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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Jimothy

Jimothy

Posted
Posted
32 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

:blush: 

 

I told it better to be fair 

Yeah, Davie's timing was slightly off tbh.

  • Like 3
Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

Posted
Posted
17 hours ago, boots60 said:

I said to Mrs Boots what would you like for Xmas? 

Something with diamonds she replied.

I got her a pack of cards.

 

17 hours ago, davieG said:

She said have a heart as she hit you with a club.:ph34r:

 

A woman like that shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. She needs to be spayed. :ph34r:

 

With his alleged attitude to women, perhaps Donald Trump could arrange it? 

  • Popular Post
Countryfox

Countryfox

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a police man pulls him over. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.

He says: "Have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

  • Like 6
Countryfox

Countryfox

Posted
Posted

Two Irishmen were driving home one night when one asked the other to check if the car's indicators are working.

He promptly sticks his head out the window and says: "Yes,no,yes,no,yes,no,yes,no"

AKCJ

AKCJ

Posted
Posted (edited)

I hear Band Aid have released a record called Duvet know it’s Christmas.

 

Apparently it’s a cover.

Edited by AKCJ
  • Like 3
Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, AKCJ said:

I hear Band Aid have released a record called Duvet know it’s Christmas.

 

Apparently it’s a cover.

 

It's getting blanket coverage on the radio. They're even going to reissue the sheet music.

AKCJ

AKCJ

Posted
Posted

A warning to all, be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and Police are out there checking on people.

 

Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many beers and then went onto the shots .

Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I took a Bus home. Sure enough, I passed a Leicestershire Police checkpoint, where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyser tests.

Because I was in a Bus they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a Double Decker before and I am not even sure where I got it from.

  • Like 2
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
On 12/20/2016 at 19:36, boots60 said:

I was in the supermarket today when a kiddie threw a block of cheddar at me. I said to him that's not very mature

 

I'll get me coat

 

8 hours ago, RobHawk said:

I was in the supermarket today when a kiddie threw a block of cheese at me. I said to him that's not very mature :ph34r:

That bloody echo in here again lol

 

By the way, I just ate a frozen apple........well hardcore..

RobHawk

RobHawk

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

That bloody echo in here again lol

 

By the way, I just ate a frozen apple........well hardcore..

I only created the echo following AKCJ's - I thought it was a thing so jumped on the bandwagon! :claudio:

AKCJ

AKCJ

Posted
Posted
35 minutes ago, Paddy. said:

Apparently 'sugar' is the only word in the English language were the 'su' sound is pronounced 'sh'.

 

At least, I'm pretty sure it is.

I am using that one lol The missus won't get it mind.

  • Like 1
Aus Fox

Aus Fox

Posted
Posted
12 hours ago, Paddy. said:

Apparently 'sugar' is the only word in the English language were the 'su' sound is pronounced 'sh'.

 

At least, I'm pretty sure it is.

What's the issue? 

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

A Coventry school teacher asks his class: "Raise your hands if you support Coventry City"

 

The whole class raises their hands apart from one boy - Johnny

 

"What team do you support Johnny?" asks the teacher

 

"Leicester City, Sir" he replies

 

"Why do you support them?" the teacher asks

 

"Because my Mum and Dad are originally from there, and they both support Leicester, so I do too" 

 

"You don't have to copy your Mum and Dad you know Johnny. What if your Mum was a prostitute and your Dad was a junkie?"

 

Johnny relies: "Well then I'd support Coventry like the rest of you lot"

 

 

 

 

  • Like 13
Beliall

Beliall

Posted
Posted
26 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

A Coventry school teacher asks his class: "Raise your hands if you support Coventry City"

 

The whole class raises their hands apart from one boy - Johnny

 

"What team do you support Johnny?" asks the teacher

 

"Leicester City, Sir" he replies

 

"Why do you support them?" the teacher asks

 

"Because my Mum and Dad are originally from there, and they both support Leicester, so I do too" 

 

"You don't have to copy your Mum and Dad you know Johnny. What if your Mum was a prostitute and your Dad was a junkie?"

 

Johnny relies: "Well then I'd support Coventry like the rest of you lot"

 

 

 

 

lol

 

foxfanazer

foxfanazer

Posted
Posted
31 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

A Coventry school teacher asks his class: "Raise your hands if you support Coventry City"

 

The whole class raises their hands apart from one boy - Johnny

 

"What team do you support Johnny?" asks the teacher

 

"Leicester City, Sir" he replies

 

"Why do you support them?" the teacher asks

 

"Because my Mum and Dad are originally from there, and they both support Leicester, so I do too" 

 

"You don't have to copy your Mum and Dad you know Johnny. What if your Mum was a prostitute and your Dad was a junkie?"

 

Johnny relies: "Well then I'd support Coventry like the rest of you lot"

 

 

 

 

In your coventry slums.......

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