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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Webbo

Webbo

Posted
Posted
11 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Ok, just one more for you fuchy me old mate...

 

There's a new film coming out soon about an HGV driver who customises his rig and cleans and polishes it all the time.

 

I haven't seen it yet, but the trailer looks amazing :D

1wuvxf.jpg

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Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
13 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Ok, just one more for you fuchy me old mate...

 

There's a new film coming out soon about an HGV driver who customises his rig and cleans and polishes it all the time.

 

I haven't seen it yet, but the trailer looks amazing :D

You do realise that most comedians, before going on stage, run a free show to test their material?

 

Why didn't you try a dry run on the Spurs forum first and let those ****ers suffer?

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
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Posted
8 minutes ago, Wymeswold fox said:

Did you hear about the troublesome teaspoon?

It went into the kitchen and caused a stir..

:D Talking of teaspoons...

 

Two couples had gone away for the weekend.

 

The two guys, Jack and Bill, have decided to try to persuade their wives to do a bit of partner swapping for the night.

 

After several drinks that night they succeed.

 

Jack knows it's that time of the month for his wife, and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him smile.

 

The guys agreed that when they sit around the breakfast table the following morning, they will tap their teaspoons on the side of their coffee mug the number of times that they did it with each other's wives. 


The next morning they are all at the breakfast table, slightly hung over and quite uncomfortable, when Jack proudly taps his teaspoon 3 times against his coffee mug.

 

After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his teaspoon and taps it once on the strawberry jam and 3 times on the peanut butter :D

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Beliall

Beliall

Posted
Posted
14 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

A little Rabbit is running happily through the woods when he comes across a Giraffe rolling a joint. He runs up the Giraffe and says, "Hey, Giraffe. You really shouldn't do that. Think of your health. You should come running in the woods instead!" The Giraffe looks at the Little Rabbit, looks at the spliff, shrugs his shoulders, tosses the joint over his shoulder, and runs off through the wood with the Little Rabbit.

 

After a while, the Giraffe and the Rabbit come across an Elephant about to do a line of Coke. The Rabbit says, "Oh, Elephant you really shouldn't do that. You should come running with us in the wood instead, it's much better for you." The Elephant looks at the Rabbit, looks at the line of Charlie, shrugs his shoulders, then runs off through the wood with the Giraffe and the Rabbit.

 

Shortly they come across a Bear about to shoot up heroin. The Rabbit runs up to him and says, "Hey, Bear, you shouldn't do that, think of your health. You'd be better of running in the woods with us." The Bear looks at the Rabbit, looks at the syringe, spoon and stuff, shrugs his shoulders, kicks the whole lot away and runs off with the Rabbit, the Giraffe and the Elephant.

 

After a while they come across a Tiger drinking his way through a six pack of beer. The Rabbit runs up to the Tiger and says, "Hey Tiger, you really shouldn't do that" and the Tiger immediately jumps up and starts kicking the shit out of him.

 

The Giraffe pulls the Tiger off and asks, "Why on earth did you do that?"

 

The Tiger replies, "That fvcking Rabbit pisses me right off. Every time he's high on Ecstacy he keeps asking me to run around the woods for hours on end!"

how the **** is a giraffe gonna roll a spliff?

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Countryfox

Countryfox

Posted
Posted
26 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

Course it would. 

 

Have you never seen an apple watch?

 

22 minutes ago, davieG said:

No problem

 

94453493-ae3f-4d38-8756-eb8071c8452d.jpg

 

Well blow me I've learnt something today ! ..    but it still sounds like a very strange thing for them to say at the job centre ..    

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fuchsntf

fuchsntf

Posted
Posted
17 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Ok, just one more for you fuchy me old mate...

 

There's a new film coming out soon about an HGV driver who customises his rig and cleans and polishes it all the time.

 

I haven't seen it yet, but the trailer looks amazing :D

Thats What I call a...." trucking  Joke".....!!!

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Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Countryfox said:

 

 

Well blow me I've learnt something today ! ..    but it still sounds like a very strange thing for them to say at the job centre ..    

Can't believe I have to explain the joke... just say out loud "you have to get up at eight o'clock"

 

Unless you're being a WUM :angry:

Edited by Parafox
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Countryfox

Countryfox

Posted
Posted
12 minutes ago, Parafox said:

Can't believe I have to explain the joke... just say out loud "you have to get up at eight o'clock"

 

Unless you're being a WUM :angry:

 

:fishing:  :whistle: ...

 

D'you know I reckon you could have a whole conversation just using these emoticon things ...

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Countryfox

Countryfox

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Parafox said:

Can't believe I have to explain the joke... just say out loud "you have to get up at eight o'clock"

 

 

Oh I get it !! ...    Haha ! ...     Great joke ! ...   lol        But where does the potato come into it ? .....

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Carl the Llama

Carl the Llama

Posted
Posted
29 minutes ago, Countryfox said:

 

Oh I get it !! ...    Haha ! ...     Great joke ! ...   lol        But where does the potato come into it ? .....

It's a half rhyme I guess, "up at eight o" apparently sounds like "a potato" to some people.  "Up at art o" would have worked phonetically but then you lose the coherent sentence..

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