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Posted

When football commentators say, "he wasn't offside when the ball was played."

So basically, he wasn't offside. Stop wasting oxygen!

Posted

Mouth ulcer can **** off. Had it for a few days now, I can't do anything

Go to the pharmacist and ask for Bonjela teething gel. Instant relief and it will shrink it down.

  • Like 1
Posted

Go to the pharmacist and ask for Bonjela teething gel. Instant relief and it will shrink it down.

 

Cheers

 

no idea where it came from, think i might have put too much pepper on my pasta

Posted (edited)

when you clean the toilet so it looks brand-new then you need to do a massive explosive dump in it lol

Edited by StanSP
Posted

when you clean the toilet so it looks brand-new then you need to do a massive explosive dump in it lol

Mod alert.

I think Carl the llama has hacked Stan's account.

  • Like 1
Posted

My 8 month old border collie, decided to eat a felt tip today, exploded red ink all over his snout, mouth and paws. had to shower him and he still has red ink stains on his white bits

Posted

My 8 month old border collie, decided to eat a felt tip today, exploded red ink all over his snout, mouth and paws. had to shower him and he still has red ink stains on his white bits

 

Too many jokes...

Posted

Any competition with decent prizes has to be entered via Facebook or twitter. I don't have either and I don't want them either, but I wouldn't mind the prizes.

Posted

Any competition with decent prizes has to be entered via Facebook or twitter. I don't have either and I don't want them either, but I wouldn't mind the prizes.

 

 

Not just that, I miss old-style instant-win competitions. Everything is now "Enter this code online so we have all your details to pass on to PPI-reclaim companies and other such shitbags. PS no you haven't won a holiday"

  • Like 1
Posted

When people say "Woy Hodgson".

It wasn't funny 20 years ago, it's certainly not now.

Grown men calling him 'woy' is the absolute pits. No wonder the euro 2016 threads are so bad.
  • Like 3
Posted

I call him Woy because that's what everybody else calls him. Seeing as I'm the only person on here who doesn't want him hung I think that's allowed.

Posted

Recruitment agencies, the disorganised ones.

 

A friend of mine (off work for a good while, despite working hard to get anything) was guaranteed 3 months work at a local distribution centre; but when he got there to start his first day with them (at the time the agency told him to go), his name wasn't even on the list and was told to go home - which is around 30 minute drive.

Posted

Courier deliveries for domestic orders.

I just don't get why they've become so common place, IMO they just don't fit in with the average person. If I'm ordering something huge, or high value, then I get why it might be sent by courier, and you'd probably arrange to be in to collect it or meet them there as they carry it into you house. But in recent years I've seen an increase in the smallest items being delivered by couriers rather than the Royal Mail, and it just doesn't work. I ordered one of those Leicester info graphic posters. Looking on the website, it'll be coming in one of those tubes, and according to the card I got it's being delivery by Hermes deliveries. I work 9-5 during the week, so now I've got to wait in on Saturday after rearranging the delivery. For things like this, and books, DVDs etc we had a perfectly good system of popping it in the post, or dropping it off at a post office, and if the recipient was out they could, in their own time and at their own convenience go to the Royal Mail depot and pick it up. Not having to spend half their weekend waiting for someone to find your house and hand it to you at a none specified time. I totally get why business will have things delivered by courier but for most people weekday courier deliveries for things like this are pointless. I know you can get Amazon prime and have things delivered the next day, and that is great, it works that way, but if it's ordered off another site or not available on prime then just stick it in the bloody post, it's so much easier.

  • Like 2

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