The joke thread

[Izzy]

On 27/10/2017 at 20:58, Izzy Muzzett said:

I went shopping today and bought the wife some crotchless panties for Halloween.

 

She asked, "Is that so I can look sexy?"

"Nah," I replied, "It’s so you get a better grip on your broomstick"

 

31 minutes ago, woollett the bullet said:

Bought the wife a pair of crotchless knickers for Halloween . . . . 

Its not a sexual thing -

 she'll be able to get a real good grip on her broomstick 

Well it's that time of year I guess 

[TiffToff88]

2 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

Well it's that time of year I guess 

It's because during the course of this thread, you've already told every joke in existence ?

[Izzy]

3 minutes ago, TiffToff88 said:

It's because during the course of this thread, you've already told every joke in existence ?

[Beliall]

31 minutes ago, TiffToff88 said:

It's because during the course of this thread, you've already told every joke in existence ?

Joke is a generous term

[Izzy]

My wife left me just over a fortnight ago, claiming I thought more of Sinead O'Connor than I did of her.

 

It's been 7 hours and 15 days...

[woollett the bullet]

My wife just left me too . . 

Because of my constant exaggeration -

I was so shocked I nearly tripped over my cock 

 

(Apologies if already been posted )

Edited 20 October 2018 by woollett the bullet
Spellin

[Izzy]

3 minutes ago, woollett the bullet said:

My wife just left me too . . 

Because of my constant exaggeration -

I was so shocked I nearly tripped iver my cock 

 

(Apologies if already been posted )

 

My other wife threatened to leave me because of my addiction to Poker.

 

But I think she’s bluffing...

[Tuna]

10 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

My other wife threatened to leave me because of my addiction to Poker.

 

But I think she’s bluffing...

My wife left me because of my obsession with cricket.

 

That really hit me for six.

[woollett the bullet]

Two parrots sitting on a perch . .

 

One says to the other " can you smell fish " ?

[TiffToff88]

47 minutes ago, woollett the bullet said:

My wife just left me too . . 

Because of my constant exaggeration -

I was so shocked I nearly tripped over my cock 

 

(Apologies if already been posted )

To be fair you've had enough warnings about that. She's told you a million times not to exaggerate!

[Aus Fox]

11 hours ago, Tuna said:

My wife left me because of my obsession with cricket.

 

That really hit me for six.

My marriage also ended due to my obsession with cricket, she got so angry she through 6 cricket balls at me.

That’s when I told her it’s over.

[Aus Fox]

I saw an obese lady crying in the park as I went for a walk this morning. On asking her if she’s ok she told me her husband had just called her fat. I said don’t get upset, your much bigger than that.

[Aus Fox]

Had a really shit day today, my wife got really pissed at me for throwing a snowball at our son.

On top of that I also got band from the maternity ward.

[Aus Fox]

****ing wife started the Christmas shopping this weekend, spent over a grand on useless shit gifts for the family.

Whoever invented this ****ing day should be crucified.

[Benguin]

My wife left me because she thinks I’m obsessed with France.

 

i tried to talk her round but she was Avingnon of it, then I touched her Brest which I think Rouen it. It’s a shame Toulouse her.

 

[bovril]

12 minutes ago, Benguin said:

My wife left me because she thinks I’m obsessed with France.

 

i tried to talk her round but she was Avingnon of it, then I touched her Brest which I think Rouen it. It’s a shame Toulouse her.

 

Cannes you please stop lyon. 

[Jimothy]

16 minutes ago, Benguin said:

My wife left me because she thinks I’m obsessed with France.

 

i tried to talk her round but she was Avingnon of it, then I touched her Brest which I think Rouen it. It’s a shame Toulouse her.

 

I Marseille that joke is Bordeauxing on terrible. Maybe you should just try being Nice to her.

[woollett the bullet]

3 hours ago, Facecloth said:

I Marseille that joke is Bordeauxing on terrible. Maybe you should just try being Nice to her.

I Normandy don't do jokes about the wife because she Dijon get them and Caen take it anyway . . . . And thats only Le Havre of it

Edited 21 October 2018 by woollett the bullet
Speling misstake

[Tinman]

Have YOU had to walk 500 miles? Were you advised to walk 500 more? You could be entitled to compensation. Call the Pro Claimers now!

[Bob Weasel Fox]

My girlfriend said she likes doggie style
So after we had sex, 
I rubbed her nose in the wet patch and shouted "NO!"

[woollett the bullet]

Why are gender equality officers always female  ?

 

Because its cheaper !

[Izzy]

"Knock, knock"

 

"Who's there?"

 

"Grandad"

 

****in ell, stop the cremation!

[boots60]

On 21/10/2018 at 13:01, Benguin said:

My wife left me because she thinks I’m obsessed with France.

 

i tried to talk her round but she was Avingnon of it, then I touched her Brest which I think Rouen it. It’s a shame Toulouse her.

 

Is it because you're a Nancy boy?

[Jimothy]

22 minutes ago, boots60 said:

Is it because you're a Nancy boy?

I think he'd be Lyon if he said he wasn't a Lille bit.

[TiffToff88]

I don't think we're ever going to find a winner in this French Pun war. can we just end it now and Calais truce?