Jump to content
Daggers

The joke thread

Recommended Posts

A duck walks into a bar:

 

Got any Bread?

 

No.

 

Got any bread?

 

No.

 

Got any bread?

 

No! And if you ask again I'll nail your beak to the bar!

 

Got any nails?

 

No.

 

Got any bread?

  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Parafox said:

A duck walks into a bar:

 

Got any Bread?

 

No.

 

Got any bread?

 

No.

 

Got any bread?

 

No! And if you ask again I'll nail your beak to the bar!

 

Got any nails?

 

No.

 

Got any bread?

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/24/2017 at 01:04, Tuna said:

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bloody bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, for goodness sake. Ask me again and I'll nail your bloody beak to the bar you irritating arse of a bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?".

 

On 11/7/2007 at 23:32, Mr Happy said:

A duck walks into a bar n asks the bartender 'you got any bread?'

Bartender replys 'No'

The duck once again asks 'You got any bread?'

Bartender again replys 'No'

Duck says 'You got any bread?'

bartender says 'No I havnt got any ****ing bread and if you ask me one more time i'll nail your ****ing beak to the bar!!'

Duck says 'You got any nails?'

Bartender 'No'

Duck 'You got any bread?'

 

 

On 10/16/2007 at 20:37, joely22 said:

Duck walks into a bar...

Goes up to the barman

"You got any bread?"

"No" replies the barman...

"Oh... You got any bread?"

"No" replies the barman...

"Hmm... You got any bread?"

"NO"

"Got any bread?"

"If you ask me that question one more time I'm gonna nail your beak to the bar."

"You got any nails?"

"No"

"You got any bread?!"

 

3 hours ago, Parafox said:

A duck walks into a bar:

Got any Bread?

No.

Got any bread?

No.

Got any bread?

No! And if you ask again I'll nail your beak to the bar!

Got any nails?

No.

Got any bread?

0/10 for originality there @Parafox

 

Really must try harder :thumbup:

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, cambridgefox said:

How on earth did you find those over such a long time?

Just type in 'duck' in the joke thread search and you'll see all the jokes containing the word 'duck'!

 

I knew I'd see that joke on here at least once before but not three times FFS :D

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Just type in 'duck' in the joke thread search and you'll see all the jokes containing the word 'duck'!

 

I knew I'd see that joke on here at least once before but not three times FFS :D

Oh yeah,I’m such an amateur.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, cambridgefox said:

Oh yeah,I’m such an amateur.

:D

 

I got called out recently for posting a joke that had been posted on this thread before, so ever since then I always use the search function first.

 

My jokes might be shit, but at least they're be original from now on :thumbup:

Edited by Izzy Muzzett

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A duck walks into a bar:

Got any Bread?

No.

Got any bread?

No.

Got any bread?

No! And if you ask again I'll nail your beak to the bar!

Got any nails?

No.

Got any bread?

  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

:D

 

I got called out recently for posting a joke that had been posted on this thread before, so ever since then I always use the search function first.

 

My jokes might be shit, but at least they're be original from now on :thumbup:

Honestly mate the majority aren’t bad at all.

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
37 minutes ago, StanSP said:

A duck walks into a bar:

Got any Bread?

No.

Got any bread?

No.

Got any bread?

No! And if you ask again I'll nail your beak to the bar!

Got any nails?

No.

Got any bread?

The weirdest thing is, I've heard that joke dozens of times, BUT, it's always been a rabbit asking for carrots and threatening to nail it's ears to the bar.

 

No idea where this duck aberration came from.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, Tuna said:

An attractive waitress approaches a table of two men and asks them what they would like to order.

 

“How about a quickie?” asks one man.

 

She immediately throws his water in his face and storms off to call the manager.

 

His friend leans over and says " Mate it's called a quiche !"

Was it a duck quiche?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, davieG said:

No but the bloke should've ducked.

Oh no, not more animal puns!

 

They're not all they're quacked up to be

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

 

 

0/10 for originality there @Parafox

 

Really must try harder :thumbup:

You expect me to remember a joke posted originally 10 years ago?

 

I trust you called those others out for plagiarism and not just me. :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
48 minutes ago, Vince Vega said:

Just wait until he sees the bill.

It won't get lost, it's nailed to the bar.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Since we're in a duck mood.................

 

Farmer Jones goes to town to buy a duck. As he's heading home, he passes the local theatre and notes that a film he really wanted to see is playing. Not wanting to miss the movie, Jones stuffs the duck in his pants and goes into the darkened theatre. He sits down next to two old, nearly blind ladies, Thelma and Maude. During the performance the duck gets restless and works his head out of Farmer Jones' fly. Maude looks over, pokes Thelma and says, "Look at that!" Thelma replies, "C'mon...don't tell me you've never seen one of those before!" Maude answers, "Yeah...but this one's eatin' my popcorn..."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Terrible news... 

 

At the Nestlè factory today a worker was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 20 feet, and crushed him underneath.

 

He tried in vain to attract attention, but every time he shouted "THE MILKYBARS ARE ON ME!," everyone just started cheering. 

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, RoboFox said:

Terrible news... 

 

At the Nestlè factory today a worker was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 20 feet, and crushed him underneath.

 

He tried in vain to attract attention, but every time he shouted "THE MILKYBARS ARE ON ME!," everyone just started cheering. 

Very clever, you thought you could avoid the joke police by spelling Milky Bars without a space.

 

On 01/03/2018 at 14:40, Milo said:

Sad news from the Nestle factory today. A worker was crushed beneath a large box of chocolate that fell 20 foot off some racking on to him. 

 

He he repeatedly called for help, but every time he shouted “The Milky Bars are on me”, his colleagues cheered. 

 

On 20/08/2017 at 20:43, isaidno said:

Sad news at the Nestle factory today. A member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate bars fell more than 50 feet and trapped him underneath. He tried in vain to attract attention , but every time he shouted "the milky bars are on me" , everybody cheered. 

On 16/12/2013 at 21:57, Beliall said:

Sad news at the nestle factory today, a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath, he tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "the milky bars are on me" everyone cheered.

You'll have to do better than that, sunshine.

  • Like 1
  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

6 minutes ago, Carl the Llama said:

Very clever, you thought you could avoid the joke police by spelling Milky Bars without a space.

 

You'll have to do better than that, sunshine.

FFS. lol

 

I searched the thread WITHOUT a space. Nothing. Thought I was onto a winner. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 26.4.2018 at 22:36, Izzy Muzzett said:

Just type in 'duck' in the joke thread search and you'll see all the jokes containing the word 'duck'!

 

I knew I'd see that joke on here at least once before but not three times FFS :D

Thats all okay,all well and good,....very clever and all that but...

Did the poor duck eventually get its fking bread !!!

 

Being a Leicester lad I wanna know if everything is alright ,me duck..:cool:

Enough to send one quackers..

Edited by fuchsntf

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Whilst we're doing duck jokes...

 

Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack. Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack?

 

Quack quack quack!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bloke and his Mrs are in bed,

bloke is reading his book when the Mrs sez ’you want sex’

bloke replies ‘no I dont’

mrs repeats ‘you want sex’

bloke again sez ‘no I ****ing dont’

mrs sez why do you keep shoving your fingers in my minge then,

bloke replies ‘cuz it’s easier to turn the ****in pages’

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...