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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted

I came home after work this evening to find the wife masturbating in the bathroom.

 

"What's going on here then?" I asked

 

"What does it look like to you?" she said with a smile

 

"A growling fvcking sea lion" I replied...

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Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, the fox said:

oh come on carl, if you aren't laughing at the jokes you are laughing at people making fun of other people lol

 

 

12 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I came home after work this evening to find the wife masturbating in the bathroom.

 

"What's going on here then?" I asked

 

"What does it look like to you?" she said with a smile

 

"A growling fvcking sea lion" I replied...

No, I think Carl was right, even if he is a llama.

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Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, separator said:

Jehovah's Witness don't celebrate Halloween.

 

I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their door.

Those people knocked on my door the other day asking if I would be a Jehovah's Witness.

 

I explained that I was just an innocent bystander.

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted

Irish animal rights protesters broke into a Turkey farm near Norfolk last night, and stole 5,000 birds.

 

A spokesperson said "We will be releasing them into the wild as soon as they have defrosted"

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Carl the Llama

Carl the Llama

Posted
Posted
12 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Irish animal rights protesters broke into a Turkey farm near Norfolk last night, and stole 5,000 birds.

 

A spokesperson said "We will be releasing them into the wild as soon as they have defrosted"

Oh I get it now, you're lowering our expectations so when you post a mildly amusing joke in a few weeks we'll all think it's the best thing ever.  It's the joke version of the plain girl who goes clubbing with munters to make herself seem more attractive.  Clever Izzy.

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Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted (edited)
22 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Irish animal rights protesters broke into a Turkey farm near Norfolk last night, and stole 5,000 birds.

 

A spokesperson said "We will be releasing them into the wild as soon as they have defrosted"

 

Hmmm.

 

Seems like rock bottom has a basement.  :dry:

Edited by Buce
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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
17 minutes ago, Carl the Llama said:

Oh I get it now, you're lowering our expectations so when you post a mildly amusing joke in a few weeks we'll all think it's the best thing ever.  It's the joke version of the plain girl who goes clubbing with munters to make herself seem more attractive.  Clever Izzy.

It's all part of the master plan Carl :thumbup:

 

11 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

Hmmm.

 

Seems like rock bottom has a basement.  :dry:

Meh. There's plenty worse to come mate. I haven't even got close to the bottom of the basement yet :P

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted

I went to the Doctor's for a prostate exam the other day and whilst he was examining me he shouted "OH MY GOD!" 


"What is it Doctor?" I asked him shitting myself. 


"You've just shit yourself" he said

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fuchsntf

fuchsntf

Posted
Posted
On Friday, November 03, 2017 at 20:15, Izzy Muzzett said:

It's all part of the master plan Carl :thumbup:

 

Meh. There's plenty worse to come mate. I haven't even got close to the bottom of the basement yet :P

No true, just at apprentice stage, The bottom of the Barrel you hit, is still on the ground floor...lol

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
On 11/2/2017 at 22:17, separator said:

Jehovah's Witness don't celebrate Halloween.

 

I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their door.

 

On 11/3/2017 at 12:14, Parafox said:

Those people knocked on my door the other day asking if I would be a Jehovah's Witness.

 

I explained that I was just an innocent bystander.

Two women knocked at my door today and asked what bread I ate.

 

When I said "White", they lectured me for 30 minutes on the benefits of Brown bread instead.

 

Fvckin Hovis Witnesses....

  • Sad 1
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Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

Posted
Posted (edited)

I got the hard-sell on my doorstep today from two blokes selling vacuum cleaners.

 

They kept going on about how its unique shape with its horizontal top handle and curved suction end guaranteed you a spotless carpet.

 

Fvckin J-Hoovers Witnesses.

Edited by Alf Bentley
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