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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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fuchsntf

fuchsntf

Posted
Posted
On Saturday, October 07, 2017 at 15:04, Izzy Muzzett said:

My jokes are far too clever and sophisticated for the pond life on here mate :thumbup:

That hurts...I live in a pond, just somefin I do, took a job has an old wreck, retired and finished on the rocks.

Shelled out alot and made a good gaff to crash dive to. After a few years nothing floats my boat, tried to angle

a new catch, but didnt get a bite...but still having a whale of a time...

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ajthefox

ajthefox

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, fuchsntf said:

That hurts...I live in a pond, just somefin I do, took a job has an old wreck, retired and finished on the rocks.

Shelled out alot and made a good gaff to crash dive to. After a few years nothing floats my boat, tried to angle

a new catch, but didnt get a bite...but still having a whale of a time...

That's the most sense I think you've ever made. Bizarre.

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted

I saw a bloke in the park earlier today picking up dog shit.

 

I shouted over: "At least there's one responsible dog owner around here mate!" and gave him the 'thumbs up'.

 

Then I noticed he didn't have a dog.

 

Or a bag...

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Milo

Milo

Posted
Posted
33 minutes ago, notnow john said:

The nurse at the sperm clinic asked me if I could masterbate in a cup.

i said "I'm pretty good but I'm not sure I'm ready for competition"

I was in Specsavers last week when the optician said "you're going to have to stop masturbating" I said "why, is it making me go blind?"

 

He said, "no, but it's making the other customers uncomfortable" 

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Tuna

Tuna

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

I went to A & E yesterday and said to the nurse "I've been stung by a wasp. Have you got anything for it?"

 

She said "whereabouts is it?" I said

 

"I don't know. It'll be ****ing miles away by now".

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Aus Fox

Aus Fox

Posted
Posted

At the school I work at there was a kidnapping today. Shocking his teachers didn't know what to do. The other students didn't know what to do, I was called to the classroom to speak to the teacher about what had happened.

It was alright though by the time I arrived the boy had woken up.

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Facecloth

Facecloth

Posted
Posted
55 minutes ago, Aus Fox said:

At the school I work at there was a kidnapping today. Shocking his teachers didn't know what to do. The other students didn't know what to do, I was called to the classroom to speak to the teacher about what had happened.

It was alright though by the time I arrived the boy had woken up.

That joke only really works when spoken.

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davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Aus Fox said:

At the school I work at there was a kidnapping today. Shocking his teachers didn't know what to do. The other students didn't know what to do, I was called to the classroom to speak to the teacher about what had happened.

It was alright though by the time I arrived the boy had woken up.

Sad thing is if that was reality e.g falling asleep in class then the  fallout these days would resemble an actual kidnapping.

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Tuna

Tuna

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Aus Fox said:

At the school I work at there was a kidnapping today. Shocking his teachers didn't know what to do. The other students didn't know what to do, I was called to the classroom to speak to the teacher about what had happened.

It was alright though by the time I arrived the boy had woken up.

giphy.gif

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the fox

the fox

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, Buce said:

 

Let's be honest - even @Izzy Muzzett would have been too proud to post it.

 

Not sure about @the fox...

ok, here are some jokes
soy milk is just a milk that introduced itself in spanish.


The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades


Anybody who thinks telekinesis is real, raise my hand.


My lack of knowledge on Greek Literature has always been my Achilles' elbow

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

those are my efforts, brand new, straight from the oven, 100%. i didn't like search on the internet or anything....................ok ok! i totally did. lol

 

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