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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Captain...

Captain...

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20 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I've just sat down in a restaurant with the Mrs and ordered the whale soup. 


Not sure what I'm gonna have yet....

Reminds of this one:

 

The other night I overheard three very hefty women talking.

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland ?"

One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"

So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland ?"

And that's the last thing I remember.

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Strokes

Strokes

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On a recent family holiday my son and I were looking for some extreme sports to do together, after looking through the options my son asked if we could try the bungee jump. I wasn’t keen, I said ‘’son, you came into this world because of a broken rubber and I’m not going let you go out because of one.’’

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Strokes

Strokes

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I saw a mate who I hadn't seen for a while. "Wow Steve, great to see you again, you've lost so much weight, been on a health binge or something?" "Hello, John, " I replied, "I'm afraid it's down to my wife, she will be using a wheelchair permanently soon so I thought it best to lose the weight. " "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, " he replied, "so you've lost the weight so you will be fit enough to push her around?" "Not at all, " I answered, "I just don't want to be a fat **** when I go looking for a replacement. "

Edited by Strokes
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Izzy

Izzy

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4 minutes ago, Beliall said:

no dude, it was a joke, about a meme about a blind joke being posted in the wrong thread, like you were blind. Are you ok muzzy?

Sorry mate. All these drugs are obviously making me paranoid :ph34r:

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Strokes

Strokes

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They've published another week of Elizabeth Fritzl's diary.

 

Monday:- Stayed in, Dad came down and ****ed me.

Tuesday:- Stayed in, Got ****ed by Dad

Wednesday:- Stayed in, Dad ****ed me doggy style

Thursday:- Stayed in, Dad spunked on my face

Friday:- Stayed in, Dad gave my arse a right pounding

Saturday:- Went to watch Tottenham Hotspur play. Wish I'd ****ing stayed in.

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