Convictions

[Lamby]

Well one person can throw it whilst 9 others cheer him on. That is a public order offence at the very least. Therefore they were right togive you a section 27. Oh and you don't have to be committing a criminal offence to be given a section 27. The police just have to think that you pose a risk of alcohol related disorder in order to give you one.

 

I wasn't even drunk, I was having a piss then came out the toilet and the pigs just grabbed me and pulled me outside for no reason

[The Horse's Mouth]

I wasn't even drunk, I was having a piss then came out the toilet and the pigs just grabbed me and pulled me outside for no reason

You're so cute when you lie.

[Guest MattP]

I wasn't even drunk, I was having a piss then came out the toilet and the pigs just grabbed me and pulled me outside for no reason

 

Section 67.8

 

Exceptionally small penis being waved around at a public venue.

 

You were lucky to get away with a ticking off, it must have been smaller than a thimble.

[Vacamion]

I wasn't even drunk, I was having a piss then came out the toilet and the pigs just grabbed me and pulled me outside for no reason

 

GIFSoup

[whoareyaaa]

At one point in time I was selling fake designer clothes and something happened which lead to the coppers having to search my house, they found this big box of clothing which had a list inside with the items and prices etc.. so they confiscated the clothing and said it would be destroyed anyway I got a caution in the end for a couple of things...

 

6 months later I get a letter through my door saying if you do not pick up your items within 14 days they will be destroyed, went to the police station hand over the note and believe it or not they give back my big box of fake clothing . must of been over 200/300 items, made a tidy profit on it in the end.

[Mike Oxlong]

George Michael was convicted after police discovered him late at night in his Range Rover, naked and covered in chocolate. When asked to explain he said it was a careless Whispa

[Carl the Llama]

I've had a Belgian policeman take my prints and inspect my anus because I got caught smoking weed around a bonfire, but that's it.

[Mike Oxlong]

I've had a Belgian policeman take my prints and inspect my anus because I got caught smoking weed around a bonfire, but that's it.

I hope it wasn't the long arm of the law!

[Carl the Llama]

I hope it wasn't the long arm of the law!

More like the cheeky pinky.

 

 

(Disclaimer: The policeman did not insert any body part into my rectum.)

[Mike Oxlong]

 

 

(Disclaimer: The policeman did not insert any body part into my rectum.)

Are you sure? Did you see where he put his helmet?

[Carl the Llama]

Are you sure? Did you see where he put his helmet?

Would that have been the thing at the end of the truncheon he was busy polishing at the time?  He really had a vigorous respect for his equipment.

[Mike Oxlong]

Would that have been the thing at the end of the truncheon he was busy polishing at the time?  He really had a vigorous respect for his equipment.

From what you've described I do not believe that he was a bona fide policeman. I suspect, that he was in fact a turd burglar.

[Mike Oxlong]

I am clean and have an enhanced criminal record check.

Good to know that not only are you of good character but that you take care of your personal hygiene too.

[Dan]

Racism when I was 13.

 

Had a fight at school with an Asian lad, happened to call him a fat bastard (we both were).

 

What do I know, a week later the police have been round and told my Mum I've got to go in for an interview about 'racism'. The whole thing was dropped when I told them I called him a fat bastard rather than I quote, a 'black bastard'.

 

Closest I've come anyway.

[Captain...]

Racism when I was 13.

 

Had a fight at school with an Asian lad, happened to call him a fat bastard (we both were).

 

What do I know, a week later the police have been round and told my Mum I've got to go in for an interview about 'racism'. The whole thing was dropped when I told them I called him a fat bastard rather than I quote, a 'black bastard'.

 

Closest I've come anyway.

 

If only John Terry had thought of that defence, maybe we would still have Capello in charge of the England team...

[Dan]

If only John Terry had thought of that defence, maybe we would still have Capello in charge of the England team...

 

 

I had to argue it enough times but it was that fvcking ridiculous. Should've done them for wasting police time.

[The People's Hero]

Anyone who gets caught doing anything by the police in this country needs to consider whether crime is really for them. The police force is hardly staffed by the most motivated, intelligent or in many cases fit specimens, is it?

[Vlad the Fox]

I wasn't even drunk, I was having a piss then came out the toilet and the pigs just grabbed me and pulled me outside for no reason

If you're going to expose yourself in the ladies what do you expect.

[Danno]

TBJS will be all over this

[Steven]

Anyone who gets caught doing anything by the police in this country needs to consider whether crime is really for them. The police force is hardly staffed by the most motivated, intelligent or in many cases fit specimens, is it?

Quite. Only stupid criminals get caught.

[leicsmac]

Quite. Only stupid criminals get caught.

 

This is true.

 

Stupid criminals get caught.

Smart criminals don't get caught.

And very smart and influential criminals make sure the law is changed so they won't ever be caught.

[Ric Flair]

It might come as a great surprise but i've got no convictions!

[Zingari]

They didn't convict us for minor offences back in my day. They gave you a good clip round the ear and a kick up the arse if it was persistent offending .

 

Bruises were our ASBOs 

[Ric Flair]

My missus work colleague got garried at their christmas party last year and leathered the shit out of a christmas tree in the foyer of the gaff they were at as he thought someone had nicked his coat and phone. Anyway he got arrested for it and was charged with criminal damage. The court found him guilty and was fined £36 of damage he caused, hardly the crime of the century. However, because they work for an organisation that has links to the media the papers were all over it. Hahahahaa he's now pretty much fooked as any job he applies for only takes the company one google search of his name and hundreds of articles come up. There's even articles from websites in the likes of Tanzania, for thirty six quid? Remarkable.

 

What's even more crazy is there's a slag who she used to work with who was a temp and she was caught putting in fake timesheets for 9 months after she'd left, she'd rinsed them for about £20,000 and nothing happened.

 

That's why this countries the pits.

[Alf Bentley]

If only John Terry had thought of that defence, maybe we would still have Capello in charge of the England team...

 

I could have seen that defence working if he'd abused Akinfenwa, Yakubu, or even big Wes, but Anton Ferdinand?!?

 

Terry would have had to claim that he was deploying post-modernist, ironic humour, in which case the footage of the incident would have been entered in the Turner Prize as a video art installation, so he'd have still been unavailable for England due to his commitments promoting modern art.