Dealing with grief

[harryboi72]

Im just 14 and yesterday my dad died,im really struggling at the moment,i just wondered if anybody on here had been through a similar thing at a young age and how you managed to deal with it,please,im just looking for helpful advice

[Bert]

My condolences to you. Not had to go through this yet, but stick to the people that are close to you and help each other get through it. I'm sure there will be people on here that will be able to help you more than myself.

[carlhltid]

sorry to hear that pal i would suggest going to see a docter if your struggling

[davieG]

Condolences to you and your family.

I think one of the biggest problem will be that your friends may try to avoid you for fear of upsetting you and saying the wrong thing or not knowing the right things to say. if you can somehow let them know that you want them to stay in contact and talk to you that will help you a lot. Certainly you shouldn't isolate yourself.

[Zingari]

Echoing the other posts.

Be as strong and supportive to your mum and to the rest of your family, but don’t be afraid to cry or ask for comfort and support from those same loved ones

Together you can be stronger.

I wish you all the best of luck

[HEGGSY]

My thoughts are with you pal.

Like many on here, I assume, people have lost people who they love dearly, I lost my Grandad last year and tbh it was probably one of the hardest times of my life. Like Davie said the worst thing to do is to shut yourself away, at times like this you need support from family and friends.

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Stay strong mate.

[Webbo]

I was in my 30s when my dad died and it still knocked me sideways. You're not going to get over it in a few days and tbh you probably don't want to. That's natural, nothing wrong with that.

Just hang in there, it gets better with time.

[Reynard Bleu]

Im just 14 and yesterday my dad died,im really struggling at the moment,i just wondered if anybody on here had been through a similar thing at a young age and how you managed to deal with it,please,im just looking for helpful advice

Your family should be the first place you look for support, they will be feeling all the things that you are and sharing these feelings won't make them go away but you will know you are not alone. Your grief is still raw and painful, whatever, there are no rules. There is help out there, start with your GP, but consider places like Cruze. Its ok to grieve on your way, never mind what others may think or say.

[Daggers]

Firstly, very sorry for your loss - I'm sure he'd be very proud of you and the way you are coping even if it feels hard at the moment.

There are a number of agencies out there which could help you and the doctor is also a good resource but due to your age you would need your mother, grand-parent or guardian to be involved in the process.

Have a look here: http://local.armchairadvice.co.uk/Tanzanite_Leicester-p987-Leicester_EN.html

Remember you can also use this thread to express yourself, I am sure you will find nothing but support and assistance.

[MikeyT]

So sorry mate. Terrible news.

I can only go with what others have said on here before me. Just have your family close and help one another as best as you can. At times like these support is key.

Thoughts are with you all mate.

[Haydos]

Im just 14 and yesterday my dad died,im really struggling at the moment,i just wondered if anybody on here had been through a similar thing at a young age and how you managed to deal with it,please,im just looking for helpful advice

Sorry to hear. Same thing happened to me when I was 13 so I can say I feel for how shit things are.

At first it was just shock. I didn't know what to do with myself, what to think, I was confused about what was going to happen now, I just couldn't believe it. Luckily we had a lot of good friends that were popping in constantly for weeks, there was always someone looking after me and my mum or keeping us busy. After that it was just a case of trying to get back to normal for me. Everyone deals with it differently but personally I didn't want to think about it for a while and the worst thing was other people and how they treated me and acted around me. I know they were trying to help but I just wish they would have been less sorry for me. A few really good friends realised this quite soon I think and wouldn't bring it up. They just gave me a hug when they saw me and just made sure they were there for me if I needed them but other than that we went around like normal.

It's a very complicated time, especially at that age. I'm 22 now and I came to terms with it a while ago I'd say. It's cliche but time IS the best healer but it's different for different people. My mum, for example, still gets upset to this day.

Message me if you want to ask anything mate, there are a lot of things to take in and I'd be happy to try and help. Keep strong.

[Trav Le Bleu]

Really sorry to hear this and I can only say "all of the above" as advice.

All the best, stay strong, but don't be afraid to show your emotions.

[AoWW]

So sorry to hear of your loss... my thoughts are with you and your family.

I can only echo what others have said, really. Don't be afraid to show your emotions, though, I think for a lad of your age you can sometimes feel so much pressure to 'stay strong' for those around you... be kind to yourself too.

Cruse Bereavement Care really are a fantastic charity and not at all patronising, their details can be found here: http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/

I also had a child I teach who contacted The Child Bereavement Charity and he said they were fantastically supportive. He didn't feel able to hold it together to speak to someone on the phone but he'd contact them by email on a regular basis and found it helped him to talk about his feelings to someone who wasn't directly involved.

http://www.childbereavement.org.uk/For/ForYoungPeople

You might not feel now is the right time to speak to them, but keep them in mind if you need support in the future.

{{{hug}}}

[Captain...]

Firstly I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you are going through,

When I have suffered a loss, it normally involves just locking myself away for a bit and crying my eyes out, not very manly but it makes me feel a lot better, it gives a release to the emotions that are running around inside you.

Be as strong as you can for your family, but don't be afraid to let them support you at times, you need to help each other through this, in my opinion the most important thing is to not feel guilty when you are not grieving, you are allowed to go out, have fun and blow off some steam, and even forget about it for an hour or two.

Good luck,

[harpendenfox]

Grief takes many forms harryboi. Anger, sadness, confusion, frustration. Never feel you should be feeling anything other than precisely what you are feeling. I can't imagine how tough everything must feel now, but hopefully, in time, the pain will feel a little less raw, and you will remember the good times you had with your Dad.

As Daggers mentioned above, I'm sure there are plenty of us who will read whatever you care to post in the future, and from afar, will be wishing you the strength to get through.

And I hope this good for nothing football team that we all love at least give you something to smile about later on.

[MC Prussian]

I'm also sorry for your loss, and I cannot imagine how difficult things must be for you right now. Especially when you think about what dads usually stand for, being an example for their sons and all and how one deals with the loss of such an important figure within the family. I guess you must be very confused at this point in time.

Condolences to you, your mother and the immediate relatives.

I don't have much more to say other than adding to the arsenal of platitudes by quoting a wise man who once stated that life goes on and that you'll find a way to fill this void by being the son your father always wanted you to be.

[Ilkeston_Fox]

Sorry to hear that mate. Sincere condolences. My advice is, as silly as is sounds, grieve, cry, let all the emotion out. It's a process that just has to be done. Don't bottle it up because all that'll happen is you'll snap and bite at the people closest to you, when they are the people you need right now.

Once you feel able to, talk about it, let your friends know that you're ok to talk about it. It's all part of the process, it'll upset you and will do for a long time. But if you can just remember the good times and how he was then you're half way there. Nothing will replace your memories of him and they will stay with you forever.

Mate, if you need to talk to someone send me a PM and I'll see what I can do for you.

[Guesty]

Best thing is to not bottle it up, by coming on here it shows your not. I'm not sure in your situation I would have come on here, so well done. Everyone finds there own individual way to deal with grief, some cry, some lock themselves away, some act like nothings happend, some make themseles busy, some try to be everyone elses rock and some even try to laugh and look at the funny side of life to get through it. There is no right or wrong answer, just what ever helps you.

Post on here again if you need to, as you've seen people are willing to give you good advice if you need it.

Good luck mate.

[Saxondale]

My deepest condolences and sympathy to you and your family.

Don't be afraid to let out your emotions and be safe in the knowledge that it will get better in time.

All the best.

[Guest Bilo]

So sorry for your loss, condolences to all your nearest and dearest.

As others have said, don't feel pressured to be 'the man' of the situation and everybody else's rock. You're 14 years old, which is already a difficult time for any lad as you grow up. You too will need a rock of your own, don't be afraid to look for that rock in your family, friends or even a teacher at school to whom you can relate. It is not weak or pathetic to cry, ask why or get upset. That is a sign of strength, rather than bottling it up until you just can't cope any more. No one person should be the crutch to the rest of the family, all of you need to unload on each other and cry on each other's shoulder and this will make you stronger.

The fact you have already found the strength to come on here and ask for advice tells me you have maturity beyond your years and that you will be able to come out of this awful, awful time the other side as a well-adjusted young man of whom your father would be very proud. These times will be difficult ones but there is always the support around when you need it.

I sincerely hope you find these links helpful. You're not alone and help is out there.

http://www.nhs.uk/Li...ereavement.aspx

http://www.rd4u.org.uk/

http://www.crusebere...entcare.org.uk/

http://www.bbc.co.uk...th/bereavement/

[Charl91]

Friends, Family + Time is the key.

I'm sorry for your loss, life can be cruel.

[Fox92]

Im just 14 and yesterday my dad died,im really struggling at the moment,i just wondered if anybody on here had been through a similar thing at a young age and how you managed to deal with it,please,im just looking for helpful advice

Wow. I feel for you man. You are very young and I would stick to the people that are close to you, family, and if you still struggling go see someone like a doctor.

I hope you pull through ok.

[Tom17LCFC]

Sorry to hear mate. Time is the best healer. I know it won't seem like that now, but believe me, as time goes on things will get better.

I'll echo others as well by saying the best thing to do is to stay occupied and not isolate yourself. Things will get better, chin up!

[sphericalfox]

Condolences fella, my own father died when I was 14, though it wasn't sudden, it still was a difficult time, so I know what your going through as it goes for grief.

I found it easier to deal with things by helping those around me who couldn't best cope. You should surround yourself with supportive friends and family too. Whilst I didn't have that, I think it would have helped me a lot. If you do need a chat, then maybe I offer an ear.

There's a lot of support outside your family and friends too. So don't ever feel you are alone, some of those links would be useful.

Stay strong for those you love and of course for yourself.

[jonthefox]

I dont think i can say anymore,that hasn't been said already.

I can however offer my deepest sympathy at this difficult time.