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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
5 minutes ago, egg_fried_rice said:

What's the best way to annoy Count Dracula?

 

Make him a little cross.

Image result for noice gif

Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, TiffToff88 said:

What do ghosts drink?

 

Maliboo

 

They prefer to jump into a Rolls Royce Phantom and stick some Phil Spectre on the car radio, though...

sylofox

sylofox

Posted
Posted

I went to pick my costume up Wednesday morning. 

The assistant gives me a spurs shirt. 

 

I said you must have miss heard me I want to be a count. 

  • Haha 3
TiffToff88

TiffToff88

Posted
Posted
23 minutes ago, The Bear said:

If you want to try and imagine my penis, you're going to have to think long and hard.

 

20 minutes ago, The Bear said:

My wife left me when I threw her wheelchair out.... I'm not worried, she'll come crawling back.

 

19 minutes ago, The Bear said:

I know a transgender sandwich maker. They are part of the BLT brigade.

 

890514891.jpg

  • Haha 1
  • Popular Post
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted
2 hours ago, stretch1965 said:
Dire Straits are looking for an agent in the Middle East. 
 
They should check out Qatar George...
He knows all the Kurds.

I heard Dire Straits were forming a new group with Chris Rea. 

No idea what they’ll call themselves but ‘Chris Straights’ sounds a bit poo.

  • Like 3
  • Haha 2
ozleicester

ozleicester

Posted
Posted
47 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I heard Dire Straits were forming a new group with Chris Rea. 

No idea what they’ll call themselves but ‘Chris Straights’ sounds a bit poo.

:unsure:

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.:dunno:

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.:)

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.lol lollollollollollollollol 

  • Like 2
  • Haha 1
Jimothy

Jimothy

Posted
Posted
54 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I heard Dire Straits were forming a new group with Chris Rea. 

No idea what they’ll call themselves but ‘Chris Straights’ sounds a bit poo.

I heard the shock news today that Tess Daly was leaving Vernon Kay to marry former Big Brother contestant Jon Tickle. It's not been confirmed if she'll take his last name.

  • Haha 2
sylofox

sylofox

Posted
Posted

SSN appeal to customers. 

If your letting off fireworks can you please record them and email it in ASAP. It seems they don't expect any on tomorrow's MNF. 

Aus Fox

Aus Fox

Posted
Posted

My wife was asked to say four things about me. I couldn’t believe what she said so I wrote it down.

1. I’m perfect

2. I’m polite

3. I’m mature

4. I don’t know how to use apostrophes.

RoboFox

RoboFox

Posted
Posted

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed, when suddenly the wife stops upon seeing herself in the bedroom mirror. 

 

"Oh, look at me..." she says, "my arse is huge, my boobs are sagging, I have huge thighs, bingo wings, and wrinkles!" 

 

She turns to her husband. "Please, darling. I need to feel better, tell me something nice about myself!" 

 

He looks up: "Of course, honey..." 

 

"Your eyesight is perfect."

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