Depression

[woznotwos]

No kids , so that's something . Just the thought of starting again at 53 don't bode too well . 

[lifted*fox]

On 28/07/2019 at 13:02, woznotwos said:

No kids , so that's something . Just the thought of starting again at 53 don't bode too well . 

 

try not to think about the starting again thing yet. don't try and hold on to what you've got because starting again looms over you.

 

is what you've got worth saving? was it working for you? will you actually be happier once single, all said and done? 

 

was it out of the blue or have you done something to bring it about?

 

lots of questions - sorry. PM if you want. going through the hardships of trying to save (or decide if there's anything to save) a marriage atm and it's difficult.

Edited 29 July 2019 by lifted*fox

[woznotwos]

2 hours ago, lifted*fox said:

 

try not to think about the starting again thing yet. don't try and hold on to what you've got because starting again looms over you.

 

is what you've got worth saving? was it working for you? will you actually be happier once single, all said and done? 

 

was it out of the blue or have you done something to bring it about?

 

lots of questions - sorry. PM if you want. going through the hardships of trying to save (or decide if there's anything to save) a marriage atm and it's difficult.

No affairs , nothing , just drifted apart and mooching along until the spark went . I would have just carried on but she ended it . It'll be good for both of us i think in the long run. Its become more like brother/sister type relationship , if that makes any sense at all. To be fair in 3 days im over the heartbreak , its the other stresses going with it that are tough.

[lifted*fox]

11 minutes ago, woznotwos said:

No affairs , nothing , just drifted apart and mooching along until the spark went . I would have just carried on but she ended it . It'll be good for both of us i think in the long run. Its become more like brother/sister type relationship , if that makes any sense at all. To be fair in 3 days im over the heartbreak , its the other stresses going with it that are tough.

Someone I was speaking to recently told me that sometimes it's just the way it is - people pass in and out of each others lives and it wasn't always meant to be forever. Some people luck it out and end up together for 70 years and other relationships just weren't meant to be that may. You were good for each other once but it sounds like that isn't the case any more and it shouldn't be seen as a failure that it didn't work - just life, one of those things.

 

It resonated with me, hopefully it might do with you too. Good luck with it all, hope it all stays amicable and you find yourself in a better position soon enough. 

[woznotwos]

10 hours ago, lifted*fox said:

Someone I was speaking to recently told me that sometimes it's just the way it is - people pass in and out of each others lives and it wasn't always meant to be forever. Some people luck it out and end up together for 70 years and other relationships just weren't meant to be that may. You were good for each other once but it sounds like that isn't the case any more and it shouldn't be seen as a failure that it didn't work - just life, one of those things.

 

It resonated with me, hopefully it might do with you too. Good luck with it all, hope it all stays amicable and you find yourself in a better position soon enough. 

Thanks mate , that's a good perspective to have .

[urban.spaceman]

Does anyone else get huge anxiety issues when doing something that others find easy and wouldn’t even stop to worry about?

[lifted*fox]

18 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Does anyone else get huge anxiety issues when doing something that others find easy and wouldn’t even stop to worry about?

 

I pranged hard just leaving the house to get a hair cut yesterday but it was my first outing in over a week and I am in the middle of a horrendous Valium withdrawal.

 

Anxiety is a beast to beat tbh dude. You literally have to have a word with yourself and tell yourself it's nothing to worry about. I often find overwhelming waves of anxiety pass if you just push through it.

 

Can I ask, do you exercise at all? I find my anxiety levels are always lower when I'm in a good pattern of running / lifting regularly. Give that a go.

 

Also - try to cut down on any food / drink that has caffeine in it - that doesn't help with anxiety.

 

Keep at it fella - you'll get past it. 

[Crinklyfox]

36 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Does anyone else get huge anxiety issues when doing something that others find easy and wouldn’t even stop to worry about?

Yes, something very specific that is rooted in trauma from many years ago.  I'm not going to go into details as the power of suggestion to an already anxious person may simply increase their problems.  I've found that the easiest way to cope is to accept that I have an issue and try to handle it as best I can, with medication when necessary.  If I'd injured my leg and walked with a limp I wouldn't blame myself for it, neither do I get too hung up on my other issues.  I just keep going as best I can within my limitations.

[lavrentis]

Had a relapse of psychosis. A lot of symptoms..

[Crinklyfox]

41 minutes ago, lavrentis said:

Had a relapse of psychosis. A lot of symptoms..

You've mentioned before that you suffered from psychosis and I didn't respond then as I have no personal experience of the condition (unlike depression).  I believe that some medications can help but some make it worse.  All I would suggest is that you keep your GP informed as to your condition, he/she may be able to recommend alternative treatments or send you to a specialist.  There's a good deal of knowledge out there that may help you manage the bad days.

[lavrentis]

2 minutes ago, Crinklyfox said:

You've mentioned before that you suffered from psychosis and I didn't respond then as I have no personal experience of the condition (unlike depression).  I believe that some medications can help but some make it worse.  All I would suggest is that you keep your GP informed as to your condition, he/she may be able to recommend alternative treatments or send you to a specialist.  There's a good deal of knowledge out there that may help you manage the bad days.

Yeah, it came on bad after I changed meds so it's probably to do with that. I'm back on the old meds now.

[urban.spaceman]

1 hour ago, lavrentis said:

Yeah, it came on bad after I changed meds so it's probably to do with that. I'm back on the old meds now.

Sorry you’ve had a relapse matey. I have no experience of psychosis but I’ve certainly had issues when changing meds. Hope these old ones are being better for you.

[urban.spaceman]

2 hours ago, lifted*fox said:

I pranged hard just leaving the house to get a hair cut yesterday but it was my first outing in over a week and I am in the middle of a horrendous Valium withdrawal.

 

Anxiety is a beast to beat tbh dude. You literally have to have a word with yourself and tell yourself it's nothing to worry about. I often find overwhelming waves of anxiety pass if you just push through it.

 

Can I ask, do you exercise at all? I find my anxiety levels are always lower when I'm in a good pattern of running / lifting regularly. Give that a go.

 

Also - try to cut down on any food / drink that has caffeine in it - that doesn't help with anxiety.

 

Keep at it fella - you'll get past it. 

I don’t exercise very much at all - partly due to depression but also because I find it physically difficult thanks to injuries after a huge car crash a few years ago. I do try to do bits here are there but it can get extremely painful doing even simple things. I am going to clear some space in the garage for a treadmill though so we’ll see. Good point about the caffeine too, i think it’s rooibos tea for the next week or two. 

 

2 hours ago, Crinklyfox said:

Yes, something very specific that is rooted in trauma from many years ago.  I'm not going to go into details as the power of suggestion to an already anxious person may simply increase their problems.  I've found that the easiest way to cope is to accept that I have an issue and try to handle it as best I can, with medication when necessary.  If I'd injured my leg and walked with a limp I wouldn't blame myself for it, neither do I get too hung up on my other issues.  I just keep going as best I can within my limitations.

I need to remember the physical injury analogy sometimes. I’ve set myself a deadline to do the ‘thing’ in a couple of days which will hopefully take the pressure off.

[Costock_Fox]

6 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

I don’t exercise very much at all - partly due to depression but also because I find it physically difficult thanks to injuries after a huge car crash a few years ago. I do try to do bits here are there but it can get extremely painful doing even simple things. I am going to clear some space in the garage for a treadmill though so we’ll see. Good point about the caffeine too, i think it’s rooibos tea for the next week or two. 

 

I need to remember the physical injury analogy sometimes. I’ve set myself a deadline to do the ‘thing’ in a couple of days which will hopefully take the pressure off.

Can’t beat Rooibos tea, lovely stuff.

[PAULCFC]

Well,sixth day on the meds today and i finally have my appetite back!Can't believe all i have eaten since Thursday last week was two packets of crisps(and that was yesterday).Had a few problems Dry Mouth,Headaches,feeling permantly sick and some very weird dreams.Just been to Spoons and had a steak and a a pint(which i only drank a quater of 'cause i just couldn't face it,and that's not like the old me!)Starting to feel a lot calmer and upbeat.....We'll see how it goes!

[Buce]

16 minutes ago, PAULCFC said:

Well,sixth day on the meds today and i finally have my appetite back!Can't believe all i have eaten since Thursday last week was two packets of crisps(and that was yesterday).Had a few problems Dry Mouth,Headaches,feeling permantly sick and some very weird dreams.Just been to Spoons and had a steak and a a pint(which i only drank a quater of 'cause i just couldn't face it,and that's not like the old me!)Starting to feel a lot calmer and upbeat.....We'll see how it goes!

 

Are you on mirtazapine by any chance?

[PAULCFC]

9 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

Are you on mirtazapine by any chance?

No mate,sertraline.Not good for the first few days....but i think it will be worth it.

[Buce]

1 minute ago, PAULCFC said:

No mate,sertraline.Not good for the first few days....but i think it will be worth it.

 

Oh, ok. I asked because increased appetite (and consequent weight gain) is a side effect associated with mirtazapine.

 

The side effects you mentioned are common and usually ease off after a while. Hope it goes ok.

[ozleicester]

10 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Does anyone else get huge anxiety issues when doing something that others find easy and wouldn’t even stop to worry about?

Im not sure this help all or any, but maybe?

 

[Costock_Fox]

5 hours ago, ozleicester said:

Im not sure this help all or any, but maybe?

 

Sounds great until you end up on a register.

[lifted*fox]

"I was just trying to ground myself officer!"

[Wymsey]

Former club goalkeeper Chris Kirkland checks himself into a rehab centre.

Stay strong, Chris, as your advice can literally save people's lives.

https://www.leicestermercury.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/former-england-footballers-powerful-message-3157647

[urban.spaceman]

So I said on here the other day that my anxiety stops me doing even basic things sometimes. I feel like I have to meticulously research some things to make sure I’m making the right decision for me - choosing my therapist took ages and I had to do a ‘dry’ run to the location before even contacting her. Even buying clothes, I loathe actually shopping so I’ll have to research online beforehand. Anyway. 

 

I’ve been wanting to get into video editing for a long time, but I’ve just never had the opportunity and ended up in unrelated dead end jobs for far too long. I settled on doing an internship in Cape Town 3 years ago, saved up for almost a year, and had the best time ever. When I came back though I still had the same problem - shite technology with no access to the right software. No way to prove my ability. The internship place offered me a job back in South Africa in 2017 but they had to retract it (and I had a major breakdown). Since then I’ve been in a rut. Depressed, anxious, still in a dead end irregular job that I’m starting to loath (I got assaulted last week!). Still living at home, no money, no way out. 

 

For the last couple of months I’ve been formulating a plan, accelerated somewhat because I’m going to be an uncle next year and I don’t want to be in this state when it arrives. Step one, a new laptop. Step two, get the software. Step 3, join local filmmaking groups. Step four, make a decent showreel. I’ve found the laptop I need, which will be basic but still gives me access to industry standard software, but way, way out of my price range. It would give my chances of finding work such a boost in terms on creativity, confidence and actual output. No other laptop or affordable software would provide me with that. 

 

So I’ve been meticulously researching how to pay for it, and settled on applying for the manufacturer’s financing scheme, which is 0% over a year. I can just about afford that. Or at least my belief is, by getting this I am ‘speculating to accumulate’;  because it will give me a better chance of getting work I will hopefully have a job and be able to pay it off quicker. 

 

Planning this has caused me a great deal of anxiety especially as I’ve kept it to myself - mentioning it once or twice to family members months back without much comment (mainly because it’s so difficult for me to explain why it will be so important to me). If I’d mentioned it to them soon they wouldn’t have understood and would probably have tried to talk me out of it, or just a modicum of negativity would have put me off. So on Monday I finally settled on actually doing it and to take pressure off I decided to do postpone the process until Thursday and enjoy the rest of the week. 

 

I had dinner with my mum earlier, just me and her, and I was feeling quite relaxed about it and decided to tell her. I explained why it was so necessary, that it would be purely for professional reasons, and that I’d researched the shit out of it and could just about afford the repayments. She was still concerned about the cost though, but I told her I could do it. That this is what I needed to do, and I had to do it on my own terms. 

 

4 hours later and before she goes bed she tells me she’s put the money in my account and to pay it back whenever I can, and got emotional. Then I got emotional because she really didn’t have to do it, but it’s taken such a huge ****ing weight off my shoulders. She told me that she believes in me, I said that’s so American. I tried to get her to take it back but she wouldn’t. I realise this makes me unbelievably lucky but to be honest, I’m due a bit of ****ing luck after the last few years.

 

So tomorrow I’m heading into town and getting my new tech, installing the free trial software, and joining some filmmaking groups in the next week. I’m fighting back against this depression. 

 

 

 

 

TL;DR:

urban.spaceman is a bit emotional but feeling a tiny bit positive for once. 

Edited 1 August 2019 by urban.spaceman

[urban.spaceman]

Bought it. Arrives tomorrow. Tad stressful but the future ****ing starts here. 

Edited 1 August 2019 by urban.spaceman

[Facecloth]

I don't know you @urban.spaceman, will probably never meet you, but weirdly I'm proud of you. Takes a lot to push through the doubts like you have done, even without anxiety and depression. People often talk about changing something, or reaching the next step in their life and then just stagnate. Well done.