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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Izzy

Izzy

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Posted

I told our office junior that I would promote her if she gave me a blow job.

 

She did, so I wrote "Sarah gives great head" on the gent's bog wall.

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Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I told our office junior that I would promote her if she gave me a blow job.

 

She did, so I wrote "Sarah gives great head" on the gent's bog wall.

Does your wife know about this?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your awful jokes, I mean.

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Does your wife know about this?

Funny you should ask Trav...

 

Yesterday the wife asked me; If I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose?

 

Apparently I was only supposed to name one, not two (as she kicked me in the balls!)

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TiffToff88

TiffToff88

Posted
Posted
8 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Funny you should ask Trav...

 

Yesterday the wife asked me; If I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose?

 

Apparently I was only supposed to name one, not two (as she kicked me in the balls!)

 

Speaking of threesomes, i arranged one last night. A couple of people didn't turn up but i still had fun

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Great Boos Up said:

Ok, very first go here. I'll start lame;

 

I scared the postman today by going to the door naked.

I'm not sure what scared him more; my naked body or the fact I knew where he lived.

 

 

 

(Please God don't let muzzett reply)

 

lol Funny thing happened to me today too.

 

I was waiting for the wife outside a shop this morning and this bloke passing by stood in a pile of dog shit.

 

I said "I just did that mate"

 

Then he twatted me and called me a sick fvcker...

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ajthefox

ajthefox

Posted
Posted
On 07/10/2017 at 12:44, Izzy Muzzett said:

An Eskimo was washed onto a rocky island by a storm.

 

He had to decide whether to burn his canoe to keep warm and hope for rescue, or try to paddle to the mainland.  

 

He chose to burn the canoe, but was never rescued and sadly died.

 

Apparently you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

Painfully bad, Izzy.

 

More of the below please, howled at that!

 

On 08/10/2017 at 16:07, Izzy Muzzett said:

I told our office junior that I would promote her if she gave me a blow job.

 

She did, so I wrote "Sarah gives great head" on the gent's bog wall.

 

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Carl the Llama

Carl the Llama

Posted
Posted (edited)
18 minutes ago, Milo said:

Why does moon rock taste better than earth rock...?

 

 

Because its a little meteor

Wrong, a meteor is when a meteoroid (a metallic or rocky object in outer space which is between the size of a grain of sand and a metre-wide boulder - any smaller and it becomes a micro-meteoroid, any larger and it becomes an asteroid... as long as it orbits our sun) enters the Earth's atmosphere and begins to burn up leaving a tail of light, what some would call a shooting star.  A little meteor would be a meteorite.  The moon's more of a satellite planetoid.  Also there are tonnes of different types of Earth rock so which are you comparing to the moon?  I'd recommend Basalt because it's a known baflavour enhancer.

Edited by Carl the Llama
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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted (edited)
45 minutes ago, Milo said:

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar...

 

...the barman said "sorry, we don't serve breakfast"

Shocking :nono:

 

Talking of bacon....immediately after I let off a silent but deadly fart, I say to everyone around me "Can you smell bacon?" and they all take a really deep breath through their nose :D

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Milo

Milo

Posted
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26 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:
51 minutes ago, Milo said:

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar...

 

...the barman said "sorry, we don't serve breakfast"

Shocking :nono:

 

Talking of bacon....immediately after I let off a silent but deadly fart, I say to everyone around me "Can you smell bacon?" and they all take a really deep breath through their nose :D

Taking that as a compliment, mate

 

Bill Gates farted in an Apple store - when they complained he replied "well it's not my fault you don't have windows"

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Milo

Milo

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Carl the Llama said:
1 hour ago, Milo said:

Why does moon rock taste better than earth rock...?

 

 

Because its a little meteor

Wrong, a meteor is when a meteoroid (a metallic or rocky object in outer space which is between the size of a grain of sand and a metre-wide boulder - any smaller and it becomes a micro-meteoroid, any larger and it becomes an asteroid... as long as it orbits our sun) enters the Earth's atmosphere and begins to burn up leaving a tail of light, what some would call a shooting star.  A little meteor would be a meteorite.  The moon's more of a satellite planetoid.  Also there are tonnes of different types of Earth rock so which are you comparing to the moon?  I'd recommend Basalt because it's a known baflavour enhancer.

:schlupp:

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fuchsntf

fuchsntf

Posted
Posted
On Saturday, October 07, 2017 at 14:26, Milo said:

Holy. 

Fking. 

Moley. 

 

:o

I heard this joke back in the 70s, from Dickie Davies presenter of ITVs world of Sport....

 

IT actually happened, 2 long distance Kayakers/canoeist, were stranded in a competition they had turned their canoe

set a small camp with a small fire sheltering under tipped kayaks then in high winds came and set fire to their boats..

Davies, a quick fire presenter when live....then after being given the details while running live...ended this news...

Proves that even hardend sportsman " cant have their Kayak and heat it"...brilliant for its immediate  quick of the cuff rapport

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