Depression

[CarbonVirtine]

A note on reactive depression (not clinical, that's a different beast) and something I've been meaning to share for a long time and it helped/helps me immensely. Now, admittedly it is from a discredited journalist (Johann Hari, accused of plagiarism) but none-the-less, I think it merit worthy. He said depression is a primal scream, it's your soul crying out for nourishment and fulfilment. It helps me to think of it like that. It tells me I'm ok, my depression is a perfectly natural reaction to my environment - there is nothing wrong with me. Like a hunger, I simply need feeding with nourishing foods.

 

What the "nourishing foods" are is for the individual to decide for themselves but follow your instincts, chances are you know what they are already. A bit of self-honesty will reveal them.

[stripeyfox]

1 hour ago, TiffToff88 said:

I need help and I don't know where else to ask...

 

My wife is suffering from extreme depression, to the point where she has seriously considered suicide. She takes AD's but they don't seem to have any effect on her any more.

 

On Sunday I went to the hospital with paralysing back pain and was given a tonne of different painkillers, anti-inflammatories and sleeping pills. I went to take some last night and realised that a box of the sleeping pills were missing. She eventually admitted to stealing them with the intention of ODing. We talked a lot and she calmed down but I'm terrified of leaving her on her own. She's currently on a week off work on holiday. She's refusing to get any more help from anywhere. Is there a way I can make her get some real help without it looking like I'm forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do?

Mate that sounds like a desperate situation. I remember you saying last year she was suffering. 

 

I think you can't worry about it looking like you're forcing her to do something - if things are as desperate as you say then you have to act in her best interests and if that means getting help for her then that's what you need to do.

 

I can't help with the details and stuff but just know we are all here for you mate if you want to let it out.

 

It's good that you've talked and she's calmed down.

 

I hope things get better mate, I really do

 

[urban.spaceman]

4 years to the day that I lost a very close family member after a 3-month terminal illness. I held her hand as she drew her last breath. Still very difficult to even think about let alone talk or write about!

 

Grief is an absolute cvnt.

[stripeyfox]

26 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

4 years to the day that I lost a very close family member after a 3-month terminal illness. I held her hand as she drew her last breath. Still very difficult to even think about let alone talk or write about!

 

Grief is an absolute cvnt.

It certainly is. However I will say this - my mother died a few years ago after a few months illness. I remember her being told she only had a few days left and she'd pretty soon lose consciousness. We went in one by one to say goodbye. She told me "to look after each other". Although I was destroyed inside, I am grateful that we had the chance to say goodbye. Not everybody gets that chance. It's a small crumb of comfort I know, but it helped me.

 

 

[shen]

32 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

4 years to the day that I lost a very close family member after a 3-month terminal illness. I held her hand as she drew her last breath. Still very difficult to even think about let alone talk or write about!

 

Grief is an absolute cvnt.

Once the grief subsides, you'll be able to appreciate being there in the last moments. Hopefully you managed to have a proper goodbye, which is the best one could hope for in that situation.

My memory of being there next to my dad with my sister and wife present too is getting hazier, but I remember how beautiful it was and despite the melancholy and tragic situation I felt relieved and content at how it went.

[Great Boos Up]

On ‎05‎/‎06‎/‎2018 at 08:41, TiffToff88 said:

I need help and I don't know where else to ask...

 

My wife is suffering from extreme depression, to the point where she has seriously considered suicide. She takes AD's but they don't seem to have any effect on her any more.

 

On Sunday I went to the hospital with paralysing back pain and was given a tonne of different painkillers, anti-inflammatories and sleeping pills. I went to take some last night and realised that a box of the sleeping pills were missing. She eventually admitted to stealing them with the intention of ODing. We talked a lot and she calmed down but I'm terrified of leaving her on her own. She's currently on a week off work on holiday. She's refusing to get any more help from anywhere. Is there a way I can make her get some real help without it looking like I'm forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do?

Below is some excellent advise I got from and many thanks to @DJ Barry Hammond

It's a long slow road but at this point without any direct pressure I have removed a lot of things that were making my wife stressed including her job and her car.

Make sure she goes to her GP. You may find she let's it all out and is signed off work for a while.

 

On ‎30‎/‎12‎/‎2017 at 06:10, DJ Barry Hammond said:

 

 

This won’t make things straight forward for you GBU, but I slightly disagree with the guys suggestions on how you might go about things, because a loved one asking direct questions of “how can i help / what she wants” can feel like a pressurised situation and is unlikely to provide the answers and reassurance you need - plus how many women do you know that have  answered a direct questions, huh!?! 

 

I think a better option would be to focus on what time you do have available and put some of that towards having positive and quality experiences together - it doesn’t have to be extravagant or anything with a massive amount of thought in it - going for a walk in the park, out for a coffee, trying something new together (dancing?), doing the weekly shop, cooking a meal from scratch, putting up a shelf - hell, maybe even sex!?!

 

The idea behind this is that rather than you adding an extra pressure to any depression your wife is feeling (because she will feel worse for being aware it’s affecting you), you act as the release valve that takes focus away from her horrible recurring feeling, at least momentarily.  

 

But the other thing i’m hoping you may from this approach is by making a point of doing regular ‘special’ little things together and just generally talking whilst doing those things, a renewned and deeper trust is built between you both and that will encourage your wife to speak about what she’s feeling to you freely without prompt or pushing. 

 

All the best GBU ?

 

 

[lifted*fox]

I cba to talk about it in detail but today has been a shit day, again. feeling low af tbh.

[Izzy]

18 minutes ago, lifted*fox said:

I cba to talk about it in detail but today has been a shit day, again. feeling low af tbh.

Sorry to hear that Daz 

 

I've sent you a DM mate if you want a chat off-line 

[Izzy]

Thank the lord for FoxesTalk sometimes.

 

It’s weird really. I can’t talk to my wife or friends but I can virtually talk to complete strangers on here.

 

I posted something on the Bullying thread and within a few minutes had half a dozen DM’s offering help and support.

 

It’s a bit overwhelming really and I’m very grateful. 

 

Don’t know what I’d do without this place sometimes. I feel such a twat using a football forum to spill my guts about stuff but it kinda works for me.

 

There’s some absolute diamonds on this board.

[Costock_Fox]

4 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Thank the lord for FoxesTalk sometimes.

 

It’s weird really. I can’t talk to my wife or friends but I can virtually talk to complete strangers on here.

 

I posted something on the Bullying thread and within a few minutes had half a dozen DM’s offering help and support.

 

It’s a bit overwhelming really and I’m very grateful. 

 

Don’t know what I’d do without this place sometimes. I feel such a twat using a football forum to spill my guts about stuff but it kinda works for me.

 

There’s some absolute diamonds on this board.

Just read your post on there mate and that sounds really tough. Kids do some really daft shit sometimes but if you think she needs to chat to a DR your instinct is probably right.

 

I hope she’s doing ok now and you have had time to have a proper think about it.

[Guest Harrydc]

What pisses me off is when people say 20 year olds in 1935 were in the trenches and your "depressed". That really gets to me,

 

anyway, seriously had enough now of feeling like crap all the time , worrying about things , everything seems to be going wrong. Anxiety levels are through the roof. 

Edited 18 June 2018 by Harrydc

[Crinklyfox]

1 hour ago, Harrydc said:

What pisses me off is when people say 20 year olds in 1935 were in the trenches and your "depressed". That really gets to me,

 

anyway, seriously had enough now of feeling like crap all the time , worrying about things , everything seems to be going wrong. Anxiety levels are through the roof. 

 

There's a lot of ignorance around regarding mental illnesses, including depression.  Some people won't accept these illnesses exist.  Don't give any credence to statements of the ignorant.  This thread is used by a number of FT posters who have some experience of depression, the ignorant get moved on pretty quickly so please keep posting.

 

When someone has suffered from depression for a while the natural resistance to adverse events goes so what under normal circumstances would be taken as the ups and downs of everyday life can feel like a chain of catastrophes.  Feeling bad under those circumstances is to be expected.

 

Depressed people tend to have a different perspective on problems, it's easy to get into a position where every additional problem feels unbearable.  This isn't healthy and should be addressed.  Seeing a medical professional like a GP could help (it was an essential first step for me).  

 

 

[Guest Harrydc]

5 hours ago, Crinklyfox said:

There's a lot of ignorance around regarding mental illnesses, including depression.  Some people won't accept these illnesses exist.  Don't give any credence to statements of the ignorant.  This thread is used by a number of FT posters who have some experience of depression, the ignorant get moved on pretty quickly so please keep posting.

 

When someone has suffered from depression for a while the natural resistance to adverse events goes so what under normal circumstances would be taken as the ups and downs of everyday life can feel like a chain of catastrophes.  Feeling bad under those circumstances is to be expected.

 

Depressed people tend to have a different perspective on problems, it's easy to get into a position where every additional problem feels unbearable.  This isn't healthy and should be addressed.  Seeing a medical professional like a GP could help (it was an essential first step for me).  

 

 

Thank you for your reply. Yes , it does get you down though almost makes you feel guilty when people say things like that because you know people have it much worse. & ive been docs they've put me on first sertraline then citralopram nothing seems to be working .

[Crinklyfox]

9 hours ago, Harrydc said:

Thank you for your reply. Yes , it does get you down though almost makes you feel guilty when people say things like that because you know people have it much worse. & ive been docs they've put me on first sertraline then citralopram nothing seems to be working .

Good to see that you've been to the GP.  Meds can take a while to take effect but if they aren't working then don't hesitate to go back for something different.  The meds are there to address the physiological changes that depression causes that hamper recovery.

 

It's worth considering that although meds can set you on the road to recovery you'll probably need to address the way you think about things.  We all have good and bad experiences but typically a depressed person will ignore the positives and concentrate on the negatives, which leavers them thinking that nothing is good and fosters an attitude of hopelessness.  It can seem trite for a person suffering from depression to be told that there are good things about their life as they won't see it that way and expect that the person making the comment has no idea how they feel, but it's likely to be true.  A depressed person may frequently think that there's no way out of their situation and there is therefore no hope for the future but that's also a warped view of the world.  A depressed person will probably have spent much of their life not suffering from depression and will have enjoyed those times.  There was a series of events, or a path that led them to their current situation and there is similarly a path out of it.  Just because they can't see it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.  This thread has a number of posters who have been depressed, have now recovered, know how it felt and are happy to share their experiences with others who are experiencing this terrible affliction.  I hope that you can find your way through and join them.

 

 

[ROB-THE-BLUE]

I have no specific reason to feel the way I do, but my depression has absolutely hammered me for the last week or so. I feel completely numb to things I should care about - family, work, football etc.. but I genuinely feel like I don't give a crap about any of it. I get up in the morning wishing it was the end of the day so I could just go back to bed. I'm finding myself in a daze at work, not really knowing what to do with myself and the things I am doing, I do half heartedly. Not like the real me at all and I've not felt this way since when I was first diagnosed and started on the pills 7 years ago 

 

Sorry guys, just needed a quick vent. Hopefully it'll pass soon. 

Edited 19 June 2018 by ROB-THE-BLUE

[Buce]

9 minutes ago, ROB-THE-BLUE said:

I have no specific reason to feel the way I do, but my depression has absolutely hammered me for the last week or so. I feel completely numb to things I should care about - family, work, football etc.. but I genuinely feel like I don't give a crap about any of it. I get up in the morning wishing it was the end of the day so I could just go back to bed. I'm finding myself in a daze at work, not really knowing what to do with myself and the things I am doing, I do half heartedly. Not like the real me at all and I've not felt this way since when I was first diagnosed and started on the pills 7 years ago 

 

Sorry guys, just needed a quick vent. Hopefully it'll pass soon. 

 

 

Sorry, man, I have no answers, but please don't apologise for posting - it's what the thread is for.

 

Hopefully, wiser heads will be along before long to offer their thoughts.

[stripeyfox]

1 hour ago, ROB-THE-BLUE said:

I have no specific reason to feel the way I do, but my depression has absolutely hammered me for the last week or so. I feel completely numb to things I should care about - family, work, football etc.. but I genuinely feel like I don't give a crap about any of it. I get up in the morning wishing it was the end of the day so I could just go back to bed. I'm finding myself in a daze at work, not really knowing what to do with myself and the things I am doing, I do half heartedly. Not like the real me at all and I've not felt this way since when I was first diagnosed and started on the pills 7 years ago 

 

Sorry guys, just needed a quick vent. Hopefully it'll pass soon. 

 

Venting is what this thread is about. No judging and no mocking. No one has a magic wand but there are some absolute diamonds in here. And every post made adds the the collective knowledge and understanding for you, me and anyone who may stumble into this thread in the future. Your post will resonate with lots of people.

 

 

[Izzy]

1 hour ago, ROB-THE-BLUE said:

I have no specific reason to feel the way I do, but my depression has absolutely hammered me for the last week or so. I feel completely numb to things I should care about - family, work, football etc.. but I genuinely feel like I don't give a crap about any of it. I get up in the morning wishing it was the end of the day so I could just go back to bed. I'm finding myself in a daze at work, not really knowing what to do with myself and the things I am doing, I do half heartedly. Not like the real me at all and I've not felt this way since when I was first diagnosed and started on the pills 7 years ago 

 

Sorry guys, just needed a quick vent. Hopefully it'll pass soon. 

 

Like Buce says, never apologise for posting on here mate. 

 

You're probably feeling like many others on this forum are too. I know a lot of people who read this thread without posting on it but get massive value from knowing they're not alone. Fair play to you for plucking up the courage to express how you're feeling.

 

I'm certainly not one of the 'wiser heads' that Buce mentioned (that's @Crinklyfox btw ) but one thing I've learnt throughout my depression is that our feelings are always a result of our thinking. I would suggest that the feelings you've mentioned above have all come from an initial thought beforehand.

 

Once we notice and are consciously aware of our thinking, we can at least start to understand why we feel the way we do. My guess is that you're maybe paying attention to your negative thoughts and believing them to be reality. And of course they're not your reality at all, it's just your thinking and you don't always have to trust or believe it - especially if your mood is low.

 

I now make a conscious effort to let my negative thoughts just pass without dwelling on them. Once a new and more empowering thought comes along I latch on to that instead and funnily enough I feel much better as a result.

 

Also, have you had your meds reviewed lately? If you've been on the same pills for 7 years your GP might suggest something else or a different dose. Either way, I'd go for a chat ASAP.

 

Keep posting and vent anytime you want.

 

All the best mate.

 

[orangecity23]

On 18/06/2018 at 14:26, Harrydc said:

What pisses me off is when people say 20 year olds in 1935 were in the trenches and your "depressed". That really gets to me,

 

anyway, seriously had enough now of feeling like crap all the time , worrying about things , everything seems to be going wrong. Anxiety levels are through the roof. 

 

The thing about that trenches line is it doesn't even make much sense - if anything it proves that anyone could suffer from mental health issues, especially when life exposes them to stressful situations, especially multiple times over short periods of time. The Armed forces took a load of mentally healthy young people, stuck them in a trench where they were subject to enormous amounts of stress, and then loads of them came back with horrifically bad mental illnesses (shell shock for example).

[Finnegan]

Ugh. 

[Izzy]

2 minutes ago, Finnegan said:

Ugh. 

Wassup fella?

[Finnegan]

Just now, Izzy Muzzett said:

Wassup fella?

 

Circles. 

 

Depression is a bit like having a peg leg. You trip, you know you can get yourself back up again but you also know it's not the last time you'll fall. 

 

I'm having one of those days where I'm tired of the bruises, you know? 

[Izzy]

1 minute ago, Finnegan said:

 

Circles. 

 

Depression is a bit like having a peg leg. You trip, you know you can get yourself back up again but you also know it's not the last time you'll fall. 

 

I'm having one of those days where I'm tired of the bruises, you know? 

I certainly do know 

 

I think I saw you post earlier that you'd only had four hours kip last night and your stomach ulcer was playing up? Maybe your state of mind ain't that great right now mate, I dunno...

[Finnegan]

13 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I certainly do know 

 

I think I saw you post earlier that you'd only had four hours kip last night and your stomach ulcer was playing up? Maybe your state of mind ain't that great right now mate, I dunno...

 

Chicken and the egg I suppose. 

 

Is my stomach playing up because I'm unhappy or am I unhappy because my stomach is playing up? 

[Izzy]

4 minutes ago, Finnegan said:

 

Chicken and the egg I suppose. 

 

Is my stomach playing up because I'm unhappy or am I unhappy because my stomach is playing up? 

Well, talking from my own experience....

 

I'm now convinced that my original diagnosis for Ulcerative Colitis back in the day was definitely stress/anxiety related. 

 

I'm now 'colonless' and recently diagnosed with Crohn's disease. It's mosty under control with diet and medication but whenever I have a flare up, it's usually when I'm unhappy, stressed or anxious.

 

Not sure if that really helps you one bit but I think maybe our body reacts to our state of mind rather than the other way around. I could be talking complete bollux as usual though