Depression

[Finnegan]

2 minutes ago, ozleicester said:

A thread titled depression..is probably not a good place to have a discussion that questions if depression is real.

 

Anyway,one of the reasons i suggested it be moved was so that this thread didnt descend into bitching, so im out.

 

I'm pretty sure the people that post in here are more than capable of having an adult conversation about mental health that's more than just a bit of shoulder-patting without descending in to bitching at each other. 

 

That's never been the tone of this thread and its not how I read NorthfieldsFox's post. 

[Finnegan]

2 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

Nah, you're seeing something that's not there, Finners.

 

It was just a statement of fact that I thought was relevant to Northfield's post.

 

Fair enough dude. 

 

Definitely then. 

 

[shen]

19 hours ago, NorthfieldsFox said:

Did depression exist before Anti-depressants and if it did how did people cope with it ? 

 

Not just seems to me that the pharmalogical companies are pushing this agenda yet we should be offering more coping talking treatments 

 

It depends on your perspective and definition of depression.

In today's society there has IMO been a growing need to diagnose/label things that veer away from what we perceive as 'normal'.

Depression as a diagnose is often tossed around lackadaisically and as such has the term has become too broad and many are doubting it's credibility.

 

Maybe it's because we/society is still only in the infant steps of understanding the complexity of the human brain, but at the same time raising mental health awareness.

Possibly in 20-30 years, we'll have a broader vocabulary and better medicinal knowledge to prevent the scattergun treatment we often see today.

 

No doubt big pharma is doing what it can to sell its products, including encouraging the use of their anti-depressants.

 

 

[NorthfieldsFox]

1 hour ago, ozleicester said:

I think you should take this discussion into another topic, ideally delete what youve written here.

Bit rude mate considering UK NICE guidelines are to try use IAPT and other psychological interventions before you prescribe anti-depressants for first time 

[ozleicester]

1 minute ago, NorthfieldsFox said:

Bit rude mate considering UK NICE guidelines are to try use IAPT and other psychological interventions before you prescribe anti-depressants for first time 

It would appear ive misinterpreted what you've written. Apologies.

[Wymsey]

The advice given may well be common sense to many, but those with depression may not understand the importance of it when they feel the lowest by it.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-treatment.htm

Edited 7 March 2018 by Wymeswold fox

[Buce]

6 minutes ago, Wymeswold fox said:

The advice given may well be common sense to many, but those with depression may not understand the importance of it when they feel the lowest by it.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-treatment.htm

 

I agree totally.

 

In my experience, the most effective relief from depression is healthy eating and exercise, but appetite and motivation are among the first things to go when the Black Dog comes calling.

Edited 7 March 2018 by Buce

[Lionator]

Look I've always been an anxious person and I've always been scared of drugs and their effects (prescribed and illicet), now at 22 I decided to finally take the leap and try Citalopram and within 3 weeks I was the person I'd always wanted to be, it has given me the opportunity to build a platform for myself. Six months down the line and I'm looking at coming off of them in a couple more months, but quite simply they will work for some and not for others. A lot of experimentation with doseage may also be needed.

 

Also, please do the basics, eat, drink and exericse and if you can sleep, it makes one hell of a difference.

[Ozwin]

I feel like every couple of months the general stresses and worries of life really get to me and I just feel so down and lifeless and almost always have to have a day off work to set myself straight. I don't know what it is, if it even classes as anxiety or depression, but the future sort of terrifies me and other people's perceptions seem to take priority on how I feel. 

 

I'm 27 and am not sure I want to continue in the field I've been spending the past 7 months working towards. I think a whole host of things are getting me down and they're sort of coming to a head lately but I don't really know what to do about it. I don't think I am depressed as I do find enjoyment in many things but I definitely feel anxious a lot of the time which I never used to and simple things like having conversations with people seem to require a lot of effort mentally before I go through with them. I seem to put things off until the last minute because I just don't want to deal with them until I have to and it always invariably builds up until it becomes a huge wall I have to knock down. For example I am supposed to go on a placement somewhere in April, I emailed two people and haven't received a response in a week and now the thought of ringing them up and asking what the craic is puts the fear of god into me. I used to work in a shop and conversations were easy, I loved it in fact because I had this odd feeling before I worked there, but this last year or so I find it so difficult again, it's like I worry about what people will think, what they'll say, how they perceive me/what they say to others about me and it's horrible. I almost struggle to think of what to say when I'm talking too, like a perpetual feeling of being on the spot and I try to get out of being the focus as soon as I possibly can.

 

Meh, I dunno. Just wanted to rant a bit. Anyone recognize these feelings/emotions?

[Costock_Fox]

2 hours ago, Ozwin said:

I feel like every couple of months the general stresses and worries of life really get to me and I just feel so down and lifeless and almost always have to have a day off work to set myself straight. I don't know what it is, if it even classes as anxiety or depression, but the future sort of terrifies me and other people's perceptions seem to take priority on how I feel. 

 

I'm 27 and am not sure I want to continue in the field I've been spending the past 7 months working towards. I think a whole host of things are getting me down and they're sort of coming to a head lately but I don't really know what to do about it. I don't think I am depressed as I do find enjoyment in many things but I definitely feel anxious a lot of the time which I never used to and simple things like having conversations with people seem to require a lot of effort mentally before I go through with them. I seem to put things off until the last minute because I just don't want to deal with them until I have to and it always invariably builds up until it becomes a huge wall I have to knock down. For example I am supposed to go on a placement somewhere in April, I emailed two people and haven't received a response in a week and now the thought of ringing them up and asking what the craic is puts the fear of god into me. I used to work in a shop and conversations were easy, I loved it in fact because I had this odd feeling before I worked there, but this last year or so I find it so difficult again, it's like I worry about what people will think, what they'll say, how they perceive me/what they say to others about me and it's horrible. I almost struggle to think of what to say when I'm talking too, like a perpetual feeling of being on the spot and I try to get out of being the focus as soon as I possibly can.

 

Meh, I dunno. Just wanted to rant a bit. Anyone recognize these feelings/emotions?

Plenty of stuff I can relate to in there mate and I’ve tried to articulate myself on occasion but you have done a better job.

 

I’m 31 and work in a field that I have no interest in continuing in but something always holds me back from really putting myself in a situation where I am likely to change what I do.

 

I had a considerable time off work at Christmas (annual leave not sickness) and I constantly feel drained and count down the hours to my next day off.

 

Like you have said, is it depression or just generally being pissed off with work? Probably the latter but it is something that on occasion really does get me down and I struggle to look forward to anything other than either seeing my nephew or buggering off on holiday somewhere. I used to play football all the time and love it but that fills me with frustration, Going to the gym annoys me with how busy it is and even going to watch City which I do near enough week in week out around the country feels like a chore that has massively peaked and will never get back to its best.

 

One bit of advice I would give is if it’s been 7 months and you are fed up with the work situation do something about it sooner rather than later. I have been doing the same thing for 7 years and I get filled with self doubt when looking at other positions that would see me maintain the same salary.

[Crinklyfox]

9 hours ago, Ozwin said:

I feel like every couple of months the general stresses and worries of life really get to me and I just feel so down and lifeless and almost always have to have a day off work to set myself straight. I don't know what it is, if it even classes as anxiety or depression, but the future sort of terrifies me and other people's perceptions seem to take priority on how I feel. 

 

I'm 27 and am not sure I want to continue in the field I've been spending the past 7 months working towards. I think a whole host of things are getting me down and they're sort of coming to a head lately but I don't really know what to do about it. I don't think I am depressed as I do find enjoyment in many things but I definitely feel anxious a lot of the time which I never used to and simple things like having conversations with people seem to require a lot of effort mentally before I go through with them. I seem to put things off until the last minute because I just don't want to deal with them until I have to and it always invariably builds up until it becomes a huge wall I have to knock down. For example I am supposed to go on a placement somewhere in April, I emailed two people and haven't received a response in a week and now the thought of ringing them up and asking what the craic is puts the fear of god into me. I used to work in a shop and conversations were easy, I loved it in fact because I had this odd feeling before I worked there, but this last year or so I find it so difficult again, it's like I worry about what people will think, what they'll say, how they perceive me/what they say to others about me and it's horrible. I almost struggle to think of what to say when I'm talking too, like a perpetual feeling of being on the spot and I try to get out of being the focus as soon as I possibly can.

 

Meh, I dunno. Just wanted to rant a bit. Anyone recognize these feelings/emotions?

There could be a good reason why you have not received a reply to your emails, for example if the placement locations haven't completed the necessary arrangements yet.  You may find it easier to send a 'chaser' email rather than a phone call as a phone call puts the recipient 'on the spot' whereas an email gives the opportunity for a more considered response.  Something along the lines of 'Dear Sirs, further to my email of ***** concerning my placement with your organisation I would appreciate a response at your earliest convenience as this would give me the opportunity to make travel and accommodation plans in good time.  If there are any difficulties I would appreciate you letting me know.  Thank you for your assistance, Yours sincerely,  *******'.

 

Putting things off until the last minute causes pressure, as the un-actioned task can weigh on your mind and prevent relaxation, far better in my experience to just do it and get that feeling of elation when it's completed.

 

No matter what you do in life there will always be others with opinions of you which they may or may not share.  What's the worst that can happen if someone has a negative opinion of you?  And what's the likelihood of that event actually happening?  If you're a worrier it's likely that you concentrate on the negatives and blow the worst case scenario out of proportion.  Try writing down the potential consequences of your concerns and then assigning a probability to each event (these can be cumulative).  Here's one I did for myself years ago.

 

I don't think that I'm getting on well at work so:

 

1.  I'll end up getting fired (20%, much more likely that I'll get a verbal or written warning first)

2.  So I won't be able to support my family  (20% as I'd get a part time job, income support or anything in the short term)

3.  Then my wife will get fed up and leave me  (10%, she's never even threatened that)

4.  So my life will be ruined.

 

20% x 20%  =  4%

4% x 10%  = 0.4%

 

So there is a less than 1 in 200 chance of the outcome I was worrying about.  That's next to no chance.

 

If you think about it only those you love can really hurt you, so worrying about what people you don't love think of you is a waste of effort.  If my wife ends up distressed and crying because of something I've said then it wounds me to the heart and I'm miserable.  If someone I've never met on FT ridicules or abuses me in print then I really don't care, they're of no consequence to my life.  

 

 

[Wymsey]

It can certainly feel like you're alone with issues such as depression, but it's very important to try and remember that even though others may well feel 'fine on the outside'/look well etc they're just good in hiding it when they actually feel the same way as those with with it.

Edited 8 March 2018 by Wymeswold fox

[Izzy]

19 hours ago, Ozwin said:

I feel like every couple of months the general stresses and worries of life really get to me and I just feel so down and lifeless and almost always have to have a day off work to set myself straight. I don't know what it is, if it even classes as anxiety or depression, but the future sort of terrifies me and other people's perceptions seem to take priority on how I feel. 

 

I'm 27 and am not sure I want to continue in the field I've been spending the past 7 months working towards. I think a whole host of things are getting me down and they're sort of coming to a head lately but I don't really know what to do about it. I don't think I am depressed as I do find enjoyment in many things but I definitely feel anxious a lot of the time which I never used to and simple things like having conversations with people seem to require a lot of effort mentally before I go through with them. I seem to put things off until the last minute because I just don't want to deal with them until I have to and it always invariably builds up until it becomes a huge wall I have to knock down. For example I am supposed to go on a placement somewhere in April, I emailed two people and haven't received a response in a week and now the thought of ringing them up and asking what the craic is puts the fear of god into me. I used to work in a shop and conversations were easy, I loved it in fact because I had this odd feeling before I worked there, but this last year or so I find it so difficult again, it's like I worry about what people will think, what they'll say, how they perceive me/what they say to others about me and it's horrible. I almost struggle to think of what to say when I'm talking too, like a perpetual feeling of being on the spot and I try to get out of being the focus as soon as I possibly can.

 

Meh, I dunno. Just wanted to rant a bit. Anyone recognize these feelings/emotions?

As a recovering worrier and procrastinator myself, I can totally recognise what you're saying Oz.  

 

Years ago an old boss of mine gave me a one line piece of advice that really resonated with me. He said "Just remember, it's none of your business what anybody else thinks about you".

 

It took a while to register but then the penny dropped. It really is none of my business what other people think about me so why the fvck am I so worried about it? I'm sure we'd all prefer to be liked than not, but we certainly can't control what others think about us.

 

All that really matters is that you like you. The people I know in life who seem 'comfortable in their own skin' are the ones who have come to terms with their own strengths and weaknesses and have stopped trying to be something they're not. Once we accept ourselves warts and all and learn to love ourselves first, it's amazing how magnetic and attractive we then become to others.

 

And if you're struggling to think of what to say, put the focus on the other person by asking them an open question that makes them do the thinking and talking. Then really listen to their answer and ask them a follow up question (If you've worked in retail before you know this stuff) Some of the most confident people I know don't actually talk that much but they listen beautifully and have a wonderful inquisitive curiosity about them.

 

So just go back to being that 4 year old kid and get curious again. If you just practice asking people "What? and How?" questions in social situations, I reckon you'll become much less anxious.

[NorthfieldsFox]

8 hours ago, Wymeswold fox said:

It can certainly feel like you're alone with issues such as depression, but it's very important to try and remember that even though others may well feel 'fine on the outside'/look well etc they're just good in hiding it when they actually feel the same way as those with with it.

I think it’s this point so excellently made that make this such a dangerous and risky illness , especially for men who struggle to talk and open up about their feelings , and young men are even more risky owing to immature thinking patterns about being weak to talk or it’s embarrassing to talk. 

 

A truly scary illness 

[HybridFox]

Went to see the GP today. Been put on Sertraline initially to see how it goes. I was advised that I may start to feel worse before the drug eventually kicks in. 

 

Anyone had any experience with it before? And how were the side effects? Just curious as I've not been on medication for my mental health before.

[egg_fried_rice]

3 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

As a recovering worrier and procrastinator myself, I can totally recognise what you're saying Oz.  

 

Years ago an old boss of mine gave me a one line piece of advice that really resonated with me. He said "Just remember, it's none of your business what anybody else thinks about you".

 

It took a while to register but then the penny dropped. It really is none of my business what other people think about me so why the fvck am I so worried about it? I'm sure we'd all prefer to be liked than not, but we certainly can't control what others think about us.

 

All that really matters is that you like you. The people I know in life who seem 'comfortable in their own skin' are the ones who have come to terms with their own strengths and weaknesses and have stopped trying to be something they're not. Once we accept ourselves warts and all and learn to love ourselves first, it's amazing how magnetic and attractive we then become to others.

 

And if you're struggling to think of what to say, put the focus on the other person by asking them an open question that makes them do the thinking and talking. Then really listen to their answer and ask them a follow up question (If you've worked in retail before you know this stuff) Some of the most confident people I know don't actually talk that much but they listen beautifully and have a wonderful inquisitive curiosity about them.

 

So just go back to being that 4 year old kid and get curious again. If you just practice asking people "What? and How?" questions in social situations, I reckon you'll become much less anxious.

 

Have you got any advice on this point?

 

I've had counselling and medication to varying success and feel in a relatively good place right now - it sort of feels the baton has been passed back to me and it's up to me to run with it, and that increasing my feelings of self worth is key.

 

A lot of my inner dialogue revolves around feelings of 'less than' or 'not enough'. Mindfulness meditation has been super helpful in identifying and observing it (although I've let that slip and, inevitably, give myself a hard time about it ) but I don't really know how to start thinking about myself in a different way. 

 

If you've ever seen the BoJack Horseman episode 'stupid piece of shit', then that is pretty much me on a bad day. Recommended to all in this thread btw if you've not seen it.

 

How do you challenge those entrenched views about yourself, and begin to have a bit more self compassion?

[Izzy]

3 minutes ago, egg_fried_rice said:

 

Have you got any advice on this point?

 

I've had counselling and medication to varying success and feel in a relatively good place right now - it sort of feels the baton has been passed back to me and it's up to me to run with it, and that increasing my feelings of self worth is key.

 

A lot of my inner dialogue revolves around feelings of 'less than' or 'not enough'. Mindfulness meditation has been super helpful in identifying and observing it (although I've let that slip and, inevitably, give myself a hard time about it ) but I don't really know how to start thinking about myself in a different way. 

 

If you've ever seen the BoJack Horseman episode 'stupid piece of shit', then that is pretty much me on a bad day. Recommended to all in this thread btw if you've not seen it.

 

How do you challenge those entrenched views about yourself, and begin to have a bit more self compassion?

I've seen and heard lots of differing views on this mate.

 

From my own experience, I started off trying to force the issue with 'positive thinking' and even experimented with 'mantras' and stuff like that. It felt weird and too 'American' for me so I soon knocked it on the head. All this 'fake it til you make it' BS just made me beat myself up even more.

 

Eventually I just stopped trying and that's when the breakthrough happened for me. I read a book called 'Do Nothing' and it was a bit of a game changer. It's all about getting out of your own way and 'surrendering' rather than trying to force change. It sounds counter productive but the less I tried to change, the easier things became.

 

Once I forgave myself and accepted myself it became easier to have self compassion. I used to compare myself to others and it drove me nuts so I just decided to try and be the 'best version' of me - and that's all I can do every day. Those entrenched views I had of myself just became part of my story and although they shaped me, they were in the past and I can choose to let go of them.

 

Rather than trying to think in a different way (which is hard work) all I did was learn to notice my thoughts and recognize them for what they are - just thoughts. When I get old thoughts or negative ones I just notice them but don't pay any attention to them or give them any conscious energy. They soon disappear and when a new empowering thought comes along I shine a light on that instead and I start to feel better. 

 

I'm waffling now but finally I learnt to accept positive feedback and that really helped. At one stage I even kept a file of any positive e-mails, letters, comments I received from people and called it my 'Izzy is great' file. Sounds daft now but every time I felt in a bad place I'd go and read it and realise I was actually pretty fvckin awesome  

 

[NorthfieldsFox]

10 hours ago, TK95 said:

Went to see the GP today. Been put on Sertraline initially to see how it goes. I was advised that I may start to feel worse before the drug eventually kicks in. 

 

Anyone had any experience with it before? And how were the side effects? Just curious as I've not been on medication for my mental health before.

Everyone is different but can take a few weeks 3-6 weeks to kick in and yes you can get very low just before it kicks in and please keep talking , family , friends and GP if needs be 

 

Lustral as it was called came along in the early 1990’s about 5 years after Prozac hit the shelves , it was a massive success sertraline commercially speaking , here in the UK the manufacturer spent millions on advertising , it had a yellow happy face almost like an emoji on all its branding and I still believe the whole emoji design was Influenced by lustrals marketing . 

 

Its an excellent SSRI and is tried and tested but there are side effects that your Gp may have discussed mainly dicky tummy and your dicky not working , if either happen discuss maybe  citalopram as an alternative. 

 

Its very brave to admit to yourself you have an issue , it’s even braver to see the doctor and then open up , good for you mate , remember your GP is worth a visit to again after 4 weeks , keep talking and if you ever need extra support reach out on here public on forum or private message 

 

I hope your feeling better soon, I’m sure you will 

Edited 9 March 2018 by NorthfieldsFox

[egg_fried_rice]

9 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I've seen and heard lots of differing views on this mate.

 

From my own experience, I started off trying to force the issue with 'positive thinking' and even experimented with 'mantras' and stuff like that. It felt weird and too 'American' for me so I soon knocked it on the head. All this 'fake it til you make it' BS just made me beat myself up even more.

 

Eventually I just stopped trying and that's when the breakthrough happened for me. I read a book called 'Do Nothing' and it was a bit of a game changer. It's all about getting out of your own way and 'surrendering' rather than trying to force change. It sounds counter productive but the less I tried to change, the easier things became.

 

Once I forgave myself and accepted myself it became easier to have self compassion. I used to compare myself to others and it drove me nuts so I just decided to try and be the 'best version' of me - and that's all I can do every day. Those entrenched views I had of myself just became part of my story and although they shaped me, they were in the past and I can choose to let go of them.

 

Rather than trying to think in a different way (which is hard work) all I did was learn to notice my thoughts and recognize them for what they are - just thoughts. When I get old thoughts or negative ones I just notice them but don't pay any attention to them or give them any conscious energy. They soon disappear and when a new empowering thought comes along I shine a light on that instead and I start to feel better. 

 

I'm waffling now but finally I learnt to accept positive feedback and that really helped. At one stage I even kept a file of any positive e-mails, letters, comments I received from people and called it my 'Izzy is great' file. Sounds daft now but every time I felt in a bad place I'd go and read it and realise I was actually pretty fvckin awesome  

 

 

Thanks for your thoughts.

 

Yeah, that whole affirmation approach seems a bit daft to me. What you write about in terms of 'surrendering' rings true with the concepts of noticing and 'non-judgemental awareness' which are prevalent in mindfulness. I think understanding and accepting the concept is very different from intuitively feeling that way, and it's that disconnect that I find quite frustrating.

 

I suppose I didn't get this way overnight, so I need to have a bit more patience (and compassion!) with myself. Your file doesn't sound daft at all, I bet it gave you a nice fillip when you dug it out!

 

[Stevie Claridge]

First contribution to this thread, although have read nearly all of it. I know this sounds like a tale of woe but just felt I had to get it all down.

 

How do people deal with life in general? I was always pretty happy growing up as a child but was always painfully shy and always had a nagging feeling of guilt/sorrow in the back of my mind as my older brother died when I was 4 and the older I got the more I felt the pain of all of those around me.

I was always ok at hiding it and managed to live fairly normally until my dad was diagnosed with cancer when I was around 20 (all fine now). This seemed to knock me off track completely and I haven't been the same since. I am now 33.

 

I have two children who were both born very premature. The oldest one is now 8 but I worry about him constantly, I recognise that the worry is unnecessary but I just can't stop it. I have a sick feeling in my stomach every day whilst he is in school and as soon as it is close to school finishing time I am waiting to call my wife to check he is ok and has had a good day, I have a constant feeling of dread in case something bad has happened. If anyone says anything bad to him or upsets him it crushes me inside and I feel at the absolute bottom, and can't function properly. If he isn't invited to a party or I see a photo of him sitting on his own in class on the school website for example I feel crushed.  On the flip side if he has a really good day and I seem him having fun I feel almost euphoric. It is bizarre I know but I can't stop. My youngest who has just turned 4 has developmental delays and is currently going through diagnosis for potential autism. He is due to start school after the summer and the feeling of dread coupled with his potential condition is increasing the stress ten fold.

 

I have been to the doctors twice over the last couple of years, signed off work with stress/depression both times and prescribed with anti-depressants. Both times I have started them and subsequently stopped them after a week for fear of becoming reliant on them. Both times they have also recommended I try CBT and provided me with a leaflet to contact them. Of course, I take this home and never pluck up the courage to call them through the feeling of shame I have.

 

Not really sure where I am going with this and sorry to ramble but just felt I needed to write it down. I have never told anyone other than my wife, and my employer out of necessity.

[ozleicester]

27 minutes ago, Stevie Claridge said:

First contribution to this thread, although have read nearly all of it. I know this sounds like a tale of woe but just felt I had to get it all down.

 

How do people deal with life in general? I was always pretty happy growing up as a child but was always painfully shy and always had a nagging feeling of guilt/sorrow in the back of my mind as my older brother died when I was 4 and the older I got the more I felt the pain of all of those around me.

I was always ok at hiding it and managed to live fairly normally until my dad was diagnosed with cancer when I was around 20 (all fine now). This seemed to knock me off track completely and I haven't been the same since. I am now 33.

 

I have two children who were both born very premature. The oldest one is now 8 but I worry about him constantly, I recognise that the worry is unnecessary but I just can't stop it. I have a sick feeling in my stomach every day whilst he is in school and as soon as it is close to school finishing time I am waiting to call my wife to check he is ok and has had a good day, I have a constant feeling of dread in case something bad has happened. If anyone says anything bad to him or upsets him it crushes me inside and I feel at the absolute bottom, and can't function properly. If he isn't invited to a party or I see a photo of him sitting on his own in class on the school website for example I feel crushed.  On the flip side if he has a really good day and I seem him having fun I feel almost euphoric. It is bizarre I know but I can't stop. My youngest who has just turned 4 has developmental delays and is currently going through diagnosis for potential autism. He is due to start school after the summer and the feeling of dread coupled with his potential condition is increasing the stress ten fold.

 

I have been to the doctors twice over the last couple of years, signed off work with stress/depression both times and prescribed with anti-depressants. Both times I have started them and subsequently stopped them after a week for fear of becoming reliant on them. Both times they have also recommended I try CBT and provided me with a leaflet to contact them. Of course, I take this home and never pluck up the courage to call them through the feeling of shame I have.

 

Not really sure where I am going with this and sorry to ramble but just felt I needed to write it down. I have never told anyone other than my wife, and my employer out of necessity.

Thanks for sharing and as you have no doubt seen throughout this thread... you are not alone.

 

Its always your choice, but id recommend talking again to the Dr, definitely try the CBT (there are others here much more able to help re that) and try as hard as you can to realise that there is no shame in having issues... its not anyones fault they have a dodgy knee or bad eyes and need a doc, drugs or glasses , mental health is no different.

 

 

[ajthefox]

18 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

As a recovering worrier and procrastinator myself, I can totally recognise what you're saying Oz.  

 

Years ago an old boss of mine gave me a one line piece of advice that really resonated with me. He said "Just remember, it's none of your business what anybody else thinks about you".

 

It took a while to register but then the penny dropped. It really is none of my business what other people think about me so why the fvck am I so worried about it? I'm sure we'd all prefer to be liked than not, but we certainly can't control what others think about us.

 

All that really matters is that you like you. The people I know in life who seem 'comfortable in their own skin' are the ones who have come to terms with their own strengths and weaknesses and have stopped trying to be something they're not. Once we accept ourselves warts and all and learn to love ourselves first, it's amazing how magnetic and attractive we then become to others.

 

And if you're struggling to think of what to say, put the focus on the other person by asking them an open question that makes them do the thinking and talking. Then really listen to their answer and ask them a follow up question (If you've worked in retail before you know this stuff) Some of the most confident people I know don't actually talk that much but they listen beautifully and have a wonderful inquisitive curiosity about them.

 

So just go back to being that 4 year old kid and get curious again. If you just practice asking people "What? and How?" questions in social situations, I reckon you'll become much less anxious.

I'm confused Izzy, I didn't think we'd met before...

[Izzy]

3 hours ago, Stevie Claridge said:

First contribution to this thread, although have read nearly all of it. I know this sounds like a tale of woe but just felt I had to get it all down.

 

How do people deal with life in general? I was always pretty happy growing up as a child but was always painfully shy and always had a nagging feeling of guilt/sorrow in the back of my mind as my older brother died when I was 4 and the older I got the more I felt the pain of all of those around me.

I was always ok at hiding it and managed to live fairly normally until my dad was diagnosed with cancer when I was around 20 (all fine now). This seemed to knock me off track completely and I haven't been the same since. I am now 33.

 

I have two children who were both born very premature. The oldest one is now 8 but I worry about him constantly, I recognise that the worry is unnecessary but I just can't stop it. I have a sick feeling in my stomach every day whilst he is in school and as soon as it is close to school finishing time I am waiting to call my wife to check he is ok and has had a good day, I have a constant feeling of dread in case something bad has happened. If anyone says anything bad to him or upsets him it crushes me inside and I feel at the absolute bottom, and can't function properly. If he isn't invited to a party or I see a photo of him sitting on his own in class on the school website for example I feel crushed.  On the flip side if he has a really good day and I seem him having fun I feel almost euphoric. It is bizarre I know but I can't stop. My youngest who has just turned 4 has developmental delays and is currently going through diagnosis for potential autism. He is due to start school after the summer and the feeling of dread coupled with his potential condition is increasing the stress ten fold.

 

I have been to the doctors twice over the last couple of years, signed off work with stress/depression both times and prescribed with anti-depressants. Both times I have started them and subsequently stopped them after a week for fear of becoming reliant on them. Both times they have also recommended I try CBT and provided me with a leaflet to contact them. Of course, I take this home and never pluck up the courage to call them through the feeling of shame I have.

 

Not really sure where I am going with this and sorry to ramble but just felt I needed to write it down. I have never told anyone other than my wife, and my employer out of necessity.

Not a 'tale of woe' at all mate. In fact one of the most honest and heartfelt posts I've read on this thread.

 

My first reaction was "What an amazing Dad who loves his kids more than anything in the world". 

 

I'm obviously no expert but I do wonder if what happened to you as a young kid with your older brother dying is subconsciously playing a part in your role as a parent now?

 

There are a few on here who have had success with CBT and a few that haven't, but either way I'd encourage you to see a professional and talk about your thoughts and feelings. 

 

And finally, there is no shame in reaching out for help - only courage, resilience and a determination to make things better. Good on ya for posting on here, we're all in the same boat and on your side. Welcome to the club  

 

[Jon the Hat]

I should think you would benefit from some talking therapy (counselling) not just CBT.  CBT deals with the symptoms fairly well, but doesn't help you understand why you feel the way you do.  I can say don't be afraid of anti-depressants, but that is a very personal thing.

You are not alone though, lots of people deal with this stuff every day.  If will get better, but you need to do something about it.

[Lionator]

8 hours ago, Stevie Claridge said:

First contribution to this thread, although have read nearly all of it. I know this sounds like a tale of woe but just felt I had to get it all down.

 

How do people deal with life in general? I was always pretty happy growing up as a child but was always painfully shy and always had a nagging feeling of guilt/sorrow in the back of my mind as my older brother died when I was 4 and the older I got the more I felt the pain of all of those around me.

I was always ok at hiding it and managed to live fairly normally until my dad was diagnosed with cancer when I was around 20 (all fine now). This seemed to knock me off track completely and I haven't been the same since. I am now 33.

 

I have two children who were both born very premature. The oldest one is now 8 but I worry about him constantly, I recognise that the worry is unnecessary but I just can't stop it. I have a sick feeling in my stomach every day whilst he is in school and as soon as it is close to school finishing time I am waiting to call my wife to check he is ok and has had a good day, I have a constant feeling of dread in case something bad has happened. If anyone says anything bad to him or upsets him it crushes me inside and I feel at the absolute bottom, and can't function properly. If he isn't invited to a party or I see a photo of him sitting on his own in class on the school website for example I feel crushed.  On the flip side if he has a really good day and I seem him having fun I feel almost euphoric. It is bizarre I know but I can't stop. My youngest who has just turned 4 has developmental delays and is currently going through diagnosis for potential autism. He is due to start school after the summer and the feeling of dread coupled with his potential condition is increasing the stress ten fold.

 

I have been to the doctors twice over the last couple of years, signed off work with stress/depression both times and prescribed with anti-depressants. Both times I have started them and subsequently stopped them after a week for fear of becoming reliant on them. Both times they have also recommended I try CBT and provided me with a leaflet to contact them. Of course, I take this home and never pluck up the courage to call them through the feeling of shame I have.

 

Not really sure where I am going with this and sorry to ramble but just felt I needed to write it down. I have never told anyone other than my wife, and my employer out of necessity.

Please please please don't be afraid of being reliant on Anti-depressants, depression is a biological illness, there's no shame in relying on an inhaler for Asthma and there should be no shame in relying on medication for being overly anxious and sad. Go and do a bit of research of the effects and what they do to your brain, an understanding of them will defintely help you overcome this.

 

I also echo that Counselling would be worth exploring, it'll address why you feel so anxious about your children and how past events in your life may have contributed to this. Loss at a young age has a massive assocation with future mental health issues so it's important to talk to somebody about this.

 

You're a functioning member of society, you have two wonderful children, a wonderful wife and a job (maybe not so wonderful?), but this means that you're doing a lot better than a lot of others who have MH conditions. You owe it to yourself however to keep developing as a person, to become mentally stronger which will eventually lead to a level of content and subsequent happiness. You've taken the first steps towards this, which is absolutely the hardest thing to do!