Depression

[when_you're_smiling]

23 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

Literally had my best day in months today. Just did a few things I enjoy and then the football came and kicked me in the bollocks again.

 

I can take losing but not like that. Put me in such a bad mood after feeling good. There’s always something that comes along to knock you down again. 

Been repeatedly checking this thread tonight to see if there was anyone feeling similar, so thanks for your honesty. Part of it is embarrassing that it should affect so much. Just by posting that you’ve helped someone else.

 

Mine’s only about 10 per cent about football (I think) but not felt like I did tonight in years.

[HybridFox]

It's just that sudden rage. I literally couldn't talk to anyone in the immediate aftermath as I'd probably have bitten their head off

[HighPeakFox]

It's always the danger in pinning so much hope on the outcome of something we have no control over - I find the match threads (during and post) are to be avoided, whether reading or writing, as there are so many people who've gambled their day on the match going the way they hope. 

 

This is not a criticism, as I have often done it in the past - I just cannot take that risk anymore. I got in the car and went to the gym (carefully not wearing a LCFC top).

[chrishlcfc]

Proper messed up today and I don’t know why. Just feel like I don’t want to be here again.

 

Had to email work and say I wouldn’t be in. Couldn’t deal with being there. I can’t take how I constantly feel much longer. 

[weller54]

2 hours ago, chrishlcfc said:

Proper messed up today and I don’t know why. Just feel like I don’t want to be here again.

 

Had to email work and say I wouldn’t be in. Couldn’t deal with being there. I can’t take how I constantly feel much longer. 

Are you on any meds Chris?

[chrishlcfc]

50 minutes ago, weller54 said:

Are you on any meds Chris?

Yes I’m on about my 5th different one now. None have really helped me, Sertraline I’m on now just had my dosage upped to 100mg but I don’t think it will do much for me.

[Izzy]

3 hours ago, chrishlcfc said:

Proper messed up today and I don’t know why. Just feel like I don’t want to be here again.

 

Had to email work and say I wouldn’t be in. Couldn’t deal with being there. I can’t take how I constantly feel much longer. 

I'd suggest trying to break down these feelings and find out what drives them - and I imagine they start with having certain thoughts.

 

We are "living in the feeling of our thinking" 100% of the time, so these feelings you are experiencing will be a direct result of the thinking you're doing.

 

Maybe if you could share some of your thoughts on here, we can try to help. My guess would be that those thoughts probably start with "What if....." and then you end up catastrophizing (making things up bad) and feeling shit as a result.

 

P.S. notice the post you made above on Wednesday when you "had your best day in months". You were doing things you enjoy and probably having positive thoughts about those things - therefore feeling good. Our emotional states are only ever temporary based on our thinking and our thoughts are not always to be trusted. They're just thoughts - not your reality.

 

[Paninistickers]

3 hours ago, chrishlcfc said:

Proper messed up today and I don’t know why. Just feel like I don’t want to be here again.

 

Had to email work and say I wouldn’t be in. Couldn’t deal with being there. I can’t take how I constantly feel much longer. 

Hey Chris. I check in on this thread occasionally as I'm prone to occasional bouts of melancholy. I always label my.own woes (bearing in mind it's an unprofessional diagnosis) as situational rather than medical. Hence I've never taken any medication. 

 

Anyways, point is, I see you post on here fairly frequently and feel a bit of a affinity with you. 

 

Have you ever thought of a complete change? From what I read, you've no ties. Would a new town, country, place to live help a bit? 

 

Years back, I got stuck in a rut and, after much teeth gnashing and procrastination, I manged to leave my job (I actually had to engineer my own redundancy as i was too scared to resign - under huge parental pressure that my professional life would be over to resign with no plan and no employer would ever touch me again..laughable I know, but parental pressure can be huge influence) and clear off for a couple of years. 

 

Would a change of scenery help? Even if it was just renting a bedsit in Aberdeen working in McDonald's....maybe the new start would propel you to other things... 

[chrishlcfc]

38 minutes ago, Izzy said:

I'd suggest trying to break down these feelings and find out what drives them - and I imagine they start with having certain thoughts.

 

We are "living in the feeling of our thinking" 100% of the time, so these feelings you are experiencing will be a direct result of the thinking you're doing.

 

Maybe if you could share some of your thoughts on here, we can try to help. My guess would be that those thoughts probably start with "What if....." and then you end up catastrophizing (making things up bad) and feeling shit as a result.

 

P.S. notice the post you made above on Wednesday when you "had your best day in months". You were doing things you enjoy and probably having positive thoughts about those things - therefore feeling good. Our emotional states are only ever temporary based on our thinking and our thoughts are not always to be trusted. They're just thoughts - not your reality.

 

Yeah it’s definitely all in my head like most stuff is. I think about the same things all the time. And then I just get depressed and spiral out of control and can’t deal with it.
 

I have numerous things going on, I’m fighting a long winded gambling addiction, I went 8 months without gambling last year but started again and although I have a much better control of my finances now thanks to working and my sister helping me to control them, I’ve started again and can’t stop.  
 

I have a few other major problems one is my weight which last year I did a lot about, going out walking regularly in the lockdown and lost 3 and 1/2 stone but since then I’ve stopped exercising completely and although I’ve tried really hard I can’t get started again so I’ve put that back on and more. Comfort eating is a massive problem for me, when I’m down which is regular that’s all I do.

 

The other thing that hinders my exercise is ongoing health problems. Have really dodgy ankles which nobody knows anything about. Had numerous ops and procedures, one of which involved taking some bone out my hip and putting it in my ankle to try and strengthen it. none have really helped and I struggle to cope with that and somehow from a cortisone injection last year I managed to get a broken foot which put my out of action for months.

 

The last thing and by far my worst and most embarrassing and the one i struggle most with is females. I’m 30 now and I’ve never had a girlfriend and I’m scared to even talk to girls. It really gets me down so much, I’d love to be able to settle down but I’m to anxious and nervous to even try it. I actually went on my 1st ever date last year and thought I may have cracked it but it didn’t really end well and knocked my confidence even more.

 

There you go now you all know my life story on an Internet forum.  Live a very sad and boring life to be honest and as hard as I’ve tried I’m just struggling to see a way out and being more positive. 

 

 

[chrishlcfc]

54 minutes ago, Paninistickers said:

Hey Chris. I check in on this thread occasionally as I'm prone to occasional bouts of melancholy. I always label my.own woes (bearing in mind it's an unprofessional diagnosis) as situational rather than medical. Hence I've never taken any medication. 

 

Anyways, point is, I see you post on here fairly frequently and feel a bit of a affinity with you. 

 

Have you ever thought of a complete change? From what I read, you've no ties. Would a new town, country, place to live help a bit? 

 

Years back, I got stuck in a rut and, after much teeth gnashing and procrastination, I manged to leave my job (I actually had to engineer my own redundancy as i was too scared to resign - under huge parental pressure that my professional life would be over to resign with no plan and no employer would ever touch me again..laughable I know, but parental pressure can be huge influence) and clear off for a couple of years. 

 

Would a change of scenery help? Even if it was just renting a bedsit in Aberdeen working in McDonald's....maybe the new start would propel you to other things... 

I have thought about it a lot but just don’t think I can do it. I have regular thoughts about just running away and doing a disappearing act which is obviously different and worse than what you are suggesting.

 

I don’t have enough control of my own finances to just uproot and move on unfortunately.

[Foxdiamond]

8 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

I have thought about it a lot but just don’t think I can do it. I have regular thoughts about just running away and doing a disappearing act which is obviously different and worse than what you are suggesting.

 

I don’t have enough control of my own finances to just uproot and move on unfortunately.

Please hang on in there. I don't know your background but please try and get some help. I'm no expert and don't want to be trite. Do you have access to go for walks in the countryside or at least a park. It can be so good just to lift your mood . Listen to the birds singing. Just simple stuff can help adjust from work pressures or even if your damned football team loses. Walking in the country is so different to a city stroll. People you see even make eye contact and say hello. 

[SpacedX]

7 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

There you go now you all know my life story on an Internet forum.  Live a very sad and boring life to be honest and as hard as I’ve tried I’m just struggling to see a way out and being more positive. 

 

That took a great deal more honesty and balls to type that than you likely give yourself credit for and I hope it was cathartic in the process.

 

Talk to someone Chris, and don't stop talking, they'll listen. 

 

1 hour ago, Izzy said:

 

notice the post you made above on Wednesday when you "had your best day in months". You were doing things you enjoy and probably having positive thoughts about those things - therefore feeling good. Our emotional states are only ever temporary based on our thinking and our thoughts are not always to be trusted. They're just thoughts - not your reality.

 

^ And so actually, you don't live a very sad and boring life, that's the imposter telling you that. If you find yourself caught with automatic negative thoughts like these, as Iz says, breaking down the situation can shift your mindset away from the predominant mood governing your thoughts. Effecting mental shifts isn’t about turning “I feel sad” into “I feel happy.” There are times when, no matter how hard you try to change your thought pattern, you simply can’t and during those times, it’s important to remember that simply recognising the thought, or acknowledging the stimulus, as mentioned above, will help you. This isn't about contriving or forcing positive thoughts, if you find that you can't dispel the spiral that you refer to, please, talk with a professional...there is zero stigma involved. Talking about your feelings isn't a sign of weakness. It's part of managing your emotional wellbeing and doing what you can to stay healthy.

 

Thank you for sharing/posting Chris. 

[weller54]

29 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

Yeah it’s definitely all in my head like most stuff is. I think about the same things all the time. And then I just get depressed and spiral out of control and can’t deal with it.
 

I have numerous things going on, I’m fighting a long winded gambling addiction, I went 8 months without gambling last year but started again and although I have a much better control of my finances now thanks to working and my sister helping me to control them, I’ve started again and can’t stop.  
 

I have a few other major problems one is my weight which last year I did a lot about, going out walking regularly in the lockdown and lost 3 and 1/2 stone but since then I’ve stopped exercising completely and although I’ve tried really hard I can’t get started again so I’ve put that back on and more. Comfort eating is a massive problem for me, when I’m down which is regular that’s all I do.

 

The other thing that hinders my exercise is ongoing health problems. Have really dodgy ankles which nobody knows anything about. Had numerous ops and procedures, one of which involved taking some bone out my hip and putting it in my ankle to try and strengthen it. none have really helped and I struggle to cope with that and somehow from a cortisone injection last year I managed to get a broken foot which put my out of action for months.

 

The last thing and by far my worst and most embarrassing and the one i struggle most with is females. I’m 30 now and I’ve never had a girlfriend and I’m scared to even talk to girls. It really gets me down so much, I’d love to be able to settle down but I’m to anxious and nervous to even try it. I actually went on my 1st ever date last year and thought I may have cracked it but it didn’t really end well and knocked my confidence even more.

 

There you go now you all know my life story on an Internet forum.  Live a very sad and boring life to be honest and as hard as I’ve tried I’m just struggling to see a way out and being more positive. 

 

 

Chris..

Dreadful vicious circle for you by the sounds of it 😢..

Do you by any chance like dogs?...ever thought about getting one?

[FoxesDeb]

43 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

Yeah it’s definitely all in my head like most stuff is. I think about the same things all the time. And then I just get depressed and spiral out of control and can’t deal with it.
 

I have numerous things going on, I’m fighting a long winded gambling addiction, I went 8 months without gambling last year but started again and although I have a much better control of my finances now thanks to working and my sister helping me to control them, I’ve started again and can’t stop.  
 

I have a few other major problems one is my weight which last year I did a lot about, going out walking regularly in the lockdown and lost 3 and 1/2 stone but since then I’ve stopped exercising completely and although I’ve tried really hard I can’t get started again so I’ve put that back on and more. Comfort eating is a massive problem for me, when I’m down which is regular that’s all I do.

 

The other thing that hinders my exercise is ongoing health problems. Have really dodgy ankles which nobody knows anything about. Had numerous ops and procedures, one of which involved taking some bone out my hip and putting it in my ankle to try and strengthen it. none have really helped and I struggle to cope with that and somehow from a cortisone injection last year I managed to get a broken foot which put my out of action for months.

 

The last thing and by far my worst and most embarrassing and the one i struggle most with is females. I’m 30 now and I’ve never had a girlfriend and I’m scared to even talk to girls. It really gets me down so much, I’d love to be able to settle down but I’m to anxious and nervous to even try it. I actually went on my 1st ever date last year and thought I may have cracked it but it didn’t really end well and knocked my confidence even more.

 

There you go now you all know my life story on an Internet forum.  Live a very sad and boring life to be honest and as hard as I’ve tried I’m just struggling to see a way out and being more positive. 

 

 

What a beautifully honest post. I think you'd be surprised how many of us live sad and boring lives, especially in these times of social media where it can feel like everyone is living a life 'better' than ours. They probably aren't, and the rest of us are pretty normal. 

 

Have you reached out to the tools available to help you with the gambling? There's a great thread on here that will be worth a read if you haven't already. 

 

 

 

[when_you're_smiling]

53 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

Yeah it’s definitely all in my head like most stuff is. I think about the same things all the time. And then I just get depressed and spiral out of control and can’t deal with it.
 

I have numerous things going on, I’m fighting a long winded gambling addiction, I went 8 months without gambling last year but started again and although I have a much better control of my finances now thanks to working and my sister helping me to control them, I’ve started again and can’t stop.  
 

I have a few other major problems one is my weight which last year I did a lot about, going out walking regularly in the lockdown and lost 3 and 1/2 stone but since then I’ve stopped exercising completely and although I’ve tried really hard I can’t get started again so I’ve put that back on and more. Comfort eating is a massive problem for me, when I’m down which is regular that’s all I do.

 

The other thing that hinders my exercise is ongoing health problems. Have really dodgy ankles which nobody knows anything about. Had numerous ops and procedures, one of which involved taking some bone out my hip and putting it in my ankle to try and strengthen it. none have really helped and I struggle to cope with that and somehow from a cortisone injection last year I managed to get a broken foot which put my out of action for months.

 

The last thing and by far my worst and most embarrassing and the one i struggle most with is females. I’m 30 now and I’ve never had a girlfriend and I’m scared to even talk to girls. It really gets me down so much, I’d love to be able to settle down but I’m to anxious and nervous to even try it. I actually went on my 1st ever date last year and thought I may have cracked it but it didn’t really end well and knocked my confidence even more.

 

There you go now you all know my life story on an Internet forum.  Live a very sad and boring life to be honest and as hard as I’ve tried I’m just struggling to see a way out and being more positive. 

 

 

Incredibly articulate and pretty obvious it’s not a ‘sad and boring life’s Confidence is incredibly powerful and brittle at the same time. When you don’t have it it’s like being in prison. Then when you do it feels amazing.

 

Best of luck with it all. Talking is the key though I know even that can be so difficult.

[Izzy]

56 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

Yeah it’s definitely all in my head like most stuff is. I think about the same things all the time. And then I just get depressed and spiral out of control and can’t deal with it.
 

I have numerous things going on, I’m fighting a long winded gambling addiction, I went 8 months without gambling last year but started again and although I have a much better control of my finances now thanks to working and my sister helping me to control them, I’ve started again and can’t stop.  
 

I have a few other major problems one is my weight which last year I did a lot about, going out walking regularly in the lockdown and lost 3 and 1/2 stone but since then I’ve stopped exercising completely and although I’ve tried really hard I can’t get started again so I’ve put that back on and more. Comfort eating is a massive problem for me, when I’m down which is regular that’s all I do.

 

The other thing that hinders my exercise is ongoing health problems. Have really dodgy ankles which nobody knows anything about. Had numerous ops and procedures, one of which involved taking some bone out my hip and putting it in my ankle to try and strengthen it. none have really helped and I struggle to cope with that and somehow from a cortisone injection last year I managed to get a broken foot which put my out of action for months.

 

The last thing and by far my worst and most embarrassing and the one i struggle most with is females. I’m 30 now and I’ve never had a girlfriend and I’m scared to even talk to girls. It really gets me down so much, I’d love to be able to settle down but I’m to anxious and nervous to even try it. I actually went on my 1st ever date last year and thought I may have cracked it but it didn’t really end well and knocked my confidence even more.

 

There you go now you all know my life story on an Internet forum.  Live a very sad and boring life to be honest and as hard as I’ve tried I’m just struggling to see a way out and being more positive. 

 

Brave post buddy, good on ya for putting it all out there.

 

Have you checked out the Gambling Addiction help thread in the Gen Football & Sport section on here? The boy @Ric Flairhas posted some amazing stuff about fighting the habit - inspirational.

 

I can also think of two or three posters on FT who have lost loads of weight. There's some great advice in the Gym thread in Gen Chat.

 

And I know you're not alone with the GF issue. There's also plenty of examples of posters on here who've found love later in life.

 

The bottom line is that it's probably all interlinked but it can all be changed for the better. It's all up for grabs and it's all possible. With the right help and support, baby steps, small goals, and little wins, you can turn it all around.

 

We're all here to help buddy. Keep talking and remember to take it a day at a time. 

[chrishlcfc]

Thanks for everyone’s input i just have to keep trying to get through the rough days. It’s difficult as I’m having more and more, but I’m sure I’ll get there in the end. 
 

I need to get back to going counselling at some stage but it’s expensive and I’m trying to sort all my finances out.

[Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot]

I would strongly suggest looking in to therapy, Chris. Speaking to someone openly and frankly who will help you through difficult times and give you the mental tools you need to stay on the right side of things when you're feeling low. It isn't for everyone and there is a massive stigma involved with it but I know first hand how much ongoing sessions with the right person can absolutely change someone's outlook and give them the strength to overcome adversity. 

[Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot]

1 minute ago, chrishlcfc said:

Thanks for everyone’s input i just have to keep trying to get through the rough days. It’s difficult as I’m having more and more, but I’m sure I’ll get there in the end. 
 

I need to get back to going counselling at some stage but it’s expensive and I’m trying to sort all my finances out.

Good on you, mate. The worst part for me was admitting to myself I needed it, help; be it therapy or medicinal. Once I did the weight off was palpable. 

[urban.spaceman]

BIG job interview today

[FoxesDeb]

2 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

BIG job interview today

Best of luck, let us know how you get on 🤞

[Footballwipe]

Been good reading this thread. I've had a bad six weeks, but a couple of those weeks were masked with the business of Christmas. Last 2-3 weeks have been really, really hard. One intrusive reason but there's smaller things reaching their head.

 

My family know me as having a heart of stone. I never cry. I cried the day before my dad died in 2012 but after that, barely anything. Last few weeks and when I did my knee last year it's like Niagara falls every now and then. That vice-like feeling behind your eyes before it just unleashes after just sitting, thinking, pondering about my life and how I'm feeling.

 

One thing I noticed was that just like when I knocked my knee out I turn to alcohol. Nothing heavy, few glasses in the evening to numb the feeling, take off that edge. Wake up the next day saying I'll not do that again, only to find myself pouring one as soon as work is done. I could never get smashed because I want/need to run or exercise the next morning. But I had a really bad night Sunday/Monday in my head and that sort of jolted me not to have a drink yesterday. It's amazing how easy I find not having a drink after having NOT had a drink. The home drinking is what's doing it, so looking forward to ditching the home beer/spirits and only enjoying a couple when out at the pub or pre-match.

 

We're feeling a bit better today though, I've got a few things to do to keep me and my brain busy, one includes transcribing my Championship Manager stats from Notepad to Excel . Over time I expect the intrusive reason to subside and we'll go from there.

[HighPeakFox]

22 minutes ago, Footballwipe said:

Been good reading this thread. I've had a bad six weeks, but a couple of those weeks were masked with the business of Christmas. Last 2-3 weeks have been really, really hard. One intrusive reason but there's smaller things reaching their head.

 

My family know me as having a heart of stone. I never cry. I cried the day before my dad died in 2012 but after that, barely anything. Last few weeks and when I did my knee last year it's like Niagara falls every now and then. That vice-like feeling behind your eyes before it just unleashes after just sitting, thinking, pondering about my life and how I'm feeling.

 

One thing I noticed was that just like when I knocked my knee out I turn to alcohol. Nothing heavy, few glasses in the evening to numb the feeling, take off that edge. Wake up the next day saying I'll not do that again, only to find myself pouring one as soon as work is done. I could never get smashed because I want/need to run or exercise the next morning. But I had a really bad night Sunday/Monday in my head and that sort of jolted me not to have a drink yesterday. It's amazing how easy I find not having a drink after having NOT had a drink. The home drinking is what's doing it, so looking forward to ditching the home beer/spirits and only enjoying a couple when out at the pub or pre-match.

 

We're feeling a bit better today though, I've got a few things to do to keep me and my brain busy, one includes transcribing my Championship Manager stats from Notepad to Excel . Over time I expect the intrusive reason to subside and we'll go from there.

Do you mind my asking, when you refer to' we', who do you mean? 

[urban.spaceman]

3 hours ago, FoxesDeb said:

Best of luck, let us know how you get on 🤞

Went on for about an hour! I think it went well. I hope.

[HybridFox]

Lesson learnt: never let your family book your holiday. I'm absolutely furious. 

 

Parents who have all the time in the world want to book a holiday virtually every other month. They're so close to retirement I don't blame them but that doesn't mean I need to be part of every single one of those plans.

 

To cut the story short I agreed it would be good to get away in the New Year but stressed that I have deadlines close to Easter and had to be back within a certain period. Else it would really put me under pressure to deliver on time.

 

Initially had this conversation before xmas. Have given them ballpark dates several times despite their insistence they were waiting on me. 

 

I brought it up again last week as I have to book the annual leave request so I can plan ahead with my team. I had verbally discussed plans with my manager a while ago but ultimately I had to confirm when. Again radio silence.

 

Then today out of the blue I get forwarded a confirmation email of the flight bookings. I had stressed time and time again that I had to be back by a certain date. Yet here it is...a whole week later! 

 

I picked up the phone to them straight away and it was "oh we asked your sibling and was fine with it so we just went ahead and booked it. There's no difference in price"

 

Completely missing the point for their own selfish agenda. They've been banging on about a holiday for ages, I've compromised to give them options on dates yet they've got no consideration or even the courtesy to ask if I was okay with that.

 

It's not that I don't have leave available, but just the principle that I've discussed things through, planned ahead yet whatever I say doesn't matter.

 

I've now got to go back to my manager despite assuring I'll be back by a certain date. While I don't think it'll be refused, it doesn't half make you feel like sh** leaving your team in the lurch.

 

I'm so stressed now as well that I've got so much work to do over the next few weeks to get as much done before I go as I can. Because I'm gonna have next to nothing when I come back. What might have been a nice holiday to unwind before the busy season kicks is probably also ruined if I don't get what I need to done. I'll be stressing to come back.

 

But it's okay as long as they can sit there sipping their cocktails eh 

Edited 25 January 2022 by TK95