foxes_rule1978 Posted 12 March 2017 Share Posted 12 March 2017 Not sure if I have it, but I'm starting to think so now, through my trembling and almost panicking in situations with people I don't really know. I try to look for alcohol to cover it up, and done that for years, but I need to stop that now, and I want to be able to be social and a good talker and all but I fear being put down and stuff. I think this is an idiotic topic but I really needed to say something, because if anyone else has overcome it then maybe there is hope that I can too. Being this way is difficult and you do make mistakes to try and be something you aren't.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wymsey Posted 12 March 2017 Share Posted 12 March 2017 There's a similar thread somewhere covering along the lines of this not long ago, but can't remember what it was called. Best thing, really, is to see your GP and tell him/go her about your concerns. They could refer you to a SA practitioner who would be able to assess you with questions out of 10 (1 being very at ease socially, with 10 being dreading the thought of entering a social situation typs-ratings etc), to determine whether SA is the problem. After, depending on what you say and score results if you see someone like this eventually, they could then refer you to a CBT therapist for a good number of sessions to try and change your thinking in the situations you say you struggle in. CBT can be powerful and effective, if you follow any potential CBT sessions in the future. But it's a very good first step in you thinking about this and wanting to change for a better outcome/enjoy life more with other people. Good luck. Can imagine SA being horrible to go through, but you need to remember you're not the only one if this is the issue and with the right action/attitude/support it can become better. Edit: Fairly certain @Izzy Muzzett had revealed he had CBT sessions in the past and thought it was very useful to him (?). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxes_rule1978 Posted 12 March 2017 Author Share Posted 12 March 2017 Thank you, I'm hoping I can find others just to know it is possible to overcome. Honestly I'm struggling to live my life in this way now, and it is somewhat depressing. I just feel I'm being analysed in every situation even just talking about it on here I feel that way. It is lonely that is for sure, and so easy to think only drink can bring you out and make you normal but you find that just causes more problems... well it has for me anyway... and caused me massive problems to be honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Posted 12 March 2017 Share Posted 12 March 2017 4 minutes ago, foxes_rule1978 said: Thank you, I'm hoping I can find others just to know it is possible to overcome. Honestly I'm struggling to live my life in this way now, and it is somewhat depressing. I just feel I'm being analysed in every situation even just talking about it on here I feel that way. It is lonely that is for sure, and so easy to think only drink can bring you out and make you normal but you find that just causes more problems... well it has for me anyway... and caused me massive problems to be honest. Hey buddy - it's not uncommon and can be treated - talking helps initially with a qualified practitioner. Verbalising and rationalising how you feel is a good plod in the right direction. It'll take a bit of time but with determination I swear you'll make it. If you can do it drunk - lets be honest, you can do it sober and do it sober better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxes_rule1978 Posted 13 March 2017 Author Share Posted 13 March 2017 you actually overkill it when drunk, if you know what I mean. You become a complete person you aren't... try to be something you aren't more because the sober you, you just think isn't good enough! it is hard to explain. It is funny I understand the symptoms and how it works yet you can't break out of it. You feel so judged and low a lot of the time, drink gives a relief that is all but it changes me as a person too... you try to impress too much and it never works out, and can get you into rather unwanted situations Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozleicester Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 Sorry to hear you suffer it, The effect and levels of it difffer for every person. For some it can be overcome, for others it can be managed. Best thing is to see your Doc, have a chat and dont hold back, tell them the truth and tell them as much as possible. You definitly need to speak about it, it rartely improves without outside help. Good onya for raising it here.. step 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxes_rule1978 Posted 13 March 2017 Author Share Posted 13 March 2017 It is so complicated, it is just how the brain is wired I guess. I just feel I don't have much to contribute in any social situation... I suppose talking about sport and football in general though it does feel comfortable to me, probably the only time in a group it actually does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 12 minutes ago, foxes_rule1978 said: It is so complicated, it is just how the brain is wired I guess. I just feel I don't have much to contribute in any social situation... I suppose talking about sport and football in general though it does feel comfortable to me, probably the only time in a group it actually does. It feels complicated - arguably because there is so much inconsistency as to how incapacitating the feelings are and the physical symptoms that you endure as a result. Y'know it's gonna take a lot of work but you can do it - it's gonna take time though to strip away from the learnt psychological associations. I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope you go to the doc's and spill all and see if you get some decent help - because having gone through what you clearly have, you deserve it buddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 Oh and you are clearly, bright, articulate and worldly - you have a lot to offer the world and some time in the not so distant future, perhaps you can help others going through what you have overcome. An in-law of mine can travel to see the people and places near by that she is comfortable with and even teach in a primary school but feels unable to go more than a few miles in a car or via public transport - it recently prevented her from going to two family weddings - her Sisters and her Mothers...... its split the family. The family have gone for the tough love option of leave her, she'll eventually come to us so she's practically 'in Coventry' and the remainder of the family that do engage with her are in exile too! Guess which camp I'm in! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spacemunky Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 1 hour ago, foxes_rule1978 said: I think this is an idiotic topic No, it isn't. A lot of people have this, myself included. Did the alcohol thing. In the end that isn't the solution. I haven't gone the therapy/pills route. I just sort of got older and became anti-social. That's not recommended either Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 1 minute ago, spacemunky said: No, it isn't. A lot of people have this, myself included. Did the alcohol thing. In the end that isn't the solution. I haven't gone the therapy/pills route. I just sort of got older and became anti-social. That's not recommended either Good luck! Your profile pic of Drinky in a bra always makes me curious as to your motivations for selecting it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lee7 Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 My sisters best friend had/has this. She is the prettiest girl that I've ever come across in person so you would never believe that the girl gets anxious in social situations. In the past her friend was always in our house! she had been loud, friendly and very easy to talk to but all of a sudden things seemed to slowly change over a period of 6 months. I seen her in the doctors surgery a month later and she could barely make eye contact with me the most I got was an awkward little laugh and a simple response all whilst she looked down at the floor. Her disorder got so bad that she didn't leave her house for months on end. She wouldn't even reply to messages from her best friends. I have no idea how she managed to either control it or beat it but now her friend is back to her old self and stronger than ever. She now has a job that involves her interacting with parents/children on a daily basis. She said to my sister it was very much like being in a cage that is unlocked, being free to go out but has trapped herself in. They can't speak without the fear of being wrong etc. She just didn't want to talk because she felt like what she had to say didn't matter. I know the girl went to a lot of support groups so I can only imagine that speaking about it is one of the best ways to overcome your situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spacemunky Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 34 minutes ago, Swan Lesta said: Your profile pic of Drinky in a bra always makes me curious as to your motivations for selecting it! Me too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB11 Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 4 hours ago, lee7 said: My sisters best friend had/has this. She is the prettiest girl that I've ever come across in person so you would never believe that the girl gets anxious in social situations. In the past her friend was always in our house! she had been loud, friendly and very easy to talk to but all of a sudden things seemed to slowly change over a period of 6 months. I seen her in the doctors surgery a month later and she could barely make eye contact with me the most I got was an awkward little laugh and a simple response all whilst she looked down at the floor. Her disorder got so bad that she didn't leave her house for months on end. She wouldn't even reply to messages from her best friends. I have no idea how she managed to either control it or beat it but now her friend is back to her old self and stronger than ever. She now has a job that involves her interacting with parents/children on a daily basis. She said to my sister it was very much like being in a cage that is unlocked, being free to go out but has trapped herself in. They can't speak without the fear of being wrong etc. She just didn't want to talk because she felt like what she had to say didn't matter. I know the girl went to a lot of support groups so I can only imagine that speaking about it is one of the best ways to overcome your situation. How did it happen or come about in the first place? What triggers it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon the Hat Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 Mate, great first step talking about it on here. It is harder than it looks to do that, and you have taken a huge step. This is way more common than you think - many people get it to different levels, and like you try alcohol and other means to cover it up. If your GP is daunting you might find you can self refer for a local NHS mental health service, I was able to do this for my anxiety. Your GP will be great though honestly. You convince yourself this is something strange or unusual, but it really isn't - lots of people find this a struggle. Get some help, you will be amazed at what you can do. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crinklyfox Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 8 hours ago, foxes_rule1978 said: Not sure if I have it, but I'm starting to think so now, through my trembling and almost panicking in situations with people I don't really know. I try to look for alcohol to cover it up, and done that for years, but I need to stop that now, and I want to be able to be social and a good talker and all but I fear being put down and stuff. I think this is an idiotic topic but I really needed to say something, because if anyone else has overcome it then maybe there is hope that I can too. Being this way is difficult and you do make mistakes to try and be something you aren't.. Firstly well done for having the courage to air this on Foxestalk. This is worth its own thread but some of the issues you face may have the same root cause as some of the issues in the Depression thread, you might find it worth a look. I don't believe that I've suffered from anything as extreme as your condition but I've never considered myself good in social situations and have spent periods in my life avoiding them. Please consider the following; fear can come from our perception of what may happen - there are two aspects worthy of note here, one is that what we fear is in fact quite unlikely to happen but the concern about the event makes it a big thing to us, putting the chances of occurrence into perspective can help reduce concern of occurrence; secondly, I believe that only those you love can really hurt you in social situations, I mean really hurt you. I can get put down by a stranger and while it feels bad at the time I can forget it pretty quickly, however if my wife or children have a go at me I feel it because I love them. Talking to others is the first step in overcoming your problems. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lgfualol Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 I've had major issues with this for years and had therapy and whatnot. The worst thing you can do is avoid talking to people and relying on booze. Thing you have to remember is you're not alone with this, other people don't care as much as you think (harsh truth perhaps ) and remember the more you feed the anxiety, the worse it will get. Think of it as a creature in your mind, the more you feed it with negative thoughts and what-ifs, the fatter it gets and your rational thinking is underneath its fat arse. You sound like you have reached the point of wanting to fight back against the anxiety which is great though. That was pretty major for me. I used to actually feel better when I panicked as I could avoid doing things and stay inside - however, what kind of life is that? I don't want to look back at my life when I am older and regret having anxiety for most of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arriba Los Zorros Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 As others have said, well done for having the bravery to make this post. Stigma around mental health issues is disappearing and rightly so. Social anxiety is not something to be told to 'pull yourself together and man up', it is an actual neurological condition and needs treating, much like a knee or ankle injury, intervention and physio for your brain is required! As Jon the Hat said contacting your GP would be very wise. I did so and was put on a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which helped a lot and gives you a methods of coping with low / anxious moments. Hope you can work though it mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lee7 Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 3 hours ago, DB11 said: How did it happen or come about in the first place? What triggers it I think things such as bullying can trigger it but I'm no expert mate. She had been through a horrid relationship for a few years with a lad who made her feel worthless so I assume that had a big part to play in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Izzy Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 12 hours ago, Wymeswold fox said: There's a similar thread somewhere covering along the lines of this not long ago, but can't remember what it was called. Best thing, really, is to see your GP and tell him/go her about your concerns. They could refer you to a SA practitioner who would be able to assess you with questions out of 10 (1 being very at ease socially, with 10 being dreading the thought of entering a social situation typs-ratings etc), to determine whether SA is the problem. After, depending on what you say and score results if you see someone like this eventually, they could then refer you to a CBT therapist for a good number of sessions to try and change your thinking in the situations you say you struggle in. CBT can be powerful and effective, if you follow any potential CBT sessions in the future. But it's a very good first step in you thinking about this and wanting to change for a better outcome/enjoy life more with other people. Good luck. Can imagine SA being horrible to go through, but you need to remember you're not the only one if this is the issue and with the right action/attitude/support it can become better. Edit: Fairly certain @Izzy Muzzett had revealed he had CBT sessions in the past and thought it was very useful to him (?). I actually had Gestalt based therapy rather than CBT But I know quite a few people who've gone through CBT sessions and all found them extremely beneficial. I'm a huge advocate of any type of therapy and would highly recommend it to anyone that's struggling... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christoph Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 Ever heard of the term fake it, till you make it? Sometimes you just have to pretend things aren't so bad. Most people with anxiety will take something silly they have said and rerun the scenario in their head over and over again thinking what people might think. What they don't realise is everybody else is so self absorbed that they rarely ever think about what other people say or do, especially normal off the cuff conversations. I never go home and think about something silly someone might have done. If they've done it at the time i'll forget after 5 minutes and so will most people. Just gotta try and change your mindset and this is where you start faking it till your making it. Just pretend it isnt so bad when you go out. Eventually you'll start believing it. Mindset has such an impact on the way you respond to things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Izzy Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 12 hours ago, foxes_rule1978 said: Not sure if I have it, but I'm starting to think so now, through my trembling and almost panicking in situations with people I don't really know. I try to look for alcohol to cover it up, and done that for years, but I need to stop that now, and I want to be able to be social and a good talker and all but I fear being put down and stuff. I think this is an idiotic topic but I really needed to say something, because if anyone else has overcome it then maybe there is hope that I can too. Being this way is difficult and you do make mistakes to try and be something you aren't.. I'm sure many of us would love to be the 'life and soul' of the party, but I now realise that's not who I am. Instead of talking in social situations, I mainly listen to others instead. I went to a house party of a friend of my wife's last Saturday and didn't know 90% of the people there. I really didn't want to go but I forced myself in the end. I decided that I'd just be curious, and when introduced to strangers I was the one asking the questions. Mainly 'What?' open questions that really get people to open up. I actually learnt loads and enjoyed hearing peoples stories. And no one could 'put me down' because they were all too busy talking about themselves! I gave up years ago trying to be something I'm not. It was exhausting and took up too much mental energy so eventually I thought fvck it, this is who I am so either accept me or don't. The best phrase I ever heard was 'It's none of my business what anyone else thinks about me' and that's stuck for years. I'm now comfortable in my own skin and I'm just going to be myself now - because everyone else is taken 12 hours ago, foxes_rule1978 said: Thank you, I'm hoping I can find others just to know it is possible to overcome. Honestly I'm struggling to live my life in this way now, and it is somewhat depressing. I just feel I'm being analysed in every situation even just talking about it on here I feel that way. It is lonely that is for sure, and so easy to think only drink can bring you out and make you normal but you find that just causes more problems... well it has for me anyway... and caused me massive problems to be honest. Sounds like you're maybe a bit paranoid mate. I know recreational drugs made me paranoid as hell in the past, but I'm not sure if alcohol has the same effect? Either way, it's highly unlikely that you are being analysed. Most people are too self centered, egotistical and worried about themselves to be bothered analysing others in my experience. And if people really want to analyse you then let them. We can't control what other people do anyway so there's really no point concerning ourselves about it. 11 hours ago, foxes_rule1978 said: you actually overkill it when drunk, if you know what I mean. You become a complete person you aren't... try to be something you aren't more because the sober you, you just think isn't good enough! it is hard to explain. It is funny I understand the symptoms and how it works yet you can't break out of it. You feel so judged and low a lot of the time, drink gives a relief that is all but it changes me as a person too... you try to impress too much and it never works out, and can get you into rather unwanted situations I understand what you mean, but just notice how many times you used the word 'you' when you actually mean 'I'. Talking in the 'I' is difficult because it means we have to take responsibility and accept our situation. Getting professional help will encourage you to take ownership and address the problem. Trying to impress too much is again hard work and lots of effort. It doesn't have to be like that if we just relax, accept who we are (warts and all) and actually just love ourselves a bit. I know it sounds odd, but we have to love ourselves first and be proud of who we are. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a grateful and accepting way that gives us peace of mind and well being. Maybe just stop trying so hard and 'let go' a bit. I'm sure that if you just 'get out of your own way' you'll enjoy life and social situations much more 11 hours ago, foxes_rule1978 said: It is so complicated, it is just how the brain is wired I guess. I just feel I don't have much to contribute in any social situation... I suppose talking about sport and football in general though it does feel comfortable to me, probably the only time in a group it actually does. The brain is a wonderfully complex organ - but it can be re-wired... We can all change our habits and behaviors by practicing new ones. 'We are creatures of habit' and 'we are what we repeatedly do'. Only through sheer practice and repetition do we form new neural pathways and habits. Quite often this requires us having to go out of our comfort zone which can be a bit scary at first. You may feel you don't have much to contribute other than football and sport, but if you'll never know unless you try. And who knows, you might just surprise yourself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wymsey Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 30 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said: I actually had Gestalt based therapy rather than CBT But I know quite a few people who've gone through CBT sessions and all found them extremely beneficial. I'm a huge advocate of any type of therapy and would highly recommend it to anyone that's struggling... Sorry, misread your previous posts then about therapy. And agree therapy can be an effective strong support base, and is there for those in particular who have trouble socially etc. They're there for a reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thracian Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 14 hours ago, foxes_rule1978 said: Not sure if I have it, but I'm starting to think so now, through my trembling and almost panicking in situations with people I don't really know. I try to look for alcohol to cover it up, and done that for years, but I need to stop that now, and I want to be able to be social and a good talker and all but I fear being put down and stuff. I think this is an idiotic topic but I really needed to say something, because if anyone else has overcome it then maybe there is hope that I can too. Being this way is difficult and you do make mistakes to try and be something you aren't.. Why try to overcome it? Just be yourself. If that's not good enough for anyone around you just walk away. I left Facebook completely, and being active on any other social media except this one, and never had the slightest regret. I even left this place recently and felt the benefits but, being a lifelong Leicester fan, I somehow keep coming back and irritating both myself and other people too. I'm interested in the science, technology and countless other things from an academic point of view - and still play lots of sport - but, otherwise, I don't much like a lot about the world we live in so, (with notable family and individual exceptions), what's the point in remaining involved beyond your own circle when all the knowledge and information I (or you) might want or need is on the net anyway? People are passionate about their views and some will delight in putting you down. So why bother expressing views at all if it seems nothing more than a form of self-torture? Just live your own life with people whose company you do enjoy. The multi-friendship era is a time-consuming negative in the main, with quality far more valuable than quantity in the long term. Better also to be doing things than talking, for all that sounds ironic coming from a once-professional communicator. And before you say "doctor heal thyself" I've finished the day's loading and gardening so I'm off now to the golf course! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripeyfox Posted 13 March 2017 Share Posted 13 March 2017 Once again, the lovely FT community showing it's good side. Non judgemental, compassionate and useful advice about a difficult topic. Well done all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.