Depression

[weller54]

13 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

BIG job interview today

Woy got Chosen I hear?..

Do you fancy the Everton vacancy?

 

[urban.spaceman]

Rejected in record time!

[FoxesDeb]

2 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Rejected in record time!

Damn. Did you get any feedback? 

[SpacedX]

12 hours ago, pmcla26 said:

I know it’s not easy for other people, but fed up of seeing other people make life look so easy whilst mine is just a constant battle with myself. 

Trust me - it just seems that way. We are surrounded with people that seem to effortlessly cruise through life. They appear to have that weird personal alchemy, some sort of astral alignment that guarantees success in all they do, whilst everything you touch turns to shit. 

 

I work with PhD students that are continually experiencing brutal knock backs and similar feelings of inadequacy. Academia can really make you feel small and insignificant, whilst many early career researchers I meet are stricken by imposter syndrome. Something that I regularly introduce them to is the CV of failures. Just like social media, your curriculum vitae is like a showreel - a final cut stitching together the best bits in a seamless fashion and editing out those continuity errors, bloopers and fluffed lines. Actually, the challenges, rejections, and unsuccessful attempts can be distilled into an alternative CV of failures. This was originally published in Nature by Dr. Melanie Stefan Senior Lecturer at Edinburgh Medical School, intended as a way to challenge and dispel the shame surrounding perceived failure and encouraging us to share openly to inspire others to become more resilient. In 2010, her fellowship application had got rejected. At the same time, Ronaldinho was also dropped from the World Cup team. While she took solace in the fact that, relatively speaking, even a world-class player like Ronaldinho fails, on further contemplation she had the realisation that some professions, such as sportspersons, have a lot of their failures in the open, because of constant scrutiny. But in a great many cases (academics in this instance), the failures are dealt with in isolation, behind closed doors.

 

A Professor of psychology at Princetown Johannes Haushofer made his CV of failures public in 2016 in an attempt to “balance the record” and encourage others to keep trying in the face of disappointment. and the resume went viral.

 

https://www.sciencealert.com/why-creating-a-cv-of-failures-is-good-Princeton-professor-viral

 

Haushofer wrote that he created the document to “give some perspective”.

“Most of what I try fails, but these failures are often invisible, while the successes are visible,” 

“I have noticed that this sometimes gives others the impression that most things work out for me.”

“As a result, they are more likely to attribute their own failures to themselves, rather than the fact that the world is stochastic, applications are crapshoots, and selection committees and referees have bad days.”

 

Ironically the surge of interest led Haushofer to his crowning “meta-failure” when he ruefully conceded. “this darn CV of Failures has received way more attention that my entire body of academic work.” 

 

The point is, while we all know about our own failures, and maybe those of our close friends and family, it's often difficult to imagine that the people we admire professionally, or successful peers around us have experienced something similar. This is a myth Haushofer is trying to break down. The illusion of this seamless, linear series of success and wins for some perpetuates the myth that if we step off or deviate from this line, or fail to make the next rung on the ladder as predicted ourselves, then comparatively, our lives ware a failure. These linear/straight line narratives simply aren’t applicable to all. The reality is that the future is unpredictable and we all experience unexpected set backs and disappointments, you just don't necessarily know about it - often because people don't tell you.  

 

The most interesting people that I have met in life can demonstrate and are happy to invoke the litany of failures that they have experienced. Some of the dullest are those that are keen to portray their lives as perfect and in the increasingly narcissistic world we live in, they are everywhere. 

 

You are you, that means you are inimitable and unique. Be comfortable with who you are, because those that aren't tend to be in denial and the least likely to embrace or even celebrate their failures. 

[HighPeakFox]

14 hours ago, pmcla26 said:

Fed up and stressed, feeling like I’ve let myself down again for failing my theory test because I’ve been too busy getting caught up in work and dwelling on the past which has given me no motivation to do other things. 
 

Gonna have a few drinks tonight and chill the f out. 
 

I know it’s not easy for other people, but fed up of seeing other people make life look so easy whilst mine is just a constant battle with myself. 

And, if I were you, don't get too involved in debates on here. Whether you're right or wrong, it won't be doing you much good. 

[Wymsey]

Seriously, never underestimate the power of talking to someone you trust about something..

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-dorset-60151473

[Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot]

Got in to running again over Christmas, picked it up again after about a year of not doing it, according to my watch ran 21 miles today, just going round and round and round a park by a river. Not been sleeping at all well, was already absolutely exhausted, got a bit of grief from the missus and the kids (rightfully so, probably) and just stormed out. Getting fed up, not happy in myself, found myself down the pub and currently 4 pints deep with what is realistically a fortune in my pocket. Can see myself messing things up seriously big time tonight. Don't know how this will go, but definitely not well! 

[HighPeakFox]

1 hour ago, Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot said:

Got in to running again over Christmas, picked it up again after about a year of not doing it, according to my watch ran 21 miles today, just going round and round and round a park by a river. Not been sleeping at all well, was already absolutely exhausted, got a bit of grief from the missus and the kids (rightfully so, probably) and just stormed out. Getting fed up, not happy in myself, found myself down the pub and currently 4 pints deep with what is realistically a fortune in my pocket. Can see myself messing things up seriously big time tonight. Don't know how this will go, but definitely not well! 

I suggest stopping. 

[FoxesDeb]

1 hour ago, Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot said:

Got in to running again over Christmas, picked it up again after about a year of not doing it, according to my watch ran 21 miles today, just going round and round and round a park by a river. Not been sleeping at all well, was already absolutely exhausted, got a bit of grief from the missus and the kids (rightfully so, probably) and just stormed out. Getting fed up, not happy in myself, found myself down the pub and currently 4 pints deep with what is realistically a fortune in my pocket. Can see myself messing things up seriously big time tonight. Don't know how this will go, but definitely not well! 

My advice, for what it's worth, is to go home now, and when the children have gone to bed sit your wife down and talk to her about how you are feeling. 

[Raj]

Ever since I opened up to my Mrs and teenage daughter last year things have been brilliant.

We can take the p1ss about when I'm on a low pr they can calm me down when I'm on a high. We call the high doing a " Ronaldo" as I feel like I strut around with arrogance and can do anything!

Seri6 anyone who hasn't opened up  and spoken to their close inner circle, YOU NEED TO ASAP

[urban.spaceman]

Overwhelming feeling of being trapped, again. Anxiety is rocketing. Just want some ****ing peace.

[FoxesDeb]

24 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Overwhelming feeling of being trapped, again. Anxiety is rocketing. Just want some ****ing peace.

Can you remember what has helped to lift you out in the past? If you can, try just one of the things that helped you previously. 

 

Don't forget there's loads of us here for support, most of whom are better at it than me. 

[That_Dude]

Hey lads, already posted here once, can't exactly remember when and got some good advices. 

 

Things got better but I relapsed in last March. The lack of distractions due to Corona, made me clearly realize that the job I was doing made me deeply unhappy and wasn't fulfilling in the slightest, but I can't for the love of me, tell what I'd like to do instead. Turned to drinking, gained weight, lost my job (again), haven't got a girlfriend in ages, lost sight of my friends and cut off all ties with my family. In fact I pushed away anyone who wanted to help me because I couldn't stand myself and the state I'm in. I'm completely lost, desperately need help, yet don't want anyone near me. Didn't see people in months, only go out to buy food. I have extreme difficulties to go to bed and don't even want to wake up in the morning. Seems like everything people just naturally achieve, like having a family, a stable job, just a normal life, are completely out of reach for me.

 

What's exactly wrong with me?

Edited 6 February 2022 by That_Dude

[foxfanazer]

3 hours ago, That_Dude said:

Hey lads, already posted here once, can't exactly remember when and got some good advices. 

 

Things got better but I relapsed in last March. The lack of distractions due to Corona, made me clearly realize that the job I was doing made me deeply unhappy and wasn't fulfilling in the slightest, but I can't for the love of me, tell what I'd like to do instead. Turned to drinking, gained weight, lost my job (again), haven't got a girlfriend in ages, lost sight of my friends and cut off all ties with my family. In fact I pushed away anyone who wanted to help me because I couldn't stand myself and the state I'm in. I'm completely lost, desperately need help, yet don't want anyone near me. Didn't see people in months, only go out to buy food. I have extreme difficulties to go to bed and don't even want to wake up in the morning. Seems like everything people just naturally achieve, like having a family, a stable job, just a normal life, are completely out of reach for me.

 

What's exactly wrong with me?

Nothing wrong with you at all mate. Modern life can be bloody gruelling at times! It's so easy for things to get on top of you and to get stuck in a rut. And sometimes it's not a case of doing things immediately to force yourself to get better, sometimes you have to let it play out.  Having said that a visit to your gp is always a good starting place! 

 

Also I find just setting myself little targets/challenges that gives you something to focus on.

 

Inbox is always open buddy 

[goody2028]

3 hours ago, That_Dude said:

Hey lads, already posted here once, can't exactly remember when and got some good advices. 

 

Things got better but I relapsed in last March. The lack of distractions due to Corona, made me clearly realize that the job I was doing made me deeply unhappy and wasn't fulfilling in the slightest, but I can't for the love of me, tell what I'd like to do instead. Turned to drinking, gained weight, lost my job (again), haven't got a girlfriend in ages, lost sight of my friends and cut off all ties with my family. In fact I pushed away anyone who wanted to help me because I couldn't stand myself and the state I'm in. I'm completely lost, desperately need help, yet don't want anyone near me. Didn't see people in months, only go out to buy food. I have extreme difficulties to go to bed and don't even want to wake up in the morning. Seems like everything people just naturally achieve, like having a family, a stable job, just a normal life, are completely out of reach for me.

 

What's exactly wrong with me?

Nothings wrong with you mate. I’ve felt the exact same in the past and genuinely think the main thing to help would be some sort of routine. My worst time was when I was off for 7 months on furlough at the start of covid. I was living at home by myself with nothing to get up for and staying up late. Found it difficult but as soon as I got back to work and found a routine I started to improve. Another thing for me was running, I found that extremely good to clear my head.  
 

Talking it through always helps even if it is just to us on here 

[urban.spaceman]

6 hours ago, That_Dude said:

Hey lads, already posted here once, can't exactly remember when and got some good advices. 

 

Things got better but I relapsed in last March. The lack of distractions due to Corona, made me clearly realize that the job I was doing made me deeply unhappy and wasn't fulfilling in the slightest, but I can't for the love of me, tell what I'd like to do instead. Turned to drinking, gained weight, lost my job (again), haven't got a girlfriend in ages, lost sight of my friends and cut off all ties with my family. In fact I pushed away anyone who wanted to help me because I couldn't stand myself and the state I'm in. I'm completely lost, desperately need help, yet don't want anyone near me. Didn't see people in months, only go out to buy food. I have extreme difficulties to go to bed and don't even want to wake up in the morning. Seems like everything people just naturally achieve, like having a family, a stable job, just a normal life, are completely out of reach for me.

 

What's exactly wrong with me?

I know it’s a cliche but genuinely, you are not alone. Most of what you posted could have been written by me. I can’t give great advice as I’m still struggling but I will say the people on this thread who do help are absolutely brilliant. You got this mate, there’s nowt wrong with you!

[urban.spaceman]

On 02/02/2022 at 14:27, FoxesDeb said:

Can you remember what has helped to lift you out in the past? If you can, try just one of the things that helped you previously. 

 

Don't forget there's loads of us here for support, most of whom are better at it than me. 

Literally the only thing keeping me going at the minute is my niece, she’s just turned 2 and is so much fun. Other than that there’s nothing. No future. No prospects. No opportunity. No way forward. Nothing. 
 

Im ok at the minute it just really gets to me every few days. 

Edited 7 February 2022 by urban.spaceman

[spacemunky]

When you're sitting in a hotel room, even though you have a home and you're getting drunk.

 

 

[Basildon Fox]

I split up with my wife last year and I am missing her desperately. I am finding it hard just to get up in the morning and am constantly thinking about what went on.

 

I left as we were just not seeing eye to eye on anything. I was incredibly frustrated with how things were going and how I perceived my life to be. In truth she suffers from mental health issues and could not really get through to her how low I was feeling inside.

 

She did not get on with one of my children which put a strain on us especially when they came to stay. My son has his own issues and went through a period of trouble at school on a weekly basis with detentions and suspensions. Hopefully we have got him through the worst of it but was a highly frustrating and worrying time as he lives with his mum and you feel helpless. I know he had a number of issues with his mum but he has always had a great relationship with me.

 

I have 3 great kids, a great job and outwardly am doing fine. Inwardly I have done a lot of self analysis and soul searching and realise that I, because of how bitter I had become became the main problem.

 

Always angry, about anything and everything even though I can now see I had no reason to be. I did not handle the lock down very well and begrudged most things in my life. Constantly tired and just felt overwhelmed.

 

I do not have any anger in me anymore but I do have the sad realisation that I have hurt the person I love more than anything else in the world kids excluded.

 

I am left feeling constantly emotional within yet telling everyone I am ok. I am finding it difficult to look towards anything positive and struggling to cope with guilt and shame of upset I have caused.

 

I have struggled against black clouds for years and went through a period of anxiety and panic attacks before we got married. My first marriage ended when my when my ex wife left me for someone else. I think it left me fearful of that happening again.

 

Just struggling to see any kind of happy future at the moment.

[HighPeakFox]

39 minutes ago, pmcla26 said:

I wish some unfixable things were fixable. Every morning I wake up from bad dreams feeling shit and thinking about mistakes I made. I don't know how to let go and move on. 

Sit with it. This is your brain letting stuff out. Disturbing in the short term, healthy in the long term. 

[foxfanazer]

I genuinely wish I didn't care about people/things as much as I do. The happiest people seem to be the selfish ones

[urban.spaceman]

43 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

I genuinely wish I didn't care about people/things as much as I do. The happiest people seem to be the selfish ones

I am ultra jealous of people who either don't care or are able to hide their feelings about such matters. Life would be so much easier if we could learn to switch that side off.

[Izzy]

1 hour ago, foxfanazer said:

I genuinely wish I didn't care about people/things as much as I do. The happiest people seem to be the selfish ones

Not sure I agree with/understand your point here. I know many caring people who are amongst the happiest I know. Are you saying that caring about people/things as much as you do makes you depressed? 

 

28 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

I am ultra jealous of people who either don't care or are able to hide their feelings about such matters. Life would be so much easier if we could learn to switch that side off.

Can you give an example of 'such matters'? Maybe they do care, but external events (of which they have no control over) don't make them feel depressed.

[foxfanazer]

5 minutes ago, Izzy said:

Not sure I agree with/understand your point here. I know many caring people who are amongst the happiest I know. Are you saying that caring about people/things as much as you do makes you depressed? 

 

Can you give an example of 'such matters'? Maybe they do care, but external events (of which they have no control over) don't make them feel depressed.

Yes that's what I'm saying. I'm a massive overthinker. Feels like tge nicer I am to people the more I get shit on 

Edited 19 February 2022 by foxfanazer

[Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot]

Might be a controversial take but I always find that happiness and thickness go together like Morecombe and Wise. Which in itself is depressing.