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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted

 

57 minutes ago, Captain... said:

Why can’t you trust an atom?

Because they make up literally everything.

 

56 minutes ago, Captain... said:

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

Everything’s fine. He woke up.

 

56 minutes ago, Captain... said:

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

 

56 minutes ago, Captain... said:

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!

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Wortho

Wortho

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During my last check up I asked the doctor "So, do you think I'll have a long and healthy life then?"

He replied "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus right now."

I said "I don't believe in all this astrology nonsense!"

"Neither do I” he said, "My thermometer just broke."

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Izzy

Izzy

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On 03/02/2018 at 07:46, Strokes said:

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"

He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."

I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

 

On 06/02/2018 at 21:49, Mike Oxlong said:

During my recent check up I asked the doctor “Do you think I’ll live a long and healthy life ?

 

“I doubt it somehow” he replied, “Mercury is in Uranus right now”.

 

I said “I don’t go in for any of that astrology shit”.

 

“Neither do I” he replied. “My thermometer just broke”.

 

 

5 minutes ago, Wortho said:

During my last check up I asked the doctor "So, do you think I'll have a long and healthy life then?"

He replied "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus right now."

I said "I don't believe in all this astrology nonsense!"

"Neither do I” he said, "My thermometer just broke."

Making only it's is third appearance in as many months.... lol

 

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Wortho

Wortho

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A young lady teacher takes her class of infant schoolboys to a day at the races.
A few of the boys say they need to go to the toilet, but there isn't a man around, so she nips into
the gents, with the boys and starts lifting each one up to the urinals.
On lifting the third one up she looks down, is visibly shocked and says,
'My my, your a big boy, have you just joined the class?'
'No love, my name's Frankie and I'm riding Blue Thunder in the 2.30.'

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Wortho

Wortho

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A beautiful blonde goes to see the doctor with a wrinkly old woman, and says "I've come to see you about a medical."
The doctor says "OK, go behind the screen and take your clothes off."
The blonde says "No, it's not for me, it's for my granny."
The doc says to granny "OK, then, stick your tongue out."

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