The joke thread

[davieG]

.....and said the ****ing hurt.

[Milo]

What does The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common...?

 

 

 

 

 

...Icy dead people

[davieG]

3 hours ago, davieG said:

.....and said that  ****ing hurt.

 

[Izzy]

My doctor prescribed me some haemorrhoid cream and on the label it said 'For External Use Only'.....

 

Needless to say, my neighbours weren't too pleased.

[Countryfox]

 

Bought a dog off a blacksmith today.

As soon as I got it home, the bloody thing made a bolt for the door!

[Buce]

4 minutes ago, Countryfox said:

 

Bought a dog off a blacksmith today.

As soon as I got it home, the bloody thing made a bolt for the door!

 

On 06/09/2010 at 11:52, Isle of Wight Fox said:

Bought a dog off a blacksmith today.

As soon as I got it home, the bloody thing made a bolt for the door!

 

On 31/01/2018 at 14:10, Izzy Muzzett said:

I bought myself a dog from an Ironmonger this morning.

 

When I got it home the first thing it did was make a bolt for the door.

 

On 04/02/2018 at 00:16, Trav Le Bleu said:

Whilst I laughed at your joke, it needs correcting in one of two ways.

 

Either:

 

A) I bought myself a dog from the blacksmith this morning.

 

When I got home, the first thing it did was make a bolt for the door.

 

Or

 

B) I bought myself a dog from the ironmonger this morning.

 

When I got home, the first thing it did was acquire stock of general hardware and fittings in order to sell them off at a marked up percentage, for a decent profit.

 

Hope this helps.

 

 

[Countryfox]

My mate said to me "your always pushing me around and talking behind my back".

 I said   "You're in a wheelchair you tw@t !"

[Tuna]

I finally managed to download the 'Titanic' soundtrack to my phone, even though some said it was unsyncable.

[Countryfox]

5 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Probably still be funny next time too ! ...   

[Buce]

1 minute ago, Countryfox said:

 

Probably still be funny next time too ! ...   

 

I'm sure we won't have to wait long to find out.

[Buce]

 

There were two nuns in a bath.

 

First nun: "Where's the soap?"

Second nun: "Yes, doesn't it".

[Buce]

 

Jesus loves you.

 

Nice if you're in a church, a fvcking nightmare if you're in a Mexican prison.

[Izzy]

On 11/19/2017 at 20:23, Durnerz said:

'Jesus Loves You' comforting to hear in church, unnerving in a Mexican prison.

 

3 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

Jesus loves you.

 

Nice if you're in a church, a fvcking nightmare if you're in a Mexican prison.

[Buce]

1 minute ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

[Carl the Llama]

I bought a dog off a blacksmith the other day. First thing it did was shit on the carpet.

[Buce]

 

My Geography teacher was the dogs.

 

I wouldn't have swapped him for all the tea in Denmark.

[Izzy]

I went to the doctor, slapped my dick on the table and asked if she could take a look at it.

 

After a bit of prodding, feeling and intense looking, she said "I can't find anything wrong with it"

I replied, "I know, it's a belter isn't it."

[Trav Le Bleu]

2 hours ago, Buce said:

 

 

 

 

 

Quite.

[Buce]

.

Edited 28 March 2018 by Buce

[Izzy]

13 minutes ago, Buce said:

.

Oh do tell old chap 

[Buce]

11 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Oh do tell old chap 

 

I had second thoughts, bro - you know how touchy the pc brigade can be. 

[Facecloth]

34 minutes ago, Buce said:

.

Still better than any of Izzy's jokes 

[Strokes]

"It's important we remember the true meaning of Easter", says the Archbishop of Cadbury.

[Beliall]

11 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

I had second thoughts, bro - you know how touchy the pc brigade can be. 

send it to me, I'll post it

[Buce]

2 minutes ago, Facecloth said:

Still better than any of Izzy's jokes 

My grandad used to say, “always be up front with everybody”. 

 

Smashing bloke but a really crap goalkeeper.