Vardinhio Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 The fart thread just got me thinking. I once needed a poo so bad that in a nightclub that I went in a toilet practically overflowing with all sorts of stuff. The toilet paper looked damp but I made do with the bits of it I could. It was really quite disgusting. Any shit stories?
potter3 Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 Got very desperate on the Sunday at Leeds festival one year, I was surprised to actually find a portaloo with toilet paper in it...probably because someone had seemingly smeared shit onto every surface they could find. Managed to not touch any of it thankfully, but it still scarred me.
MikeyT Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 Got very desperate on the Sunday at Leeds festival one year,I was surprised to actually find a portaloo with toilet paper in it...probably because someone had seemingly smeared shit onto every surface they could find. Managed to not touch any of it thankfully, but it still scarred me.
The Year Of The Fox Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 You ought to see some of the ones I've taken out
bovril Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 Hole in the ground in a train station in Turkey. I had already established there was no paper but I was desperate. Not a pleasant experience.
The Year Of The Fox Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 Oh yeh, I had to do one in one those holes in the ground In kiev. Done many a shit in trenches in woods too
Julian Joachim Jr Shabadoo Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 Mosh. I was meant to be going out for Halloween with a mate and we were dressed as the Blues Brothers (I was Elwood). Got diarrhea before we went but my mate assured me 4 Immodium and 4 rounds of toast would keep me bunged up till morning. Didn't work Toilet was disgusting, and some dick kept banging on the door while I was arse-puking. I assured him he really didn't want to use that particular toilet. A terrible evening.
Webbo Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 You ought to see some of the ones I've taken out Anyone whose ever worked on a building site will know exactly what you mean
FoxesAreBlue Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 Train station in Russia, the shitter is two blocks that you stand/squat on and shit in the gap in the middle. There is also no door, if you want a door you take a newspaper. Has a triple advantage too, gives you a bit of privacy, reading material (if you shit without reading material then you are quite frankly, half a man) and as it turned out... Arsewipe too.
David Guiza Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 Benicassim Festival in the summer. Walked into the portaloo after needing to go for what felt like a week, only to be greeted by crap right up to the rim of the toilet seat. I couldn't really afford to nip back out and into another, so I hovered and went for it. I think if I sat down it was game over. Horrendous scenes.
jonthefox Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 I had to go on an overnight train from Delhi to Mumbai once. There were two toilets in the carriage, one mark European and the other Indian. The European one had someone in it so obviously I went in the other. In there was a hole in the floor with two handle bars. All you could see was shit all over the floor where people had missed and railway buffers shooting past at 120 mph. Worse was to come. After my best aim I discovered there was no bog roll, so I had to take my socks off to wipe my arse.
Vacamion Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 At an exceptionally warm T in the Park before they learned how to plumb it properly, I once had to lay my cable on top of a pyramid of other people's poo, which poked out of the top of the portaloo. I knew it was bad when several drunken Scots in the queue ahead of me went in and immediately turned around, clutching their mouth and gagging. I shoved a menthol ciggie up each nostril and went for it, such was my need.
DB11 Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 The portaloo in Maracana stadium in Rio, Brazil (way before World Cup so probably renovated by now) the smell was disgusting
Mike Oxlong Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 Went to see a film at the Odeon with my girlfriend a few years ago. Half way through I needed to go to visit the traps but the film was really good so I resisted what my body was telling me it needed. Got to a point where I realised that the bowels were going to do what they needed to do so Shoved past the people on my row, bounded down the steps and made a sprint for the loo. Got in the cubicle shut the door, breathed a sigh of relief and started to undo my belt. The brain was premature in reading the situation and it all came out before I could get the trousers down. They were pretty intact but the underpants were a mess. Cleaned up but didn't know what to do with the shit caked pants so I hid them behind a pipe. The toilet was fine, until I used it. Stank after though.When we got home I was getting undressed for a much needed shower. The girlfriend noticed that I had no pants and that I had when we had gone out. Initially tried to claim I had gone out commando but eventually had to own up. Respect to the toilet attendant who had to deal with the aftermath.
MooseBreath Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 Tourist bus in Vietnam. It was a normal seated toilet but someone had thrown up all over it, possibly the day before, and not only did it stink like nothing else it was also crawling with ants. Like a whole nest of ants all over the area.
bovril Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 Basically taking a shit anywhere east of the Carpathians is taking your life (and arse) in your hands.
z-layrex Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 Ffs this has put me right off ever travelling in Asia...
Tuna Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 Caught short in the country, one of the back roads near Lincoln middle of nowhere. Took a dump behind the hedge at the side of the road. A Cow was watching. Wiped arse on kitchen towel. Wasn't pleasant.
Babylon Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 The number 42 from Leicester to Wigston... it wasn't a toilet when I got on it.
EnderbyFox Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 Gagging whilst reading this thread but couldn't stop scrolling down
VinceNoir Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 I was hungover in Hungary a few years ago. We were at Lake Balaton and went down to lay in the sun for a bit. All of a sudden I had to go and our hotel was a good 10 minute walk away, so I went to a toilet down by the lake. Had to pay 50 cents to get in the loo and when I got in, there was just a hole on the floor, basically like a sink. I reluctantly decided to go for it and crouched down. After a few minutes I slipped and my arse landed in poo. It was a horrific experience. Wiped up as well as I could, went back out and jumped in the lake and never told anyone about it.
Vacamion Posted 15 January 2015 Posted 15 January 2015 There's also the time I was overcome on the way to school, jumped a fence, squatted in someone's front garden, used my French exercise book to clear up and, just as I was ready to pull my kecks back up, the householder (a middle aged woman) caught me at it, shouted "Oi, you dirty little bugger" and chased me down the street. The sleeping policeman which I left behind (I'd done it on the herbaceous border) was still visible two Winters later.
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