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Pinkman

Depression

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We've mentioned moving to my oldest before but he doesn't want to. He has two supposedly good friends but I've noticed a bit of distance between them recently. Without them he has no-one. 

 

My youngest, I'd love to move him to a special school to get help but it just seems so difficult. He was under a consultant looking at an autism diagnosis last year but as he improved a bit over a period of 6 months they decided he wasn't and discharged him. I really think he is but now were left in limbo. He was getting help from a teaching assistant, hired to help another young boy but she took him under his wing and he loved her. However, she's been moved back a year with this other child now and he's left alone struggling. 

 

I've had a headache for the last week with the stress of it all. Very little sleep too. 

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1 hour ago, Rain King said:

We've mentioned moving to my oldest before but he doesn't want to. He has two supposedly good friends but I've noticed a bit of distance between them recently. Without them he has no-one. 

 

My youngest, I'd love to move him to a special school to get help but it just seems so difficult. He was under a consultant looking at an autism diagnosis last year but as he improved a bit over a period of 6 months they decided he wasn't and discharged him. I really think he is but now were left in limbo. He was getting help from a teaching assistant, hired to help another young boy but she took him under his wing and he loved her. However, she's been moved back a year with this other child now and he's left alone struggling. 

 

I've had a headache for the last week with the stress of it all. Very little sleep too. 

It's different today but years ago you could get a child assessed and a Statement of Needs was produced.  This was the document we used to get the special school for my eldest.  I don't know what is in place now, potentially Citizens Advice may know.  Having a formal assessment by a professional person gave me leverage to show that my son needed more help than he was receiving.

 

Lack of sleep can be a killer - I've had insomnia and it wrecked my life for a time.  I got some pills from my GP which helped short term and I still keep some in case I have problems again.  Unfortunately sleep's a habit and once it becomes irregular it can play havoc with your life.  Again, it's no wonder that you're suffering generally if you're not getting good and regular sleep.

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On 08/12/2020 at 12:03, Rain King said:

Everything is just so stressful. My two children aged 9 & 6 are really struggling with school. My oldest refused to go in today, he just wouldn't go in. We were there til 10am before we managed to break away and leave him there screaming. He's had problems with some kids being nasty to him in the past without any real resolution. 

 

Me and the Mrs arguing cos we differ on how we want to deal with it. I want to have dialogue with the school and try and resolve it that way whilst she's on the verge of confronting everyone and screaming at them.

 

 My youngest has development issues, he had a condition called glue ear for the first 4 years of his life which has held him back considerably. He is struggling so much with work and developing relationships and cries most nights about having to go school the next day, he just walks around on his own every break and lunchtime. We've also just found out he has astigmatism in both eyes and he is getting glasses tomorrow which only adds to his anxiety. I know glasses are common, I wear them myself but for a 6 year old it's a big thing when you're already struggling.

 

The school are not particularly helpful and not really offering any help or solutions.

 

 I am just completely worn down by it. Those two boys are my life but I feel like I can't do anything to help them or make them happier. I just feel so powerless and it's killing me. I am absolutely exhausted. If they have a good day or are happy I feel on top of the world but on the flip side I feel like this all to regularly.

 

 My work is suffering, I just can't bring myself to log on today and it isn't the first time.

 

 I've struggled personally for a lot of my life with anxiety and stress and I don't want to pass it on to them. My brother died when I was 4 and although this not always been at the forefront I've always had that sadness and darkness since then and it takes very little to knock me from feeling fine and happy to the absolute pits. 

 

 I've tried books, CBT, different anti-depressants etc but nothing alleviates the way I feel. Life is just too hard.

 

Outside of that I am affected by everything on the news. Probably sounds ridiculous but Trump, Brexit etc just adds to it. The whole world just seems such a dark horrible place, it would be so much easier if everyone was just nice. It isn't that hard.

In addition to what J the hat said, try to focus on the things you can effect (not easy, I know). Give the news a miss for the week for a start - and see how you feel after. Spend that time with the kids instead, doing something you all enjoy.

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8 hours ago, Fktf said:

In addition to what J the hat said, try to focus on the things you can effect (not easy, I know). Give the news a miss for the week for a start - and see how you feel after. Spend that time with the kids instead, doing something you all enjoy.

Thanks all.

 

I've woken in a sweat and coughing at 5 this morning. I'm sure I'm just worn down and exhausted but I've had to book a test to be sure, don't want to pass anything on.

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On 06/12/2020 at 17:53, newfox1 said:

Weather you've broken up in a relationship or stuck in a deeply toxic one like me, just need to remain positive and take very small steps in a daily basis. It's gonna be hard and I'm nowhere near reaching the positive stage yet but trying one step at a time.

 

Things that could make your life even more depressing  and to avoid would be the following in no particular order but all can be *devastating* in your life. 

 

Alcohol, pornography and  binge eating will make things so much worse, mentally and physically when you need to recover and heal your body and soul.

 

Daily exercise to clear the mind such as walks and to listen to the sounds around you, not with earphones plugged in. I'm trying but not easy.

 

I've put on a shed load of weight and often get burgers and milkshakes just for the sake of it. And feel like crap after. Grind goes on. Keep trying all. 

 

 

Hope you're doing the right things to get out of your problems.

I was in a deeply toxic marriage which would have destroyed my relationship with my extended family if I hadn't walked out when I did. Over six years later I am still reminded by it night and day as I am still in the same house where all this happened. I have spent a lot of money on the house to change as much as I can, but it is still the same house and I am just hanging on life getting back to normal so I can move on from it. After all this time some of my neighbours will still not talk to me because of the behaviour of my ex-wife, who is in another house only 10 minutes walk away.

Exercise is a huge healer and if you go walking, try to do something else as well like cycling. The change will focus you on new things and not all the bad old ones.

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Idk if anybody followed this but this made me desperately sad. Essentially, Martin tweeted a picture of himself the other day saying it was time to die. This Blunt chap spent ages trying to find out who he was and his details to give to the police to make sure he was safe. Lots of the football fans, some players and clubs got involved on Twitter and he was found safe. There were lots of offers for help, I think NUFC were involved in that and you hoped he’d see all the people who cared as a reason to live. Unfortunately, it seems it wasn’t enough :( 

 

 

 

 

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This thread man. Its amazing. I'm humbled when I read it, about the struggles we all face and the courage it takes for people to post here. 

 

And also the compassion, help and advice given out by others. It really is a beautiful, amazing thing. 

 

As some of you know, I've had a pretty turbulent year myself. Aside from the shitshow of the global pandemic, I've watched my dad's health steadily fail with lots of falls culminating in him moving into full time care home. I can see him through a window but this just seems to confuse him more. He's been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia which causes him lots of confusion and he needs full time care but has lucid moments as well when he'll phone and ask me to come and take him home. 

 

I am also in the process of separation from my wife after 17 years. She informed me in August that "it was over". I really didn't see it coming at all. 

 

I suspect there is more to the break up than in being told, but there's not much I can do about it anyway. 

 

We've sold the house, but it's taking ages to complete and it is becoming Intolerable to live under the same roof. There's nothing more for us to say to each other, just a case of getting the deal done. 

 

Work has been incredibly stressful, really looking forward to the Christmas break. Have booked a couple of days away on my own on Boxing Day(assuming I am permitted to travel) and looking forward to a more positive 2021.

 

 

 

 

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23 minutes ago, stripeyfox said:

This thread man. Its amazing. I'm humbled when I read it, about the struggles we all face and the courage it takes for people to post here. 

 

And also the compassion, help and advice given out by others. It really is a beautiful, amazing thing. 

 

As some of you know, I've had a pretty turbulent year myself. Aside from the shitshow of the global pandemic, I've watched my dad's health steadily fail with lots of falls culminating in him moving into full time care home. I can see him through a window but this just seems to confuse him more. He's been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia which causes him lots of confusion and he needs full time care but has lucid moments as well when he'll phone and ask me to come and take him home. 

 

I am also in the process of separation from my wife after 17 years. She informed me in August that "it was over". I really didn't see it coming at all. 

 

I suspect there is more to the break up than in being told, but there's not much I can do about it anyway. 

 

We've sold the house, but it's taking ages to complete and it is becoming Intolerable to live under the same roof. There's nothing more for us to say to each other, just a case of getting the deal done. 

 

Work has been incredibly stressful, really looking forward to the Christmas break. Have booked a couple of days away on my own on Boxing Day(assuming I am permitted to travel) and looking forward to a more positive 2021.

 

 

 

 

I remember you posting some time back. Must've been an incredibly tough year for you mate, I really feel for you.

 

Based on how matter of fact your post is, it seems clear to me that you are being realistic about what you can and can't change, which is always good. You are stronger than you know I'm sure, but do remember to allow yourself to feel what you need to. Don't bottle it up. Have you got others to vent to?

 

Fingers crossed for a pleasant Christmas break and a positive 2021 for you, Stripey. Keep us posted.

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Why wife thinks am depressed but I don't is there something wrong with me? I know my wife is depressed alot as I she has meds on and off and always gloomy but I know have days like that but I don't think I am. Anywho she says I should talk to someone but what do I say? I am the type of person who has a down day and its mega down and gloomy etc but normally am okay within 24hours as I like to forget what happend yesterday, live in the day and start new tomorrow and so on anyways don't know why I messaging ignore me sorry

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Does anyone have any advice on helping a partner deal with grief? My mrs has lost her Grandad whom she was very close to this week and hate seeing her so down all the time.

 

This thread is amazing and by far the best on foxestalk, keep up the good work guys.

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19 hours ago, TeamRocket said:

Why wife thinks am depressed but I don't is there something wrong with me? I know my wife is depressed alot as I she has meds on and off and always gloomy but I know have days like that but I don't think I am. Anywho she says I should talk to someone but what do I say? I am the type of person who has a down day and its mega down and gloomy etc but normally am okay within 24hours as I like to forget what happend yesterday, live in the day and start new tomorrow and so on anyways don't know why I messaging ignore me sorry

At the risk of sounding like a poundshop Freud, there are a couple of possibilities that have jumped out at me. It might be worth you writing down what you actually feel during those down moments, and if you can find the trigger for them/find what lifts you out of them. Another is that your very well-meaning wife might be doing something that we all do, which is to project her condition onto you - depression is a very lonely condition, so I say this with absolutely no judgement whatsoever, and very little knowledge of the dynamics between you.

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On 12/12/2020 at 04:23, deejdeej said:

Does anyone have any advice on helping a partner deal with grief? My mrs has lost her Grandad whom she was very close to this week and hate seeing her so down all the time.

 

This thread is amazing and by far the best on foxestalk, keep up the good work guys.

Sorry to hear that deej.

 

Was he sick for long? Or was it something that happened all of a sudden?

 

I try to look at what the person's done and how they made others around them feel. 

 

We're all going to die eventually, so if you've had a "decent" amount of time and had an effect(hopefully positive!) on the ones around you, it should be celebrated.

 

Don't know if that helps.

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On 12/12/2020 at 09:23, deejdeej said:

Does anyone have any advice on helping a partner deal with grief? My mrs has lost her Grandad whom she was very close to this week and hate seeing her so down all the time.

 

This thread is amazing and by far the best on foxestalk, keep up the good work guys.

Be there for here, listen to her and if you can, help her talk through it. Talking about these things and family memories is always good for the soul.

 

 

3 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Feeling utterly vile today, I can barely enjoy watching the game. The weird thing is I was quite optimistic for a couple of days. Now I'm just 'ugh'. Can't even be bothered to fake it.

Take comfort in the temporary nature of your feelings. Allow yourself to feel down and let it out; it will pass and more positive days will return.

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4 minutes ago, ajthefox said:

It really is amazing how this community of FT'ers all started from @Pinkman's post, nearly 5 years ago now.

 

I didn't know it at the time, but when I replied to Pinkman's post I was just heading into a slow decline. I lived a fairly normal life with ups and downs, but always had this black cloud hanging over me. It was a solid 2 years until I hit rock bottom last summer, the point at which I simply broke and thanks to my friends, I realised how big the hole I dug myself into was. I used to think that I was an island and bottle everything up, and I took some sort of perverse pride in it, as if being emotionally unavailable was the same as being an independent person. I learnt the hard way that bottling stuff up doesn't work. I now understand what it means when people say you internalise your emotions, because with hindsight I can see just how much emotion I channelled inwards, thinking it would go away, only for it to all to go terribly wrong.

 

Fast forward another 18 months and although it's been a tough year, I'm ending it, and starting my 30s on a real high. I became an ambassador for the charity that paid for my counselling earlier this year and gave a zoom talk about this via a society I work with in September. On Friday, I gave just over an hour long talk to my office, about 25 people, about my story. I spoke about being in an abusive relationship and the hangover from that, about my depression and about having suicidal thoughts. More importantly, I spoke about my therapy and how it changed my life fundamentally. I spoke about how our emotions are valid no matter what the situation, and about how our feelings are universal, even if our situations are all completely unique. The response from my colleagues at work, like every response I have had to having these open conversations, was heartwarming. It was one of the most fulfilling things I have ever done.

 

The black cloud used to be there all the time, constantly there in mind. Sometimes it was all I could see. Sometimes it was just over my shoulder, but it had a presence that I just couldn't shake. Now, the sky is blue. The cloud might come back occasionally, but when it does, I know it's only temporary, and I've got my coat on and my brolly in my hand ready to help me fight the battle. I have a hell of a lot of positivity coursing through me these days, and I want to share it with all of you.

 

The first place I ever let this stuff out to was this thread, was to all of you reading. Not my parents, not my sister, not my friends, but Foxestalk. I spoke about the thread briefly in my talk. I'm going to be doing the mental health first aider course through work in January. It feels like such a turnaround, and this is, without doubt, the place that it started.

 

I just want to say a whole-hearted thank you to everyone here. For reading, for responding, for sharing, for all of it. The internet and the world in general can be a dark place sometimes, but this thread is not one of the places.

 

And to anyone struggling; please just keep going and don't ever give up hope. Let it out in whatever ways work for you - write, talk, make music, run, cycle whatever.

What you feel is valid and you are stronger than you know. Nothing will change overnight, but nothing is forever and your feelings will pass.

 

Best wishes everyone, AJ.

 

IMG-20201211-WA0005.thumb.jpg.9b0f8fd843b1b9f37bef2d7fc9da1419.jpg

 

IMG-20201211-WA0009.thumb.jpg.f770f3e5895589c873d3c0ea7f4606b6.jpg

 

 

 

Inspirational stuff and congratulations mate. Gives me hope that one day I can be on that path.

 

I'm pretty much rock bottom as I have been for a while. I've talked, read, medicated all without success. I'm hoping one day soon I can release myself from this crippling mindset, even if only sparingly. 

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I don't really remember the last time I felt happy. Everything feels 'wrong' all the time. I couldn't tell you why because my life is really quite great compared to many people. I was always an anxious person my entire 32 years, but it's not anxiety anymore, that seems to have left the past year, it's like a dullness. Can't really explain it.

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16 hours ago, z-layrex said:

I don't really remember the last time I felt happy. Everything feels 'wrong' all the time. I couldn't tell you why because my life is really quite great compared to many people. I was always an anxious person my entire 32 years, but it's not anxiety anymore, that seems to have left the past year, it's like a dullness. Can't really explain it.

 

I think it's important to recognise that mental health issues are like Covid, its indifferent to social status or anything else.

 

What you're describing is quite common as a pre-cursor to depression, so now would be a good time to try and work out what's going on.

 

 

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22 hours ago, z-layrex said:

I don't really remember the last time I felt happy. Everything feels 'wrong' all the time. I couldn't tell you why because my life is really quite great compared to many people. I was always an anxious person my entire 32 years, but it's not anxiety anymore, that seems to have left the past year, it's like a dullness. Can't really explain it.

You have been through SO much the past few months with your job and also the house stresses, plus no doubt not being able to do the stuff you would normally do to unwind. I think there is so much of living in autopilot at the moment, but it’s inevitable that it’s going to catch up with us all one day. In your case being on that ward you have had more to deal with than many of us could imagine. 

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Just to reiterate again what everyone says on here, there are so many good people that are amazing for listening and offering words of wisdom.

 

To everyone else on here talking about your problems...keep doing it, it's the start of making a positive change, keep talking.

 

I hit rock bottom and this thread and people on it are the reason I'm still here.

 

It can be a real shit time of the year for people. Don't be alone. 

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