Stupid things you've done

[VLC86]

Used to be a right stoner back in the day, me and my mates were getting mashed on the park and for some reason decided the most adult thing to do would be to compete in a shoe flicking contest on the swings.

 

Me being me wanted to break every record going for such a sport and thought **** the swing, so I got off. Lined up probably the greatest

achievement in the history of man at this point and visualised the entire village queuing up to nosh me off.

 

The reality was that I someone connected my knee with my face at such force that from that very day onwards I’ve got a tooth implant right at the front.

 

All of the dentists were convinced I’d been scrapping but I reassured them I was a massive virgin.

[VLC86]

I could also re tell the story of when I stole a DVD from my mates house titled “BJ 2”, settled down for a lovely wank only to be greeted by the credits to Bridget Jones the sequel but that’s old ground.

[MPH]

I’m pretty sure I have shared this a couple of times but anyway…

 

 

so I’m sitting in the staff room at work at lunch time and one of my friends come sits next to me. Quite a few people in there so lots of people chatting to each other. Pretty young lady she was. . Nicely dressed. Anyway, we get chatting away.. she’s got a short skirt on and I noticed she had these marks on her knees. I asked her what they were and she said “ they’re carpet burns”

 

 

” OOOH CARPET BURNS ARE THEY? OOOH CARPET BURNS! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UPTO THEN AY?”  I had a bit of a big mouth when I was young . 
 

so I carried this on for a bit being the obnoxious young man I was

 

” OOH CARPET BURNS YOU SAY.. OOH WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UPTO!” HEY ALEX, I said to my friend “  SHES GOT CARPET BURNS ON HER LEGS” By now the whole room is staring at us and she’s just sitting there all quiet. So eventually  I say, still being really loud

” GO ON YHEN, TELL US! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UPTO THEN?  TELL US! CARPET BURNS AY!”

 

She just looked down and quietly said “ I’m epileptic “.

 

Edited 5 March 2022 by MPH

[Wolfox]

I once worked in Bookers cash and carry

 

On a Friday lunchtime I’d treat myself to a Swiss roll…. Go to the checkout…. Loosen my overall bottoms in order to retrieve my wallet from from jeans pocket worn beneath the horrible red overall bottoms

 

one Friday evening I was tasked by my Mum to buy a crate of Fosters lager as my uncle was visiting from Australia…. I took the Fosters to the checkout, went to retrieve my wallet and only felt my cold backside…. I’d forgotten that I’d removed overalls already (as I was going home) and had (out of habit) loosened my jeans and pulled them down in front of a stunned cashier and queue full of people 

Edited 5 March 2022 by Wolfox

[foxfanazer]

2 hours ago, MPH said:

I’m pretty sure I have shared this a couple of times but anyway…

 

 

so I’m sitting in the staff room at work at lunch time and one of my friends come sits next to me. Quite a few people in there so lots of people chatting to each other. Pretty young lady she was. . Nicely dressed. Anyway, we get chatting away.. she’s got a short skirt on and I noticed she had these marks on her knees. I asked her what they were and she said “ they’re carpet burns”

 

 

” OOOH CARPET BURNS ARE OOOH CARPET BURNS! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UPTO THEN AY?”  I had a bit of a big mouth when I was young . 
 

so I carried this on for a bit being the obnoxious young man I was

 

” OOH CARPET BURNS YOU SAY.. OOH WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UPTO!” HEY ALEX, I said to my friend “  SHES GOT CARPET BURNS ON HER LEGS” By now the whole room is staring at us and she’s just sitting there all quiet. So eventually  I say, still being really loud

” GO ON YHEN, TELL US! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UPTO THEN?  TELL US! CARPET BURNS AY!”

 

She just looked down and quietly said “ I’m epileptic “.

 

Wait....are you David Brent?

[MPH]

2 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

Wait....are you David Brent?

 

im in no position to defend myself against that!

[AyewJoking]

As a kid on holiday, I once went round the caravan park closing the fridge doors on all the vacated caravans.

Thought I was being helpful

[Sly]

I was out for a run during the first COVID lockdown, I was that knackered I’d looked down to check my watch ….. then ran straight into a lamppost. 

 

[jonthefox]

I unwrapped a toffee once , I shoved the wrapper in my mouth and threw the toffee in the bin. 

[Rob1742]

Asked for extra chilli on the side for my noodle soup at a restaurant. Kept on adding it until I had put the whole lot in.

I managed  to eat it all, but knew I shouldn’t have done as it didn’t do me any good.

Walked home and shat myself 

 

[Parafox]

When I was about 13 I was walking the 4 miles into town when my mate's dad was stopped at traffic lights. He waved to me and I took it as sign he wanted to give me a lift so I got in his car and thanked him for the lift. He looked a bit surprised as it turned out he was actually driving home from work but, credit to him, he took me into town.

[CollinsLCFC]

When I was 15/16, me and my then Girlfriend went to a zoo. In the reptile house, where it was dark and being the horny teenager I was, I went for a cheeky squeeze and turned her around for a kiss; staring back at me was an unexpecting mortified old lady asking me what I'm doing. 

[HybridFox]

First day of uni (post freshers week), I'm walking to campus with a map. Approach a junction and turn left instead of right. What would supposedly have been a 2 min walk, I spent 45 mins and reached another town 

 

It then occurred to me I had a mobile phone with Google Maps 

[Jattdogg]

37 minutes ago, TK95 said:

First day of uni (post freshers week), I'm walking to campus with a map. Approach a junction and turn left instead of right. What would supposedly have been a 2 min walk, I spent 45 mins and reached another town 

 

It then occurred to me I had a mobile phone with Google Maps 

Did you get a degree in the end?

[HybridFox]

4 hours ago, Jattdogg said:

Did you get a degree in the end?

Apparently so 

[oakman]

Many years ago my girlfriend was visiting her beloved aunt in Germany. She texted me to let me know her aunt was going to have to have her foot amputated due to complications from diabetes - God knows why but I responded with a GIF of a dancing three-legged cat.

 

I posted this in the 'Insensitive Things You've Done' thread years ago but it equally counts as stupid.

[Nalis]

As a teenager I once threw a nest of dry noodles on a frying pan and was puzzled as to why it hadn't cooked in the 2-3 minute timeframe as per the instructions.

[tom27111]

21 hours ago, TK95 said:

First day of uni (post freshers week), I'm walking to campus with a map. Approach a junction and turn left instead of right. What would supposedly have been a 2 min walk, I spent 45 mins and reached another town 

 

It then occurred to me I had a mobile phone with Google Maps 

 

Please tell me you studied geography 

[HybridFox]

26 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

 

Please tell me you studied geography 

Maths 

[SemperEadem]

Painted the UFS welcoming banner to Rodgers without a sheet underneath at work. 
Still a basement room with BRENDAN RODGERS, THE CITY WELCOMES YOU in massive letters on the floor.

[Jon the Hat]

When I was a think about 9, school swimming lessons.  We were lined up outside the group changing rooms waiting to be taken back to the coach, and lo on the wall next to us was a fire alarm button.  "What a stupid place to put a fire alarm button" I declared to my friends, "way to easy for someone to accidently elbow it" demonstrating this my motioning towards it with my elbow.  A little too close as it turned out.  The whole pool evacuated, about 100 freezing primary school kids shivering in their swimming costumes on the grass outside, pissed off staff, teachers, fire brigade turned up to clear the building.  Obviously I was busted in about 3 seconds, and spent the next week writing apology letters to the other schools, manager of the pool, the council, my school, the fire brigade... It genuinely was an accident, although I think literally no one believed me.

[Footballwipe]

A beautiful early afternoon in Leicester. We're playing Blackpool and I'm walking to the ground, past the co-op on Narborough Road.

 

A car full of Blackpool fans are crawling in the traffic. Seeing me in my Leicester shirt, they shout from the car that they'd like my shirt, so they can "burn it." I look and sarcastically grin back at them, joining in with the BANTA they're having so much fun with.

 

BAM

Lamppost

 

Went flush into the post and cut my eyebrow open. Car full of Blackpool fans absolutely piss themselves, probably the highlight of their day. Assume plenty of passers by might also have been in hysterics too. Pretty sure it took me about a year to iron out the enormous dent in my pride.

[Foxesmints]

Drove to Cambridge to watch City, got to the ground and there was no activity and no one around - then realised had gone to the wrong ground - Cambridge City.                                                               Parked up in a residential street in Luton one season, came out at the end of the game and realised that none of us had clocked the name of the street we had parked in. Loads of similar looking streets and spent what seemed like hours searching for the car.              First time in London watching Leicester, Arsenal away, mid 70's, card sharks on Oxford St. (find the lady) naive country bumpkins we were lost a packet.

[Bellend Sebastian]

Put my loyal Tom Tom running watch in the washing machine.

 

I've had a few devices survive a cycle over the years, this wasn't one of them

[Guest Basildon Fox]

Not me but my mate.

 

Moved into a flat a number of years ago and there was a lot to change including the toilet light broken and without a bulb in it.  My mate who thinks he is a bit of a handy man decided to stick his finger into the bulb connectors.  Unfortunately he did not check first that the switch was on so proceeded to sound and move a little bit like Michael Jackson for must have been only a second or two.  Thankfully he was standing on the toilet at the time so fell off and there was no real damage done to him.  Was hilarious though.  Had Michael Jackson memes sent to him for months afterwards.

 

This was only a day after getting so pissed he thought the fireplace in the old flat was a toilet and pissed in it in the middle of the night which did not go down too well with my then wife.