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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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stretch1965

stretch1965

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On 10/06/2021 at 08:22, Izzy said:

The wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with Spanish football.

 

She said "Why don't you get a real hobby?" 

 

I said "FFS woman, It's pronounced Ray-al" 

 

:rolleyes:

 

 

Did she leave you for someone Elche, if so you'll have to Getafe your ass and find a new woman.

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Facecloth

Facecloth

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3 hours ago, stretch1965 said:

Did she leave you for someone Elche, if so you'll have to Getafe your ass and find a new woman.

Was trying to think of Elche pun, only for you to Vigo and get one before me.

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MPH

MPH

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I can’t believe it! Just  spotted Sinead O'Connor sitting in a tree. i asked her hat she was doing and she said she was bird-watching. I asked how she was getting  on. She said, "so far it's been 7 owls and 15 jays".

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Buce

Buce

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1 hour ago, Md9 said:

0A9218A7-D5AD-4180-8790-31C8A3F7E1ED.jpeg

 

10 minutes ago, winteriscoming said:

Just heard that Harry Kane has visited Christian Eriksen in hospital. 
‘He’s just managing to string a few words together now, so making good progress.’

Said Eriksen. 

 

 

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Big Dave

Big Dave

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It is just before Scotland v England in the Euro’s Group game. 

Kane goes into the England changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum. 

"What's up?" he asks. 

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Scotland. They're shite and we can't be bothered". 

Kane looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub." 

So Kane goes out to play Scotland by himself and the rest of the England team go off for a few pints. After a few jars they wonder how the game is going, so one of them checks their phone…. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "England 1 - Scotland 0 (Kane 10minutes)". He is beating Scotland all by himself! 

Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They check the result…. 

"Result from the Stadium "England 1 (Kane 10 minutes) - Scotland 1"(Mcginn 89 minutes)". 

They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against Scotland!! 

They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. 

"I've let you down, I've let you down." 

"Don't be daft, you got a draw against Scotland , all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end" 

"No, No, I have, I've let you down...

I got sent off after 12 minutes".

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