The joke thread

[FoxesDeb]

A bishop, a priest and a rabbit walk into the hospital to donate blood.

 

“What’s your blood group?” asks the nurse.

 

“I think I’m a type O,” replies the rabbit.

[jonthefox]

1 hour ago, FoxesDeb said:

A bishop, a priest and a rabbit walk into the hospital to donate blood.

 

“What’s your blood group?” asks the nurse.

 

“I think I’m a type O,” replies the rabbit.

Nicking that. Sorry.

[Wolfox]

It's amazing how a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence
For example: 
-Jane ate her friend's sandwich.
-Jane ate her friend's colon.

[Wolfox]

After the government confirms up to 10,000 fans could return to stadiums from 17th May, Liverpool supporters say let’s look at the science before making any rash decisions.

[Parafox]

I'd have  £5 to win on the Dalai Lhama if I was a Tibetan man

[Parafox]

Apparently in Norfolk the marriage guidance service is called Related 

[Parafox]

I asked my wife to sexually  arouse me with her key ring but she just kept fobbing me off

[Parafox]

Took my dog to the vets. He said she's in heat. I said I didn't even know she was famous 

[Parafox]

I watched an odd porn film last night. It was just a fat bloke crying and wanking.  Then I realised I hadn't turned the tv on

 

Goodnight

[Parafox]

The area in a Nando's between the front entrance and the rear exit is called the peri-perinium

[Buce]

 

My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds". So I stabbed him.

 

Now we wait...

[Buce]

 

Cremation.

 

My last hope for a smoking hot body.

[TiffToff88]

A Haiku about Foxestalk Admin and Mods:

 

[removed] [deleted]
[removed] [deleted] [removed]
[deleted] [removed]

[notnow john]

There are three types of people in this world, 

 

those that can do the math and those that can’t.

[Facecloth]

39 minutes ago, notnow john said:

There are three types of people in this world, 

 

those that can do the math and those that can’t.

Maths 

[Mister Singh]

I liken reading a good book to buying a puppy, both so easy to pick up but surprisingly hard to put down.

[Izzy]

1 hour ago, Mister Singh said:

I liken reading a good book to buying a puppy, both so easy to pick up but surprisingly hard to put down.

I took my Great Dane to the vets recently. I explained the symptoms and the Vet picked him up to take a look.

 

"I'm really sorry" said the Vet, "but I'm going to have to put him down"

 

"What!!?? No!! I screamed. "He's only got a slight fever!"

 

"No it's not that" replied the Vet. "He's just so fvckin heavy"

[The Bear]

So, I took this girl from Liverpool out to a vegetarian restaurant. 

 

I said, “Do you like avocado?”

 

She said, “No, I ain’t even passed me driving test yet”.

[Parafox]

54 minutes ago, The Bear said:

So, I took this girl from Liverpool out to a vegetarian restaurant. 

 

I said, “Do you like avocado?”

 

She said, “No, I ain’t even passed me driving test yet”.

That took me a few times repeating "avocado" before I got it. 

[The Bear]

23 minutes ago, Parafox said:

That took me a few times repeating "avocado" before I got it. 

Yeah same! 

[adam1]

Whats the difference between marmalade and jam?

 

You don't marmalade your dick up your birds arse.

Edited 20 March 2021 by adam1

[Ian Nacho]

Not so much a joke but Google ‘dodgy definition’ and look at the third example

 

[Staff]

Spursy

[Trav Le Bleu]

In the riots in Bristol today one of the protesters had his hand severed in an accident, but fortunately he still has six perfectly good fingers.

[Trav Le Bleu]

I was explaining to my dyslexic friend how there's a shorter way to say deoxyribonucleic acid.

 

He obviously wasn't impressed, cos he just replied, "and?"