile thinking of a new school.

[Vacamion]

Some of the toughest people I have met have been little ones...

Not for the immediate situation, which is shitey and I feel for you, but would rugby / boxing /martial arts / self defence give the lad a bit of confidence in the long term?

Meantime, pester the school - they are required to take your bullying problem seriously, they owe a duty of care to your stepson, so be persistent and make it clear that you will hold them responsible for their failure to deal with this. They should have a procedure in place specifically to address problems like these. If the person at the school you have been dealing with is unresponsive, demand to speak to their superior.

Is the other family really as unreasonable as you suggest? Maybe an calm yet assertive (not aggressive) approach to the lad's family might help. They might not be fully aware of what their lad is up to. They might listen to an "I come in peace and I want to sort this out calmly" approach.

If all else fails, I'm afraid you and your stepson have to stand up to the chavs and fight back - bullies prefer an easy victory to a tough battlle.

Good luck.

[Thracian]

My stepson (14) is being continuously bullied in school by a horrible little chav who after headbutting him for next to no reason and being excluded for four days is now offering total randoms in school £20 to fill him in in case he gets expelled. My boy is terrified to go in to school, small for his age - easy target July birthday.

School trying but not much help, any advice???? Don't really want to go down politzei route if poss as family all nutters, and threats already in air. Should I just buy a large gun.....

Depends on your circumstances. But if your boy really doesn't want to go to school why should he? For completely different reasons we took our youngest out of school when he was eight and he followed the "Education Otherwise" scheme.

http://www.education-otherwise.org/legal.htm'>http://www.education-otherwise.org/legal.htm

http://www.education-otherwise.org/

It's not the right route for everyone and it really does represent a commitment. But, with the benefit of hindsight many years later, I believe it worked admirably for my lad.

[Sparky]

If it's possible to send him to another school I'd just uproot.

Maybe that's just inexperience talking given I was never bullied at school and I don't have children but an opportunity to reinvent himself in new surroundings may be positive.

If the school's full of that much filth it can't be something to miss.

Victory for the willy puller who is bullying him. Only way to beat the bullys is to stand up to them. The victim needs his friends around him and this is when he will find out who his true friends are. Keep on at the school to monitor the situation and tell them you are close to getting the old bill involved as they wont want that. It wont be an easy time for the boy but the bully will get bored and move on to someone else.

Genuinlly all the best with this, must be a heartbreaking situation. I hope your boy comes out a stronger person after this episode.

(Like Finners, it may be my inexperience talking also as i was never bullied either, just my two penneth worth)

[Bugg]

The problem with people changing schools is that sooner or later, people find out they've moved schools because they've been bullied which just leads to a vicious circle of bullying in the other school. I'm not saying this is always the case but I remember it happening to someone in my school a couple of years ago.

[MPH]

I would go above the school and speak to the education department that the school is answerable to. Tell them you think the school is not doing enough and ifa single other thing happens to your son then you will make sure all local and national media are aware of their failuure to protect him. Tell them you will also make childline aware of the case ( call them and seek their advice). Having them on your side will add more clout. They can also give you legal advice on how to force the school to protect him. No school wants them involved and it will be extremly bad for their reputation. Tell the school and local education department that if you are not satisfied with their efforts you will personally contact OFSTED to let them know about the school's failings with regards to bullying.

I can promise you, you will be amazed how much more a school can suddenly do with a few rockets up their arse....

Keep a record of any threats made who by when and where, ect.

If any of these are happening outside of school the council, with enough evidence can hit the family with ASBO's definately keep a record and consider speaking to the police. Chances are the family might already be known to them and yours might be the bit of evidence they need to do somthing. If not yet Known tell them to open a file and make sure the police serving your area know about it. It means they will be able to act swiftly if anything kicks off and can start collecting evidence right away... they cal also put the squeeze on the school to issue a warning to the randoms that they can be expelled too and their families will face a visit from the police if they get involved.

Really hope it works out ok.....

[Dr The Singh]

I was bullied for different reasons, and fortunately the school handled the situation very well, and it sort of stopped.

A friend of mine's son was going through a phase of bullying because he has a speech stammer. My mate basically found out where the bullies parents lived and spoke to them, very politely and nicely and that seemed to work.

Being a parent, I couldn't tolerate any of my children either being bullied or being bullies themselves. As the great Sikh saying goes '....if all peaceful means fail, the sword must be taken to hand'

Good luck, and please do let us know how it goes!!!!

[davieG]

It sounds like it's time to get official put in a formal written complaint to the school copy it to your local councillor and a solicitor reminding them that they have a 'Duty of Care' to your son and that if they don't take decisive action you will consider taking a legal approach.

Would be worth checking with a solicitor first to confirm what I've written is the case , Lisa might be able to advise on the legal position.

Best of luck.

[Leicester_Loyal]

Get your son involved in boxing, or some sort of self defence classes. It will be brilliant for his long term confidence and also if someone has another pop at him in a few months time, he will be able to handle the situation. The person bullying your son was probably bullied by someone else, thats why he is doing it, pathetic little boy.

[Bryn]

The most important thing is to avoid damaging the child's development either way. It's so important that he doesn't fear school, but hard as it sounds, I know from personal experience that encouraging him to run away or to feel like everyone else will sort it for him won't do him any good long term. I agree with you that the police isn't the best course of action straight off - a formal letter to the school, and the same letter to the education authority responsible for the school, sounds like a good initial response to me.

Constantly communicating with your child is also vital. Make sure you know exactly what he's thinking by gently talking to him about his school day, every day. Try and find out which bits of school he likes, what the opinions of the other kids are, who his friends are, and make him focus on that whilst you try and get the matter dealt with. Make him confident that going to that school and doing the things he likes are his right, and that the child bullying him is pathetic. Make sure he knows that you're backing him to the hilt.

[The Doctor]

Get your son involved in boxing, or some sort of self defence classes. It will be brilliant for his long term confidence and also if someone has another pop at him in a few months time, he will be able to handle the situation.

doesn't work. I was bullied (ginger hair + nerd), took up tae-kwon-do. Didn't help - you retaliate and all of a sudden you're the bad guy, the bully - schools don't tend to listen to the whole self defense reason.

With verbal bullying (insults and what not) it's a fairly good option to ignore it - they bullies want a reaction, they don't get one, they leave you alone.

Physical bullying though you need to have a word with the school and if they won't do anything/ don't do enough then go to the police.

[Mee]

Obviously i don't know your stepson, and i don't know what he is like, but has he got a solid group of friends? I don't mean that it any bad way at all, but if he has, then all of them should just stand up to him. The guy who is bullying him is just a no life twat, who will be on the doll for the rest of his life. Your son is always going to have the last laugh, when he has a decent job and such.

Is your stepson the type to turn around and smack the guy? Bullying should not be tolerated in any circumstances. Go to the school and go to the police is it worsens. The threats will go away, and people will realise what the bully is really like.

You say your lad is small, but he can just stand up to him, he will gain respect off everyone for doing that. Just sit down with him and talk to him, and see if he is happy at the school he is at. Also, if you know an older lad who lives near you, ask him to just keep check and make sure he is alright for a period of time.

I wish you and him the best mate.

[Walkers Wench]

My stepson (14) is being continuously bullied in school by a horrible little chav who after headbutting him for next to no reason and being excluded for four days is now offering total randoms in school £20 to fill him in in case he gets expelled. My boy is terrified to go in to school, small for his age - easy target July birthday.

School trying but not much help, any advice???? Don't really want to go down politzei route if poss as family all nutters, and threats already in air. Should I just buy a large gun.....

This is terrible,,and im a teacher so i know how rife this sort of thing is. A school will go down the exclusion route many times before they talk about kids being expelled,,, it's just a path we sadly take.

Keep talking to the school,,keep them informed of everything that happens,,your child may tell you something that the school is unaware of,,and it all builds a case.

[cambridgefox]

I would go above the school and speak to the education department that the school is answerable to. Tell them you think the school is not doing enough and ifa single other thing happens to your son then you will make sure all local and national media are aware of their failuure to protect him. Tell them you will also make childline aware of the case ( call them and seek their advice). Having them on your side will add more clout. They can also give you legal advice on how to force the school to protect him. No school wants them involved and it will be extremly bad for their reputation. Tell the school and local education department that if you are not satisfied with their efforts you will personally contact OFSTED to let them know about the school's failings with regards to bullying.

I can promise you, you will be amazed how much more a school can suddenly do with a few rockets up their arse....

Keep a record of any threats made who by when and where, ect.

If any of these are happening outside of school the council, with enough evidence can hit the family with ASBO's definately keep a record and consider speaking to the police. Chances are the family might already be known to them and yours might be the bit of evidence they need to do somthing. If not yet Known tell them to open a file and make sure the police serving your area know about it. It means they will be able to act swiftly if anything kicks off and can start collecting evidence right away... they cal also put the squeeze on the school to issue a warning to the randoms that they can be expelled too and their families will face a visit from the police if they get involved.

Really hope it works out ok.....

What a fantastic reply,you have really given some great advice 1+.

I wasnt bullied,but having kids i feel so much anger towards bullies.My 10 year old was bullied for a term and i told her to face them head on,one on one ,and told her to say her piece when his bully mates were not about.This worked for HER and this was a boy doing it.as far as i know he doesnt bully anymore,but understand that it was not so serious because of the age.I also told both my kids if i ever found out that they were bullies,they would get a thrashing and dragged to the victims house,as i find this to be just as bad.

[MPH]

What a fantastic reply,you have really given some great advice 1+.

I wasnt bullied,but having kids i feel so much anger towards bullies.My 10 year old was bullied for a term and i told her to face them head on,one on one ,and told her to say her piece when his bully mates were not about.This worked for HER and this was a boy doing it.as far as i know he doesnt bully anymore,but understand that it was not so serious because of the age.I also told both my kids if i ever found out that they were bullies,they would get a thrashing and dragged to the victims house,as i find this to be just as bad.

there is very little that bugs me more than bullying...

[ajthefox]

I suffered bullying in my last year of primary that although was mostly persistent namecalling, did extend to physical abuse on a couple of occasions and it made my final year at that school something I'd rather forget.

Fortunately for me, after moving onto a new and much bigger school with the bullies at the end of the year I was lucky in that apart from few instances here and there it stopped.

What I would say to you is to go to the parents first. i know you've said they're nutters, but thats what I thought too. I'm sure now that had something been said in a very civilised manner to the parents of the bullies in my case, it would have been different. I'd keep on at the school too, but I think if you can reason with the parents it will be more effective. Half the people who bullied me never did much at school, got worse as the years went on and dropped out, so the chance that they will care what anyone at school says is less likely.