Mid Life Crisis

[PAULCFC]

Cruise to retirement at 57 is my aim as well! If you look at the the gov website their is one that can calculate the money you have paid in and see if you need to contribute any more for the full pension.....i'd done all i could 3 years ago!

[Paninistickers]

6 hours ago, Izzy said:

I think I'm having one.

 

Turned 50 last year and the last few months have been a struggle. I hate this time of year anyway and have always suffered from SAD but this is deeper. I Googled 'signs of a mid life crisis' and these came up:

 

• Feeling apathetic, numb, or generally 'blah' about things in life
• Pervasive feelings of unfulfillment or emptiness in life
• Feeling trapped in your life
• Frustration and irritability with work, family or self
• Becoming withdrawn
• Lack of purpose in life

 

I don't think I'm depressed (been there in the past and this feels different) and I'm not about to go out and buy a Porsche or run off with a 25 year old bimbo. I don't drink and I keep relatively fit but being in the 'sandwich' generation with annoying teenage kids and ill elderly parents is hard. 

 

Is it just a BS term or is it a real thing? Just wondered if anyone on here has been through it and how did you cope?

I posted a very similar thing last year, same age. It hasn't really got much  better. 

 

Strange thing is, even if I packed out my life doing stuff, travelling, hobbies blah blah, I'd still feel more or less the same. But before that sounds too defeatist, I'm slowly coming round to it, The hunt for the perfect fulfilling life is never ending, exhausting and futile..

 

Ive never achieved much of note which gnaws at me, but nor do 99.9% of people. . Our age is maybe adding that layer to being sanguine about it all. 

 

 

[Tommy G]

1 hour ago, PAULCFC said:

Cruise to retirement at 57 is my aim as well! If you look at the the gov website their is one that can calculate the money you have paid in and see if you need to contribute any more for the full pension.....i'd done all i could 3 years ago!

Quite correct, unfortunately the state pension is so poor its barely enough to put food on the table. I guess the advantage of working a few more years in your 50's is to benefit from employer and employye pension contributions and the tax benefit, especially if you have enough spare income you could really go to town on your EE contributions. 

[jonthefox]

7 hours ago, Izzy said:

I think I'm having one.

 

Turned 50 last year and the last few months have been a struggle. I hate this time of year anyway and have always suffered from SAD but this is deeper. I Googled 'signs of a mid life crisis' and these came up:

 

• Feeling apathetic, numb, or generally 'blah' about things in life
• Pervasive feelings of unfulfillment or emptiness in life
• Feeling trapped in your life
• Frustration and irritability with work, family or self
• Becoming withdrawn
• Lack of purpose in life

 

I don't think I'm depressed (been there in the past and this feels different) and I'm not about to go out and buy a Porsche or run off with a 25 year old bimbo. I don't drink and I keep relatively fit but being in the 'sandwich' generation with annoying teenage kids and ill elderly parents is hard. 

 

Is it just a BS term or is it a real thing? Just wondered if anyone on here has been through it and how did you cope?

Yep, can relate to all of them 

[jonthefox]

2 hours ago, PAULCFC said:

Cruise to retirement at 57 is my aim as well! If you look at the the gov website their is one that can calculate the money you have paid in and see if you need to contribute any more for the full pension.....i'd done all i could 3 years ago!

You still can't have it for another ten years.

[PAULCFC]

2 minutes ago, jonthefox said:

You still can't have it for another ten years.

Yep.....but payed mortgage and a few quid in the bank so thinking of just binning the rat race off!

[weller54]

4 hours ago, weller54 said:

It's turning the 'whole' numbers in life that always seem to trigger these type of feelings I think... reaching the big zeros...30, 40, 50, ...etc

..

I had my 70th last Friday!😪.... and I keep telling myself this is a privilege denied to so many.

But it's difficult.  I honestly feel that I'm now in a time where I don't belong.

My era and belonging were the 60s-90s really and the world was a much different place back then.

50 is a milestone for sure and it will make you question many areas in your life!...

I wish you luck with it and hope you can navigate around the years ahead without too much stress and unhappiness.

I'll add to this the destructive nature of Social Media nowadays!....a massive contributor to peoples poor mental health now.

Just log on and read/see everyone elses perfect lives and compare them to your boring, mundane existence!!

[leicsmac]

4 minutes ago, weller54 said:

I'll add to this the destructive nature of Social Media nowadays!....a massive contributor to peoples poor mental health now.

Just log on and read/see everyone elses perfect lives and compare them to your boring, mundane existence!!

Normally I strongly advocate for tech advances, but this is a case where the tech has advanced faster than our understanding and brains regarding it.

[jonthefox]

43 minutes ago, PAULCFC said:

Yep.....but payed mortgage and a few quid in the bank so thinking of just binning the rat race off!

Any chance of a tenner till pay day then 

[Tommy G]

11 minutes ago, weller54 said:

I'll add to this the destructive nature of Social Media nowadays!....a massive contributor to peoples poor mental health now.

Just log on and read/see everyone elses perfect lives and compare them to your boring, mundane existence!!

You don’t come across as 70! 

[weller54]

26 minutes ago, Tommy G said:

You don’t come across as 70! 

Young at heart me 😂😎!!

[grobyfox1990]

2 hours ago, Paninistickers said:

I posted a very similar thing last year, same age. It hasn't really got much  better. 

 

Strange thing is, even if I packed out my life doing stuff, travelling, hobbies blah blah, I'd still feel more or less the same. But before that sounds too defeatist, I'm slowly coming round to it, The hunt for the perfect fulfilling life is never ending, exhausting and futile..

 

Ive never achieved much of note which gnaws at me, but nor do 99.9% of people. . Our age is maybe adding that layer to being sanguine about it all. 

 

 

Last part is so true. I always laugh at the posts on here and other social media calling/suggesting someone is thick, and idiot etc for voting brexit, Tory, trump, not being a covid fanatic etc. Coming from someone also in the 99.99% of people who never have and never will achieve anything more than a mundane, routine, unspectacular and average life.

Interesting thread though. No advice to offer as I’m not ‘mid life’ and still got so many achievable challenges to work towards including 500 Wetherspoons, 100 football grounds, 100 countries visited 

[leicsmac]

2 minutes ago, grobyfox1990 said:

Last part is so true. I always laugh at the posts on here and other social media calling/suggesting someone is thick, and idiot etc for voting brexit, Tory, trump, not being a covid fanatic etc. Coming from someone also in the 99.99% of people who never have and never will achieve anything more than a mundane, routine, unspectacular and average life.

Interesting thread though. No advice to offer as I’m not ‘mid life’ and still got so many achievable challenges to work towards including 500 Wetherspoons, 100 football grounds, 100 countries visited 

Depends on how you define those things, really. Or indeed, a life that is somehow different or "special".

[HighPeakFox]

I endorse every word spoken by everyone here, and I would only add not to dwell upon your age too much - I think that existence is challenging at the best of times for most/all of us, and everybody that has contributed so sensitively here are the best amongst us. 

 

Imagine the kind words you would offer one of us @Izzy, and see if you can apply them within - easier said than done, I know. 

 

With very best wishes to all of you.

[Parafox]

7 hours ago, FOXYTALK said:

1)Try volunteer or giving back to the community to try and improve your self worth? 

2)Explore new places/travelling

3)Learn a new hobby or skill

4)Classical music 

5)Set some achievable goals to help you. 

I've been retired for 6 years now after a very challenging, enjoyable and fulfilling role as a Paramedic.

 

I have really struggled to find something to replace that and, I imagine most that have had fulfilling or long term careers, find it difficult when it ends.

 

So, purely from my own subjective POV:

 

1) I volunteer and it's ok. It does make me feel valued and respected. So that's a tick.

2) Can't afford to do this so it's a non-starter for me.

3) I tried this with building model aircraft etc for a while but it didn't really give me what I needed. I joined a model railway group but that was unbearably niche and nerdy.

3) Not for me and I'm not sure how classical music will be fulfilling in the long term.

5) I do this but I still struggle to find "goals".

 

Everyone leads a different life with different hopes, challenges and expectations.

 

I remember having to care for children as well as care for my ageing parents and that took up a lot of time and effort. Once kids had grown up, moved out, parents passed away there was little to do outside of our own needs and, TBH life now is quite dull and repetitive.

 

It really can be a struggle. For me there was no real "mid-life" crisis. But there definitely is a retirement crisis in so far as I don't know what to do with my remaining years.

Edited 20 February by Parafox

[Parafox]

2 hours ago, Paninistickers said:

I posted a very similar thing last year, same age. It hasn't really got much  better. 

 

Strange thing is, even if I packed out my life doing stuff, travelling, hobbies blah blah, I'd still feel more or less the same. But before that sounds too defeatist, I'm slowly coming round to it, The hunt for the perfect fulfilling life is never ending, exhausting and futile..

 

Ive never achieved much of note which gnaws at me, but nor do 99.9% of people. . Our age is maybe adding that layer to being sanguine about it all. 

 

 

This is so true for me too and I suspect most people at this point in their lives.

 

 

Edited 20 February by Parafox

[grobyfox1990]

17 minutes ago, leicsmac said:

Depends on how you define those things, really. Or indeed, a life that is somehow different or "special".

To me, world class at what you do would meet the definition. I’m ok at what I do, I’ve done it permanently in 3 different jurisdictions, but the talent at the global level is exceptional. Likewise I play racketball, always someone better. I do yoga, always someone better…you get my drift 

[Parafox]

6 hours ago, weller54 said:

I honestly feel that I'm now in a time where I don't belong.

Me too. It's difficult. My era was 1973 onwards but as you say, things have moved on considerably and I now feel like my parents must have felt when they struggled to understand tech that must have seemed overwhelmingly new and beyond them.

[leicsmac]

Just now, grobyfox1990 said:

To me, world class at what you do would meet the definition. I’m ok at what I do, I’ve done it permanently in 3 different jurisdictions, but the talent at the global level is exceptional. Likewise I play racketball, always someone better. I do yoga, always someone better…you get my drift 

I don't think personally that someone has to be world class at something to have led a special life, but of course it is entirely subjective.

[Kinowe Soorie]

The dark evenings this winter have really affected my well-being. Spring time can’t come soon enough!
I’m sure getting back to the Prem will cheer us all up…

[grobyfox1990]

Just now, leicsmac said:

I don't think personally that someone has to be world class at something to have led a special life, but of course it is entirely subjective.

I agree with you personally. I’m incredibly lucky to have done what I’ve done in my life thus far. But logically it doesn’t make me special. Some of the things I’ll talk about until I’m dead are seeing city win the league, attending a champions league final, buyinh Naomi Campbell a drink in Maddox and nearly getting her number and calling Andy Murray a **** at tape. Doesn’t make me special, so many people have also done those things 

[Monk]

32 minutes ago, grobyfox1990 said:

Interesting thread though. No advice to offer as I’m not ‘mid life’ and still got so many achievable challenges to work towards including 500 Wetherspoons, 100 football grounds, 100 countries visited 

These goals are wildly different in difficulty and cost!

[Jon the Hat]

I believe a lot of people turn to dogging.

[ClaphamFox]

30 minutes ago, Jon the Hat said:

I believe a lot of people turn to dogging.

I live in the countryside and a lot of people go dogging in the fields near where we live. It seems to be a great way of forcing yourself to get outside in the fresh air and get a bit of exercise. For some of local older folk it's probably the only exercise they get most days. We've resisted it so far because we've got two young kids to occupy us and don't really want the extra cost, but I can see us taking up dogging as a family in a few years' time. 

Edited 21 February by ClaphamFox

[Izzy]

3 minutes ago, ClaphamFox said:

I live in the countryside and a lot of people go dogging in the fields near where we live. It seems to be a great way of forcing yourself to get outside in the fresh air and get a bit of exercise. For some of local older folk it's probably the only exercise they get most days. We've resisted it so far because we've got two young kids to occupy us and don't really want the extra cost, but I can see us taking up dogging was a family in a few years' time. 

Mate you’ve no idea what an all time classic reply that is