Depression

[Lionator]

18 hours ago, shanetko said:

Apologies in advance. Going to bemoan my existence on the internet again here.

 

Been on and off anti depressants in recent years. Last stopped taking Fluoxetine (Prozac) about 14 months ago. Was originally on Citalopram (Celexa).

 

Took myself off them as I felt they were having no impact. Find myself drifting into thoughts of bad things constantly these days and contemplating going to doctors. Always feel a bit like an after thought though. Oh here's some drugs, go away. 

 

I saw a shrink for 1 session about 21 months ago and he didn't want to know. Basically said there was nothing wrong with me and I need to get a bird. Presumably as I was only able to pay for one session at a time. 

 

I've struggled to hold down jobs for several years now as at least twice a week I literally want the world to go away and naturally and understandably nobody wants to employ someone who perhaps doesn't turn up 6-7 times a month. Have done some short term assignments abroad which ive been able to get through just about as its involved dealing with nobody directly just me left to my own devices and reporting back.

 

As for the depression itself.. sometimes its suicidal thoughts, sometimes its irrational anger and sometimes its just pure empty nothingness. 

 

As I said previously I've been on and off the pills and in addition to that I tried CBD which frankly was unhelpful for me (I know it has worked for other people but there's no size fits all sadly) and I can't afford to see a private shrink. My local GP surgery doesnt let you see a doctor for mental health issues they take you into a nurse/councillor but that can only go so far I find. Feel like I'm running low on ideas.

 

I get told things like 'get active' because exercise is good for the mind etc but honestly I really dont want to leave the house a lot of the time and it can be impossible to persuade myself otherwise at times. I imagine most people just think I'm really lazy but sometimes simply getting out of bed is a personal triumph I feel that cripplingly low.

 

I was offered to go to Peru and be try Ayahuasca by a friend who is extremely wealthy and means well but the whole idea daunted me far too much to consider seriously. He watched 'The Last Shamen' on Netflix and came up with the idea.

 

Some people I know try their best to be supportive and its always appreciated whereas others are quick to tell me loads have it much worse and/or to man up, the former generally leaves me feeling extreme guilt and the latter just enrages me. 

 

Anyway I've said my piece. Apologies for wasting anyone's time that read this. I was just hoping for some catharsis perhaps.

 

 

 

This is to yourself and any others reading this. Please for goodness sake never feel like you have to apologise for your mindset, especially on a forum such as this. 

 

I know it's difficult in that dark place when you think that you're a burden and that nobody cares but we do, or else we wouldn't be visiting this forum! Also bin off anyone who tells you to man up, they're not good for you.

 

By the Ayahuasca sounds absolutely wild. I listened to a podcast 'Say Why to Drugs' on it and it's probably not the greatest idea to want to rely on that.

[Costock_Fox]

Anyone got any tips on how to unwind? Work is crazily stressful at the minute and about once a week I come home with my head spinning and find it difficult to focus on much.

 

I do a lot of exercise but not really in the evening so I’m not sure if that’s the answer, going for a walk doesn’t do the trick as my two Huskys drag me all over the shop. Thanks in advance.

[HowardsBulletHeader]

On 06/02/2020 at 21:23, Costock_Fox said:

Anyone got any tips on how to unwind? Work is crazily stressful at the minute and about once a week I come home with my head spinning and find it difficult to focus on much.

 

I do a lot of exercise but not really in the evening so I’m not sure if that’s the answer, going for a walk doesn’t do the trick as my two Huskys drag me all over the shop. Thanks in advance.

I struggle with this quite a bit, I'm a natural worrier and also a bit of a "oh I'll just do that before I go home" tending to then get home and think "oh I should've done that today" and have it play on my mind. 

 

Anyway, you mention exercise, given that I basically stopped going to the gym after work for 2 months and restarted at the turn of the year, gym definitely correlates with sleep for me. If I go, I sleep better and switch off easier, if I don't, I don't. 

 

Similarly screen time exposure before bed also causes me a problem. I try to have 15-20 minutes before going to bed where I'm not on my phone or watching TV. I tend to get to sleep quicker that way too. 

[Costock_Fox]

8 hours ago, HowardsBulletHeader said:

I struggle with this quite a bit, I'm a natural worrier and also a bit of a "oh I'll just do that before I go home" tending to then get home and think "oh I should've done that today" and have it play on my mind. 

 

Anyway, you mention exercise, given that I basically stopped going to the gym after work for 2 months and restarted at the turn of the year, gym definitely correlates with sleep for me. If I go, I sleep better and switch off easier, if I don't, I don't. 

 

Similarly screen time exposure before bed also causes me a problem. I try to have 15-20 minutes before going to bed where I'm not on my phone or watching TV. I tend to get to sleep quicker that way too. 

It’s difficult to describe with me. It’s not very often I struggle to sleep due to the stress and I agree re screen time, I’ve deleted most social media recently.

 

At work I’m pretty much the only managed that has ever done the work that the staff are doing so everyone comes to me with questions and the job is quite complicated so if requires lots of brain power so switching from one thing to the next at the drop of a hat really takes it out of me. An example, This week I’ve been back to back in end of year appraisals and meetings, yesterday I finish 1 and walk back to my desk and I’ve got someone with a question that I need to sit down for 5 minutes to review a few things to answer. When I’ve done I needed to speak to the person next to them about a really important piece of work but I’ve got another manager needing my help on something else so I help them, I walk back to my desk and before I get there I’ve got someone else needing help on a complicated query. I sit down, 70 emails from the morning, maybe 5 needing urgent action to stop customers houses falling through or complaints, then a team member who needs help with something else comes to me and at this point I’ve got 5 minutes before I’m phoning someone else who is on the verge of logging a grievance against senior management and I’m trying to appease the situation.

 

I get home and because it’s been 100 miles an hour all day I can barely hold a conversation with the other half. The Villa game the other week, I’m walking to the ground completely in auto pilot and struggling to take anything in so I’m hoping someone can suggest something that really helps me to press the reset button when I get home.

 

Sorry for the rant, I’m sure many people have similarly stressful jobs. Mine just seems out of control at the minute.

[Izzy]

45 minutes ago, Costock_Fox said:

It’s difficult to describe with me. It’s not very often I struggle to sleep due to the stress and I agree re screen time, I’ve deleted most social media recently.

 

At work I’m pretty much the only managed that has ever done the work that the staff are doing so everyone comes to me with questions and the job is quite complicated so if requires lots of brain power so switching from one thing to the next at the drop of a hat really takes it out of me. An example, This week I’ve been back to back in end of year appraisals and meetings, yesterday I finish 1 and walk back to my desk and I’ve got someone with a question that I need to sit down for 5 minutes to review a few things to answer. When I’ve done I needed to speak to the person next to them about a really important piece of work but I’ve got another manager needing my help on something else so I help them, I walk back to my desk and before I get there I’ve got someone else needing help on a complicated query. I sit down, 70 emails from the morning, maybe 5 needing urgent action to stop customers houses falling through or complaints, then a team member who needs help with something else comes to me and at this point I’ve got 5 minutes before I’m phoning someone else who is on the verge of logging a grievance against senior management and I’m trying to appease the situation.

 

I get home and because it’s been 100 miles an hour all day I can barely hold a conversation with the other half. The Villa game the other week, I’m walking to the ground completely in auto pilot and struggling to take anything in so I’m hoping someone can suggest something that really helps me to press the reset button when I get home.

 

Sorry for the rant, I’m sure many people have similarly stressful jobs. Mine just seems out of control at the minute.

Sounds to me like you need to be shit hot at coaching and delegating in your job mate. The danger with being the 'expert' is that people use you as their crutch and you end up taking all the monkey's off them.

 

By all means teach and train them on the technical stuff but I'd suggest that most of the time they know what to do or at least know where to find the answers to the problems that they're paid to solve. If they know you'll keep bailing them out they'll keep abusing your good will. But if they know that from now on you'll coach them to work it out for themselves, they'll start to come with solutions rather than problems.

 

It's all down to if you trust them to experiment and make mistakes. If you don't, you'll end up being a control freak, doing it all yourself and them wonder why you're stressed and working daft hours.

 

It's a cliche but you've got to empower your team buddy otherwise you end up operating at a level below where you should be.

[Costock_Fox]

4 minutes ago, Izzy said:

Sounds to me like you need to be shit hot at coaching and delegating in your job mate. The danger with being the 'expert' is that people use you as their crutch and you end up taking all the monkey's off them.

 

By all means teach and train them on the technical stuff but I'd suggest that most of the time they know what to do or at least know where to find the answers to the problems that they're paid to solve. If they know you'll keep bailing them out they'll keep abusing your good will. But if they know that from now on you'll coach them to work it out for themselves, they'll start to come with solutions rather than problems.

 

It's all down to if you trust them to experiment and make mistakes. If you don't, you'll end up being a control freak, doing it all yourself and them wonder why you're stressed and working daft hours.

 

It's a cliche but you've got to empower your team buddy otherwise you end up operating at a level below where you should be.

Thanks for that and I completely agree. It’s a bit of a perfect storm at the minute. We have probably 60 people doing something they weren’t 3 months ago and my boss has helped to create an environment where, because being efficient at what we do is important, people are used to being given answers. My team gets a fair wack of coaching but in the wider team it doesn’t happen so it’s a thankless task.

 

Id love to invite an outsider into our place at the minute, you would probably lose your shit at the lot of us, especially my boss. I feel like it’s down to me to coach him into getting us to where we need to be but it ends up with him giving inconsistent messages. For example, Thursday he comes into my team meeting and loves it “I really want to keep your team together” 10 mins later “right so let’s talk about team moves”. I feel like I’m in an asylum  

[Crinklyfox]

38 minutes ago, Costock_Fox said:

Thanks for that and I completely agree. It’s a bit of a perfect storm at the minute. We have probably 60 people doing something they weren’t 3 months ago and my boss has helped to create an environment where, because being efficient at what we do is important, people are used to being given answers. My team gets a fair wack of coaching but in the wider team it doesn’t happen so it’s a thankless task.

 

Id love to invite an outsider into our place at the minute, you would probably lose your shit at the lot of us, especially my boss. I feel like it’s down to me to coach him into getting us to where we need to be but it ends up with him giving inconsistent messages. For example, Thursday he comes into my team meeting and loves it “I really want to keep your team together” 10 mins later “right so let’s talk about team moves”. I feel like I’m in an asylum  

Pressure is manageable in short bursts.  Long term it's not an option as it will probably have a negative effect on your efficiency and that of your team.  Worst case scenario is that you eventually crack under the pressure - this can happen to anyone, we all have a breaking point.  This is not in your best interest or the company's.  If you were not there then they would have to bring in a less experienced person who would be less likely to handle the issues effectively.

 

Now if you let your manager know that the workload is unsustainable that puts him in a difficult position - ignoring you could have negative consequences for him if things went bad.  So it's an option, but please take Izzy's excellent advice first or he could come back and blame your management/delegation skills for the issue.  Just a thought.

[Costock_Fox]

29 minutes ago, Crinklyfox said:

Pressure is manageable in short bursts.  Long term it's not an option as it will probably have a negative effect on your efficiency and that of your team.  Worst case scenario is that you eventually crack under the pressure - this can happen to anyone, we all have a breaking point.  This is not in your best interest or the company's.  If you were not there then they would have to bring in a less experienced person who would be less likely to handle the issues effectively.

 

Now if you let your manager know that the workload is unsustainable that puts him in a difficult position - ignoring you could have negative consequences for him if things went bad.  So it's an option, but please take Izzy's excellent advice first or he could come back and blame your management/delegation skills for the issue.  Just a thought.

Thanks and I get that. He knows the situation and that’s definitely a conversation that needs to be had.

[urban.spaceman]

Had a really ****ing dreadful week with some mild ups and extremely low downs, including a suicidal impulse while waiting at a level junction that I'm stopped at every day, which really ****ing scared me.

 

I'm through the worst of it though, I hope, spending the last 24 hours trying to 'digitally detox', staying off here and deleting social media apps, blocking websites and play Red Dead while listening music loudly through my headphones.

 

Just do whatever you can to get yourself through the darkness, because the feelings do subside with a tiny bit of hope. Find the light and make positive plans for the future.

 

With that in mind I've decided to get my first tattoo very soon, through my depression is making me unsure of committing to anything for fear of it being shit!

[HighPeakFox]

8 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Had a really ****ing dreadful week with some mild ups and extremely low downs, including a suicidal impulse while waiting at a level junction that I'm stopped at every day, which really ****ing scared me.

 

I'm through the worst of it though, I hope, spending the last 24 hours trying to 'digitally detox', staying off here and deleting social media apps, blocking websites and play Red Dead while listening music loudly through my headphones.

 

Just do whatever you can to get yourself through the darkness, because the feelings do subside with a tiny bit of hope. Find the light and make positive plans for the future.

 

With that in mind I've decided to get my first tattoo very soon, through my depression is making me unsure of committing to anything for fear of it being shit!

Avoiding social media seems a very good idea. Keep at it, fella.

[Bert]

I need help

[FoxesDeb]

Just now, Bert said:

I need help

Keep talking, we're all listening and here to try and help x

[Facecloth]

2 minutes ago, Bert said:

I need help

Anything you need to get off your chest mate, you can do here mate. There's no judgement, and this thread will testify people are here to listen and help.

[Parafox]

25 minutes ago, Bert said:

I need help

Never hide a problem that's causing you distress or difficulties in your life. Even if you don't talk about it on here, find someone, a counsellor or some such, that you can build a trust with. There are church groups (I'm don't have a religion myself, but I've used such a group) that offer help to anyone in emotional difficulty regardless of any belief or not. Try Googling. There's lots out there. 

[urban.spaceman]

2 hours ago, Bert said:

I need help

Everyone on this thread is here for you Bert. Share as much as you want, it's up to you. But there's some amazing people on here that can provide great advice either on here or in private.

[Facecloth]

Just now, urban.spaceman said:

Everyone on this thread is here for you Bert. Share as much as you want, it's up to you. But there's some amazing people on here that can provide great advice either on here or in private.

Worded considerably better than I managed 

[urban.spaceman]

21 minutes ago, Facecloth said:

Worded considerably better than I managed 

It's not a competition Face.

 

(Though if you want literacy lessons fuchsntf might be able to help )

[Lionator]

There'll be a lot in the press about the S word over the next few days because of the Caroline Flack situation.

 

Please let it be know that you're all worthy and you all have your place on this earth.

Tough periods happen but that's what this thread, our families and friends are for. If that doesn't help then the Samaritans (116 123) are there 24/7. 

 

It's ok not be ok.

[urban.spaceman]

Serious note though, I always find myself so upset when there's a suicide in the news, particularly a public figure. I cried for 3 ****ing days when Robin Williams died; partly because I was struggling at the time but also cos I ****ing loved the guy. Chester Bennington was a tough one to take too.

 

I've previously used my depression to lash out at people whether they deserved it or not; recently though my therapist has helped me realise that I'm better if I'm kind to my core, so now I try to have as much compassion as possible for everyone (again, whether or not they deserve it, which has proved unpopular sometimes...)

 

Caroline Flack's upset me today too, particularly as I've had a couple of very close calls myself very recently. I keep thinking 'if only' she'd had the help she needed.

 

Suicide doesn't stop things getting worse, it stops things getting better. 

 

Be kind, be compassionate. It's ok to be vulnerable. And it's ok to ask for help.

[urban.spaceman]

"shut the **** up Urban"

[urban.spaceman]

k

[Lionator]

4 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

"shut the **** up Urban"

It's alright mate, you can let loose on here. 

 

I can't equate to how you've been feeling recently and how you feel regarding other people's deaths via suicide. It's devastating for so many people mostly for the person involved that they feel that way in the first place.

 

Like you say, suicide stops things getting worse for you but by god it makes things worse for people around you. 

 

I am here, others are here. Feelings are temporary, no matter how deep you feel they are. 

 

 

[urban.spaceman]

Ta Lion.

 

I'm not up to going into things right now, as I'm in the middle of a "happy place" - moderately drinking my favourite (OK, cheapest) whiskey, listening to some banging tunes with the rain gloriously hammering down on the conservatory roof. I especially ****ing love the latter.

 

Might go into some stuff next week as there's a few things that have caused an emotional ruckus recently.

 

One thing I will say for those having a suicidal turn: if you're really struggling it's important to try and make plans for the future. Not major plans like moving house or job or whatever. Just something to look forward to. Something you know will make you happy for a period of time. A film or album coming out, a City match, buying something that makes you smile. Find something to get you through to tomorrow and things will get better.

 

I'm planning on getting my first tattoo before my birthday next month, and that's really helped recently. I entered 2020 really wanting to reclaim my identity and the custom tattoo I have planned will hopefully remind me every day who I am and who I want to be.

 

 

[UpTheLeagueFox]

4 hours ago, Bert said:

I need help

Plenty here willing to listen / talk.

Please don't suffer in silence x

[HighPeakFox]

4 hours ago, Bert said:

I need help

As others have said, we're all here. Might be worth stepping back from moderating - I imagine that might wear a sensitive soul down at times.