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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Beliall

Beliall

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11 minutes ago, Alf Bentley said:

 

 

Don't buckle under pressure, lads!

Speaking of buckles, I bought some shoes off my drug dealer, I don't know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day

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Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

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27 minutes ago, Buce said:

I bought the Mother-in-Law some fresh herbs to try and get some flavour into her food.

 

A complete waste of Thyme.

 

There are better uses, certainly.

 

When Boy George needed a heart operation, they made his pacemaker out of herbs.

Afterwards he said: "Thyme is a like a clock of my heart".

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Buce

Buce

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1 hour ago, Alf Bentley said:

 

There are better uses, certainly.

 

When Boy George needed a heart operation, they made his pacemaker out of herbs.

Afterwards he said: "Thyme is a like a clock of my heart".

 

I heard about that - apparently, his heart problems were caused by the stress of owning a hyper-active lizard.

 

His doctor advised him to get a calmer chameleon.

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Rincewind

Rincewind

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I tried one of the new five pound notes the other day. Thought it rather bland. I could have gone McDonalds for a burger and had the change for dessert.

 

I also  know someone who ate one. Gave them the runs. When I saw them next I asked how they were feeling. They replied 'No change'

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Aus Fox

Aus Fox

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I met a beautiful lady last night, took her back to my place and we went at it all night, all sorts of weird and wonderful positions.

In the morning, she told me she had a confession.

"Thats the first time I've done that" she said.

"Sex or a one night stand" I replied.

"Sex, you see I hope you don't mind but I used to be Christian, and was never interested in sex."

"that's fine, I don't mind" I said.

She looked at me, with an excited look in her face and said.

"Good because I much prefer being Christina."

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DANGEROUS TIGER

DANGEROUS TIGER

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A man was walking through the park one day and noticed a man digging a hole. When he had finished, another man filled it in again. Curiosity got the better of the puzzled onlooker, and he asked why they were doing this. "Well"" replied one of the two men, "we are employed by the council to plant new trees. I dig the holes, Patrick plants the trees, while Connor there, fills in the the holes, but Patrick is off sick today.

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