Mid Life Crisis

[Izzy]

I think I'm having one.

 

Turned 50 last year and the last few months have been a struggle. I hate this time of year anyway and have always suffered from SAD but this is deeper. I Googled 'signs of a mid life crisis' and these came up:

 

• Feeling apathetic, numb, or generally 'blah' about things in life
• Pervasive feelings of unfulfillment or emptiness in life
• Feeling trapped in your life
• Frustration and irritability with work, family or self
• Becoming withdrawn
• Lack of purpose in life

 

I don't think I'm depressed (been there in the past and this feels different) and I'm not about to go out and buy a Porsche or run off with a 25 year old bimbo. I don't drink and I keep relatively fit but being in the 'sandwich' generation with annoying teenage kids and ill elderly parents is hard. 

 

Is it just a BS term or is it a real thing? Just wondered if anyone on here has been through it and how did you cope?

[S1DDO]

I wouldn't rule out the 25 year old bimbo too hastily

[Lako42]

I think I have had one for the last 6 years based on the above and I'm in my 30's 

 

 

[Greg2607]

I'd say i've experienced the Top 2 and bottom 2 bullet points.

 

Honestly, I probably still feel like that a lot of the time, but I do try to take up new hobbies or learn new things, get out of the habits and ruts that I am in.  Life can become very predictable and mundane when you settle into your "mid-life".   That being said, Mundane for me, really means that I feel secure, I'm happy in my marriage, I have the home that I want, I feel well rewarded at work... I'm not neccessarily driven by that next promotion, as I enjoy my current job and the work life balance I have. 

 

Why not try to pick up something new? Maybe try a new thing each month and see if anything brings you a bit of joy.... The last 3 years, I've gone ful "the good life" and started growing veg and plants and doing lots more in the garden.  It gives me a real sense of achievement when something grows (even though it's not rocket science) - all of those "little wins" add up to a real sense of satisfaction for me. 

 

If you'd asked 30 year old me if that was going to be a thing... I'd have said not a chance. 

 

I've also got into photography at some point (although put that down again now really), woodworking and DIY, lots of things that have given me an opportunity to learn... 

 

Hope you find something to reignite that spark! 

[Guest BlueBrett]

It's the globalists' demoralisation campaign. You are supposed to feel this way. You're not alone mate.

Edited 20 February by BlueBrett

[bovril]

42 minutes ago, Izzy said:

I think I'm having one.

 

Turned 50 last year and the last few months have been a struggle. I hate this time of year anyway and have always suffered from SAD but this is deeper. I Googled 'signs of a mid life crisis' and these came up:

 

• Feeling apathetic, numb, or generally 'blah' about things in life
• Pervasive feelings of unfulfillment or emptiness in life
• Feeling trapped in your life
• Frustration and irritability with work, family or self
• Becoming withdrawn
• Lack of purpose in life

 

I don't think I'm depressed (been there in the past and this feels different) and I'm not about to go out and buy a Porsche or run off with a 25 year old bimbo. I don't drink and I keep relatively fit but being in the 'sandwich' generation with annoying teenage kids and ill elderly parents is hard. 

 

Is it just a BS term or is it a real thing? Just wondered if anyone on here has been through it and how did you cope?

You say you have teenage kids and elderly parents, so your life is fulfilled and has purpose. Not that it's easy. 

[filbertway]

46 minutes ago, Izzy said:

I think I'm having one.

 

Turned 50 last year and the last few months have been a struggle. I hate this time of year anyway and have always suffered from SAD but this is deeper. I Googled 'signs of a mid life crisis' and these came up:

 

• Feeling apathetic, numb, or generally 'blah' about things in life
• Pervasive feelings of unfulfillment or emptiness in life
• Feeling trapped in your life
• Frustration and irritability with work, family or self
• Becoming withdrawn
• Lack of purpose in life

 

I don't think I'm depressed (been there in the past and this feels different) and I'm not about to go out and buy a Porsche or run off with a 25 year old bimbo. I don't drink and I keep relatively fit but being in the 'sandwich' generation with annoying teenage kids and ill elderly parents is hard. 

 

Is it just a BS term or is it a real thing? Just wondered if anyone on here has been through it and how did you cope?

I find I always have a dip after Christmas.

 

I'd been eating well and working out 3/4 times a week from June till December. I've now been to the gym once since mid-december and am feeling much more tired and lethargic.

 

Whatever good habits I develop over a year always seem to go out of the window at christmas and it always knocks me off kilter for 6-8 weeks in the new year.

 

I think the relentless darkness must be a part of it cus by the end of feb i'm usually starting to feel back at it again.

[Raj]

56 minutes ago, Izzy said:

I think I'm having one.

 

Turned 50 last year and the last few months have been a struggle. I hate this time of year anyway and have always suffered from SAD but this is deeper. I Googled 'signs of a mid life crisis' and these came up:

 

• Feeling apathetic, numb, or generally 'blah' about things in life
• Pervasive feelings of unfulfillment or emptiness in life
• Feeling trapped in your life
• Frustration and irritability with work, family or self
• Becoming withdrawn
• Lack of purpose in life

 

I don't think I'm depressed (been there in the past and this feels different) and I'm not about to go out and buy a Porsche or run off with a 25 year old bimbo. I don't drink and I keep relatively fit but being in the 'sandwich' generation with annoying teenage kids and ill elderly parents is hard. 

 

Is it just a BS term or is it a real thing? Just wondered if anyone on here has been through it and how did you cope?

Im 53 in May(you wouldn't know from some of my posts!).

I think sometimes we just have to sit back and look at the good things we have as opposed to all the social media BS where everything is fantastic.

 

I loathe this time of year from October til March so can emphasise with you.

 

You should do your detailing as a part time career- maybe not so much for the money but i know its something you love and sharing that with people who are willing to pay will give you loads of self fulfillment.

 

We all need that something but its okay now and again to feel shit about life, just need to look back and see what you have, which is sometimes harder than you think.

 

Chin up mate

[Lako42]

15 minutes ago, filbertway said:

I find I always have a dip after Christmas.

 

I'd been eating well and working out 3/4 times a week from June till December. I've now been to the gym once since mid-december and am feeling much more tired and lethargic.

 

Whatever good habits I develop over a year always seem to go out of the window at christmas and it always knocks me off kilter for 6-8 weeks in the new year.

 

I think the relentless darkness must be a part of it cus by the end of feb i'm usually starting to feel back at it again.

Exactly the same 

 

I was flying up to Christmas and just got ill and then took until a week ago to pull my finger out. 

[Raj]

36 minutes ago, S1DDO said:

I wouldn't rule out the 25 year old bimbo too hastily

THIS could be the answer too though!!!

[urban.spaceman]

58 minutes ago, Izzy said:

I think I'm having one.

 

Turned 50 last year and the last few months have been a struggle. I hate this time of year anyway and have always suffered from SAD but this is deeper. I Googled 'signs of a mid life crisis' and these came up:

 

• Feeling apathetic, numb, or generally 'blah' about things in life
• Pervasive feelings of unfulfillment or emptiness in life
• Feeling trapped in your life
• Frustration and irritability with work, family or self
• Becoming withdrawn
• Lack of purpose in life

 

I don't think I'm depressed (been there in the past and this feels different) and I'm not about to go out and buy a Porsche or run off with a 25 year old bimbo. I don't drink and I keep relatively fit but being in the 'sandwich' generation with annoying teenage kids and ill elderly parents is hard. 

 

Is it just a BS term or is it a real thing? Just wondered if anyone on here has been through it and how did you cope?

I've been having one for about 10 years which has taken me into my late 30s, so you're not alone mate.

[Trav Le Bleu]

49 minutes ago, S1DDO said:

I wouldn't rule out the 25 year old bimbo too hastily

Especially if she's got a Porsche

[Trav Le Bleu]

24 minutes ago, Raj said:

Im 53 in May(you wouldn't know from some of my posts!).

I think sometimes we just have to sit back and look at the good things we have as opposed to all the social media BS where everything is fantastic.

 

I loathe this time of year from October til March so can emphasise with you.

 

You should do your detailing as a part time career- maybe not so much for the money but i know its something you love and sharing that with people who are willing to pay will give you loads of self fulfillment.

 

We all need that something but its okay now and again to feel shit about life, just need to look back and see what you have, which is sometimes harder than you think.

 

Chin up mate

It's not the only thing that's harder than you think with Raj, eh, eh, am I right?!?

[FOXYTALK]

Try volunteer or giving back to the community to try and improve your self worth? 

Explore new places/travelling

Learn a new hobby or skill

Classical music 

Set some achievable goals to help you. 

[sdb]

2 hours ago, Lako42 said:

I think I have had one for the last 6 years based on the above and I'm in my 30's 

 

 

Exactly the same.

 

I ponder this often, the mid life crisis thing. 

 

I feel like I achieved so much more in my 20s. And I spend a lot more time thinking and battling with myself over decisions these days, usually never making any by the end of it all. I struggle to enjoy life like I did, even though I know deep down it's pretty good.

Edited 20 February by sdb

[weller54]

It's turning the 'whole' numbers in life that always seem to trigger these type of feelings I think... reaching the big zeros...30, 40, 50, ...etc

..

I had my 70th last Friday!😪.... and I keep telling myself this is a privilege denied to so many.

But it's difficult.  I honestly feel that I'm now in a time where I don't belong.

My era and belonging were the 60s-90s really and the world was a much different place back then.

50 is a milestone for sure and it will make you question many areas in your life!...

I wish you luck with it and hope you can navigate around the years ahead without too much stress and unhappiness.

[Focks]

Turning 50 is an odd one.... You are drifting away from your youth at quite a pace - you are closer to retirement than your 20's.

 

Your kids are probably turning more independent and don't rely on you much, or listen to what you say! Your career may not be panning out as you would have hoped.

 

I was lucky, I already had plans in place to move house (to the coast) and start a new part of my life - new job, kids left / leaving home. I would recommend making big plans like this. Ahead of making the change you have something to look forward to - which is key. When you make the change a lot is new as it is like being on a permanent holiday for about 3 years.

 

Not for everyone, I know, but my twopenneth

Edited 20 February by Focks

[Saxondale]

I’m experiencing (at 40) what I consider a mid life crisis, which is general feeling of acceptance that my youth has passed and - most significantly - the realisation that you only get one life, and anything you don’t do in this life, you will never do.

I think this in turn leads to the feeling of being trapped and/or lack of fulfilment, etc.

 

It hasn’t changed my behaviour, but definitely my outlook. It’s not a particularly nice feeling.

[SkidsFox]

As someone over 60, my advice is to find a new passion/business. It's your last chance to blow all your money on the new bar/restaurant you always wanted to run before becoming bankrupt. 

 

Edited 20 February by SkidsFox

[ClaphamFox]

I very recently turned 50 and am definitely having a minor midlife crisis. I suspect the only reason I'm not having a major one is that I had children a bit later (mine are six-years-old and 17-months-old respectively) and my parenting responsibilities, combined with a busy job, leave me very stretched. I have very little free time, hence very little time for introspection. This is probably a good thing as I am introspective by nature and would very likely be brooding on things a lot more if I had the time to do so. I am still subject to gloomy thoughts (about opportunities wasted, experiences that I'll never have again (or even at all), the sense of having not made full use of my time on earth, etc), but I usually only have a few minutes to dwell on these before my attention is diverted by the demands of my kids or work. God knows how I'll cope when they're older and I get a bit more time back...  

[Crinklyfox]

3 hours ago, Izzy said:

I think I'm having one.

 

Turned 50 last year and the last few months have been a struggle. I hate this time of year anyway and have always suffered from SAD but this is deeper. I Googled 'signs of a mid life crisis' and these came up:

 

• Feeling apathetic, numb, or generally 'blah' about things in life
• Pervasive feelings of unfulfillment or emptiness in life
• Feeling trapped in your life
• Frustration and irritability with work, family or self
• Becoming withdrawn
• Lack of purpose in life

 

I don't think I'm depressed (been there in the past and this feels different) and I'm not about to go out and buy a Porsche or run off with a 25 year old bimbo. I don't drink and I keep relatively fit but being in the 'sandwich' generation with annoying teenage kids and ill elderly parents is hard. 

 

Is it just a BS term or is it a real thing? Just wondered if anyone on here has been through it and how did you cope?

When you're young you have a number of things that you want to achieve in your life.  For example a decent house, car, and maybe a family if you want the responsibilities.  These become your drivers and you gain satisfaction from achieving your goals.

 

Then you get to a stage in your life where you have, to a large or complete extent, achieved your goals.  The children eventually grow up and don't require so much of your time.  You have most or all of the material possessions you wanted.  So what is there now to drive you, to give you that sense of purpose you once had?

 

You either end up accepting that you can now be a different person and don't need the drivers you once had, or run the danger that you become frustrated and listless.  There may be little to satisfy you.

 

There is more than one way forward.  A sense of purpose can be re-established if you can set yourself a goal to work towards and throw your energies into it.  Or you could look at yourself from an outside perspective, realise that actually you've done well with your life, and devote more of your time to activities that give you pleasure.

 

Personally when my life changed in my 50s - my mortgage was paid, my career was ending and the children were grown - I found a local charity that was struggling to survive and became a Trustee.  I spent what would otherwise have been down time trying to raise funds for them and applied my professional skills to do so.  I gained a lot of personal satisfaction from helping them pull through and get onto a solid financial footing, and the charity (support to children with special educational needs) benefitted.  It's already been suggested that you try charity work, I couldn't endorse that possibility more, you have a range of skills that have helped you in your personal and professional life that a charity would be lucky to have available to them.  You just need to pick one that is close to your heart.

[Izzy]

Thanks for the replies everyone - some interesting views...

 

I think part of the problem is a feeling of being in limbo. We recently paid the mortgage off which was a huge goal but maybe that's now made me complacent (can't be arsed to find new clients etc.)

 

At the same time, we really need to move house as it's effectively four adults in a small 3 bed terraced (kids are 14 and 17 and bigger than me!). Part of me just wants to cruise to retirement at 57 and the thought of taking on a new mortgage and working another 10-15 years fills me with dread (I started working at 16 so feel I'll have done my time by 57)

 

And my health isn't that great so I have to manage my stress/energy levels very carefully. If anything, I've got too much time on my hands now and I'm becoming a housewife. Usually I'd be golfing but the bloody course has been closed since November.

 

Just at a bit of a crossroads in life and not sure which way to turn.

 

[LiberalFox]

You can have an existential crisis at any age, it's just a stereotype to have one during middle age.

[Tommy G]

Agree with a few of your bullet points and I'm 15 years younger. I work round the clock and have been fiercely ambitious so I see work as my purpose to make me happy, content, whatever you want to call it. I've got a demanding 5 year old at home with additional needs so when I'm not on my phone or laptop I'm doing stuff with him, so might get an hour by myself at 9pm at night, by which point you're knackered. 

 

So points 5 and 6 I feel a lot, if you have a wife and kids you tend to put yourself last and content with the simple stuff in life. I don't think its a mid life crisis I think it's probably what a lot of men feel like at a range of ages betwen 30-60. 

[PAULCFC]

In the same place mate!.....Dad passed away and inherited the house etc....that's sold and we have sold our house,but waiting for a new build up in Nortumberland.Not been to work since July,but lucky enough to be able to afford it.......just seem in limbo until we get a date to move!