Depression

[Izzy]

6 hours ago, Finnegan said:

I haven't really felt the need to unload in here for a very long time. I've been in a period of what I guess I would call "comfortable" depression. Either very low anxiety or very suppressed anxiety depression. Very low impact symptom depression. Easy depression. 

 

It's eaten at my appetite, my motivation and my mood to such a subtle level it's gone unnoticed and easily managed through most of the last two years. The fact that the whole world is experiencing some form of it because of covid has helped me plod along with it in check. 

 

But throughout November I guess anxiety has been subconsciously building up behind the scenes and it's started taking centre stage over the last week in the form of insomnia. 

 

It first started this time last week. It took me an unusually long time (an hour maybe?) to get to sleep. It played on my mind and the first bit of worry crept in and last Monday night I didn't sleep at all. Not for a second. I couldn't stop TRYING to get to sleep. I know from experience the futility when you get to this point but I couldn't stop myself. 

 

I managed to rally and Tuesday I got to sleep, albeit having had a beer. Wednesday without, Thursday without. Friday I got absolutely ruined with work and passed out. Saturday was so hungover sleep came fine. And bam. Like a shot, I'm back here again tonight. 

 

I'm aware the obvious answer here is work but I don't think I'm particularly anxious about work. It's just knowing that I "have to!" get to sleep BECAUSE of work that I think is instigating the pressure. 

 

But fvck, I can't stop myself thinking about going to sleep. My whole life I've accidentally practiced a form of mindfulness without knowing it's what I'm doing. It started when I was a little kid, like maybe six or seven, I'd roll my pyjama bottoms up so they were like shorts and I'd fantasise playing football under the covers until I fell asleep. As I grew and matured sometimes it would be fantasising about being an army man or a Knight or whatever. You know, just kids fantasies. But that's what I'd do to drift asleep. I came to call it "playing the game."

 

Ive carried it with me through my teens and in to adult life. It's something so private and I guess embarrassing (although not really, I guess just silly sounding?) that I've never told anyone about it but even now at 35 I go to sleep with one of a few recurring fantasies I still call "the game." One involves being a boxer (of all the sports I enjoy, a weird choice) another involves a sort of Rainbow Six style International special forces and the complex political situations required of it, others are linked to literal fantasy media like the Witcher or whatever I happen to be watching on TV in the evenings. It's always I guess some sort of feel good, fantasy wish fulfillment. 

 

I have no idea how normal this is or how "everyone else" gets to sleep but this has been the main crutch of my sleep process for 30 years. I told my therapist about this a couple years ago a few sessions after going on some rant about how mindfulness wouldn't work for me because I'm too cynical about "all that meditation crap" and she, as delicately and compassionately as possible, laughed in my face and somewhat exasperated explained "that IS mindfulness!" 

 

But it's completely failing me right now. The problem is, I KNOW it's a tool. I KNOW it's a coping mechanism. So when I'm lying in bed with insomnia and my problem is being too aware that I'm TRYING to sleep then it absolutely fails. My crutch is gone. The one trick I know to use to fall asleep is now a reminder that I can't fall asleep and the anxiety turns to stress turns to anger and now I'm fvcked. 

 

I don't get insomnia often because "the game" is my mental health super power. I'm so well practiced in it I've had great sleep hygiene through nearly all my struggles. 

 

But when I do get insomnia it snowballs in to a massive issue quite quickly because I don't know another way of sleeping. 

 

Typing this out has helped me slow my heart rate and heavy my eyelids but I don't think it'll actually work. I'm just concerned that tackling the underlying anxiety might be the only way to fix it and I may need to medicate for the first time in four or five years for that which feels like such a defeat. 

 

I really hate December. 

I sense you know yourself VERY well mate. You seem incredibly self aware to me, which is a sign of huge emotional intelligence.

 

I also sense you're a very proud person by the way you say medication would feel like a 'defeat'. I haven't slept properly since 2003 and rely heavily on pain killers every night to try and knock me out. It's not ideal but it is what it is, and the only way I can deal with it.

 

If tackling the underlying issue of anxiety might be the only way to fix it, then maybe that's the answer.

 

I'm not sure you need anyone's advice Finners, I just think you maybe need to swallow your pride and speak to a professional about it.

 

Look after yourself mate and December will soon be over...

 

[Wrighty22]

Long time reader, first time poster.

 

I don't even know how to start writing how I feel, the hardest part is that I am not one at all for talking about my feelings. I bottle them up, push them aside and do my best to carry on with a smile. My generic response is "I'm ok", when in fact I really am not. 

 

I can't necessarily pin-point when this all started, I just know it has been festering for a very long time and certain life events have contributed towards me getting worse.

 

I finally came to breaking point last weekend.

 

I know that I need to change certain parts of myself to be able to move forwards, and I've committed to getting the help I have long needed. Today I made a phone call to my works Employee Assistance Programme and will hopefully be able to speak to a professional to help and support me. 

 

A huge part of me feels ashamed and that I have no reason to feel like this, I have a loving and supportive family (albeit I NEVER call up on them for help), a son that I adore and would do anything for, a successful career, a brilliant group of friends, but at times it all seems so irrelevant. 

 

My philosophy on life so far has been that I don't need anyone and I can do it all on my own. Asking for help is a sign of weakness. This approach hasn't got me anywhere and in fact nearly ruined me. 

 

At the end of 2017 I left the mother of my son, it wasn't a happy relationship and I'd given up a long time before it was over. The guilt of leaving her was directed 100% towards my son as it felt like I had left him, even though I hadn't. I have never stopped seeing him, providing for him and being the best dad I can be and thanks for COVID I was able to increase my time with him and have 50% shared care. Me and him have always had a brilliant relationship, we are like best mates but I've never been able to shrug off that feeling that I left him. To help cope with this I put everything I had into my job as a coping mechanism and it was working, masking the issues but working. Then early in 2018 I was made redundant. I had well and truly hit rock bottom and my life got out of control. My safe haven had been taken away from me and I was more alone than ever. In between leaving that relationship and losing my job, I had started to date this girl and it helped to have a distraction but she ended it very abruptly and that hurt. I soon found another job but it wasn't 'my' job and I was miserable and I ended up quitting and getting another job that I became more happy in. 3 quite big life events happening like that is definitely a key factor in to how I feel and why I act in the way I do. 

 

Since then life has been relatively easy, I'd picked myself up but knew that the devil was always on my shoulder trying to bring me down. Until this year where I completely shut off from friends, family and my girlfriend.

 

Last year I met the love of my life, everything was perfect, almost too perfect. I then started to doubt myself, questioning if I deserved this and if it was what I wanted. Fast forward to this summer and I found myself very quickly spiralling out of control and pushing her away because I thought it was best for her to be without me because all I was doing was hurting her and breaking her heart. I could see what I was doing but I couldn't stop. My stubbornness and ego were very much in control but the deeper in the hole I got the more difficult it became to even attempt to right my wrongs. Eventually I ended the relationship and told myself I was fine. A couple of months into the break up and I couldn't cope without her, as much as I tried to tell myself that we were best apart, it was all a lie and I knew deep down that I loved her still and that we are meant to be together.

 

To protect myself I'd either make stuff up and exaggerate issues to give other reasons why I ended the relationship rather than admitting it was largely down to my issues.

 

I put myself in a position where I couldn't talk and despite being asked daily if I am ok and if I wanted to talk about the past I just didn't want to. Talking about past events has always been very painful for me as I don't want to have to relive them and remember how low I felt. 

 

Me and the girlfriend are now back together, all she ever wanted to do was help me but I didn't see that. I'm quietly confident that we'll be ok in time and be able to grow old together. 

 

I'm so insecure and have a lot of self doubt that I deserve anyone. I've felt so on edge this week because I've opened up to my girlfriend about my issues and also told my closest friends. They have all been massively supportive but I can't help but feel so vulnerable in that I have completely let my guard down and that I am not going to regret doing so and get hurt. I feel physically sick at this thought. 

 

I suffer massively from imposter syndrome, mainly at work despite being successfully and I believe this has had a huge impact on my relationship. 

 

I know it's going to be a long road ahead but I honestly feel that I have made the most difficult step so far in admitting this and willing to get help. 

 

[Crinklyfox]

2 hours ago, Wrighty22 said:

Long time reader, first time poster.

 

I don't even know how to start writing how I feel, the hardest part is that I am not one at all for talking about my feelings. I bottle them up, push them aside and do my best to carry on with a smile. My generic response is "I'm ok", when in fact I really am not. 

 

I can't necessarily pin-point when this all started, I just know it has been festering for a very long time and certain life events have contributed towards me getting worse.

 

I finally came to breaking point last weekend.

 

I know that I need to change certain parts of myself to be able to move forwards, and I've committed to getting the help I have long needed. Today I made a phone call to my works Employee Assistance Programme and will hopefully be able to speak to a professional to help and support me. 

 

A huge part of me feels ashamed and that I have no reason to feel like this, I have a loving and supportive family (albeit I NEVER call up on them for help), a son that I adore and would do anything for, a successful career, a brilliant group of friends, but at times it all seems so irrelevant. 

 

My philosophy on life so far has been that I don't need anyone and I can do it all on my own. Asking for help is a sign of weakness. This approach hasn't got me anywhere and in fact nearly ruined me. 

 

At the end of 2017 I left the mother of my son, it wasn't a happy relationship and I'd given up a long time before it was over. The guilt of leaving her was directed 100% towards my son as it felt like I had left him, even though I hadn't. I have never stopped seeing him, providing for him and being the best dad I can be and thanks for COVID I was able to increase my time with him and have 50% shared care. Me and him have always had a brilliant relationship, we are like best mates but I've never been able to shrug off that feeling that I left him. To help cope with this I put everything I had into my job as a coping mechanism and it was working, masking the issues but working. Then early in 2018 I was made redundant. I had well and truly hit rock bottom and my life got out of control. My safe haven had been taken away from me and I was more alone than ever. In between leaving that relationship and losing my job, I had started to date this girl and it helped to have a distraction but she ended it very abruptly and that hurt. I soon found another job but it wasn't 'my' job and I was miserable and I ended up quitting and getting another job that I became more happy in. 3 quite big life events happening like that is definitely a key factor in to how I feel and why I act in the way I do. 

 

Since then life has been relatively easy, I'd picked myself up but knew that the devil was always on my shoulder trying to bring me down. Until this year where I completely shut off from friends, family and my girlfriend.

 

Last year I met the love of my life, everything was perfect, almost too perfect. I then started to doubt myself, questioning if I deserved this and if it was what I wanted. Fast forward to this summer and I found myself very quickly spiralling out of control and pushing her away because I thought it was best for her to be without me because all I was doing was hurting her and breaking her heart. I could see what I was doing but I couldn't stop. My stubbornness and ego were very much in control but the deeper in the hole I got the more difficult it became to even attempt to right my wrongs. Eventually I ended the relationship and told myself I was fine. A couple of months into the break up and I couldn't cope without her, as much as I tried to tell myself that we were best apart, it was all a lie and I knew deep down that I loved her still and that we are meant to be together.

 

To protect myself I'd either make stuff up and exaggerate issues to give other reasons why I ended the relationship rather than admitting it was largely down to my issues.

 

I put myself in a position where I couldn't talk and despite being asked daily if I am ok and if I wanted to talk about the past I just didn't want to. Talking about past events has always been very painful for me as I don't want to have to relive them and remember how low I felt. 

 

Me and the girlfriend are now back together, all she ever wanted to do was help me but I didn't see that. I'm quietly confident that we'll be ok in time and be able to grow old together. 

 

I'm so insecure and have a lot of self doubt that I deserve anyone. I've felt so on edge this week because I've opened up to my girlfriend about my issues and also told my closest friends. They have all been massively supportive but I can't help but feel so vulnerable in that I have completely let my guard down and that I am not going to regret doing so and get hurt. I feel physically sick at this thought. 

 

I suffer massively from imposter syndrome, mainly at work despite being successfully and I believe this has had a huge impact on my relationship. 

 

I know it's going to be a long road ahead but I honestly feel that I have made the most difficult step so far in admitting this and willing to get help. 

 

Well done for having the courage to post and for seeking help.  It's no easy move.

 

A professional person would be best placed to advise you and will have the benefit of discussing your issues.  In this forum we can only use our own experiences to try to help, and in that regard I'd like to make a couple of points for you to consider.

 

You appear to have achieved success in your professional life.  I would expect that you're good at what you do, and that has been recognised by your peers which has contributed to career progression.  You most likely set high standards and have to drive to try to achieve them.  This is good but it is only a very small step to go from setting high standards for yourself to setting standards of perfection.  High standards can be achieved much of the time but perfection is much rarer.  And if you measure yourself against a perfection standard then it becomes relatively easy to have feelings of failure, which can lead to unhappiness.

 

Another issue with always expecting the very best of oneself is the guilt when those standards are not achieved.  It is all too easy to appoint yourself judge jury and executioner on perceived 'failings'.  There are situations where individuals punish themselves for these 'failings' and actually feel better as a result, because they feel that they are getting what they deserve.  This is naturally very self-destructive and can have negative effects not only on the individual but those around them.

 

I only mention these issues because I've had some experience of them myself.  If they don't apply to you in any way, please ignore my comments.

 

I found that forcing myself to think in a more considered manner helped.  I ask myself, if a friend confided to me that he had suffered those issues, would I have felt that he was deserving of the type of punishment he was mentally inflicting on himself.  The answer was invariably no.  I would have praised him for setting high professional and personal standards and for making all efforts to achieve them, but I would not have punished him when he fell short of some of those ideals.  He is only human, a decent person, and I am glad that he is my friend.  There are so many worse people in the world.  I would be happy to help him in any way that I could.

 

Another issue I faced was, through biased thinking, making unrealistic predictions of what may happen in the future.  From the previous example my friend may have been worried that if he confided his feelings to me that I would either exploit his 'weaknesses' or reject him as my friend, so much so that he would fear telling me anything.  But I was his friend, and more realistically there was a less than 1% chance of that happening, even if he thought it was around 50%.  I found that writing down my concerns about situations and applying realistic percentages to possible outcomes helped me see things in a more measured way.

 

And finally, I'm hope that you and your girlfriend grow old together.  My wife and I have.

[urban.spaceman]

Rock bottom. No way up. Can't do this for much longer.

[cropstonfox]

Pm me we may have someone to help here.

[Facecloth]

2 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Rock bottom. No way up. Can't do this for much longer.

We're all here if you need to talk mate. Either by writing it all out in a post or DMing any of us.

[HighPeakFox]

2 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Rock bottom. No way up. Can't do this for much longer.

Don't punish yourself fella - lots of great people to reach out to.

[FoxesDeb]

3 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Rock bottom. No way up. Can't do this for much longer.

There's always a way up, even when you can't see it. Talk to someone, anyone, but don't give up. 

[HighPeakFox]

I DMed Urban and just got a nice clear-headed response - thought you might all benefit from knowing that.

[FoxyPV]

Good to hear. 

 

Been struggling recently as stepson's death has been hitting me hard. 

 

In a better place now but we're all not looking forward to Christmas

[foxfanazer]

On 11/12/2021 at 18:02, urban.spaceman said:

Rock bottom. No way up. Can't do this for much longer.

Been there not too long ago mate and believe me there is a way up. 

 

I also received comments like the one I've just said to you and at the time thought 'yeah whatever' but believe me mate whatever it is there's a reason for you to stick around

 

Inbox is always open 

[Anonymous fox]

Just wanted to check in and give a little update.

 

After going through the hardest 6 months/year of my life I can honestly say that I have hope for a happy future. I still have the occasional down day but find them much more manageable recently. I feel content with the shared accommodation I'm living in and it almost feels like home now. My relationship with my kids is great and I've really been putting in the graft at work which has been recognised and rewarded.

 

Once again I just want to thank everyone on here who helped me with kind words and donations to keep me alive basically. I'll always appreciate it. 

 

For the people on here struggling currently,  please believe me when I say there's always a way back from rock bottom. I feel like hitting it in some way is quite liberating as you can genuinely say you've survived when it seemed impossible. 

Edited 12 December 2021 by Anonymous fox

[urban.spaceman]

7 hours ago, HighPeakFox said:

I DMed Urban and just got a nice clear-headed response - thought you might all benefit from knowing that.

Thanks for clarifying in here HPF, and for your direct message to me. Didn't mean to worry anyone, just had a couple of really tough days but I'm feeling better tonight.

 

Thanks everyone

[urban.spaceman]

3 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

Been there not too long ago mate and believe me there is a way up. 

 

I also received comments like the one I've just said to you and at the time thought 'yeah whatever' but believe me mate whatever it is there's a reason for you to stick around

 

Inbox is always open 

Thanks FF, am replying to your DM as we speak

[z-layrex]

4 hours ago, Anonymous fox said:

Just wanted to check in and give a little update.

 

After going through the hardest 6 months/year of my life I can honestly say that I have hope for a happy future. I still have the occasional down day but find them much more manageable recently. I feel content with the shared accommodation I'm living in and it almost feels like home now. My relationship with my kids is great and I've really been putting in the graft at work which has been recognised and rewarded.

 

Once again I just want to thank everyone on here who helped me with kind words and donations to keep me alive basically. I'll always appreciate it. 

 

For the people on here struggling currently,  please believe me when I say there's always a way back from rock bottom. I feel like hitting it in some way is quite liberating as you can genuinely say you've survived when it seemed impossible. 

So so happy for you that you're feeling a bit better.

[leicsmac]

4 hours ago, Anonymous fox said:

Just wanted to check in and give a little update.

 

After going through the hardest 6 months/year of my life I can honestly say that I have hope for a happy future. I still have the occasional down day but find them much more manageable recently. I feel content with the shared accommodation I'm living in and it almost feels like home now. My relationship with my kids is great and I've really been putting in the graft at work which has been recognised and rewarded.

 

Once again I just want to thank everyone on here who helped me with kind words and donations to keep me alive basically. I'll always appreciate it. 

 

For the people on here struggling currently,  please believe me when I say there's always a way back from rock bottom. I feel like hitting it in some way is quite liberating as you can genuinely say you've survived when it seemed impossible. 

Repeated for emphasis.

 

Really glad you're back on your feet, mate.

[doverfox]

Been back on the meds just over a month feeling much better. . The one problem we are having is our daughter who has borderline personality disorder has come down to stay for a few days from uni and didnt bring meds upon talking to her doctor today it turns out she would have run out over two weeks ago any tbh her whole world appears to be pointless but she wont let us help getting extensions been turned down by dissable student allowance not that it involves money more the ability to just get an extension when needed without having to explain that just stopping your self killing yourself takes up your whole day let alone being able to do an assignment. It is driing my wife to tears but we dont know what to do the uni probably wont speak to us tomorrow when we try to salvage her first year at the first hurdle. I know the first year is a smaller % than others but dont want her blaming us for this along with everything else that isnt going the way she expects on us. 

Any ideas greatfully accepted anyone know about video editing or script witing can recommend some youtube vids or books to view so we can assist her with the first assignments.

[Izzy]

5 minutes ago, doverfox said:

Been back on the meds just over a month feeling much better. . The one problem we are having is our daughter who has borderline personality disorder has come down to stay for a few days from uni and didnt bring meds upon talking to her doctor today it turns out she would have run out over two weeks ago any tbh her whole world appears to be pointless but she wont let us help getting extensions been turned down by dissable student allowance not that it involves money more the ability to just get an extension when needed without having to explain that just stopping your self killing yourself takes up your whole day let alone being able to do an assignment. It is driing my wife to tears but we dont know what to do the uni probably wont speak to us tomorrow when we try to salvage her first year at the first hurdle. I know the first year is a smaller % than others but dont want her blaming us for this along with everything else that isnt going the way she expects on us. 

Any ideas greatfully accepted anyone know about video editing or script witing can recommend some youtube vids or books to view so we can assist her with the first assignments.

I feel your pain mate. My 15 year old daughter has BPD and extreme contamination OCD. She recently started taking anti depressants and they've helped a bit, but she's still a mess.

 

We had a Zoom call earlier with her therapist and about a dozen other parents of kids having similar therapy. It was comforting in a way to know that we're not the only ones struggling.

 

I don't think I can really offer you any ideas or practical help when it comes to your daughters uni assignments/allowance etc. but just wanted to say I hope you all get through this O.K.

[rachhere]

1 hour ago, doverfox said:

Been back on the meds just over a month feeling much better. . The one problem we are having is our daughter who has borderline personality disorder has come down to stay for a few days from uni and didnt bring meds upon talking to her doctor today it turns out she would have run out over two weeks ago any tbh her whole world appears to be pointless but she wont let us help getting extensions been turned down by dissable student allowance not that it involves money more the ability to just get an extension when needed without having to explain that just stopping your self killing yourself takes up your whole day let alone being able to do an assignment. It is driing my wife to tears but we dont know what to do the uni probably wont speak to us tomorrow when we try to salvage her first year at the first hurdle. I know the first year is a smaller % than others but dont want her blaming us for this along with everything else that isnt going the way she expects on us. 

Any ideas greatfully accepted anyone know about video editing or script witing can recommend some youtube vids or books to view so we can assist her with the first assignments.

Sorry to hear this. I work at a uni and have done quite a bit of work around DSA, disabled students. More than happy to do what I can to help you navigate what can be really difficult systems. 

[urban.spaceman]

Just wanted to thank everyone again for reaching out to me last week. I’d just received news that yet again I’d been passed over for a job opportunity, resigning me to poverty for even longer, and that same day one of my oldest friends texted to tell me she’d got a new and better job. Had a few drinks to commiserate with myself which led to a row in the household. Ended up just feeling utterly suicidal on Saturday, just no hope whatsoever. Like I was being punished for something I didn’t know I did or something. 
 

Made the realisation that I’d switched tablets recently and it may have affected my mood. Gone back to my previous ones this week and while my sleep isn’t as good, my mood is much less volatile and I can stomach looking for opportunities again. Also means that I can have a drink on my old tablets, which I plan to do in moderation, but will definitely help over Christmas and New Years. Feeling much better this week, planning on starting some of those applications so I’m not rushing for deadlines in January. 
 

Hope everyone’s well x

[Jattdogg]

1 minute ago, urban.spaceman said:

Just wanted to thank everyone again for reaching out to me last week. I’d just received news that yet again I’d been passed over for a job opportunity, resigning me to poverty for even longer, and that same day one of my oldest friends texted to tell me she’d got a new and better job. Had a few drinks to commiserate with myself which led to a row in the household. Ended up just feeling utterly suicidal on Saturday, just no hope whatsoever. Like I was being punished for something I didn’t know I did or something. 
 

Made the realisation that I’d switched tablets recently and it may have affected my mood. Gone back to my previous ones this week and while my sleep isn’t as good, my mood is much less volatile and I can stomach looking for opportunities again. Also means that I can have a drink on my old tablets, which I plan to do in moderation, but will definitely help over Christmas and New Years. Feeling much better this week, planning on starting some of those applications so I’m not rushing for deadlines in January. 
 

Hope everyone’s well x

Glad to hear you are doing better mate. I creep on this forum thread and have to say there are some good people on here who genuinely care.

 

I wish you much success in finding a job opportunity and hope that it comes sooner than later. 

 

[urban.spaceman]

On 19/12/2021 at 01:11, Jattdogg said:

Glad to hear you are doing better mate. I creep on this forum thread and have to say there are some good people on here who genuinely care.

 

There really are mate, and they know who they are too. Just wish I could be in a better place to offer the same sort of support. 

 

On 19/12/2021 at 01:11, Jattdogg said:

I wish you much success in finding a job opportunity and hope that it comes sooner than later. 

 

[weller54]

On 19/12/2021 at 01:07, urban.spaceman said:

Just wanted to thank everyone again for reaching out to me last week. I’d just received news that yet again I’d been passed over for a job opportunity, resigning me to poverty for even longer, and that same day one of my oldest friends texted to tell me she’d got a new and better job. Had a few drinks to commiserate with myself which led to a row in the household. Ended up just feeling utterly suicidal on Saturday, just no hope whatsoever. Like I was being punished for something I didn’t know I did or something. 
 

Made the realisation that I’d switched tablets recently and it may have affected my mood. Gone back to my previous ones this week and while my sleep isn’t as good, my mood is much less volatile and I can stomach looking for opportunities again. Also means that I can have a drink on my old tablets, which I plan to do in moderation, but will definitely help over Christmas and New Years. Feeling much better this week, planning on starting some of those applications so I’m not rushing for deadlines in January. 
 

Hope everyone’s well x

I really hope 2022 is a positive year for you.

There are so many people struggling with their mental health it's scary!!

What meds are you on?...I take citalopram (20mg) they do help my low moods but not great for helping get good quality sleep!!

[chrishlcfc]

Had such a rollercoaster last month or so. Had a few positives but more negatives and I’m really struggling right now. I don’t know what to do with my medication anymore I’ve tried 3 or 4 different anti depressants now and none have seemed to help me that much. Don’t know how much more I can cope with to be honest.

[Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot]

Something I've realised being out of commission again. I had the flu 3 weeks ago or so and now I'm pretty sure I've got omicron and I'm similarly bed ridden. It almost triggers some form of ptsd for me taking me back to my 20s when I was a total mess and would spend, sometimes literally, weeks on end in bed. It's not nice, the weather doesn't help, the state of the world doesn't help but I can look at things now, knowing it will get better so it never really gets that bad in the first place. Dunno why I've posted this really just felt the need. Things get better, I guess.