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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Izzy

Izzy

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I went shopping today and bought the wife some crotchless panties for Halloween.

 

She asked, "Is that so I can look sexy?"


"Nah," I replied, "It’s so you get a better grip on your broomstick"

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Webbo

Webbo

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A very shy and reserved couple married and went on honeymoon. Neither had seen the other naked. When the man removed his shirt, his wife commented on the size of his elbows.

"I had elbola as a child."

"Don't you mean ebola?"

"No, elbola, it makes your elbows get big."

Then he took his shoes and socks off, and she commented on the size of his toes.

"I had tolio as a child."

"Don't you mean polio?"

"No, tolio, it makes your toes grow big."

The he took his trousers off, and she commented on the size of his knees.

"I had kneemonia as a child."

"Don't you mean pneumonia?"

"No, kneemonia, it makes your knees grow big."

The he took his underpants off.

"You didn't have dicktheria then?" she asked.

""No," he said, "smallcox..........."

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Tuna

Tuna

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I got chatting to a girl in a club last night and I asked her what she was into.

 

She said, "I really love sex and the city."

 

I replied, "What a coincidence, so do I. Who's your favourite city player?"

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Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

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48 minutes ago, Tuna said:

I got chatting to a girl in a club last night and I asked her what she was into.

 

She said, "I really love sex and the city."

 

I replied, "What a coincidence, so do I. Who's your favourite city player?"

 

"Fuchs", she replied

 

"Mahrez (My Res, geddit) should suit you then", I retorted.

 

 

I'll get my coat. I've not pulled.

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Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

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5 minutes ago, Durnerz said:

All these pasta jokes just keep on turning up......like a bad penne 

 

I heard they've set up a celebrity-led Pasta Joke College on Merseyside.

 

It's headed by Paul McCartney and Wayne Rooney.

 

They've named it the Macca-Rooney Joke College.

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Durnerz

Durnerz

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1 minute ago, Alf Bentley said:

 

I heard they've set up a celebrity-led Pasta Joke College on Merseyside.

 

It's headed by Paul McCartney and Wayne Rooney.

 

They've named it the Macca-Rooney Joke College.

 

Is that like Willie Donachie and Phil babb's tribute band dedication to Turkish food?

 

The Donachie Babb 

 

 

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Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

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7 hours ago, notnow john said:

My boss has just announced he is going to sack the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it could be me.

 

On the other hand, I heard he's going to give a prize to the employee attracting the most attention.

I think you're in with a shout.

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