Depression

[Izzy]

I've mentioned this before but my 14 year old daughter is completely fvcked in the head. She suffers from OCD and anxiety among other phobias she has, and pretty much lives her life in fear. We're now onto her fourth therapist but she's worse now than when she this all started three years ago. We're now getting 'family therapy' as it's having a big impact on me, the wife, and my boy.

 

Next week is half term so I'm sending her off to my folks for the week. I don't care about the Covid rules/restrictions and it's not up for debate. If she stays at home I'll end up doing something I'll seriously regret.

 

Watching someone suffer with severe OCD is horrible. They believe all their negative thoughts to be real and it completely debilitates them.  

 

She's a total mess and I'm this close to booking her into the Priory or some mental institute. I don't care what it costs.

[Jon the Hat]

12 minutes ago, Izzy said:

I've mentioned this before but my 14 year old daughter is completely fvcked in the head. She suffers from OCD and anxiety among other phobias she has, and pretty much lives her life in fear. We're now onto her fourth therapist but she's worse now than when she this all started three years ago. We're now getting 'family therapy' as it's having a big impact on me, the wife, and my boy.

 

Next week is half term so I'm sending her off to my folks for the week. I don't care about the Covid rules/restrictions and it's not up for debate. If she stays at home I'll end up doing something I'll seriously regret.

 

Watching someone suffer with severe OCD is horrible. They believe all their negative thoughts to be real and it completely debilitates them.  

 

She's a total mess and I'm this close to booking her into the Priory or some mental institute. I don't care what it costs.

Sorry to hear this.  My Brother in law suffered very badly and didn't get treatment early enough, or stop some factors which made it worse.  A break sounds like a good idea for everyone.

If you can afford it some private support might well speed things up.  

You are allowed to have a family support bubble for Childcare so I wouldn't worry about that.

[TAFKA Castroneves]

Hi Guys,

Its been a long while since I’ve posted on the forum - used to be a regularish sort of poster back in the day and I’m trying to engage a bit more with the world so I’m back. It’s daft really but I feel nervous writing this out because I’ve been struggling with my mental health for years on and off - I’ve always been a bit of an anxious person but I wanted to try and share my story, to help both myself a bit and others, especially if anyone’s had something similar happen to them.

 

Sounds weird perhaps but if someone’s had something similar happen to them then I’d love to know about it, I feel that would help me a bit as I’ve seen a councillor and confided in friends but I’m still really mentally dealing with all this a long time later, it’s ended up affecting my life greatly which also makes me embarrassed. Its rocked me to my core a bit and feels like the old version of myself has gone, been taken almost.

 

Im currently off sick from work (not for the first time) as I had a situation at my work (don’t shit on your own doorstep comes to mind) where me and a married female colleague got too close. I was always a bit cautious of her as she set off a bit of a gut feeling in me right at the beginning which wasn’t good, like she wasn’t particularly authentic as a person and seemed a bit too good to be true. I’ve always had a strong sense of people and trusted my feeling as I’ve generally speaking been right and it’s guided me well in life.

 

But over time she made efforts to get closer to me, she started turning up in places id be - mostly pre shift when I used to have to commute a distance into work. She’d never be in early and then she unusually started getting in really early on a daily basis where we started to engage and talk to each other a lot - it felt to me that she was sizing me up as she was always full of questions about me, my goals, my ambitions - etc - and she’d ultimately always have discussions with me where she’d throw her husband under a bus in comparison with me, not even just a little bit - it was every conversation, every sentence almost,  which immediately put me in an awkward situation as I’ve never wanted to be that guy. There’s flirting as I would do with the other married/partnered girls at work who were friends and then there’s only talking about one thing, took it beyond just a potential male/female friendship for me. I was convinced after a while that she had major problems at home from how she talked and it awoke something inside me as she was fun and we formed what felt to be a naturally strong bond. It just began to click a bit more than it should.

 

It’s a school playground kinda social place where I work so I had a lot of people dropping little bits in as well - like you two are getting on well aren’t you? she really likes you (from her friends) she’s got problems at home etc and it’s actually I’d say a bit toxic in its atmosphere, defiantly not what I’m about so I’ve gained some good friends from there who see the world the same way as I do but outside of that I have no desire to be amongst those other sorts of people.

 

So I backed off a bit and changed up my routine so I wouldn’t be as freely available, by all accounts her husband was known as a lovely guy so I was like this makes me uncomfortable, especially when I get anxious enough on occasion, but by now of course I daftly had fallen for her a bit and enjoyed her company. 

 

A few things stood out after that like she started getting a bit territorial of me, I take a step back and she’d step forward. I have numerous memories of having fun and laughing with the other girls - which seemed to almost annoy her. Once she came out to where I work (seemingly to talk to me as she’d been hovering around all day and dropping in) and me and another girl were messing around, both almost crying with laughter - and she stopped dead in her tracks, stomped her feet and threw her arms down by her side and stormed off like a child, I shouted after her like, you alright? But she kept going so I was like eh what can I do? The other girl noticed this and looked at me like what was that? As surprised as I was.

 

Anyways to stop this being too much of an essay it ended up in us going out for lunch one day, it seemed to be alright as she had other male friends she would go out with - and as things were still building a bit and I was like, eh I like her but she’s just a friend and it’s nothing major. It was a lovely lunch, but no different than what our morning conversations used to be like, I’ve always been the guy to lead conversation, but she jumped straight into leading it all, same deal, for the third time in our association she mentioned she wasn’t convinced on having her partners family/kids (which is an awful thing to say really) she brought out her phone towards the end and started discussing how she had two friends in a chat group - one of them was getting divorced, the other had relationship problems - oh and the other married one (aka her) was thinking of leaving her husband. 

 

So i by this point thought it’s time to call her out a bit on this because it’s all very on the line - and I didn’t want to have an affair with her, but if she was single I’d have taken her out again as somehow (and I don’t know how reading all this as I write it) I really liked her - ironically later on rumours began that she was potentially having a proper affair with someone else, which I distanced myself from and went - it’s probably just the toxic work atmosphere. 

 

And yeah she threw me under a bus, apparently she never said any of those things, she was very happily married etc etc - the upshot of this is it destroyed my mental health, made me question everything I’d ever heard from her - I did confide in one female friend who’d witnessed her say some things to me to see if I’d just lost the plot and it was all in my head, she confirmed she had said those things and she’d heard them other times as well. In a lot of ways that was at least good to know as I knew a line then, problem was that she dealt with it in such a way that I was the problem, that it was all me, took not even a bit of private responsibility or explained, I asked for a bit of a private explanation and got back, “what is wrong with you? I don’t have to explain” so it never got straightened out. 

 

So yeah I went through a cycle from there of counselling, trying to maintain a distance from her as I gained quite a mental complex about anything she (and sadly any women) said to me like that, it destroyed my belief in what women say and my basic interactions with people - so I’ve ended up a bit of a recluse, my character has changed from being the fun guy to being the guy who doesn’t speak much anymore. Socially of course colleagues at work noticed that our association had changed so it got around I’d made a move on her and how I’d made her uncomfortable. Her mum works there as well (fml right?) so my reputation took a bashing as well, the majority of my colleagues changed how they were towards me, a lot of them would undermine my mental health as if to validate her and show her to be right and made me out to be a nut job. 

 

A counsellor said to me this was something called, “gaslighting” which apparently is quite common but can have a detrimental effect upon someone, I’ve done some reading since and it ticks a lot of the boxes. At her best she was a bit of an idiot, at her worst she wanted my attention and was going to get it by any means necessary right? 

 

I asked management at work to split us up permanently on explaining what has gone down (and of course apologising for my part in it) and they refused saying we had to just be respectful. But the lack of answers and more the disparity in what we both believed was going on has thrown me mentally for a loop, the doctor i spoke to last time told me he felt I’d been left with a mild PTSD from the events that occurred - as every time I’d see her I’d flash back to what she used to say and how we’d used to talk.

 

i don’t think I’ll ever know what the hell it was all about, all I know is I want to get myself back. She got pregnant recently as well so at least there’s that line drawn under it for me, I just wish emotionally I’d got to the bottom of it as I hated the idea of her heading down a path she didn’t want especially with how close we got before. It’s a very haunting thing but anyways there it is, a story as to how I’ve ended up here now. Thanks for reading it as it’s very long, I’ve no doubt dodged a bullet in someways I just wish it hadn’t taken so much from me personally.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[HighPeakFox]

4 minutes ago, TAFKA Castroneves said:

Hi Guys,

Its been a long while since I’ve posted on the forum - used to be a regularish sort of poster back in the day and I’m trying to engage a bit more with the world so I’m back. It’s daft really but I feel nervous writing this out because I’ve been struggling with my mental health for years on and off - I’ve always been a bit of an anxious person but I wanted to try and share my story, to help both myself a bit and others, especially if anyone’s had something similar happen to them.

 

Sounds weird perhaps but if someone’s had something similar happen to them then I’d love to know about it, I feel that would help me a bit as I’ve seen a councillor and confided in friends but I’m still really mentally dealing with all this a long time later, it’s ended up affecting my life greatly which also makes me embarrassed. Its rocked me to my core a bit and feels like the old version of myself has gone, been taken almost.

 

Im currently off sick from work (not for the first time) as I had a situation at my work (don’t shit on your own doorstep comes to mind) where me and a married female colleague got too close. I was always a bit cautious of her as she set off a bit of a gut feeling in me right at the beginning which wasn’t good, like she wasn’t particularly authentic as a person and seemed a bit too good to be true. I’ve always had a strong sense of people and trusted my feeling as I’ve generally speaking been right and it’s guided me well in life.

 

But over time she made efforts to get closer to me, she started turning up in places id be - mostly pre shift when I used to have to commute a distance into work. She’d never be in early and then she unusually started getting in really early on a daily basis where we started to engage and talk to each other a lot - it felt to me that she was sizing me up as she was always full of questions about me, my goals, my ambitions - etc - and she’d ultimately always have discussions with me where she’d throw her husband under a bus in comparison with me, not even just a little bit - it was every conversation, every sentence almost,  which immediately put me in an awkward situation as I’ve never wanted to be that guy. There’s flirting as I would do with the other married/partnered girls at work who were friends and then there’s only talking about one thing, took it beyond just a potential male/female friendship for me. I was convinced after a while that she had major problems at home from how she talked and it awoke something inside me as she was fun and we formed what felt to be a naturally strong bond. It just began to click a bit more than it should.

 

It’s a school playground kinda social place where I work so I had a lot of people dropping little bits in as well - like you two are getting on well aren’t you? she really likes you (from her friends) she’s got problems at home etc and it’s actually I’d say a bit toxic in its atmosphere, defiantly not what I’m about so I’ve gained some good friends from there who see the world the same way as I do but outside of that I have no desire to be amongst those other sorts of people.

 

So I backed off a bit and changed up my routine so I wouldn’t be as freely available, by all accounts her husband was known as a lovely guy so I was like this makes me uncomfortable, especially when I get anxious enough on occasion, but by now of course I daftly had fallen for her a bit and enjoyed her company. 

 

A few things stood out after that like she started getting a bit territorial of me, I take a step back and she’d step forward. I have numerous memories of having fun and laughing with the other girls - which seemed to almost annoy her. Once she came out to where I work (seemingly to talk to me as she’d been hovering around all day and dropping in) and me and another girl were messing around, both almost crying with laughter - and she stopped dead in her tracks, stomped her feet and threw her arms down by her side and stormed off like a child, I shouted after her like, you alright? But she kept going so I was like eh what can I do? The other girl noticed this and looked at me like what was that? As surprised as I was.

 

Anyways to stop this being too much of an essay it ended up in us going out for lunch one day, it seemed to be alright as she had other male friends she would go out with - and as things were still building a bit and I was like, eh I like her but she’s just a friend and it’s nothing major. It was a lovely lunch, but no different than what our morning conversations used to be like, I’ve always been the guy to lead conversation, but she jumped straight into leading it all, same deal, for the third time in our association she mentioned she wasn’t convinced on having her partners family/kids (which is an awful thing to say really) she brought out her phone towards the end and started discussing how she had two friends in a chat group - one of them was getting divorced, the other had relationship problems - oh and the other married one (aka her) was thinking of leaving her husband. 

 

So i by this point thought it’s time to call her out a bit on this because it’s all very on the line - and I didn’t want to have an affair with her, but if she was single I’d have taken her out again as somehow (and I don’t know how reading all this as I write it) I really liked her - ironically later on rumours began that she was potentially having a proper affair with someone else, which I distanced myself from and went - it’s probably just the toxic work atmosphere. 

 

And yeah she threw me under a bus, apparently she never said any of those things, she was very happily married etc etc - the upshot of this is it destroyed my mental health, made me question everything I’d ever heard from her - I did confide in one female friend who’d witnessed her say some things to me to see if I’d just lost the plot and it was all in my head, she confirmed she had said those things and she’d heard them other times as well. In a lot of ways that was at least good to know as I knew a line then, problem was that she dealt with it in such a way that I was the problem, that it was all me, took not even a bit of private responsibility or explained, I asked for a bit of a private explanation and got back, “what is wrong with you? I don’t have to explain” so it never got straightened out. 

 

So yeah I went through a cycle from there of counselling, trying to maintain a distance from her as I gained quite a mental complex about anything she (and sadly any women) said to me like that, it destroyed my belief in what women say and my basic interactions with people - so I’ve ended up a bit of a recluse, my character has changed from being the fun guy to being the guy who doesn’t speak much anymore. Socially of course colleagues at work noticed that our association had changed so it got around I’d made a move on her and how I’d made her uncomfortable. Her mum works there as well (fml right?) so my reputation took a bashing as well, the majority of my colleagues changed how they were towards me, a lot of them would undermine my mental health as if to validate her and show her to be right and made me out to be a nut job. 

 

A counsellor said to me this was something called, “gaslighting” which apparently is quite common but can have a detrimental effect upon someone, I’ve done some reading since and it ticks a lot of the boxes. At her best she was a bit of an idiot, at her worst she wanted my attention and was going to get it by any means necessary right? 

 

I asked management at work to split us up permanently on explaining what has gone down (and of course apologising for my part in it) and they refused saying we had to just be respectful. But the lack of answers and more the disparity in what we both believed was going on has thrown me mentally for a loop, the doctor i spoke to last time told me he felt I’d been left with a mild PTSD from the events that occurred - as every time I’d see her I’d flash back to what she used to say and how we’d used to talk.

 

i don’t think I’ll ever know what the hell it was all about, all I know is I want to get myself back. She got pregnant recently as well so at least there’s that line drawn under it for me, I just wish emotionally I’d got to the bottom of it as I hated the idea of her heading down a path she didn’t want especially with how close we got before. It’s a very haunting thing but anyways there it is, a story as to how I’ve ended up here now. Thanks for reading it as it’s very long, I’ve no doubt dodged a bullet in someways I just wish it hadn’t taken so much from me personally.

Wow. That's absolutely terrible. I once had something happen to me in the workplace that was pretty different, but the resonances are there, and the gaslighting is very familiar to me. It happens, and it happens an awful lot, especially in public life where it has become a matter of policy in many cases. If it helps, I believe you.

[TAFKA Castroneves]

16 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

Wow. That's absolutely terrible. I once had something happen to me in the workplace that was pretty different, but the resonances are there, and the gaslighting is very familiar to me. It happens, and it happens an awful lot, especially in public life where it has become a matter of policy in many cases. If it helps, I believe you.

 

Thanks man, I guess everyone can tell from the essay it proper affected me sadly. I doubt it would have been so bad if it wasn’t for the environment it’s played out in. I spent months facing colleagues who’d in a lot of interactions undermine my mental health seemingly intentionally as if to prove a point in regard to this, I’m gutted more because I put a lot of trust in that image of her that she wouldn’t be like that. That she wouldn’t be that person. She’s obviously very good at what she does and I’ve sadly had to realise this person I thought I knew, I never knew at all. It heads more towards her being a narcissistic sociopath who felt entitled to my attention more than my actual friends there. It almost seemed to irritate people how I’d try to rise above it and just get on. That’s worn me down over time to the point where it took over my life and thoughts, and whenever I tried to fix it, just to at least get back on a politeness scenario - it just made things worse - and then as soon as she could she’d be back trying again which only served to upset me more. To be fair her mum is a proper piece of work, immensely unpopular (the opposite to her) and I can now see a lot of qualities in her that her mum has so I’ve dodged it the best I can, and no doubt it has worked out for the best for me, I feel very sorry for her husband. Anyways I’m trying to find peace with myself and move on and get myself back. I need to try and move jobs otherwise I’ll never be able to get away from it I reckon it’ll always just follow me around, difficult at this time as well so it’s brought a lot of that pressure as well. But thanks again I do appreciate it a lot

[Crinklyfox]

1 hour ago, Izzy said:

I've mentioned this before but my 14 year old daughter is completely fvcked in the head. She suffers from OCD and anxiety among other phobias she has, and pretty much lives her life in fear. We're now onto her fourth therapist but she's worse now than when she this all started three years ago. We're now getting 'family therapy' as it's having a big impact on me, the wife, and my boy.

 

Next week is half term so I'm sending her off to my folks for the week. I don't care about the Covid rules/restrictions and it's not up for debate. If she stays at home I'll end up doing something I'll seriously regret.

 

Watching someone suffer with severe OCD is horrible. They believe all their negative thoughts to be real and it completely debilitates them.  

 

She's a total mess and I'm this close to booking her into the Priory or some mental institute. I don't care what it costs.

This is awful.  It sounds like she's not only destroying her own life but yours, your wife's and your son's.  So doing nothing isn't an option, a conclusion I'm sure you reached a long time ago.  It's a terrible dilemma but you're faced with choices that will impact your whole family, and there probably isn't a perfect choice to be had.

 

I have little experience with mental illness in close family but on an occasion when I did, I saw a doctor to try to find out what I should do for me to minimise the problem.  The doctor ended up offering advice, but he couldn't treat the person concerned, however he did offer to treat me.  He said that the strain of the situation was having a detrimental effect on my mental health and he could help me get through that if I so desired - apparently it wasn't unusual to treat the 'victims' of another person's mental illness.   So that option may be available.

 

Just a thought and I hope that the planned break gives you all some respite.

[Jon the Hat]

3 minutes ago, TAFKA Castroneves said:

 

Thanks man, I guess everyone can tell from the essay it proper affected me sadly. I doubt it would have been so bad if it wasn’t for the environment it’s played out in. I spent months facing colleagues who’d in a lot of interactions undermine my mental health seemingly intentionally as if to prove a point in regard to this, I’m gutted more because I put a lot of trust in that image of her that she wouldn’t be like that. That she wouldn’t be that person. She’s obviously very good at what she does and I’ve sadly had to realise this person I thought I knew, I never knew at all. It heads more towards her being a narcissistic sociopath who felt entitled to my attention more than my actual friends there. It almost seemed to irritate people how I’d try to rise above it and just get on. That’s worn me down over time to the point where it took over my life and thoughts, and whenever I tried to fix it, just to at least get back on a politeness scenario - it just made things worse - and then as soon as she could she’d be back trying again which only served to upset me more. To be fair her mum is a proper piece of work, immensely unpopular (the opposite to her) and I can now see a lot of qualities in her that her mum has so I’ve dodged it the best I can, and no doubt it has worked out for the best for me, I feel very sorry for her husband. Anyways I’m trying to find peace with myself and move on and get myself back. I need to try and move jobs otherwise I’ll never be able to get away from it I reckon it’ll always just follow me around, difficult at this time as well so it’s brought a lot of that pressure as well. But thanks again I do appreciate it a lot

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time mate.  As HighPeakFox has said, if it helps I find your post completely believable.

 

Firstly you are right you have got out of a situation that could have been a lot worse.  She sounds to me very much like someone with Narcissistic personality disorder or similar, something we are unfortunately very familiar with.  Continue with the therapy and keep talking.  The good news is most people are not like this, and even if you do come across one again you will be better armed to protect yourself now.

[Jon the Hat]

Just now, Jon the Hat said:

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time mate.  As HighPeakFox has said, if it helps I find your post completely believable.

 

Firstly you are right you have got out of a situation that could have been a lot worse.  She sounds to me very much like someone with Narcissistic personality disorder or similar, something we are unfortunately very familiar with.  Continue with the therapy and keep talking.  The good news is most people are not like this, and even if you do come across one again you will be better armed to protect yourself now.

One other thought - yes she has been a nightmare and the trigger that has put you were you are, but I also wonder if you were not in a great place to start with?  Might be work stepping back a little further and trying to understand whether you were already vulnerable and if so why that was?  It is classic NPD behaviour to exploit people who are not in a great place to start with.  I don't mean to add to the issue or belittle in ANY way what she did, but if you were on top form you might have trusted your instincts more, and been better able to come through it when it all went to shit.  Just a thought.

[FoxesDeb]

2 hours ago, Izzy said:

I've mentioned this before but my 14 year old daughter is completely fvcked in the head. She suffers from OCD and anxiety among other phobias she has, and pretty much lives her life in fear. We're now onto her fourth therapist but she's worse now than when she this all started three years ago. We're now getting 'family therapy' as it's having a big impact on me, the wife, and my boy.

 

Next week is half term so I'm sending her off to my folks for the week. I don't care about the Covid rules/restrictions and it's not up for debate. If she stays at home I'll end up doing something I'll seriously regret.

 

Watching someone suffer with severe OCD is horrible. They believe all their negative thoughts to be real and it completely debilitates them.  

 

She's a total mess and I'm this close to booking her into the Priory or some mental institute. I don't care what it costs.

I can't begin to understand what you're all going through, but remember if you want to vent, or just have a general chat to take your mind away for a bit, you know where I am

[Charl91]

Life absolutely sucks. **** the NHS.

 

Dealt with debilitating chronic pain for over 11 months now which has absolutely ruined my life. So far I have had numerous phone call appointments, and only had one in-person appointment.  Had a (useless) phone appointment with the hospital in September, who said they'd finally see me in person in 2-3 months (so about December) to run some tests. Many months later, I received the letter for an appointment in April -  7 months after my previous one. Oh, and here's the kicker - it's another ****ing phone appointment.

 

What's the ****ing point. Sorry for the rant, but I'm definitely nearing the "jumping off a bridge" stage. Chronic pain just ****s you up.

Edited 9 February 2021 by Charl91

[HighPeakFox]

33 minutes ago, Charl91 said:

Life absolutely sucks. **** the NHS.

 

Dealt with debilitating chronic pain for over 11 months now which has absolutely ruined my life. So far I have had numerous phone call appointments, and only had one in-person appointment.  Had a (useless) phone appointment with the hospital in September, who said they'd finally see me in person in 2-3 months (so about December) to run some tests. Many months later, I received the letter for an appointment in April -  7 months after my previous one. Oh, and here's the kicker - it's another ****ing phone appointment.

 

What's the ****ing point. Sorry for the rant, but I'm definitely nearing the "jumping off a bridge" stage. Chronic pain just ****s you up.

I'm desperately sorry you're in pain. I cannot imagine how that must be. Can I suggest you phone your GP and explain what's happened? They might be able to get you what you need quicker. 

[deejdeej]

2 hours ago, Charl91 said:

Life absolutely sucks. **** the NHS.

 

Dealt with debilitating chronic pain for over 11 months now which has absolutely ruined my life. So far I have had numerous phone call appointments, and only had one in-person appointment.  Had a (useless) phone appointment with the hospital in September, who said they'd finally see me in person in 2-3 months (so about December) to run some tests. Many months later, I received the letter for an appointment in April -  7 months after my previous one. Oh, and here's the kicker - it's another ****ing phone appointment.

 

What's the ****ing point. Sorry for the rant, but I'm definitely nearing the "jumping off a bridge" stage. Chronic pain just ****s you up.

Wow, sounds terrible. As said above I'd ring your GP and explain the mental stress it's putting you under, don't hold back on what it's putting you through. Hope it gets sorted soon!

[Wymsey]

4 hours ago, Izzy said:

I've mentioned this before but my 14 year old daughter is completely fvcked in the head. She suffers from OCD and anxiety among other phobias she has, and pretty much lives her life in fear. We're now onto her fourth therapist but she's worse now than when she this all started three years ago. We're now getting 'family therapy' as it's having a big impact on me, the wife, and my boy.

 

Next week is half term so I'm sending her off to my folks for the week. I don't care about the Covid rules/restrictions and it's not up for debate. If she stays at home I'll end up doing something I'll seriously regret.

 

Watching someone suffer with severe OCD is horrible. They believe all their negative thoughts to be real and it completely debilitates them.  

 

She's a total mess and I'm this close to booking her into the Priory or some mental institute. I don't care what it costs.

Am so sorry to hear what you/your household are going through, @Izzy.

Fingers crossed she gets the right support that she needs.

Not speaking from personal experience, as have never used such a service, but have heard that having the right therapist can be quite tricky for some.

[Rain King]

All the best @Izzy. Hope you're OK.

[HighPeakFox]

Sometimes I'm lost for words. @Izzy this is one such occasion. Just my very best wishes to you all at such a difficult time.

[Parafox]

4 hours ago, Izzy said:

I've mentioned this before but my 14 year old daughter is completely fvcked in the head. She suffers from OCD and anxiety among other phobias she has, and pretty much lives her life in fear. We're now onto her fourth therapist but she's worse now than when she this all started three years ago. We're now getting 'family therapy' as it's having a big impact on me, the wife, and my boy.

 

Next week is half term so I'm sending her off to my folks for the week. I don't care about the Covid rules/restrictions and it's not up for debate. If she stays at home I'll end up doing something I'll seriously regret.

 

Watching someone suffer with severe OCD is horrible. They believe all their negative thoughts to be real and it completely debilitates them.  

 

She's a total mess and I'm this close to booking her into the Priory or some mental institute. I don't care what it costs.

I was wondering earlier how you were getting on with her. So sorry to read this. As I've mentioned before, I have an adopted daughter who was emotionally and physically abused by her birth parents. As a result she has ADHD, borderline personality disorder and mild OCD. She has been a nightmare in her early/teen years; abusing alcohol, drug use and pregnant at 15. having given birth she was incapable of looking after her child and was so disruptive at home. We forced the social services to put her and her baby into care. We continued to support her from a distance but, ultimately our granddaughter was taken for adoption. Utterly heart-breaking but we never gave up on our daughter. Over the last 6 years she has been sectioned 3 times. Thankfully a very good NHS psychiatrist got involved and recognised her issues and correctly decided on the process going forward, including medication and she is now living independently albeit with a lot of continued support from us. All hope was not lost and we are slowly getting back the person she has always been.

We also have a younger daughter who we adopted as a 6 month old. She is very different to daughter 1 but she has severe anxiety and, like your daughter, suffers as a result. She believes everything negative to be real, if she reads on social media some stupid post about a meteor hitting Earth she believes it to be absolutely true and refuses to even leave her room. Similarly, predicted storms and associated events like floods and destruction make her cower in her room. 

All we can do do is accept her fears, reassure her and present evidence of the opposite of what she believes.

It's so, so difficult when you're utterly involved in her stresses and behaviours every day.

All I can say is, as I have experienced personally, it's probably not going to be forever and as your daughter matures hopefully, with the right support and interventions (which may include medication), she'll gain more understanding and therefore less anxiety.

Sorry for the long post. Stay strong because you love her, even during the moments when you think you don't. I know, because I've been there. 

[Izzy]

Thanks for all the kind and supportive words guys.

 

You're the best 

[TAFKA Castroneves]

3 hours ago, Jon the Hat said:

One other thought - yes she has been a nightmare and the trigger that has put you were you are, but I also wonder if you were not in a great place to start with?  Might be work stepping back a little further and trying to understand whether you were already vulnerable and if so why that was?  It is classic NPD behaviour to exploit people who are not in a great place to start with.  I don't mean to add to the issue or belittle in ANY way what she did, but if you were on top form you might have trusted your instincts more, and been better able to come through it when it all went to shit.  Just a thought.

 

Its a good point mate 100% and I’ll take it on board, it’s defo something I’ve got to consider going forward no doubt. at that time I was doing really well though (perhaps she had a sixth sense id previously had issues with anxiety and depression I don’t know)

 

Work was going great, I was buying my house and my other interests were all going very well - like my standup comedy. These things do draw attention to myself though and made me pretty

popular, in hindsight because I wasn’t that close to her though I do wonder as the workplace was made up of cliques that she viewed me subconsciously at best or logically at worst as a threat to her position as being THE popular person, the Queen Bee element again coming out? So I guess that’s possible. 

 

The things that make it so odd are you wouldn’t just privately turn on someone the way she did with what she was saying unless I was becoming a problem which I wasn’t at all, I literally asked politely once if we could talk and set things straight a bit as the whole thing had made our association very uncomfortable, being adult about it, because if there had been a misunderstanding then no worries you know I’d have liked to resolve our friendship - to which I got the first glimpse of the different side of her, it was like her mask dropped and she just turned into someone I’d never known. It was, “there is nothing to talk about I don’t have to explain myself” and then all turned around as if I was making things up.

 

My mistake where it got out of hand was not just putting on a front and just keeping her relatively entertained and taking everything she said with a pinch of salt - and that was because by then I was so emotionally invested in her wellbeing from how we bonded that I was concerned for her. 

 

The moment it really got out of hand was when she started crying about it to everyone saying how I was being nasty to her, she also then accused me of trying to sexually harass her further down the line as we’d grown distant - which again never happened because that’s not the bloke I am, she said to others I made sexual comments towards her about how she made me, “horny and sweaty” when I was around her - which I never said. 

 

She no doubt decided to backtrack big time and throw me under the bus for whatever reason. Defo does a number though as of course she’s now tarnished my reputation and who do people believe? The girl over the guy most times sadly. Now I wouldn’t even want to be in the same room alone with her just incase you know? It’s ended up pretty frightening. It’s been exhausting trying to make sure I don’t come across her on my own, to be safe you know? I appreciate this post being here so I can at least talk about it a bit because outside of my friends away from work it’s impossible to talk about this to anyone at work in the circumstances. It’s a bit late as I wasn’t able to defend myself at the time.

 

 

[Wymsey]

There's always help available.

https://www.leicestermercury.co.uk/news/leicester-news/chance-encounter-leicester-street-saves-4997267

[Lcfc_lass10]

Posting the below in case it is helpful to anyone.  Please feel free to drop me a message if anyone has any queries. 
 

Mental health central access point (Leicestershire Partnership NHS Trust)

Call the Central Access Point (CAP) on 0116 295 3060 24 hours a day. 

The service links callers with call handlers and clinicians who can assess their needs and advise, support, signpost or refer them directly to the appropriate service. It offers an alternative to NHS 111, the emergency department and other urgent and non-urgent services for people with urgent mental health needs.

The CAP is for people of all ages across Leicester, Leicestershire and Rutland – including existing and previous service users and people who have never used mental health services before. It also support carers, stakeholders and health and social care professionals looking for information and advice.

[RumbleFox]

Ok so not quite sure if this belongs here but here goes.....

 

I struggle with concentration and focus. Like I mean REALLY struggle. And it seems to be getting worse (I’m 39 for reference). I find it hard to complete any tasks and always flit between different things. I’ve never really given it much thought beyond “I’m just a bit scatty and forgetful” but recently it was getting me quite down. I’ve been Googling (dangerous I know) and I genuinely believe I have ADHD. Reading the symptoms wasn’t like “OMG I have a lot of these” it was “fvck. This IS me. I have 100% of these and suddenly soooooo much of my life makes sense”. Like I genuinely feel like I’ve had a revelation the last few days. I’m booked in to see someone ASAP.

 

I always assumed adhd folk were super hyper and I’m pretty placid most the time but reading about it has made me see the illness (and literally my whole life) differently. Just wondered if anyone else had it? Or any stories about it?

 

Obviously there’s a chance I get a negative diagnoses in which case I’m just a lazy shit haha. X 

Edited 23 February 2021 by RumbleFox

[HighPeakFox]

1 minute ago, RumbleFox said:

Ok so not quite sure if this belongs here but here goes.....

 

I struggle with concentration and focus. Like I mean REALLY struggle. And it seems to be getting worse (I’m 39 for reference). I find it hard to complete any tasks and always flit between different things. I’ve never really given it much thought beyond “I’m just a bit scatty and forgetful” but recently it was getting me quite down. I’ve been Googling (dangerous I know) and I genuinely believe I have ADHD. Reading the symptoms wasn’t like “OMG I have a lot of these” it was “fvck. This IS me. I have 100% of these and suddenly soooooo much of my life makes sense”. Like I genuinely fed like I’ve had a revelation the last few days. I’m booked in to see someone ASAP.

 

I always assumed adhd folk were super hyper and I’m pretty placid lost the time but reading about it has made me see the illness (and literally my whole life) differently. Just wondered if anyone else had it? Or any stories about it?

 

Obviously there’s a chance I get a negative diagnoses on which case I’m just a lazy shit haha. X 

I wondered about it too, but realised mine is specifically a difficulty around mental picturing. 

[RumbleFox]

3 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

I wondered about it too, but realised mine is specifically a difficulty around mental picturing. 

Yeh I get that too. These things are so hard to diagnose i think but it’s got to the point for me where I’d like to explore it. I’ve always thought of myself as one of those “smart people that didn’t fulfil their potential”. Like I dropped out of uni, had lots of different jobs etc but this has made me fed less negative about it all. Like it might not be my fault.  X 

Edited 23 February 2021 by RumbleFox

[Izzy]

2 hours ago, RumbleFox said:

Ok so not quite sure if this belongs here but here goes.....

 

I struggle with concentration and focus. Like I mean REALLY struggle. And it seems to be getting worse (I’m 39 for reference). I find it hard to complete any tasks and always flit between different things. I’ve never really given it much thought beyond “I’m just a bit scatty and forgetful” but recently it was getting me quite down. I’ve been Googling (dangerous I know) and I genuinely believe I have ADHD. Reading the symptoms wasn’t like “OMG I have a lot of these” it was “fvck. This IS me. I have 100% of these and suddenly soooooo much of my life makes sense”. Like I genuinely feel like I’ve had a revelation the last few days. I’m booked in to see someone ASAP.

 

I always assumed adhd folk were super hyper and I’m pretty placid most the time but reading about it has made me see the illness (and literally my whole life) differently. Just wondered if anyone else had it? Or any stories about it?

 

Obviously there’s a chance I get a negative diagnoses in which case I’m just a lazy shit haha. X 

I remember about 2 years ago, I met a chap who was interested in some 121 business coaching with me. He was mid 50's, a senior director in a large corporate, and a bit of a high flyer. We had an initial meeting in London and I'll never forget how he introduced himself.

 

He said something on the lines of, "Hi, I'm Tony, nice to meet you. Before we start chatting, I just want to let you know that I suffer from ADHD. What this means is that I struggle to concentrate and sometimes waffle on a bit. I also have a tendency to shuffle around and fidget a lot. And please forgive me if I interrupt you sometimes, it's not personal, it's just that my brain works faster than my mouth"

 

I was a bit taken aback at how up front he was about it, but actually it really helped me to get to know him. He didn't wear his ADHD as a badge of honor but he wasn't embarrassed by it either. I really respected him for his honesty and we ended up working together. We're now good friends and he's doing really well both personally and professionally.

 

I reckon we're all on the spectrum somewhere Rumble, and we are what we are. Be proud of your differences and uniqueness I say.

 

X 

 

Edited 23 February 2021 by Izzy

[RumbleFox]

48 minutes ago, Izzy said:

I remember about 2 years ago, I met a chap who was interested in some 121 business coaching with me. He was mid 50's, a senior director in a large corporate, and a bit of a high flyer. We had an initial meeting in London and I'll never forget how he introduced himself.

 

He said something on the lines of, "Hi, I'm Tony, nice to meet you. Before we start chatting, I just want to let you know that I suffer from ADHD. What this means is that I struggle to concentrate and sometimes waffle on a bit. I also have a tendency to shuffle around and fidget a lot. And please forgive me if I interrupt you sometimes, it's not personal, it's just that my brain works faster than my mouth"

 

I was a bit taken aback at how up front he was about it, but actually it really helped me to get to know him. He didn't wear his ADHD as a badge of honor but he wasn't embarrassed by it either. I really respected him for his honesty and we ended up working together. We're now good friends and he's doing really well both personally and professionally.

 

I reckon we're al the the spectrum somewhere Rumble, and we are what we are. Be proud of your differences and uniqueness I say.

 

X 

 

Thank you. Yeah what he said applies to me exactly! (Although I’m not a high flyer haha). To be honest I’d much rather knowing I had it as it explains a lot and means I’d be less hard on myself for not being able to concentrate m/focus sometimes. X