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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Strokes

Strokes

Posted
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Posted

Paddy gets arrested for beating his wife

 

The judge asks "why do you keep beating her"

 

Paddy replies "I think it's my weight advantage, longer reach and superior footwork.

  • Like 1
  • Haha 6
Guest Col city fan

Guest Col city fan

Posted
Posted
34 minutes ago, Strokes said:

Paddy gets arrested for beating his wife

 

The judge asks "why do you keep beating her"

 

Paddy replies "I think it's my weight advantage, longer reach and superior footwork.

Never, ever try to be funny in my presence again...

 

5621305D-D958-4FEA-A96F-53AA33A8D8B8-397-00000055D3E7F468.jpeg

Tuna

Tuna

Posted
Posted

An elderly lady was knitting while speeding down the motorway in her car.

 

A Police Officer drew up alongside her vehicle and yelled "Pull Over!"

 

She yelled back "No, they're gloves!"

 

 

Stadt

Stadt

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, Tuna said:

An elderly lady was knitting while speeding down the motorway in her car.

 

A Police Officer drew up alongside her vehicle and yelled "Pull Over!"

 

She yelled back "No, they're gloves!"

 

 

Lacking a bit of needle this joke

  • Haha 2
Tuna

Tuna

Posted
Posted
12 minutes ago, Wookie said:

Lacking a bit of needle this joke

I may need a blanket ban after this :(

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separator

separator

Posted
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Posted

Saw Michael J Fox in my local florist this morning.

 

Well I think it was him, I couldn't be sure as he had his back to the fuchsias.

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Webbo

Webbo

Posted
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Posted

My grandma died today on her 104th birthday. 

 

It was ever so sad, we were only half way through giving her the bumps.

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Tielemans63

Tielemans63

Posted
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Posted

A rubbish joke in honour of our stricken comrade Izzy lol

 

There are reports of someone in town being shot with a starting pistol.

 

Police are saying it might be race related...

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  • Haha 9
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Paddy. said:

A rubbish joke in honour of our stricken comrade Izzy lol

 

There are reports of someone in town being shot with a starting pistol.

 

Police are saying it might be race related...

I frickin love your posts Paddy.

 

But please don’t make me laugh right now you cvnt as my new stitches might pop open :shutup:

  • Haha 1
Tielemans63

Tielemans63

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I frickin love your posts Paddy.

 

But please don’t make me laugh right now you cvnt as my new stitches might pop open :shutup:

I'll try not to be too hilarious ;) Get well soon buddy x

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MPH

MPH

Posted
Posted
23 hours ago, separator said:

Saw Michael J Fox in my local florist this morning.

 

Well I think it was him, I couldn't be sure as he had his back to the fuchsias.

I thought he worked there... saw him shaking all the dead leaves off of them...

Strokes

Strokes

Posted
Posted

An East Texas couple, both real-life rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed".

 

The doctor asked them why, after nine children would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn't want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

  • Haha 1
Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
16 hours ago, Strokes said:

An East Texas couple, both real-life rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed".

 

The doctor asked them why, after nine children would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn't want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

I'm not sure that's actually a joke.

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Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Parafox said:

I'm not sure that's actually a joke.

 

11 minutes ago, Strokes said:

Yeah it does actually seem plausible tbf.

 

Fvcking redneckists.

 

You leave CF alone.

  • Haha 1
Tuna

Tuna

Posted
Posted

Started a new job as a delivery man today.

 

When I got to my first address there was a little sticky note left on the door saying,

 

"Dear Mr delivery man, we're out, please hide in garage."

 

That was eight hours ago and still nobody's found me.

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