Depression

[ozleicester]

7 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

After tremendous anxiety, depression and failing to shit or get off the pot, I finally bought myself an elliptical trainer off Facebook marketplace the other day. I have an exercise bike and a treadmill but they're agony on my back partly due to my size but also a huge car crash a few years back.

 

It's ****ing massive; I had to get my dad and his car to help me pick it up, and still had to drive back home in the pissing rain with the boot half open. And then I had to clear out the garage all day today, including taking the treadmill to pieces and fly tipping it*.

 

But it's finally here, I've just had a go on it, and I'm very happy with it. It's very low impact so should hopefully help exercise without killing my back and other pains. 

 

Dry January is going well too, haven't really missed alcohol at all.**

 

I've tried to make positive changes before and nothing has really stuck, but I'm becoming an uncle in about 3 weeks and hopefully hear about a job opportunity very soon too, so things for 2020 are at least feeling a lot brighter.

 

I hope everyone on this thread is well. If not, never be afraid to post in here. There's some smashing people that are ****ing brilliant at being empathetic, knowledgeable, helpful and seriously kind. 

 

 

 

 

 

*didn't really

**he says, on his third beer of the night. Leave me alone I've earned it.

Good luck mate... hope it works for you.

My only suggestion is to try and build a routine with it, supposedly it take two weeks to create a routine that your body and brain believe.

[PAULCFC]

A month after my mums death and am i in a much better place if that dosen't sound bad!It's been a hard 3 years,with her going in and out of hospital,going to see my dad with alchzemiers and trying to keep a family life together.....to anyone is suffering, i know it's hard,but better time's will come.

[Unabomber]

28 minutes ago, PAULCFC said:

A month after my mums death and am i in a much better place if that dosen't sound bad!It's been a hard 3 years,with her going in and out of hospital,going to see my dad with alchzemiers and trying to keep a family life together.....to anyone is suffering, i know it's hard,but better time's will come.

It’s a month tomorrow since mine died and I am finding it harder than ever. I guess it is sinking in and becoming more real. Hasn’t helped with the long wait for the funeral which is next Tuesday.

Edited 21 January 2020 by Unabomber

[PAULCFC]

2 hours ago, Unabomber said:

It’s a month tomorrow since mine died and I am finding it harder than ever. I guess it is sinking in and becoming more real. Hasn’t helped with the long wait for the funeral which is next Tuesday.

If you are like me it'll be harder after the funeral,when my mum died i was there and accepted it as she'd been in an out of hospital for 3 years.I agree with you on the waiting for funerals,my mums was 3 weeks over xmas!But be prepared for it to hit you most after the funeral.I thought i was going to go into work the day after and it was all done,but that is when it hit me the most.

Edited 21 January 2020 by PAULCFC

[Costock_Fox]

On 05/01/2020 at 01:14, urban.spaceman said:

As a carer for a guy with autism. Been doing it for 7 years now while failing to get into other things and he only assaulted me for the first time about 2 months ago. I'm not hurt, more upset for him really as I had to punish him by - wait for it - confiscating his S Club 7 CD for a week.

 

I am truly evil.

Sounds accidental, he might have been trying to reach for the stars.

[urban.spaceman]

 

[urban.spaceman]

Does anyone else ever feel, even when you're actually feeling well, that you're permanently in 'crisis' mode?

[E.Rose]

13 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Does anyone else ever feel, even when you're actually feeling well, that you're permanently in 'crisis' mode?

Not personally so sorry I can't help  - bumping this up for you in case there is anyone else that can offer some words of wisdom 

[Xen]

13 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Does anyone else ever feel, even when you're actually feeling well, that you're permanently in 'crisis' mode?

Definitely. I find it incredibly difficult to switch off at the best of times, so whenever I have a busy/bad time at work and it stresses me out I can slip into a vicious cycle just from that alone.

 

Add in a whole bunch of major (and some minor) life things which just dont seem to be getting any closer to a conclusion (saving for a house deposit, for instance) and the burnout is very real. Of course, that then means I'm even more likely to avoid doing the things which might generate some sort of progress.

 

I've got a few coping mechanisms which keep me sane (running, LCFC, and a few other bits), but in reality I'm aware they're only 'bandaids' and the issues are still there in the background, so whilst I know I'm in a decent place mentally at that time I know its going to go back to crisis mode - as you put it - before long.

 

Its tough.

[mabrah]

Yep, anxiety is a pretty much a constant for me (doesn't make watching league cup semis easy!) 

 

I've been prescribed mild tranquilisers (clotiazepam) that I'm only supposed to take when really needed but I'm taking them perhaps more than I should. They don't resolve the anxiety put they do seem to push it away; it's like I can see the anxiety but I'm not responding to it - if that makes sense. I'm resolved to living with it in truth. Depression is something that hits me periodically and can last anything up to 10 days, I just have to ride it out and hope I don't wreck my marriage in the process!

 

The best therapy I have found (non medication) is breathing. Simply slow and deep breaths - fill my lungs and then slowly exhale. It has a remarkably calming effect, for a while anyway. That and walking, sometimes both (yes, I can multi-task!) 

 

 

Edited 29 January 2020 by mabrah

[Guest Harrydc]

8 hours ago, mabrah said:

Yep, anxiety is a pretty much a constant for me (doesn't make watching league cup semis easy!) 

 

I've been prescribed mild tranquilisers (clotiazepam) that I'm only supposed to take when really needed but I'm taking them perhaps more than I should. They don't resolve the anxiety put they do seem to push it away; it's like I can see the anxiety but I'm not responding to it - if that makes sense. I'm resolved to living with it in truth. Depression is something that hits me periodically and can last anything up to 10 days, I just have to ride it out and hope I don't wreck my marriage in the process!

 

The best therapy I have found (non medication) is breathing. Simply slow and deep breaths - fill my lungs and then slowly exhale. It has a remarkably calming effect, for a while anyway. That and walking, sometimes both (yes, I can multi-task!) 

 

 

Regarding this point, would you recommend something like this. I have tried endless amounts of prescriptions which are required to take daily, such as sertraline and citralopram, however none of them seemed to make a difference, and probably made things worse. These days, i'm just learning to live with anxiety medication free, but it shouldnt have to be like this. 

[mabrah]

7 hours ago, Harrydc said:

These days, i'm just learning to live with anxiety medication free, but it shouldn't have to be like this. 

No, it shouldn't have to be like this. I 100% agree with you, and I think you have nailed it right there - your starting point, your motivation. It is certainly mine, a desire to not want to live 'like this'.

 

I obviously do have to state the usual/expected caveats though - I am not a doctor, I have no medical training nor expertise, and so I cannot advise. That said, I do have an opinion based both on experience and my own reading. It does sound (from my sentence that you highlighted) that I am suggesting drug dependance (in short, I'm not) and I want to redress that and put it into a context. So please indulge me while I'll lay a bit of groundwork before I address your question.

 

Medication does work for some people - absolutely, unquestionably, unequivocally. It's equally true to say that meds don't work for some people, and in the field of mental health perhaps more so. Their batting average, if I can put it like that, is pretty poor. Some talking therapies, for instance, have been shown to be equally, if not more, effective (I'm sure the numbers are on this thread somewhere as there's someone on this forum that is very knowledgeable on such things) Certainly, the more I read, the more I began to be less assured by their use. I could get overly cynical/conspiratorial (big pharma, etc) but I'll not - but suffice it to say I do believe the needs of the patient are not always foremost when prescribing meds. Often the needs of society are of greater importance - and, in fairness, one can appreciate the thinking behind that; you don't want someone with psychotic tendencies wandering about, better (for everyone else) to dope them into pacivity. Admittedly, that's an extreme situation and doesn't pertain to me. My meds don't make me a zombie.

 

In fairness, my meds do sort of work (otherwise I wouldn't take them) but I realise they do not fix me. As I said before, they kind of ring fence me, give me a sense of security. The best way I can describe it as being caged with savage dogs surrounding me, but the dogs are outside the cage. The dogs are there, I can see them and see that they are barking - but they cannot get to me. The meds give me a sense of security without removing the cause. To be fair to modern medicine, that is better than nothing and it does at least enable me to pass the day in relative calm. However, I have become overly reliant on them (because it's easy to take a pill) and whilst I am not physically addicted, I certainly do not want to continue like this - to use the words that you used, it shouldn't have to be like this.

 

That all said, I can now address your question directly - I absolutely would not recommend the continued use of a medication beyond its intended usage period. Primarily because, based on my experience, it doesn't fix you.

 

The fact that I am currently doing that should not be considered a way forward for anyone. Me saying "I'm resolved to living with it"  illustrates more my own battle (the battle weakens me and sometimes I admit defeat) but I DO want to transition myself away from my reliance on meds, I don't want to continue living like this. My mentions of breathing and walking are the effective non-medical solutions I have so far found that help me.

 

.....

 

Thank you Harrydc, thank you for asking the question. My reply has taken me the best part of an hour to type out because I have had to think about the post I made and what I meant by it, and I've had to think deeply about where I am now and where I want to be. I found that to respond to your question, I had to explore myself and that has helped me greatly, so thank you. And, um..... you're not by any chance a shrink are you? Have you just used a highly effective bit of reverse psychology to get me to explore my own self!    

 

 

[Guest Harrydc]

Thank you so much @mabrah for such a well thought out response. It was interesting reading your viewpoint on this and establishing what you meant. Oh, and I’m glad my original comment could help you in your own journey too!  

[HybridFox]

Respect. Can't have been easy

 

 

[egg_fried_rice]

Anyone got any experience with Mirtazapine? Took my first dose last night and it has knocked me for six. Slept like a baby but I'm drowsy as fvck this morning. Will this subside? Even posted this comment in a completely different sub forum as I'm so not with it 

Also, has anyone experienced weight gain with this drug? Seems to be a common side effect and as I'm trying to lose a bit of weight at the moment, that wouldn't be ideal.

[Bryn]

2 hours ago, egg_fried_rice said:

Anyone got any experience with Mirtazapine? Took my first dose last night and it has knocked me for six. Slept like a baby but I'm drowsy as fvck this morning. Will this subside? Even posted this comment in a completely different sub forum as I'm so not with it 

Also, has anyone experienced weight gain with this drug? Seems to be a common side effect and as I'm trying to lose a bit of weight at the moment, that wouldn't be ideal.

Two of the common effects, which in fact are often harnessed deliberately when choosing to use mirtazapine, are drowsiness and increased appetite. 

 

What time did you take it? Is there any possibility of taking it earlier so the effects are wearing off by the morning? 

 

I would anticipate you developing a degree of tolerance to it over time. 

 

Interestingly, the sedative effect diminishes as the dose increases, so if the plan is to titrate upwards over time that might be beneficial. 

 

Most of the modern antidepressants are associated with weight gain. Best thing you can do is try and stay vigilant with your diet and exercise. You may need to discuss alternatives with your GP. 

[Bryn]

Other thing I should say to you is that you need to avoid driving or operating machinery or any other potentially dangerous activities if you're that impaired. 

Edited 5 February 2020 by Bryn

[egg_fried_rice]

35 minutes ago, Bryn said:

Two of the common effects, which in fact are often harnessed deliberately when choosing to use mirtazapine, are drowsiness and increased appetite. 

 

What time did you take it? Is there any possibility of taking it earlier so the effects are wearing off by the morning? 

 

I would anticipate you developing a degree of tolerance to it over time. 

 

Interestingly, the sedative effect diminishes as the dose increases, so if the plan is to titrate upwards over time that might be beneficial. 

 

Most of the modern antidepressants are associated with weight gain. Best thing you can do is try and stay vigilant with your diet and exercise. You may need to discuss alternatives with your GP. 

I took it approximately 8pm so I could take it earlier - I was absolutely wiped by 9.30pm. If I do take it earlier I'd likely be in bed by 7.30pm!

 

There is no plan to increase the dosage yet. Strange how the sedative effect supposedly lessens the higher the dose.

 

I haven't actually experienced any increased appetite yet, i'll just try to remain vigilant in case it does increase.

 

33 minutes ago, Bryn said:

Other thing I should say to you is that you need to avoid driving or operating machinery or any other potentially dangerous activities if you're that impaired. 

Yes, I nearly went into the back of someone on the way to work this morning. I'm supposed to be driving a van to the NEC & back on Friday so I'll maybe have to stop taking it and start up again after that.

 

[Bryn]

Is there a reason your GP chose mirtazapine?

[egg_fried_rice]

10 minutes ago, Bryn said:

Is there a reason your GP chose mirtazapine?

He didn't explain his thinking. I've been on fluoxetine and sertraline without much success. Asked about my sleep which I said wasn't great but I tend to have cycles (days and weeks at a time) of good and bad sleep. Maybe he took that to mean my sleep habits are worse than they actually are. He did say it didn't have some of the negative side effects of others (sexual dysfunction etc).

 

I do feel significantly less anxious after just one dose, but I think that's mainly cos I'm a bit zombified.

[Stoopid]

4 hours ago, egg_fried_rice said:

Anyone got any experience with Mirtazapine? Took my first dose last night and it has knocked me for six. Slept like a baby but I'm drowsy as fvck this morning. Will this subside? Even posted this comment in a completely different sub forum as I'm so not with it 

Also, has anyone experienced weight gain with this drug? Seems to be a common side effect and as I'm trying to lose a bit of weight at the moment, that wouldn't be ideal.

I was on this stuff for quite some time and found it pretty helpful in that it seemed to stabilize my moods albeit with a slight stupefaction (not necessarily a bad thing).

I used to take it (30mg which I was on for most of the time) just before I intended to sleep as it knocked me out. Often vivid dreams too. Never found myself developing much resistance to this effect. Tho I think the morning drowsiness tends to diminish over time.

Didn't notice much effect on appetite, though I don't tend to eat much anyway. It didn't make me want to eat more over time.

I'm off it now, but - for me - it was fairly positive.

[Guest]

Apologies in advance. Going to bemoan my existence on the internet again here.

 

Been on and off anti depressants in recent years. Last stopped taking Fluoxetine (Prozac) about 14 months ago. Was originally on Citalopram (Celexa).

 

Took myself off them as I felt they were having no impact. Find myself drifting into thoughts of bad things constantly these days and contemplating going to doctors. Always feel a bit like an after thought though. Oh here's some drugs, go away. 

 

I saw a shrink for 1 session about 21 months ago and he didn't want to know. Basically said there was nothing wrong with me and I need to get a bird. Presumably as I was only able to pay for one session at a time. 

 

I've struggled to hold down jobs for several years now as at least twice a week I literally want the world to go away and naturally and understandably nobody wants to employ someone who perhaps doesn't turn up 6-7 times a month. Have done some short term assignments abroad which ive been able to get through just about as its involved dealing with nobody directly just me left to my own devices and reporting back.

 

As for the depression itself.. sometimes its suicidal thoughts, sometimes its irrational anger and sometimes its just pure empty nothingness. 

 

As I said previously I've been on and off the pills and in addition to that I tried CBD which frankly was unhelpful for me (I know it has worked for other people but there's no size fits all sadly) and I can't afford to see a private shrink. My local GP surgery doesnt let you see a doctor for mental health issues they take you into a nurse/councillor but that can only go so far I find. Feel like I'm running low on ideas.

 

I get told things like 'get active' because exercise is good for the mind etc but honestly I really dont want to leave the house a lot of the time and it can be impossible to persuade myself otherwise at times. I imagine most people just think I'm really lazy but sometimes simply getting out of bed is a personal triumph I feel that cripplingly low.

 

I was offered to go to Peru and be try Ayahuasca by a friend who is extremely wealthy and means well but the whole idea daunted me far too much to consider seriously. He watched 'The Last Shamen' on Netflix and came up with the idea.

 

Some people I know try their best to be supportive and its always appreciated whereas others are quick to tell me loads have it much worse and/or to man up, the former generally leaves me feeling extreme guilt and the latter just enrages me. 

 

Anyway I've said my piece. Apologies for wasting anyone's time that read this. I was just hoping for some catharsis perhaps. 

 

 

 

 

[Crinklyfox]

8 hours ago, shanetko said:

Apologies in advance. Going to bemoan my existence on the internet again here.

 

Been on and off anti depressants in recent years. Last stopped taking Fluoxetine (Prozac) about 14 months ago. Was originally on Citalopram (Celexa).

 

Took myself off them as I felt they were having no impact. Find myself drifting into thoughts of bad things constantly these days and contemplating going to doctors. Always feel a bit like an after thought though. Oh here's some drugs, go away. 

 

I saw a shrink for 1 session about 21 months ago and he didn't want to know. Basically said there was nothing wrong with me and I need to get a bird. Presumably as I was only able to pay for one session at a time. 

 

I've struggled to hold down jobs for several years now as at least twice a week I literally want the world to go away and naturally and understandably nobody wants to employ someone who perhaps doesn't turn up 6-7 times a month. Have done some short term assignments abroad which ive been able to get through just about as its involved dealing with nobody directly just me left to my own devices and reporting back.

 

As for the depression itself.. sometimes its suicidal thoughts, sometimes its irrational anger and sometimes its just pure empty nothingness. 

 

As I said previously I've been on and off the pills and in addition to that I tried CBD which frankly was unhelpful for me (I know it has worked for other people but there's no size fits all sadly) and I can't afford to see a private shrink. My local GP surgery doesnt let you see a doctor for mental health issues they take you into a nurse/councillor but that can only go so far I find. Feel like I'm running low on ideas.

 

I get told things like 'get active' because exercise is good for the mind etc but honestly I really dont want to leave the house a lot of the time and it can be impossible to persuade myself otherwise at times. I imagine most people just think I'm really lazy but sometimes simply getting out of bed is a personal triumph I feel that cripplingly low.

 

I was offered to go to Peru and be try Ayahuasca by a friend who is extremely wealthy and means well but the whole idea daunted me far too much to consider seriously. He watched 'The Last Shamen' on Netflix and came up with the idea.

 

Some people I know try their best to be supportive and its always appreciated whereas others are quick to tell me loads have it much worse and/or to man up, the former generally leaves me feeling extreme guilt and the latter just enrages me. 

 

Anyway I've said my piece. Apologies for wasting anyone's time that read this. I was just hoping for some catharsis perhaps. 

 

 

 

 

No need to apologise.  This thread is for those who suffer, or have suffered from depression to post their thoughts and experiences.  Anything you post could potentially help others who could feel your experiences resonating in their lives.

 

Many of us will recognise your thoughts and the malaise that overcomes a depressed person.  Even the smallest of tasks feels like a mountain that isn't worth climbing.  But this is, seriously, just a state of mind and is a consequence of the illness.  Self-deprecation seems common among the depressed so a feeling of worthlessness when others 'help' isn't something unexpected.  What someone with no experience of depression may not realise is that it's an illness and it has symptoms which aren't your fault.  You wouldn't blame someone with a cold for having a sore throat or someone with damaged leg muscles to limp so it's unreasonable to ask you to 'man-up' when it's very difficult to do so.  And yes there are always people worse off but that doesn't make you any less ill.  You need help not criticism.

 

I know it's hard but we gain good feelings from achievements.  You could try setting yourself an achievable target like getting out of the house and going for a walk for half an hour.  Not quite on the scale of a trip to Peru but it's a start.  It's good that you have a friend that wants to help.  I've leaned on my friends for support in bad times and they have also opened up to me with their difficulties, that's what friends do.  If your friend felt as you you'd probably want to help, don't be afraid to open up as you have here. 

[HighPeakFox]

I have sympathy about advice. I have great friends who offer suggestions in all kindness, but for whom the reality of their ideas has no consequence, because they have the basic stuff in place, and are thus safe to imagine on my behalf. My reality is different.

 

I'm about to move home for the 6th time in my forties, and am having to ignore anything anyone who owns their own home suggests, because they quickly forget how it feels to not have a permanent place that one calls home. It's a delicate time... 

[Tommo220]

11 hours ago, shanetko said:

Apologies in advance. Going to bemoan my existence on the internet again here.

 

Been on and off anti depressants in recent years. Last stopped taking Fluoxetine (Prozac) about 14 months ago. Was originally on Citalopram (Celexa).

 

Took myself off them as I felt they were having no impact. Find myself drifting into thoughts of bad things constantly these days and contemplating going to doctors. Always feel a bit like an after thought though. Oh here's some drugs, go away. 

 

I saw a shrink for 1 session about 21 months ago and he didn't want to know. Basically said there was nothing wrong with me and I need to get a bird. Presumably as I was only able to pay for one session at a time. 

 

I've struggled to hold down jobs for several years now as at least twice a week I literally want the world to go away and naturally and understandably nobody wants to employ someone who perhaps doesn't turn up 6-7 times a month. Have done some short term assignments abroad which ive been able to get through just about as its involved dealing with nobody directly just me left to my own devices and reporting back.

 

As for the depression itself.. sometimes its suicidal thoughts, sometimes its irrational anger and sometimes its just pure empty nothingness. 

 

As I said previously I've been on and off the pills and in addition to that I tried CBD which frankly was unhelpful for me (I know it has worked for other people but there's no size fits all sadly) and I can't afford to see a private shrink. My local GP surgery doesnt let you see a doctor for mental health issues they take you into a nurse/councillor but that can only go so far I find. Feel like I'm running low on ideas.

 

I get told things like 'get active' because exercise is good for the mind etc but honestly I really dont want to leave the house a lot of the time and it can be impossible to persuade myself otherwise at times. I imagine most people just think I'm really lazy but sometimes simply getting out of bed is a personal triumph I feel that cripplingly low.

 

I was offered to go to Peru and be try Ayahuasca by a friend who is extremely wealthy and means well but the whole idea daunted me far too much to consider seriously. He watched 'The Last Shamen' on Netflix and came up with the idea.

 

Some people I know try their best to be supportive and its always appreciated whereas others are quick to tell me loads have it much worse and/or to man up, the former generally leaves me feeling extreme guilt and the latter just enrages me. 

 

Anyway I've said my piece. Apologies for wasting anyone's time that read this. I was just hoping for some catharsis perhaps. 

 

 

 

 

bloody hell chap, don't apologise! 

 

Your experience seems to be (unfortunately) quite common amongst people who do suffer with depression as the NHS (although absolutely amazing in so many ways) does seem to fall short with Mental Health which was definitely what my Wife found when she was suffering.

 

You may have already thought about this, but have you tried contacting any of the mental health charities for some help?  My Wife is an ambassador for Rethink which she got in to by going to one of their support groups.  I think the closest one to Leicester(sorry - assuming you're local) is Derby.  That being said, there are quite a few charities that do some amazing work out there.  don't be afraid to reach out to them - you certainly wont get a one size fits all response and most definitely not a "man up".

 

Don't give up on your GP either - keep badgering that fvcking receptionist as there's no way they should be refusing to let you see a Dr when you have depression.  They make appointments all day long for hypochondriacs with a cold or a sore elbow, the least they can do is let you talk to a Dr. Depression ABSOLUTELY IS WORTHY OF SEEING A GP FOR.  

 

 

And above all else - keep talking, even if it's to a bunch of strangers on a football forum.  We blokes (and i'm the absolute worst for it) bottle far too much up which all too often ends up in us doing something rash.

 

ATB

Tommo.