The joke thread

[Milo]

I've asked Santa for the Izzy Muzzet joke book this year...

 

...be warned 

[Milo]

Sad news - I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week...phoned her up to arrange another date, but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

[Alf Bentley]

6 minutes ago, Milo said:

Sad news - I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week...phoned her up to arrange another date, but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

 

Tragic. I expect you were really looking forward to kissing her tulips.

 

There's nothing like a edam, as four dyslexic blokes said as they walked into a bar.

[Izzy]

Last night the wife admitted to me that she’d slept with 6 other men before we met.

 

I wouldn’t mind but I was only 20 minutes late!

[separator]

9 hours ago, Buce said:

Four dyslexic guys walk into a bra...

Jokes about dyslexia. That's a bit owl even in this thread.

[Izzy]

22 minutes ago, separator said:

Jokes about dyslexia. That's a bit owl even in this thread.

I’m surprised no one has mentioned the dyslexic raver who was admitted to hospital after overdosing on F

[Webbo]

11 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I’m surprised no one has mentioned the dyslexic raver who was admitted to hospital after overdosing on F

What about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?

[Izzy]

Apparently the Spanish name for Chesney Hawkes is Juan Anonlli

 

[Jimothy]

How about the gay man who discovered he was dyslexic too.

 

He's still in daniel.

[Izzy]

I walked in the house yesterday with a large bunch of flowers.

 

The wife said "It’s not my birthday or our anniversary, so what the fvck have you been up to?" 

 

I said "I've been shagging your sister"

 

She said "Do you think a bunch of flowers are gonna make me feel better?"

 

I said "They’re for your sister love"

[The Bear]

Apparently the Spanish name for Chesney Hawkes is Juan Anonlli
 

Congrats on an actual joke [emoji23]

[Milo]

9 hours ago, Alf Bentley said:

10 hours ago, Milo said:

Sad news - I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week...phoned her up to arrange another date, but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

 

Tragic. I expect you were really looking forward to kissing her tulips.

 

There's nothing like a edam, as four dyslexic blokes said as they walked into a bar.

God, you're good... 

[separator]

Grab your taco.... you've pulled a dyslexic Mexican

[Parafox]

On ‎10‎/‎15‎/‎2017 at 00:15, Benguin said:

Definitely planned it, I went tonight and got told there was no space.

You're definitely talking out of Uranus, now.

[StanSP]

 

[ajthefox]

45 minutes ago, StanSP said:

 

I like that he can't be arsed to type properly in English but still bothers with the é.

[TiffToff88]

1 minute ago, ajthefox said:

I like that he can't be arsed to type properly in English but still bothers with the é.

he did put the diacritic on the wrong e though

Edited 16 October 2017 by TiffToff88

[Izzy]

3 minutes ago, ajthefox said:

I like that he can't be arsed to type properly in English but still bothers with the é.

I think he was typing in Scottish mate 

[woznotwos]

Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara

 

 

My homeage to Muzzy

[TiffToff88]

1 minute ago, woznotwos said:

Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara

 

 

My homeage to Muzzy

very sweet

[jonthefox]

20 hours ago, Webbo said:

What about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?

Or the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse.

[Carl the Llama]

3 hours ago, TiffToff88 said:

he did put the diacritic on the wrong e though

The wrong one too. Chouxd have made a joke about profiteroles instead.

[Buce]

20 minutes ago, Carl the Llama said:

The wrong one too. Chouxd have made a joke about profiteroles instead.

 

Is it not pronounced shoe?

 

 

 

[fuchsntf]

On Sunday, October 15, 2017 at 13:05, Izzy Muzzett said:

Last night the wife admitted to me that she’d slept with 6 other men before we met.

 

I wouldn’t mind but I was only 20 minutes late!

Your wife cant count, plus you need a new watch you was 25min Late...!!!!

 

[Carl the Llama]

2 hours ago, Buce said:

 

Is it not pronounced shoe?

 

 

 

The fact that you asked that question tells me you shoed already know the answer.