Our system detected that your browser is blocking advertisements on our site. Please help support FoxesTalk by disabling any kind of ad blocker while browsing this site. Thank you.
Jump to content
 Share
Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

Recommended Posts

  • Popular Post
Webbo

Webbo

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

Obama, Hillary and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven.   God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in?
 
God asks Obama first: “What do you believe?"
 
He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends.   I believe in giving.  
I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen".
 
God can’t help but see the essential goodness of Obama, and offers him a seat to his left.
 
Then God turns to Hillary and says, "What do you believe?"
 
Hillary says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honour are the fundamentals of life.   Like Obama I believe in hard work.   I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true patriot and a loyal American."
 
God is greatly moved by Hillary's high-pitched eloquence and he offers her a seat to his right.
 
Finally, God turns to Trump and says, "And you, Donald, what do you believe?"
 
Trump replies, "I believe you're in my seat."
 

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites
DANGEROUS TIGER

DANGEROUS TIGER

Posted
Posted
On ‎10‎/‎12‎/‎2016 at 12:02, Webbo said:

Obama, Hillary and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven.   God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in?
 
God asks Obama first: “What do you believe?"
 
He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends.   I believe in giving.  
I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen".
 
God can’t help but see the essential goodness of Obama, and offers him a seat to his left.
 
Then God turns to Hillary and says, "What do you believe?"
 
Hillary says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honour are the fundamentals of life.   Like Obama I believe in hard work.   I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true patriot and a loyal American."
 
God is greatly moved by Hillary's high-pitched eloquence and he offers her a seat to his right.
 
Finally, God turns to Trump and says, "And you, Donald, what do you believe?"
 
Trump replies, "I believe you're in my seat."
 

lol

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Beliall

Beliall

Posted
Posted

Stolen from facebook

 

 

Just received this. I need to pay more attention I suppose.

Dear Sir,

On behalf of Channel 4 may I thank you for the application you have provided for your wife to appear on our forthcoming reality show and also for the charming photograph you enclosed with the application letter.

Whilst agreeing that she would no doubt make a worthy contribution to the program if selected, I would take this opportunity to advise you that the correct title of the new series is actually
"Fact Hunt".

Kind regards,
Channel 4 team.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
davieG

davieG

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

 

WARNING!

 

There's a link going around it says download the latest Cliff Richard Christmas track whatever you do don't click on it, it's actually a link to download the latest Cliff Richard Christmas track.

  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, davieG said:

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"

 

Another woman, the wife of a drummer, has been given a life sentence for murdering her husband. 

 

She tripped him up with his drums and then decapitated him with his hi-hat.

 

In sentencing, the judge said that it had been a bass act to snare him like that, and a cymbal of her violent attitude.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

Posted
Posted
34 minutes ago, davieG said:

 

WARNING!

 

There's a link going around it says download the latest Cliff Richard Christmas track whatever you do don't click on it, it's actually a link to download the latest Cliff Richard Christmas track.

 

My mate got caught out by this.

 

He'd just gone online to visit sites showing images of bestiality and jihadist beheadings, and mistakenly clicked on the link you mention.

 

He was shaken, disturbed and revolted by the experience.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Barky

Barky

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, Alf Bentley said:

 

Another woman, the wife of a drummer, has been given a life sentence for murdering her husband. 

 

She tripped him up with his drums and then decapitated him with his hi-hat.

 

In sentencing, the judge said that it had been a bass act to snare him like that, and a cymbal of her violent attitude.

stinkface.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion - and I think it's outrageous. 

 

He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession that he loves.

 

What a waste of time, training and money.

 

A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

  • Like 14
Link to comment
Share on other sites
davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted

An oldie 

 

Friends - please be careful
Yesterday I went to a Christmas party. I had a few beers, followed by a few cocktails, followed by a few shots....
I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before: I took a cab home.
Sure enough, there was a police road block on the way home, and since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was both a great relief and a surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it from and, now that it is in my garage, I don't know what to do with it.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted
9 minutes ago, boots60 said:

I said to Mrs Boots what would you like for Xmas? 

Something with diamonds she replied.

I got her a pack of cards.

She said have a heart as she hit you with a club.:ph34r:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, boots60 said:

I was in the supermarket today when a kiddie threw a block of cheddar at me. I said to him that's not very mature

 

I'll get me coat

 

When he did that to me, I threw a tub of ice-cream back it him. He said "that's cool!"

 

Then he threw a tin of paint at me. I said: "I'll get my coat"

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Facecloth

Facecloth

Posted
Posted
On 18/12/2016 at 08:17, davieG said:

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"

 

1 minute ago, foxfanazer said:

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"

Is there an echo in here?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...