Our system detected that your browser is blocking advertisements on our site. Please help support FoxesTalk by disabling any kind of ad blocker while browsing this site. Thank you.
Jump to content
 Share
Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

Recommended Posts

Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars
after accumulating enough frequent flier miles.
They meet a Martian couple and
are talking about all sorts of things.
Mike asks if Mars has a stockmarket,
if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
"Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.
"Pretty much the way you do,"responds the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to
swap partners for the night and experience one another.
Maureen and the male Martian go off to a
bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only
a teeny, weeny member about
half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.
"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "It's just not long
enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap
his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his
forehead,  his member grows until it's quite
impressively long.
"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive,
but it's still pretty narrow...."
"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears.
With each pull,his member grows wider and wider
until  the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed
and made mad, passionate love.
The next day the couples rejoin their normal
partners and go their separate ways.
As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was
pretty wonderful. How about you?"
"It was horrible," he replies. " All she kept doing the whole time
was slapping  my forehead and pulling my ears."
 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Beliall

Beliall

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Countryfox said:

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other ....       Eileen

 

What do you call a Japanese woman with one leg shorter than the other .....        Irene.

oh my god. So many jokes on that path. all bad.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Countryfox said:

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other ....       Eileen

 

What do you call a Japanese woman with one leg shorter than the other .....        Irene.

lol I like it, but I'm not sure how PC it is? :blink:

 

One of my old favorite jokes is: 

 

"Why are there so many Japanese people in Harrow?"

...because when they get off the plane they say "Harrow taxi driver!"

 

But you probably wouldn't get away with telling that these days :(

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Buce said:

 How do you circumcise a hillbilly?


 Kick his sister in the jaw.
 

lol

 

How do you circumcise a whale?

 

Send down four skin divers.

Edited by Izzy Muzzett
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
Tielemans63

Tielemans63

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted
  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Tuna

Tuna

Posted
Posted

David Moyes and Robbie Savage were jogging on a beach. Moyes said to Savage 'You know Robbie, when I was managing Everton we used to find by training at sea level the players fitness levels improved and we suffered less injuries.'

 

Savage excitedly replied 'That's fascinating! How do we know what the sea level is right now?'.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."

 

The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled... "SUPPLIES!"

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted

A man and his wife decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt`s riding a new bike.....and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted (edited)

It's 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in. He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date. Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."

Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?"

"Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her."

Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly dishevelled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"

Edited by Buce
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted (edited)

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.

"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.

"Go and get help!" he cried.

"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"

"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."

Edited by Buce
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"

"Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied.

"What happened?" inquired the pastor.

"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...