The joke thread

[Izzy]

4 minutes ago, Facecloth said:

Still better than any of Izzy's jokes 

[Buce]

I just fell through the roof of a French bakery. 

 

I’m in a world of pain. 

[Buce]

When it comes to fvcking up the punchline, I’ve been there, done that, got the tea-cup. 

[Buce]

I was really pissed off when my mates clubbed together to get me an appointment with a psychiatrist for my birthday. 

 

I wanted a dead kitten. 

[The Quick Brown Fox]

I was on the bus with a friend and told him a joke, 

What do you do if someone has an epileptic fit in a bath? 

What? 

Throw the washing in

Hahaha

The bloke behind me leans over and says thats not funny, my daughter died having a fit in the bath.

We sat in awkward silence for about 20 mins until his stop, just as he starts to get up he whispers to us

She choked on a sock.

[Durnerz]

12 hours ago, Buce said:

My grandad used to say, “always be up front with everybody”. 

 

Smashing bloke but a really crap goalkeeper. 

My mother always used to say that '40 is the new 30'

Lovely woman, banned from driving.

[Beliall]

Reminds me of this joke, which i may have posted before, i cant remember.


Everyone in my family is a police officer, Except my grandfather, who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family

[Parafox]

7 minutes ago, Beliall said:

Reminds me of this joke, which i may have posted before, i cant remember.


Everyone in my family is a police officer, Except my grandfather, who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family

If it wasn't you, it'll have been posted by someone else, for sure.

[TiffToff88]

12 minutes ago, Beliall said:

Reminds me of this joke, which i may have posted before, i cant remember.


Everyone in my family is a police officer, Except my grandfather, who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family

 

4 minutes ago, Parafox said:

If it wasn't you, it'll have been posted by someone else, for sure.

There hasn't been an original joke on here for months!

[Parafox]

1 minute ago, TiffToff88 said:

 

There hasn't been an original joke on here for months!

IzzyMuzzett will be terribly offended by that remark.

[Izzy]

4 hours ago, TiffToff88 said:

 

There hasn't been an original joke on here for months!

 

4 hours ago, Parafox said:

IzzyMuzzett will be terribly offended by that remark.

 

It's quite simple really. If everyone (including me sometimes) actually bothered to use the 'search' function on this thread for the key words in the joke, they could check to see if it's been posted before.

 

But we're all lazy and cba 

[TiffToff88]

7 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

 

It's quite simple really. If everyone (including me sometimes) actually bothered to use the 'search' function on this thread for the key words in the joke, they could check to see if it's been posted before.

 

But we're all lazy and cba 

 

You can say that again! 

 

 

...and you probably will do in 3 months time when the subject comes up again and you're too lazy to see if it's already been said...

[Countryfox]

 

The Doctor told me that there was now a cure for dyslexia ...

 

It was music to my arse ! ...     

[Countryfox]

 

I found a Lion and a witch in my wardrobe this morning ...

I said  "What you doing in there ?" ...

They said  "Its Narnia business !" ...    

[Izzy]

On 18/09/2017 at 11:54, Izzy Muzzett said:

Ive just read that they've found a cure for Dyslexia.

 

Thats music to my arse that is.

 

2 minutes ago, Countryfox said:

 

The Doctor told me that there was now a cure for dyslexia ...

 

It was music to my arse ! ...     

I rest my case 

[Countryfox]

1 minute ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

I rest my case 

 

Jeez ...   I'm going to have to read 344 pages of sh1te before I post in future !! ...    

[Izzy]

On 07/12/2011 at 18:59, Northants Fox 3 said:

I found a Lion and a Witch in my wardrobe, I said "what are you doing in there?" They replied "it's Narnia business."

 

 

2 minutes ago, Countryfox said:

 

I found a Lion and a witch in my wardrobe this morning ...

I said  "What you doing in there ?" ...

They said  "Its Narnia business !" ...    

Is there an echo in here? 

[Izzy]

Just now, Countryfox said:

 

Jeez ...   I'm going to have to read 344 pages of sh1te before I post in future !! ...    

Just use the search function dude 

[Countryfox]

2 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Just use the search function dude 

 

Brilliant ! ..    I just tried it !! ....    I searched for 'Crap jokes' ...    257 pages of yours popped up ...   

[Izzy]

On 27/04/2017 at 20:41, Countryfox said:

 

We need a 'Crap Jokes Thread' ....   

 

5 minutes ago, Countryfox said:

 

Brilliant ! ..    I just tried it !! ....    I searched for 'Crap jokes' ...    257 pages of yours popped up ...   

Well that’s what you asked for 

[Countryfox]

1 minute ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

Well that’s what you asked for 

Do some work smart arse ! ...   

[fuchsntf]

4 minutes ago, Countryfox said:

 

Brilliant ! ..    I just tried it !! ....    I searched for 'Crap jokes' ...    257 pages of yours popped up ...   

Come on be fair..!!  

You would find in the same search, 200 muzzy original, and a 5 izzet Hilarious  jokes.

 

[Buce]

 

I couldn't believe it when my missus told me she thought I had trust issues.

 

Well, she didn't exactly tell me as such, I read it in her diary.

[Buce]

 

The missus just came home with a ladder in her tights.

 

Best shoplifter ever.

[Buce]

 

I went to a nightclub for amputees last night.

 

It was crawling with fanny.